Events First Week In Mexico

 Dear Kids, 

We've been in Playa Del Carmen for 5 whole days! Wow it's been a complete whirlwind.

I'll give you the update of the "events", then in another post I'll write about some emotional experiences. 

1. We left Tooele on January 27th to go down to St. George. We got a hotel there so we could have our own space (we have been so ready for our own space!). We had to take some legal documents to our tax guy, work on getting the truck cleaned to give to Merrill to sell, see Mesha and the kids, see Shirlyn and Katie and their kids, and a few other errands that needed to be run. We picked up the van from Ashla Friday night so we could have it for loading our stuff.

2. We left EARLY on Saturday morning January 29th to go to Vegas. Ashla Clay drove us down there, which was great to catch up with her. She was so giving of her time and resources to do that for us. I just love her! Our relationship is really amazing and how we can help each other. We got there in plenty of time and actually there weren't very many people at all so going through security was amazing! So easy. We had like an hour in the airport before our plane took off. 

3. We decided to do the direct flight from Vegas to Cancun on JetBlue. It was a little more expensive, but since it was the kids first time flying, I'm really glad we did it so we didn't have to worry about switching planes or any layovers. The day was long enough with all of that!

4. You all LOVED the plane! It was so great to see your eyes as we took off and as you saw the ground getting smaller below us after take off. Elijah said, "I just don't know if I can keep watching the ground get smaller!!" and he slammed the window covering shut! haha! It was hilarious. Talia's eyes were like Christmas morning seeing everything around her and how the plane worked and flying inside the clouds. She loved it! When we got to Cancun and we were flying over the ocean, that FREAKED Gabe out a bit, but he was excited about the adventure of it. Joshua just played games the whole time. 

5. We got into Cancun at about 6:30pm local time (which is Eastern Standard Time). Pasqual was recommended to us by our airbnb host for transportation, and he was awesome. He worked in the US for a while and spoke great English. He dropped us off at a store to grab some supplies and we got to the airbnb. Everyone was EXHAUSTED. It was a long day of traveling and you guys all did amazing!! 

6. Our cute apartment was pretty easy to wrap our hearts around. It was really great colors and good energy. Brent dedicated the space and we just hung around on Sunday. We went for a walk on Sunday and you all got to see a bit of the neighborhood. It was hard for you guys to see the trash that was thrown around. Talia was really bothered by it especially. She had a different idea in mind of what things would look like and it shook her up a little bit. I told her to remember when I said that it would be dirtier here than in the US. She said, "yes I remember you saying that but I didn't think it would be like THAT." In reality it was hard for everyone to see all the differences. We had a little bit of traveling shock for sure. I had a break down on Sunday night (I'll write about that later).

7. Monday was a brighter day. We were able to start a good school routine first thing. It felt good to get back into the swing of school, we've been off our routine for SEVERAL months because of Mimi's death, then we got sick, then Grandma Kvarfordt passed away, then we started watching the Merrell girls in December, then holidays, then we went to Dani's and at Dani's there was no structure for a few weeks... needless to say we were all ready to get back into a routine together. You all jumped in like no time had passed - I'm so grateful that you have the rhythm muscles and know how to get back into getting your schoolwork done. We've always had a basic routine with reading, math, copywork, scripture reading, family reading. We have always done the basics really well. 

8. We kept at our routine Tuesday - Thursday. Everyone went on lots of walks - you are all going to be having quite a few walking muscles by the time we are finished here! Which is good, we all need it. We took laundry to the laundromat on Thursday (only $7 for the whole week of laundry!), walked to the supermaket a few times, found some new places, figured out how the bus system worked... which that is a whole thing in and of itself. Everywhere we've traveled (we've mainly traveled in Europe) has bus stops and bus schedules. It's not like that here. There are vans that act as buses and they have their main destinations on the front of the windshields. When you want to catch one you just stick your hand out and tell them where to go. We also went swimming for a few days at the pool there are some great trees by the pool and it's super quaint. 

9. Me and Dad went to the downtown area a few times to check it out - took buses to get there. We went to Walmart to get more supplies before we found all the stores we could walk to that were by our house. We checked out where the church was so we had that in our minds for Sunday. 

