A Smiling Moment

Dear Gabriel,

So I must be pregnant or something! ha ha. So many things have been touching my tear ducts and heart strings. Maybe I could make a song from that... Today has been gorgeous. We have been outside digging in the dirt! It is nice enough here that we can start to prepare the ground for some gardening.

Since moving into this house there is a lot to do in order to help the yard. I went out and shoveled, raked, prepared places for flower beds... etc. During this whole time you were just digging around, discovering worms, looking at rocks, trying to eat the dirt - you know all the little boy stuff! All of a sudden in a moment that was just heavenly I looked down and you were looking at me with a huge smile on your face! I was so shocked because usually I will look at you, say your name, THEN you look up at me and smile. Well, it was your idea first this time.

In that instant I felt the deepest gratitude for you and being your mom. I am so grateful that I am home with you, teaching you, spending time with you, loving you, reading to you, hugging you... all those things that I KNOW I will look back on with a big smile on MY face. Thank you for taking the time to love me and allowing me to learn so much from you - especially of love and happiness. You are so happy, you are always smiling and joyful. No wonder Christ told me to be more like YOU as a little child.

I love you,

Your Mom

Always Listen

Dear Gabriel,

I just want to tell you about a story - a little bit longer post than normal, but this must be shared.

Yesterday we were up in Salt Lake and decided to go to church before driving the rest of the way back to St. George from our LONG holiday vacation (which was SO rejuvenating!). For those that read this who might not be LDS, let me explain the meeting we were in.

We went at 1:00 in the afternoon and it was 'Fast and Testimony' Meeting - when members of the congregation are invited to tell everyone there about their feelings about Christ, the church, the atonement, Joseph Smith, the scriptures - and anything else they feel moved to say. Well, toward the end of the meeting a man went up to the stand that was very physically and mentally handicapped - his name was Carlos. He wasn't able to talk except in long tones and a few consonants here and there. One of his obviously good friends got up with him in order to interpret.

Well, with the help of his friend (I don't know his name) Carlos was able to tell just a couple of things. He talked about a few friends he saw when he was in Provo at the mall and how excited he was to see them. That was it. He didn't want to say anything else but that. Everyone in the congregation (including me) were listening politely, but when he finished I didn't think very much about what he wanted to say. I heard the words, but I didn't really listen to him. This is where the lesson comes in...

After a few more people who got up, the last person to get up was Carlos's friend who helped to interpret. He taught me a GREAT lesson. This is what he said when he got up...

"I just wanted to get up because I felt like I needed to add to what Carlos was saying today. I didn't feel like I was able to interpret what he was trying to say correctly and it is my fault for not getting across the true meaning of what is in Carlos's heart...". Then this kind man started talking about a moment in the scriptures - specifically in the Book of Mormon. There is a story about Ammon and how after many years of being apart from his very good friends and brothers, he was able to meet up with them again. This story talks about how excited he was to see them, that basically he jumped for joy because they were still his 'brethern in the Lord'. The story talks about how wonderful it was for Ammon to see them again because of their faith and their love for the gospel of Jesus Christ - which Ammon shared so intensely.

Well, then Carlos's friend said this, "This is what Carlos was trying to say. When he saw his two good friends at the mall he was so excited because he knew they were his 'brethern in the Lord'! He loves the gospel and Jesus Christ so much that I know he feels exactly like Ammon did when he sees his brothers and sisters who rejoice in the gospel as much as he does."

Well, I started BAWLING. How insightful and so kind for this man to get up and follow the spirit so well to make sure that Carlos was understood. How amazing that he knew his friend so well that the spirit could talk to him in order to make sure that Carlos's message was sent out so well and so clear, the way that Carlos could not do himself.

This taught me a great lesson of listening. Really listening. This man listened not just to Carlos, but to the Lord and what He would have him do for his friend. What an amazing and humble example of how I can listen. Just something little like that meant the WORLD to Carlos. You could see it in Carlos's eyes when his friend was talking. He knew what he was saying and I am sure his heart was jumping with gratitude for having a miracle like a friend who listens.

Be a friend who listens. Always listen. Don't just hear, don't just nod your head in agreement. Really LISTEN.

