I'm Not Afraid, I Passed The Test

 Good morning kids!

I am sitting here in the living room waiting for Gabe to be ready to go to Fire Canyon for the day. He is loving it so much. I had a very strong impression to write some things down for remembrance and so I'm getting started on it. I'm sure it will take me a few sessions. 

I've written before about my experience in March, when I was meditating and it was given to me to know that if I opened my eyes, there would be someone in the room. Then I understand on a spiritual level that the person there was not a messenger from the Lord. The spirit told me to refresh myself with the scriptures from the Doctrine and Covenants about how to tell if a messenger is from the Lord or if the messenger is from Satan. 

Then the next day I was sitting at the table in the dining room working on the budget at the computer, and immediately I knew that Satan was standing right outside the window looking at me. I could see him completely in my mind's eye. 

Both of these experiences close together really shook me up. In fact, I didn't realize how much they shook me up until being able to look back on it with clear eyes. It has taken me six months to bounce back from the constant stream of attack that hit me from March-August. I'm SO GRATEFUL we were in Fiddler at the time because I know it saved me because of how busy it kept me, from not diving too far into major depression. 

The attacks I received were never ending. 

"Nothing you have experienced is real"... "Everything you believe is a lie"... "Everything that has happened is in your imagination"... "There is no reason to be so concerned about Jesus coming back because there is no such person"... "It doesn't matter what you believe"... "What are you thinking? Thinking you could perform miracles? There is no such thing."... "You would be so much happier not believing in the church anymore"... "Joseph Smith is a fool and a deceit"... 

The attacks have been constant. 

And honestly, I gave room for them because of fear. something I understand very well is that the more I open myself up to goodness and further light and knowledge, the opposite side is going to attack me THAT MUCH MORE. It is part of the price for getting closer to God. And it scared me. It really scared me. 

It scared me to think that Satan could come visit me REALLY, in reality. It scared me to think about having a messenger from the dark side come to me and trying to wrap my head around what that would really entail. The belief I had in myself and my own power in the priesthood was hugely attacked, the belief I had in my faith, and my ability to work by faith, was completely attacked. 

I am on the committee in charge of the homeschooling moms retreat. I just got back from being there over the weekend. During the retreat we had quiet time to go and do some personal meditation/journaling. I hiked up the mountain and when I sat down I just wanted to talk to God about everything happening in my soul. 

I have experienced some regret because of feeling like my spiritual life has been stopped and halted, and it's been my fault because of allowing room for the enemy of my soul. When I was talking to God about it the spirit spoke to me specifically about it all. It was so validating~ Here was the message:

"Andrea - Are you afraid anymore? didn't I give you time to process what it will take to get rid of the fear of the darkness?"

I had to reply that I don't feel afraid anymore. I cried at that thought. Because God has given me the time to process and figure out my emotions with it all, it helped to give me the time to figure out my feelings about fear, on a much deeper level. How amazing it is that I can say, "If Satan were to appear to me today, I would not be afraid." 

Then the spirit said, "Andrea - many have gone through less spiritual attack and have left. You have been attacked mercilessly and immensely from a spiritual plane, and you haven't left! You passed the test! You've held on and hoped on! Even when you were attacked mercilessly with doubts and fears and questions and everything else! AND you are stronger because of it. You had to go through it - you didn't regress spiritually, you discovered a deeper part of yourself, of your faith, and of your future."

This was so validating for me to hear! That I can look back on it all and admit to myself how horribly hard it has been! How much I really have been attacked and how much my soul is in the middle of this battlefield. That many have gone through less and left. But I have held on and hoped on and trusted on. I'm SO GRATEFUL for this. SO GRATEFUL. I can't even say how much that meant to me to have that answer. 

I cried thinking about everything I have learned on a spiritual level. It's amazing to me how much the Lord is helping me to process so many things, and grieve so many things before they have even happened. I know it is because He wants me on His side. I want to fight for the Lord! I want to fight for the gospel~ I want to be considered for the church of the firstborn and I want to qualify for translation - whatever that might look like. 

