Annual Idaho Trip

Dear Kids,

We just got back about 2 days ago from our yearly trip to Idaho. We were there for 3 weeks, and then stopped by a friends house on the way home.

I am not going to make this a touchy-feely post... mainly I want to recount everything we did while we were there, for our memories and realizing how much we got done!

• We stayed at Mesha's house for 5 days. You were all able to play and bond with her family. We weeded the garden, cleaned the house, folded laundry, picked raspberries, picked up messes, watched video's, played games.
• We stayed at Shayla's house a couple of times. We were able to do service for each other. I watched her kids while she and Casey had a night away, and then they watched all of you while Papa and I went to the temple. 
• We did a birthday party for Mom! We showed her video's of all the reasons why all her grandkids love her, one of our many traditions.
• We went to the yearly Chukars baseball game together as a family. That is turning into the time that everyone is always going to get together. We get a special booth because Papa's store sponsors that game and we have GREAT food while we watch and try to keep all our kids contained :-).
• We stayed with Kalea for a few days. We were able to have quite a few adventures because the power went out! Elijah, you were teething the whole time while we were there and a little when we got back. Poor thing. Kalea and I got a little bit of bonding done, she did 'show and tell' with her home, animals and town. 
• We wanted to make soup over the fire from all food storage stuff when the power went out... but couldn't get the fire going and after a couple of hours of ornery and hungry kids (and the soup still wasn't ready or could be eaten because the dog got to it) we ended up feeding all of you cold cereal instead.
• Kalea and I went and gathered a bunch of herbs that I dried at moms and brought back home with me for our natural medicinal cupboard.
• Mimi, Mesha, Kalea, Shayla and I had a couple of days of 'preparedness classes'. Mesha taught us how to make soap (from real pig lard), Kalea taught us all about herbs and how to make a natural medicine cabinet. We made salves, tinctures, powdered herbs, flu remedies, major outbreak natural antibiotic, cough syrup, etc.
• I made 3 batches of raspberry jam that Gabe and Talia, you both helped me pick the raspberries for it! 2 batches were sugar free made with applesauce and the 3rd batch was made with lots of sugar for your dad. 
• My car got fixed. As per always when we make a trip!
• We sang in church together as a family for pioneer day. It was a GREAT arrangement made up the day before we sang by Jonathan and our piano player. I love music.
• We had lots of dinners and lunches with everyone.
• We stayed at Mimi's house for about a week. She helped me 'fight the good fight' toward the end when all of you were losing your mind because you were ready to see your dad and be in your own beds again.
• Watched movies with Papa, because that is how he loves to bond!
• Had a big birthday party for everyone together! Mimi put that all together, and the theme was cowboys. She is always so creative with all of that!
• We talked with your dad a lot over video phone. Talia, you would always say, "I want to see your funny face" to dad because he would make lots of faces at you and Gabe that would just make you laugh. 
• Both Elijah and Talia got roseola. I told you it was illegal for you to get sick while we are away from your dad! He takes the night shifts, not me!!
• We worked in the yard at mom's house to try and help her a bit. We worked in the greenhouse too and almost got eaten up by ants!! But her strawberries are to DIE for, we would go out and pick those almost everyday to eat.
• I got some amazing quality time with all of you by playing legos, going for walks, playing in the yard and working together.
• We went to Wyatt's baptism. It was so adorable how gentle Jeff was with him. So special to see it.
• We got to see Uncle J - and Talia always wanted to play on 'Denise's phone'.
• We went to the sand dunes and Shayla did her best to take pictures, even though there was wind and the kids were distracted by all the fun sand to play with!
  