I love you,

Your Mom

Mentors and Inspiration

Dear Gabriel,

There are many times in your life when you are going to be presented with mentors that will guide you and teach you things that your dad and I never can. There are people who are meant to be your friends, your teachers, your coaches, your mentors and your inspiration. Please, make sure to see them when they arrive for you throughout your life.

I have had the opportunity to have MANY mentors throughout my life, which has just shaped me and molded me. I just finished with one of the top 5 people (besides family) who has shaped me and guided me in ways that I can never repay. I am so grateful for her. I can't even say. How blessed I am to have her as a mentor, a teacher, a guide and a friend.

During this time of year it is time to get back in touch with those people who have touched you in ways that inspire you, guide you, teach you, train you and mold you. When I think about mentors I think about Christ. What a mentor He was and continues to be. All my mentors, and the one I was able to spend time with today, most of all have testimonies of Christ - which makes the friendship even more special and solid.

Keep your mentors close by your side and heart - especially the One who can teach you the most.

I love you,

Your Mom

The Simple Things

Dear Gabriel,

You are right beside me eating some apples and cheese. You have stuffed as much food in your hands as possible and are grinning from ear to ear. What a gift to be reminded to be happy about the little things in my life. You do the simple things really well. (This phrase from skype is perfect!)

You are always happy about the simplest things. You are excited and thrilled to see rain coming down, taste something new, play peek-a-boo, get a kiss on the cheek, sing with us as choir, run around the yard, play with a simple toy, run as fast as your legs can carry you, laugh with your dad, spend time with cousins, and enjoy food stuffed in your hands - and you do all this so well with a laugh and a smile on your face.

This time of year is perfect to remember all the simple things and how amazing it is that I have the gifts around me - especially those not wrapped under the tree. I am so grateful for clean water, a place to live, family that loves me, clothes to wear, make up to put on, people to serve, scriptures to read, and a prayer I can say anytime I need to. I am so grateful for simplicity - especially a son who reminds me of it everyday and how to do it well.

I love you,

Your Mom

Home For The Holidays

Dear Gabriel,

It is so fascinating at this time of year the feelings of joy, peace, happiness and HOMESICKNESS that take over. I just can't WAIT for Christmas to be around my family! The song 'I'll Be Home For Christmas' has completely taken on a new meaning since I have been away from home. I LOVE my family so much. They are my best friends and I never feel like I get to see them enough.

I can't wait to have you play with your cousins, to have you talk to Grandma Mi Mi, to see you cuddle with your Grandpa, to see you laugh at your uncles, to hear from your aunts how much you have grown... I just can't wait to be around everyone with you there by me. All of these thoughts cause me to think about OUR family in 20 years. I hope you will feel the same way about 'coming home' for the holidays. I hope you feel the protective power of our family, the love and the joy we can have together and the feelings of peace, joy and happiness.

Creating our own 'Home For The Holidays' is a completely new culture. Just like I can't wait to be home with my family, I also can't wait to create that same feeling for US. As the years go by and the memories are created, I hope you and your future siblings all will feel the nostalgic glow of being home.

I love you,

Your Mom

Why?

Dear Gabriel,

So your cousin, Gavin, has been here this week while his mom is gone to Arizona. It has been fun, interesting and frustrating at times with him here. Mostly, I am amazed at how fast his little mind works. He is a good little boy, always wanting to help and always eager to find out 'WHY?'.

He is always asking 'Why?'. For everything. He wants to know 'Why' to my responses. He wants to know 'Why' you aren't bigger, 'Why' I am cleaning, 'Why' Brent is working, 'Why' the chair moves like that, 'Why' there is a bug.... Everything is 'Why'.

More than anything it has helped me look at a lot of things around me and ask 'Why?'. 'Why' do I do things a certain way? 'Why' is that my opinion? 'Why' I did or didn't say 'hi' to my neighbor? 'Why' do I believe and hope? That is a great exercise.

So when you get to the stage that Gavin is in, I am sure I will ask myself some more 'Why's' ... and all of them - in my opinion - being a good thing to ask and a good self check.

I Love You,

Your Mom

Freedom To Worship

Dear Gabriel,

This week is Thanksgiving. I can't believe it... tomorrow! Of course I need to tell you everything that I am grateful for. But for this post, I want to focus on something very specific. I am so grateful for the freedom to worship God how I decide to worship Him.