(picture of the group of women at the retreat) After the retreat was finished I went up to Pine Valley and found a couple quiet places to hang out, watch the wind in the trees, pray and just "be". I brought my camp chair, but I was sitting in it for 5 minutes when I just felt deep in my soul that I wanted to lay on the ground uninhibited with anything else. So I cleared out any rocks or dirt or anything else. I laid down and looked up at the sky. Watched the wind in the trees. Soaked in the energy of the earth and the plants around me. It was heavenly. 

I went to another spot and did the same thing, and while I was laying there I just started thinking about the time when I will, in the flesh, see my Savior again. It overwhelmed me with feelings and thoughts and emotion! It felt so real that maybe He was walking in the trees around me that I sat up and looked for Him. I could almost see in my minds eye how He would walk toward me with a smile on His face and His arms open to me. How we could just sit and talk and laugh and smile and process anything and everything. I kept looking around me because I wanted Him to appear so badly. 

Not quite time yet for me to see Him in the flesh... but I will keep searching for it. He helps me to make me worthy. He is the one who makes me capable of doing anything. The magnificence inside of me because of Him, overcomes my heart and mind with floods of emotions and thoughts. 

In that moment I knew, I KNEW I hadn't regressed spiritually. I had to root myself in my experiences. I had to have the attacks in order to come on the other side and KNOW that I can look anyone in the eye and tell them that I KNOW the experiences I have are real. The feelings from the spirit are real. The love from God is real. I have searched for it and paid the price for it... and I will continue to do that. I will continue to put my shoulder to the wheel, doing my part, and opening myself up to all the beauties and mysteries from heaven. President Nelson is BEGGING us to go to those deeper spiritual places. He told me to keep searching for it and I wouldn't find the process in any manual. 

Thinking of the reality of being translated. Wow. I can't even begin to process what that really looks like and means. BUT I know I am on the road. I know that I am doing my best to be close to the spirit. I know that it takes time and dedication. I will keep working and searching and loving it. 

I love you kids. I can tell you that you must dig deep as well. For you to have the experiences that you must have for testimony to keep growing, then you work for it. I hope you can learn that a little bit from my experiences. 

I love you!

Your Mom

Joshua Update Homeschooling Sept. 2020

 

Joshua Mitchell Palmer.

We love you so much in our home! You also need an update:

• You are three years old, will be four in October.
• No grade for you yet! Just preschool age. You will be on the waterford institute program next year since it's your "pre-kindergarten" year.
• You have such a sweet personality - AND you are starting to find your voice. We've had to use the break room space more often because of your independency starting to come out. But you are learning the lessons quickly. 
• You love to read together!
• You love the chickens and cat. 
• You always eggs or oatmeal for breakfast. 
• You are always finding a way to smile. And you laugh really easily. 
• You are learning your colors so fast, as well as the ABC's and numbers. You are catching onto everything around you at a vicious rate. 
• You LOVE puzzles, especially Thomas the Train puzzles. 
• You love dice as well. You like to match up the numbers together. 
• You are just always doing as much as you can to keep up with all your order siblings. 
• You LOVE trains. Always want to build with them right now. 
• You are happy. And you push boundaries. Then you are happy again. Then you push boundaries again... you must be almost 4 years old!!
• You always want a clean and dry treat for going to the bathroom and washing your hands. 
• You love going to nature co-op as well and being around the big group of kids!

I love you my boy!

Gabriel Update Homeschooling Sept. 2020

 Gabriel Brent Palmer. 

I love you son! I want to give an update on you and what you are doing right now and focusing on for the school year. 