• Talia, you order Tate around like crazy. It is hilarious to see it. And you play with Esti really well. I am hoping you both can be very good friends in the future.
• Gabe, you and Cody were adorable to see play together. Your personalities compliment each other so well. When I asked you who your best friend was you said, "Cody." 
• Wren and Paden just wanted to be around Elijah and take his binky the whole time. It was awesome.
• I got to spend time with all my nephews and a couple nieces. I hope they all know that I love them so much and adore all of them. It is amazing how many cultures come out of just one family... BUT the most important thing is that ALL OF US PARENTS are trying to raise our children to the Lord. I love knowing that no matter what home I went into, the Lord and the gospel was put first. All of them had family prayer and were teaching their kids about the love of the Savior.
• There were a lot of melting down moments, laughing moments, crying moments, touching moments... This is why I keep a journal! I should have written so many more things down in detail to remember! Luckily we have pictures, so that always helps.
• We went to go see my grandma and grandpa Karford. My grandma just couldn't get enough of Elijah! She couldn't hold him because of her arthritis, but wanted to so bad. She is amazing with babies.
• Then we spent a couple of days at Shawna Fillmore's house before coming home to dad!

All in all, it was a great trip. It always fills my bucket to be around my family. It is amazing how much it helps me put everything in perspective about life and what I am doing with my time... and how I am teaching you.

I hope you have amazing memories, most of which are still yet to come, about our time up in Idaho.

Love you,

Your Mom

Love Of My Dad

Dear Kids,

I hope you love your dad as much as I love my dad. It is your Papa's birthday today and so this post is for him.

There are so many reasons I love my dad, but this little story will sum it all up perfectly...

My very first memory of my life is about my dad. I was almost 3 years old. My sister fell off a bar stool in the kitchen and split her head open. She ended up having to go and get stitches. To my little mind, it felt like my parents were gone for days and days and I didn't see them forever.

I had (have ;-) a very demanding personality when it comes to attention, and it felt like I was completely forgotten and I didn't like it at all. I remember feelings of loneliness and that no one loved me any more. When dad came home at one point I remember telling him something like, "You don't love me anymore. You only love Mesha".

Then he left again for a little while. He came back with a HUGE sucker, a twisted up kind that was all different colors. This part of the memory is so vivid. I remember I was in the kitchen, on the floor towards the front. I heard someone call me, then I looked up and it was my dad. He was holding this sucker out to me. He knelt down and he said, "This is just for you." I smiled really big, then I ran to him and with his big arms and shoulders he scooped me up and he said in my ear, "I will always love you."

This memory is the first I have of my life. It made such a huge impact on me. Even now writing about it I am bawling. It is the biggest reminder to me of how much and how young our kids remember when they feel love from us.

No matter what I have been through in my l life, I have ALWAYS known that my dad loves me, adores me, trusts me and wants me to be great. I have always felt that from him. His confidence and trust in my kept me from getting into bad trouble on a number of occasions. When I was offered alcohol or drugs the biggest motivating factor to not give into peer pressure was knowing my dad trusted me and I couldn't betray that trust and love.

The only thing better than my dad being my dad, is knowing that he is your Papa!! That gives me reassurance I can't describe. I love him, and I hope he has at least 40 more birthdays still to come (Come on dad... you want to make it to 101 don't you?? ;-)

And I love you,

Your Mom

What I Want My Kids To Remember About America

Dear Kids,

You are the next leaders of our country. I love my country. I love the Founding Fathers. I love the freedom that America has stood for throughout it's history. Sadly enough, I see the greatness of our country falling into pieces all around me. I weep about it, knowing that you will have a very different experience in America than I grew up with.

With the 4th of July coming up there are some things I MUST tell you... I am compelled to write and declare.

To me, America is not just another 'nation in the world'... another 'type' of government. True America stands for FREEDOM. America came about because of inspiration from heaven that rested on the Founding Fathers. The men and women who gave everything to uphold the constitution throughout our history have not done it just for America, they have done it for the world. For the world to experience freedom, liberty and honor.

Men and women are capable of self-government.We are capable of doing powerfully good things with our right to choose and the freedom with which to act. There is a great evil in this world that is trying to take all of that away, a creeping destroyer who is slithering around the nations of the earth professing that governments have all the answers and socialism is the best way to live. But you must remember...