It is amazing to think back to the pilgrims and hear their stories. They believed so strongly in being able to worship God as they saw fit that they uprooted from their homes, risked their reputations and fortunes, to come over to the new land. All because of their passion for the freedom to choose to worship God according to this dictates of their conscious.

I ask myself today, "Would I risk everything, uproot from my home, move away from my family, risk death, famine and disease JUST to worship the Lord and have the freedom to worship Him according to the dictates of my own conscious?". I want to courageously say, 'YES!'- I believe I would.

Freedom to worship to me is as sweet as the air I breath. I am nothing without my Heavenly Father and my Savior. Nothing. I can't do anything with out them. I would risk everything FOR YOU to have that same privilege of worshiping them. Everything else I am grateful for stems from the peace and confidence they give my soul, from my relationship with them.

Keep your freedom to worship the Lord. Keep the Savior's name on your lips. Keep standing up for them and saying proudly, "I am a Christian and I love God"... NO MATTER how politically 'incorrect' people may say it is. Be brave for them and they will always be brave for you.

I love you,

Your Mom

My Men

Dear Gabriel,

I am so grateful for such good men in my life. This weekend your grandpa and uncle came down from Idaho to spend the weekend with us. I have been able to hang out with you, your dad, your grandpa and uncle all weekend! How refreshing to be around my men.

It makes me so sad when I think about women who don't have this regularly in their lives. I have always known the support of a good father... which in turn has coached and trained me to love and be supportive of men in my life. There are so many women who don't have this and have never had this. My heart aches for them.

When I am around my men I am reminded of the kind of man I am trying my hardest to train you to be: kind, respectful, spiritual, supportive, smart, courageous, hard working and fun. The best way for you to have these traits is to make sure you are around your grandpa, your uncle(s), great friends and especially a strong relationship with your dad. Good men make all the difference. Don't forget it.

I love you,

Your Mom

Friends

Dear Gabriel,

This weekend was very busy for us... we moved back to St. George! Thank heavens, I am so glad to be back down here. This same weekend one of my very best friends (and old mission comp) Lynne was in town to run a race. She was supposed to stay with us originally, but then it ended up being the same weekend we moved, so I missed her. Yet again.

Lynne and I have tried to see each other for months and months now. Each time we have arranged to meet one of us has had something BIG come up and we have missed each other. We haven't seen each other for over a year and she hasn't seen you yet, which makes me so sad! I was thinking about missing her YET again this weekend while I was driving with a trailer full of stuff. The Lord told me, "Andrea, be so grateful you have such a wonderful friend in your life that you WANT to see so badly."

It is so true. I have AMAZING friends. Lynne is one of many amazing friends and women in my life. I have had so many friends who have shaped who I am and what I am about because of their love and example. A child, teenager and woman is truly shaped by the people she hangs out with (and it will be the same for you, but from the guy perspective!).

Choose good friends. One of the best decisions I have ever made in my life is to surround myself with people I love and enjoy... and they also PUSH me to be better. Lynne is one of those people, which is why I want to see her so badly. But there are many friends in my life who are like that... they PUSH me to better, to be stronger, to be happier, to be courageous, just to be better. Surround yourself with friends who PUSH you to be better and you will have one of the greatest gifts in the world.

I love you,

Your Mom

Time Passing... Lessons Learned

Dear Gabriel,

How are the holidays just around the corner again? I have no idea how that happened. Time keeps getting faster and faster and faster and faster! You are already a YEAR old. Your cute personality is coming out more rapidly each day. It just reminds me to soak in every moment with you at this stage in your life because it is going to be gone in a blink of an eye.

I wonder how you are going to remember the moments of your life... Your time passing? Every family and every parent has quirks. It is just how it is. There are going to be things about me that drive you crazy as your mom. There are going to be things about your dad that inevitably you are going to want to be like (hopefully :-). It is just amazing to think that as time is passing... you are developing into YOU... into your person.

How humbling it is to be a parent. You are going to be part me, part your dad and part of everything else you allow to influence you in your life, including the natural gifts you came to this world with. Every time a minute passes, it is a minute that will be gone forever, and hopefully means that you and I have learned valuable lessons from one another.

I love you,

Your Mom