• You are 11 years old, will be 12 in October. You received the priesthood in February of this year before Covid-19 hit. 
• You are officially in 6th grade!
• On Monday's you are taking classes at "Fire Canyon Academy". It is an academy that is put together by homeschooling moms that put together the resources for it. You are going to be taking Georgics (leadership), sports, and physics! You will be there Monday's from 8:30am-2pm and you are so excited!
• You will be doing a cooking class on Monday's as well with Mimi, siblings and cousins. 
• You will be doing Ninja Warrior classes again this year. Not sure which day quite yet. 
• You are taking piano and you LOVE it. You are an extremely good piano player, it's fun to see that talent develop as you grow. 
• You are trying out for "Oliver" this week - we'll see if you get in!
• The second semester this year, after the holidays, you want to try more sports, so we'll see how that goes!
• We are part of the nature co-op this year and your best friend, Kurt Shillig, is there and you guys get a long so well. I'm so glad you found him. That whole family is such a blessing for us and your friendships. 
• You are doing choir on Friday's as well and you love Mrs. Brooke!
• We need to continue to find a guitar/trumpet teacher for you - so we'll see how that adventure goes. 
• You are a veracious reader, reading for hours at a time. I want to get more quality books for you to read and learn from. I'm going to dive into that for you more. 
• You LOVE animals and your are starting to take care of the chickens without me even mentioning it to you and I love that!
• You and Elijah either get along great, or you are fighting like crazy. We are going to be working on that as well. 
• You read the Book of Mormon in a month over the summer, so we'll see if you continue that scripture reading streak!
• You will have Young Men's on Tuesday's weekly since it's starting back up again. 
• You are a very serious minded boy. I'm going to try to find a speech pathologist for you because you've started to stutter quite a bit and we need to work on that.
• You are very tender with me, and still always want to snuggle with me. I love that. You will still randomly hold my hand when we are walking together. It's wonderful. 

I love you son!

Elijah Update Homeschooling Sept. 2020

 

Elijah Zachary Palmer. 

You keep us moving! I need to get you an update as well!

You also need an update post:

• You are seven years old, will be eight years old in October. You get baptized!!
• You are officially in 2nd grade!
• You are starting piano this year with our favorite piano teacher ever, Tauna Buckway. You started last week and you already just love it. 
• You will be doing cooking classes with Mimi on Monday afternoons with siblings and cousins. 
• We are in the nature co-op again this year on Wednesday's and you have found such great friends there! I'm so grateful for that co-op. 
• You've also made a friend, Misha Vrajich, and you two are "two peas in a pod" and love playing together. 
• You are in choir on Friday's as well!
• You are willing to stand up for anyone at any time! You are not afraid to make your voice known, especially if you've seen an injustice happen. I love that about your personality. 
• You are starting to read so well! You are still VERY embarrassed to read around anyone but our family, but when we read scriptures I'm amazed at all the words you know and that you can do so well. 
• You LOVE parkour, but you are going to take a break from that and take a Ninja warrior class instead this semester. We'll see how that goes!
• You love to boss Joshua around and Joshua is starting to stand up for himself! So that make for interesting conflicts to solve. 
• You are very specific about the things you do. I love watching how intent you are. 
• You are LOVING legos right now. 
• You are earning your own money to buy lots of lego sets. It's adorable. 
• You love our new cat, "Pixie". 

I love you so much! Thank you for being my son!

Natalia Update Homeschooling Year Sept. 2020

 Natalia Jeanne Palmer 

I love you my girl! I love you so much! I love your sass, your spunk, your fashion sense, your friendship, your beauty, your goodness, your love for cooking, all of it!

I want to give an update about you for journal reasons!