God GAVE you FREEDOM. God gave us these rights. The Lord planned it all so America could be the beacon of liberty and to achieve the purposes of the Lord throughout the world. Do NOT shrink for your liberty and your right to uphold the cause of TRUE freedom.

No matter what happens in Washington D.C., no matter how corrupt everything becomes around me, I am determined to teach you about the constitution and what it stands for. The next leaders of our nation are YOU.

Every father and mother must teach about our true America. We must teach about freedom, about the right for religion, the principles upon which this country was founded. I vow to not let the greatness of TRUE AMERICA be lost on your shoulders. I vow to teach you about liberty, freedom and honor. It is my sacred responsibility.

I love you,

Your Mom


P.S. These are the things I want you to remember about America, and my memories!

• Being American - there was no better moment to describe what 'Being American' meant than on September 12th, 2001. The day after the 9/11 attacks. It didn't matter what 'political aisle' you were on, we were all PROUD to be Americans. 
• 4th of July watermelon, fireworks, swimming in the river, camping, celebrations, reunions, programs...
• Singing songs like 'My Country Tis Of Thee' and having EVERYONE know the words around me. You will learn the words to all the patriotic songs. I will make sure of that.
• Saying prayer in groups, thanking the Lord for our country, our freedom and the hope for our future. 
• Everyone wearing red, white, and blue... holding the flag with honor and national pride. 
• Mom telling us stories about the Founding Fathers and what they went through. Stories about George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams... So many stories to tell. You will know all those stories. Their memories will not be lost in this home!!
• Listening to 'Take Your Hat Off When The Flag Goes By' and other tapes. Dad teaching us how to respect the flag, how to hold the flag, how to fold the flag.
• Grandpa Connell telling us about his pride in his country that he fought in war for. His tears welling up in his eyes when he would tell his feelings and testimony about the sacrifices so many people have given for us to have the abundance and freedom we do.
• Waiting in anticipation for the spectacular night time fireworks show by the Snake River. Listening to the music and the stories told while watching the fireworks in the sky. 
• Dad sitting all of us down in the circle and asking us what we need to do to be better Americans. How we can be better neighbors, stand up for what is right, stand up for principles, and most of all stand up for God.
• Knowing that America was the place of hope for everyone in the world. Feeling security inside of the 'melting pot' America represented for all people.
• Having a neighborhood breakfast and the children of the neighborhood putting on a program and then decorating their bikes for a neighborhood parade. 
• Being in the city parade on various floats throughout my life, for my school, my church, my clubs... waving at the little kids who were looking at everything with amazed eyes.

Actual Meaning

Dear Kids,

These past 5 days there has been someone sick in our household. It has been a nasty bug that made it's rounds from Gabriel, to Natalia, to me... hopefully it stays away from your baby brother!

Needless to say, we have spent a lot of time in the bathroom, dad was gone for the beginning of the week and then is gone working again some long hours. So the normal 'duties' of the house have been very neglected.

I started getting very irritated about not being able to even sit up without getting whoozy and sick. But then I realized a few things. There have been a lot of little 'helps' going on around the house that I need to change my view point and look at it all in a new light...

Natalia, when Gabe was sick, you helped me get all the laundry (that got messy from him) washed. You were so amazing at pushing the baskets, putting the soap in, unloading the dryer... and I just haven't gotten to folding it all yet.  This pile is actually a love effort from you.

 I finally gave up the fight to do the dishes when I couldn't stand without getting dizzy. Then I decided that this sink is actually symbolizing letting my body rest a little bit.

There have been constant toys and books all over the floor. But I thought about it, and even though I couldn't do much with you, I could lay down and read to you and play with you while I was horizontal. We got lots of quality time in with each other.

There have been a few neighbors who have come to take all of you to the park, or play, or something to get your energy out. Stuff has been in and out of this closet. But thank heavens for neighbors who are willing to help!