10. Your dad and I were able to start reviewing the podcast project we are working on while we are here for a couple of days. I was able to get a couple good runs in and yoga sessions by the pool. Your dad was able to start a cleanse he's doing and go for a few exercise sessions as well around the neighborhood. I got the first meditation outlined for the podcasts... it's off to a good start! Little bit at a time. 

Then today is Friday! It's been a good eventful week. We rented a car today to have for the week. Dani and Alan are here for the week so we figured it was a good time to rent a car and use it. It ended up being more expensive than we thought, but we just do our best to get our money's worth out of it! 

You are all getting used to the small apartment space. It does feel GREAT to have a space of our own again without getting into anyone's way. We have to be careful with the energy of you kids because it's an apartment and you have to get out and get your energy out as often as possible!

We are having an adventure! This is definitely filling up my adventure bucket that is for sure.

I love you. I hope you all know that a huge reason why we are doing this is for YOU and your LIFE EXPERIENCE. We want you to experience different cultures and way's of being. It's important, especially for building up of the kingdom of God. 

Your Mom

Guatemala is OUT and Mexico is IN!

 Dear Kids, 

We've had A LOT of change in the last couple of weeks! It's been a lot to handle, but we are on the other side of it now. 

At the end of December we heard rumblings that Guatemala was going to start requiring the Cov-19 vax for everyone over 10 years old. On January 3rd, it was confirmed. The government had changed it's travel requirements. It threw all our plans out the window because we are NOT going to be getting that shot. There are too many variables and questions with the safety of it (that is a post for another time). We have LOTS of reasons why we've decided against it, but what you need to know is that we aren't moving forward with it at this time. 

Because of this announcement from the government we asked God if our plans needed to change and not travel right now. The answer was very clear, that we still needed to move forward. As we prayed about it all the "why's" of this experience kept coming back into my mind. The biggest three WHY'S are:

1. To have experiences as a family together.

2. To be exposed to another language and culture.

3. To be free to GET the Spiritually Centered Podcasts finished. 

As those why's kept coming back to me the spirit said, "Andrea - those things can be done from LOTS of places, not just Guatemala."

So we kept moving forward with trying to figure out where to go. Needless to say it was SUPER deflating. We had already done SO much research about Guatemala and we knew where we were going and the people that would be there. Starting totally over was really overwhelming. It took your dad and I a few days to really shake that discouragement off and start looking. 

We looked at lots of places... we asked Papa's manager (Sal) and El Salvador. We got online and researched different worldschooling hubs. We looked and looked. And we got lots of different feedback (both good and bad) from different people about various areas. We had mixed reactions from family members... all that good stuff. But God kept telling, specifically your dad that "The Way Will Be Open". 

Then everything came together. We found a place in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. The lady in charge of the house gave us a GREAT discount because of a long term stay, and we are paying the same amount as we were planning on Guatemala! yahoo! We got the plane tickets for next Saturday, and we have been putting together transportation and getting a hold of the Bishop in the area. It's been a WHIRLWIND getting everything ready to go and wrapping our heads around the change. (Stacey, Dani's Best Friend, helped me to make these cute tshirts!)

But now that we have gotten things arranged we are starting to get more excited about it. It is going to be MUCH more "touristy" that we originally wanted going to Guatemala. But we thought that maybe God knew that the kids needed a "softer" landing that Guatemala would have been. I just have to believe that this is exactly the way it needed to work out and God is teaching us along the way.

So.... Mexico here we come! We are going to be there until June 30th. It will be interesting to get down there and experience it... we are excited!

I hope you can look back on this part of our lives and know that it helped you. I know it's been difficult with all the change, but I also know that God is leading us and so it will be for your benefit always!

I love you, 

Your Mom

Joshua Feeling Mimi When Sleeping

 Dear Kids, 

This story is something from Joshua. 

I did alone time with all of you today. After the rough day everyone had yesterday, I just decided that each of you needed some quality time and alone time with mom, your love buckets were a bit empty. It was perfect to spend time with everyone and to have a chance to just talk to you all, especially about how you are doing. 

When I was talking to Joshua I asked him if he ever felt Mimi around him. He said, "Oh yes, I feel her when I sleep."

I said, "Really buddy? When and how do you feel her?"

"She just comes to me in my sleep. The other night she was rubbing my arms helping me to fall asleep."

I could just see her doing that too. I could see it in my mind's eye, the way she would take time to make sure he was okay - especially with how much he needs help with good dreams. Of course Mimi would make sure his dreams are okay.