• You are 10 years old starting this school year. 
• You are officially in 5th grade. 
• You will be doing a cooking class on Monday's with Mimi, together with siblings and cousins. 
• You will be doing violin and piano again. 
• You will be taking a tumbling class. 
• You will be in choir again (EPIC children's choir) with Mrs. Brooke on Friday's. 
• We have nature co-op again this year on Wednesday's, you have lots of friends there!
• You love doing projects. You want to focus on handicrafts this year as your personal curriculum passion projects, especially sewing. You LOVE sewing and have amazing fashion sense. 
• You love to cook and always want to be making treats for people around you. 
• You have started to become a bit disrespectful to me as your mom, that is something we are going to focus on a lot this year going forward, making sure we have good boundaries in place before teenage years come. And that your love bucket is filled up so we have a good relationship. 
• Your favorite thing right now is the skirt you made at a friends house with sparkles in the back and purple in the front. 
• You are an excellent sister, although you are learning more and more how to antagonize your brothers :-) .
• You are, as always, a born leader.
• You are still figuring out your personal connections to the spiritual world. You fight me sometimes when reading the scriptures on a personal level, so diving into why is going to a priority of mine. 
• You love it when we do personal prayers together. 
• You love it when I tickle your back. 
• You are really good about delegating as many tasks to others as possible. hahaha!
• You love your best friend Ella Wanlass. 
• You learned "Think of Me" on the piano and love it. You love your piano teacher, who is Tauna Buckway. I have never had to tell you once to practice. She is an excellent teacher. 
• You LOVE music, dancing, singing, anything to do with performance! Figuring out how to navigate that in this worldly space we are in will be interesting. But God gave you those gifts for a reason, so that is something else I want to dive into figuring out for you. 

I'm so grateful you are my daughter!

I love you!

Patterns to Break for Healthier Living

 Dear Kids, 

Your mom's thyroid has been crazy sluggish. I'm working on it. 

I get to start new ways of being and living and eating! Really, I just get to "get back" to what I was doing before inside of healthy living. I'm happy about it and breaking my co-dependencies because of it I believe. 

I turn to food to feel good. Now I get to co-create with God inside of getting over that weakness and addiction. 

Your dad does the same thing. I will pray for him to have the same desire to do it with me. 

After allowing my body to be depleted for a while, it is time to take better care of myself, which might be a bit of a full time job. I'm ready for it. 

I want to feel good all the time. I was starting to feel better at papa and mimi's house because I wasn't eating sugar and I was sleeping better and taking better medicines. 

I get to start taking better care of myself. I get to go to bed earlier! I get to break my co-dependencies on when Brent goes to bed because of it. That is a healthy thing. 

Most of this is breaking co-dependency patterns really. Interesting. 

I will pray he will have the same desires to stop screens at night and better eating habits. 

I get to start tracking every dollar. I get to break my co-dependencies on how Brent reacts to money because of it. that is a good thing. 

I will pray he will have the same experience to have a good healthy relationship with money. 

We have improved a lot. 

And we have so much more to work on. Please God, help us. Forgive us. Help me keep my chin up about breaking all of these patterns that have to be addressed for my soul to be alive and flying again. 

Most importantly, I want to have an unbreakable relationship with my Savior. I regretted a bit the other day going through the darkness I have in the last 6 months, feeling like I have "lost out" on so much more spiritual growth that I could have been having. But the spirit told me, "Andrea, you experienced exactly what you've needed to. You had to go through all of that attack for more foundation to be laid out. You are exactly where you need to be, AND keep trying."

I can do this. I can endure. I can hold on. Please God, hold onto me. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Thoughts and Visits

 Dear Kids, 

(picture from Fiddler) We finished up being in Fiddler, had a couple weeks of down time and then headed to Idaho to see Papa and Mimi. 

It is always rejuvenating for me to be up there and feel of the home I grew up in. Mom did an amazing job creating an atmosphere of happiness and uplifting thoughts and words. It is something I feel like we can do better in our home, starting with me and your dad. Your dad grew up in a home that was very critical and cynical... and I feel like we have spilled over into that culture a bit too much as a family. 

I really want to focus on happiness, gratitude and optimism more in our home. I want to focus more on the gospel. I want more of the spirit in our home. 