My bed hasn't been made for quite a few days now. There has been no point since all I wanted to do was lay down, or all one of you wanted to do was lay in mom and dad's bed (somehow it makes you feel better :-) ... But we have sure gotten a lot of cuddle time together.





There are so many times when the 'Actual Meaning' of things can be hidden from our eyes. It is a matter of how we choose to see it. This bug will eventually go away (look at me now! I am vertical and can sit up for a while to write!) but until then, I will not choose to stress myself out... or 'sweat over the small stuff'.

Thank you for always doing your best to help, to laugh and be patient with a sick mom.

I love you,

Your Mom

Everyday Decisions

Dear Kids,

Someone very close to us has been going through a lot of heartache lately... literal 'Ache in her Heart'. She had been married for almost 20 years and it ended officially today. It really struck me... all the changes she is going through when I saw her name change 'officially' on facebook.

Before getting married I often thought to myself, "How do people get divorced after that long? What is the deal? How does that happen?". Once again, the Lord is teaching me how to continually improve upon my mortal thought patterns.

I totally get it now... it is in the everyday decisions. I know that she has worked very hard in her life. I know she has worked very hard to keep her family together. I know that she has followed the spirit as much as she knows how. Yet, because of everyday decisions in their lives, she and her husband ended up on opposite sides.

There are many days when your dad and I do not see 'eye to eye' on things. There have been many days when I have been 'in the box' towards him, and he towards me. There have been countless times when we have had walls up between the two of us. On those days, I have thought to myself, "This is how it happens. This is how all of a sudden 20 years down the road you don't know who you are living with anymore."

Thank heavens your dad and I have chosen to come back to each other, to work it out together and to 'let down the walls'. We have chosen to connect again, we have chosen to love each other no matter what. We have chosen it, he for me and I for him...and for the Lord. But that is the magic in these statements.... WE. The two most 'perfect' people could get married and everyone around them think that they have got it made. BUT, if their everyday decisions aren't moving them together with the Lord, then eventually their marriage will wither and die.

What will our life will be like in 20 years? I don't know. But what I do know is that today I have chosen to love him, and he has chosen to love me back. Today I have chosen to see the good in him, and he has chosen to see the good in me. Today I have chosen to forgive him, and he has chosen to do the same for me. Today I prayed for him, and he prayed for me.  Isn't that the magic with everything in our lives? Live for everything TODAY. Do our best to love TODAY. Make everything worth it TODAY. Right now, immediately, today.

My heart tonight hurts so much for her. I was single for a long time, I can't even imagine going back to being single again after almost 20 years... PLUS being a single mom. But what I can imagine and know with all my heart is the Lord has her in the palm of His hands. I know the Lord is not a God of fear. There is no lack of love in His universe. And she is choosing with all her heart to have faith in Him and love Him. That is everything she can do. And tonight, He will hold her close to His heart, in order to help hers to stop aching for a bit. The Lord will hold her heart safe in His hands until she finds a man who will keep it safe in his.

Always love people, always. We never know what they are going through and what battles they are facing. You never know if the person driving beside you on the road, or standing behind you in line, or walking past you on the sidewalk just had their marriage end and their name's changed, just like this woman who is ultimately important and valuable to us and everyone else in her world.

I love you,

Your Mom

Never Forget Christ

Dear Kids,

There is a comedian who is going to start a 'Messiah Complex' tour around the world. He is a stand up comedian, very intelligent and completely sacrilegious. He is an extremely likable guy, I actually really like him as a person, he is surprisingly one of the most 'self-actualized' stars... yet he uses his very well developed interpersonal skills to spread the filth of the world. During his shows he will be very effective with his comedy, and yet be desecrating the name of Christ along the way.

When did all of this change about how we use the name of Christ? How has this happened? Oh how it hurts my heart to think of all the ways He is mocked, used and spit upon STILL. Yet, He loves back no matter what. Our world has almost completely forgotten the meaning of the Atonement.

Well, not in this house.

Let me be very clear - Christ is the reason for everything. The very light in our eyes comes from Him. The very power we use for living day to day comes because of His Atonement. I will preach this to you over and over and over again. I will NEVER deny Him. I will always stand up for Him. Always.

We are living in those times prophesied of for centuries. We ARE living in the days Isaiah saw. We are tangibly part of the culmination of times. I will work until my last breath for you to know how much I love my Lord, my Savior and my Brother. I will do everything I can to pass this testimony onto you so that you can spread it to the world.

If Christ were to meet this comedian? He would love him. He would invite him to be part of his life. In fact, I think Jesus would have much faster wit than Russell Brand. But just like if Christ were alive today, the way this man is acting would be the same whether Christ was by his side or not. He would be one who would be mocking Christ to his face, sadly enough. The same it is for all of us. Whether you were alive during Christ's day or now, the way you stand up for Him and testify of Him is the same way you would act if He was by your side.

So be a friend of Christ. Uplift His name. Stand up for Him. Love Him. Be ready to hug Him when you see Him again and He opens His arms to you to guide you home. 

I love you,

Your Mom

Importance Of A Father

Dear Kids,

The importance of father's and men in general is greatly overlooked. There has been so much emphasis on women's rights and the feminist movement that as a society haven't been talking enough about men and why they are also SO imperative to our lives and world.

Well, with Father's Day coming up I want to make sure and set the record straight for our family - for YOU. Your father is irreplaceable. The importance of a strong, good, loving, protective, encouraging and hard working man is so overlooked.

Your dad knows this better than anyone - his father was not part an active part of his life since he was just past toddlerhood, and then committed suicide when your dad was only 17 years old. The pain he went through with his sisters and mom is indescribable. They just needed a dad! He is sometimes overwhelmed by how to even be a dad, how to be a patriarch and lead his family in the right way.

I keep telling him, "Just loving your kids, loving me and doing your best is the most important thing... taking time to cuddle, to tease, to teach, to wrestle, to laugh, to work, all of it means you are a wonderful dad."

Our world needs more good men and fathers. Just read some of these statistics:

• 63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes.... FIVE times the national average. (US dept of health)
• 90% of all runaways and homeless children are from fatherless homes...32 times the national average (Justice and behavior)
• 85% of children with behavior problems come from fatherless homes...20 times the national average. (Center for Disease)
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes...14 times the national average. (Justice and Behavior)
• 85% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes... 20 times the national average (US Dept of Justice)

There are even MORE numbers and statistics I can find, but I think you get the point. If we keep demeaning the importance of good men and fathers in our lives... our society will continue to degrade. I feel for mom's who have to raise their children alone. Your Nana did that - I can't even begin to comprehend the exhaustion and stress of a single mom. Hats off to all single mom's.

BUT WHERE ARE THE DADS?? And what value are we putting on fathers with the masculinity, strength, power and protection they give? There is an epidemic of inactive fathers, and our society needs to stop overlooking the importance of them.

I want to be the first to tell you - Your dad is irreplaceable. Just like my dad was irreplaceable. I had not idea how rare I was raised and by having an active dad in my life taught me how to love men and respect them. Most of all I am eternally grateful for the Father of us all and for His Son who gave his life for us.

I love your dad! Father's Day is a celebration of our men, and most especially our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I love you,

Your Mom

There Are No Ordinary People

Dear Kids,

If there is any knowledge I want you to remember it is this:

The glory within you is overwhelming.

There is light in you which is hard to comprehend. There is power that is unending. CS Lewis said, "There are NO ordinary people". The most important part about that statement is that EVERYONE is amazing.

The more you give yourself permission to be powerful, the more others around you will seek to be powerful. The more you stand up for what is right, the more your peers will want to do the same. The more you seek for the highest life has to offer, the more your family will seek it as well.