I know we were supposed to do Fiddler together as a family. I know it was a fulfillment of many things to do that together, especially for your father. He got a blessing from Papa where he was promised that his voice would touch many people and teach many lessons because of singing. Your dad listened to that blessing again the other day and said, "Fiddler was the fulfillment of that promise."

We made lifetime memories and friends. 

With that said, we allowed many bad habits to take place in our home. We were lazy about scripture study and how we were talking to each other and our rhythm of spirituality. It's fascinating to see that at the same time we were experiencing so much growth and success, I was also being ATTACKED mercilessly by Satan. 

Satan eroded my soul during that time in all the spiritual ways. I never lost testimony, but I couldn't believe how HARD he was fighting that I would. He worked hard to keep me from more spiritual experiences. I have written about that before. I wish my words could express really the attacks I was receiving. It was bad. Really bad. 

But, I kept praying to the Lord to hold onto me. I just kept asking Him, "Please don't let me go. Hold onto me." And I know that prayer has been answered. 

We went to Sarah Ashworth's house to visit her and her kids on Friday. She is a woman who has worked very hard on her relationship with God, and with the struggles in her marriage. It was SO REFRESHING for me to be in her home and hear her talking of God so much. 

I want to do more of that. She talks about God in everything. It is just so common place for her, more than anyone else I think I've ever met. She teaches me every time I hang out with her because of her humility and her faith. 

She is scientist and she has had to really disassociate herself with science because it was for her, "relying too much on the arm of flesh"

As I was talking with her the spirit confirmed to me that I have been doing that. Too much. Looking for answers in science a bit too much. Looking for explanations on "how" God does things in science and rules of the universe a bit too much. I know He works within laws, but there are so many things that God understands that we simply just don't understand. I've been relying on the arm of flesh a bit too much with that. 

I am going to repent of that. And feel free to be carried away with the spirit without trying to explain itself to me in scientific ways. I am fascinated by Quantum Physics... I and I know there is so much God science there... but that is not where I find faith and my answers. Trying to find an explanation as to how faith works within my body is noble, but I can't let it take away from my faith either. 

It was so good to sit and talk with her and be rejuvenated by a faithful follower of God. 

I want to do more of that. Talk of God more. Preach of Christ more. Especially to my family and my kids. 

Getting back on a better rhythm definitely helps with that for sure, and we are going to be focusing solely on that as a family before trying to get back into any curriculum. We just have to find a rhythm again, with the spirit. 

I Love You, my kids. 

Love,

Your Mom

Gabe Almost Burned The House Down

Dear Kids,

So I have to tell you about an experience that happened with the house almost burned down.

Gabe has been playing with fire - A LOT. Most of the time he has been good about asking me and I tell him where is appropriate to light a fire. But this particular day, he didn't ask.

He grabbed the lighter and went outside and started to light dried leaves on fire, then blowing them out. He thought he blew one out and evidently put it on top of our outside toy box then came back inside.

Well, I started smelling smoke, and I dismissed it because they light fires in the field behind our house SO OFTEN I just didn't think twice. Of course, looking back, I had that "nagging" feeling which was obviously from the spirit, but I just didn't listen.

I was on the phone with someone when there was a loud pounding on the door. There was a man that said, "You need to get out of the house NOW! There is a fire out here!". I was in my back bedroom, so I didn't hear all of it, just muffled yelling, but the kids came running down the hallway and said, "Mom! There is a man who is trying to kidnap us!"

So I went outside and immediately knew there was an issue. I went around the side of the house and sure enough, there was a HUGE fire that was centered on the outside toy box thing. There were two men there that were actively putting it out. They had seen the smoke and jumped the back fence and were actively working on it when I got out there. I was just in shock!

They were AMAZING. They got it put out before the fire department arrived. Everything was okay, thanks to these guardian angels. After the craziness of the emergency was done I got a chance to talk to the kids and that's when I found out that Gabe had been playing with the lighter and dried leaves. He said he thought he blew it out, but obviously it didn't. There must have been something on top of the bin that caught on fire, because the bin was plastic.