Everyone is amazing. The glory within you is overwhelming. The more you live up to that truth, the more others will come TO YOU and ask, "Where have you found such peace? Where have you found that radiance I see in your eyes?" ... then you will have the most precious opportunity to bear your testimony of Christ, of His power and how you have received power because of it.

Do not get dragged down by what the world is trying to sell. You are higher, you are better. Not because you are better than other people, but because you remember who you are, the glory of your soul is powerful and because of that you will help your family and friends seek for higher ground as well.

I believe in the divinity in you. And I love you,

Your Mom

That Kid

Dear Gabriel,

Here is a story you might appreciate in 20-30 years when you have a kid who is 'that kid'.

Last night I was talking with one of my friends. She watched you, Talia and Elijah a few days ago while your dad and I went on a getaway for my birthday (a much needed one might I add!). All three of you were at another friends house during the day after we left and then she picked you up about 5:30 or so and took you back to our house to spend the night.

I wanted to check in and see how you did while we were gone, especially because she had told me over a text that you were 'tired and grumpy'. One of those nights when bed-time couldn't come soon enough! She shared this story...

"Andrea, I didn't know what to do. They were both so grumpy all night. Then Gabe went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and I went in to help him. Then he just SCREAMED at me... 'Get out of here! I will do it by myself! Leave me alone'!...

"I didn't know how to handle it, wasn't sure what you wanted me to do, so I just shut the door and let him be. It just so shocked me! He screamed so loud."

There were a few emotions that I recognized when she told me this story and I have been thinking about all day today:

• Embarrassment. It is embarrassing to have a kid who does that to someone else, especially when I feel like I do everything I can to teach you respect!
• Curiosity. Why did you react that way? Just tired? Setting a boundary to have authority in your house? Mad because mom and dad were gone? Lots of emotion you didn't know how to express? Normally you are very respectful, what happened here?
• Jealousy. You are 4 1/2 years old. You still have a 'get out of jail free' card when you do something like that. How lucky are you? You still have some time to figure out how to communicate. Me as the mom, I am just 'supposed' to have all the answers. haha.

The other emotion is something I keep learning over and over again being a parent. Learning how to NOT JUDGE other people. Getting the 'beam out of mine own eye first' before condemning. I used to think 'I will never have that kind of kid' before becoming a parent. Or 'my kids will never act THAT way'.

Well, I have come to the conclusion that every kid is 'that kid' at one time or another. How else do you learn boundaries? How else do you learn emotion? It is through these experiences that we, as your parents, can learn better what you need to know. The key as a parent is to not allow behavior like this to continue, and to catch the teaching moments and use them to our advantage as much as possible.

So, just remember when you have a kid that is 'that kid'... you were once too. As we all were.

I love you,

Your Mom

List Of Thank You's

Dear Handsome,

This is a 'Thank You' list to you. I forget everything you do until you are gone. Thank you for...

• Helping me put the kids to bed at night
• Singing to the kids
• Practicing your guitar
• Wrestling with your son
• Telling Natalia how pretty and special she is
• Getting me glasses of water
• Cleaning up the water after the kids have spilled their entire bath on the floor
• Taking care of all the food we get from the greenhouse
• Having laundry folding parties with me
• Making educational DVD's for the kids
• Leaving me love notes on my pillow
• Randomly hugging me in the kitchen
• Doing the dishes every night after dinner without me asking
• Taking the garbage out when it is full
• Making random funny and inappropriate comments to make me laugh
• Supporting me inside of fulfilling my calling
• Picking up our crying baby
• Changing his diaper without me asking
• Listening to me when I need to vent
• Debriefing concerns with me and helping me solve them
• Winking at me from across the room 
• Teaching your son to open my door
• Cuddling with your daughter when she needs physical touch time 
• Teaching me how to work technology details that I detest

Pretty much I just want to thank you for being my best friend. This is one of my favorite of our 'best friend' pictures. I love you... and luckily you are hot. ;-)

Your Lover