The fire department got to the house and did a bunch of checks to make sure that it didn't get into the insulation in the roof, they said that is where the real danger comes in. The firefighters were awesome as well, so good with Gabe, so good with talking with him about what happened and the seriousness of playing with fire.

Gabe felt AWFUL. He realized the seriousness of what happened and he cried on his bed for about 30 minutes saying, "I almost killed my family!". He definitely felt the impact of what happened. Elijah said, "I'm NEVER going to play with fire!". All of the kids saw how big the fire was when we got out there before it was put out. Gabe spent the rest of the day spraying the bricks to cool them down, then the next day he got to scrub as much of the soot off the house as possible. He didn't like it, but it was a good part of the lesson.

The other part that I talked to the kids about was how this situation was an answer to our prayers. I pointed that we ALWAYS pray for guardian angels to be surrounding our home protecting us. I told them that our two angels, who listened to the spirit to come help us, was an answer to that prayer. They listened to the spirit when I didn't. I probably felt the spirit nag me about it when it was small enough to take care of, but since I didn't listen the angels around our home went and got someone else to help. They saved us! What an amazing answer to prayer that was.

I love you guys. Even when you make those childhood mistakes that are hard and serious - the price tag of your mistakes is going to keep going up, but I love you the same and NO MATTER WHAT.

And - don't play with fire!!

Love,

Your Mom

Janet and Jaylyn Came To See The Show

Dear Kids,

We had so many people come to support us to see the Fiddler on the Roof show that we just finished. I'm so grateful for all the support.

The people who surprised me that came were Jaylyn and Janet. I'm SO GRATEFUL that they came, for the healing process to start.

You don't know this yet, but you will find out soon enough when you are older, that your dad and his sisters have had quite the rollercoaster with their relationships.

A couple years ago several of Janet's kids made the choice to sexual molest each other. It was all a heavy and horrible situation - especially for Janet I know - but during all of it we had the VERY CLEAR impression from the spirit that we had to have complete distance from their family.

Janet didn't like that very well, and Jaylyn felt very protective of Janet. They both had left the church by that point and it was very hard for your dad to come that conclusion - but it was something that we had to do.

Well, just recently we went up to SLC as a family. Janet had a new baby with her boyfriend, Karl, and your dad texted about coming to see her. Up to this point your dad had tried to reach out mainly on birthday's and holidays, but other than that he hadn't felt the push to really do much else. We had the answer very clearly that we had to just keep distance.

Your Nana, dad's mom, has been feeling for quite a few months that pain for the strain in the relationship with her kids. And she had been begging your dad to reach out to Janet. So trying to see her new baby was the first step.

Well, she refused and sent quite a nasty text to Brent. We weren't surprised by it because of the strain energetically that we had been feeling for quite a while. But it was the catalyst for me writing a letter to Janet.

I wrote to her and explained that we didn't feel guilt or shame for the decision we made for distance, we were quite clear that we had to keep our distance until the time was right again, knowing that when we felt like it was okay to rekindle relationships that the hurt would be deep and she might not choose to have us in her life. That was part of the choice we made and it was hard, but it was right and it was from the Lord.

I also sent Jaylyn a letter telling her that I couldn't enable a relationship with her and Brent, but that I would love to try and rekindle our relationship. I KNEW I had to send those letters, the spirit had been working on me for quite some time to send them and I followed that direction.

Well, it was the catalyst for helping things to heal. Jaylyn and Janet came down to see the show, which was a miracle, and we went out to dinner with them afterwards and were able to have a very pleasant and fun conversation. I'm grateful for their sacrifice to let down the walls of anger that they have had towards us in order to start to repair what had been damaged.

Life is hard sometimes! Especially with family stuff! But I think, especially with everything happening in the world, that this is the last of the time we will have together. I don't know how the next few years are going to go - but it is going to be ROCKY for a while.

I hope I can teach you enough so you have a foundation that will hold you through all of this.

I love you kids. Even if as you grow you have disagreements together, know that if you stay close to the gospel, it can all be worked out with the Lords' help.

I love you,

Your Mom

Fiddler Ending Miracle

Dear Kids,

We just finished being in "Fiddler on the Roof" just this last weekend. What an amazing experience it was to be part of that production and that cast. Seven months of our lives have been dedicated to this show and we stuck out throughout all of the Covid madness!

The Monday before the show ended your dad had an experience with the spirit. It told him, "Hold on and you will see a miracle this weekend." Well, the weekend came, we did the last show on Saturday and then Sunday morning your dad asked, "Well... so what was the miracle?"

"Brent - you got to finish your show. I stayed my hand so you and this community could experience the show to the end." That was God's miracle.

Of course that was very emotional for Brent and then he felt very specifically that we are not going to be seeing or doing anything with the theater for a while.

Kids, the world right now is crazy. I know you are all being shielded from the craziness of it all. You have such good childhoods. You get to sleep, eat, do your chores and school work and just run around and play with your friends. What amazing childhoods you are having. I'm so grateful everyday for the blessings of that.

I don't know how much longer it is going to last.

These last few months with everything that has happened in 2020 has just rocked people's worlds. Ours included. For awhile now your dad and I have known that we want to do a preparedness property.

Eight years ago the spirit told Brent to do a preparedness property. And eight years later we haven't seen a way for it to come to pass. Your dad and I have gone through a lot of worry and regret with questions like, "Did we miss the opportunity? Did we miss something from the spirit? Did we miss the chance to move forward with it? What else could we have done?"

I personally have gone through a lot of regret and worry about those questions. I know there are so many things we could have done better with our finances... But I also know that I feel like we have done the best with what we have and we need an opportunity to increase our financial stewardship. And I don't know how that is going to happen.

I am really trying hard not to have scarcity thoughts about it being "too late". BUT, I must remember that from January-March/April your dad and I were both having quite amazing experiences in our spiritual lives and so many confirmations from the Lord. We both felt like, "It's coming - you will do this." And even though we felt the movement of expansion, the world has started to crumble around us.

But - I also KNOW that abundance is available no matter what is happening in the world. I KNOW that. I know these laws of God. And just because Covid hit and just because things are going nuts, it doesn't mean that our personal confirmations were wrong.

So now that the show is over your dad and I are getting back on track with our spiritual centeredness. There is so much to do. There is so much to learn and grow from. There is so much to do with preparedness and getting ready. There are so many people to help. BUT, none of it can happen if we aren't spiritual centered and where we need to be with the Lord in our hearts.

You know that I have been attacked like crazy in the last couple of months with my spiritual experiences. My faith is coming back. I am building it back up again. I know that Satan doesn't want me to fulfill my mission and I know the Lord has given me power - great power - in persuading the hearts of those around me to believe in HIM. I am an influencer. And it is time to step into those footsteps. I want to influence for the gospel.

Your dad and I need to work on the podcasts. We will get done as many as possible. Especially now when the world is going to be falling apart all around us - people are going to need to know how to be spiritually centered - and the Lord has been clear that our message much be different and more updated. This is the message that the Lord has given us to give. We can step into the stewardship.

I also know that we are still called for the missions the Lord wants us to fulfill. The Lord knows where we are. I know of so many stories of people who's lives changed in an instant with a different job, opportunity, business dealing, someone they knew... and I know the Lord knows where we are. If He needs us to have a bigger stewardship - then HE will make it happen. We must continue to have our spiritual centeredness so we will Hear Him and listen for when the spirit tells us to act.

I love you kids. Your world you're going to grow up in is going to be completely different than mine. I hope you are ready.

Love,

Your Mom