He said that when we do personal prayers and we pray for angels to be with him that Mimi comes to help. I told him, "She is your guardian angel you know."

"Yeah mom... I know." And then he smiled. 

So simple. And so beautiful. He has been VERY insistent about saying prayers with me before bed - even when Brent says prayers with him, it isn't right and he has to say prayers with me. I think this is why. It's because Mimi comes to him when we say prayers together. And that just feels really good knowing that he is close enough to the spiritual world to know when she is there with him. 

Here's the thing... I know she is like that for EACH OF YOU. Her grandkids were ALWAYS her priority when she was living on this earth, and I know you are each a priority now. Keep a soft heart and open heart in order to feel the other side, especially her when she's close. She'll always be there for you. I know that. She's there for me too. 

I love her so much. I hope you all know that. I love my momma. I miss her. And I know you miss her too. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

Leaving Idaho, Mom Hanging Out While Packing, Getting To Dani's House

(picture taken leaving Idaho)

 Dear Kids, 

So we are now in Tooele with Dani and her clan (Alan, Stacey, Walker and Gavin). We left Idaho on January 7th. That night I headed to a retreat in Heber, Utah. Got to be with some great friends, we talked about gospel and higher laws. It was really nice, but man - I was exhausted! 

We spent the last week at Mimi and Papa's house (I can't come to call it just Papa's house yet) packing everything up, getting the last minute fixes in, and helping to watch the girls for the first part of the week. There was more to wrap up than I had any idea actually. We finished up getting things into shape and packing. It's amazing how much we had become accustomed to being there and living there. It was really hard to wrap things up to go. 

Thursday before we left I was cleaning up the herb room and I felt mom/Mimi right there around me the whole time. She hovered around me all day Thursday while we were getting ready to go. She was just whispering so many things over my shoulder. How proud she was of me for the work we did, for being there for Shay's kids, for helping Papa through the holidays, for what we had dedicated our hearts to, for turning to God, for so many different things. She told me she didn't know why I hadn't talked to her as much as I talk to Shay and I said, "Well, she got a head start and I got into the habit of talking to her before you joined her. You should have gone first! haha!" ... And mom laughed. She laughed at that. And Shay did too. They loved that. But I am going to try. Already I have been talking to her more. 

I was time to go. We did what God needed us to do there in Idaho. 

We've been on a mission - That's the only thing I can compare it too. My friend, Lynne (my mission companion) told me when we were talking that she was so amazed at how well I was handling everything. I just told her that I've been literally carried. The only thing I can compare it too is the way I was carried while I was on my mission. I am on the Lord's errand.... Our WHOLE FAMILY is. We are being carried by the Spirit. That's the only way we are getting through this, together. 

The first couple of days at Dani's house has been rough for you all - you've all had a hard time adjusting emotionally to this change again. And in all honesty, our family is ready for our own space instead of living with other people right now. We'll get there as soon as we go where God is sending us next. 

We have a "mission transfer" coming up and then we have the podcast to work on. That is the next part of this mission time. We have to finish the podcasts and get it out there. 

I love you kids. I know each of you are going to look back on this part of our life and have different memories and different experiences. You will all have different emotional connections and different lessons from all of this. But God KNEW this was going to happen in our lives, in YOUR lives, so I suggest you get your lessons from it. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Reflections On The Year Of Death

 Dear Kids, 

At the beginning of a New Year it is always such a great time for looking inward and outward at everything in life. 

I was telling your dad last night that I used to be ALL ABOUT New Years resolutions. But I've changed my tune. Now I am all about New Years celebrations. I like to celebrate what I accomplished for the year before and then give the New Year to God. Usually I choose a word for the year to base everything around - but this last year (2021) I didn't choose a word because the biggest thing I felt was "death". It was going to be a year of death. Your dad and I could both feel it, but especially your dad. In fact he was feeling it so much that I was afraid that we were going to go through the death of a child as well. 

We have been through quite the spiritual journey the last several years, and as part of that journey we have given our life to God. And we told Him we would go where He wants us to go. I had no idea that part of that mission He would send me to completely be in service to my family. We've been on a service mission and it's refined us in ways that are beautiful, stretching, hard, and all of them are right. 

Thankfully we didn't lose a child in the process. Thank the Lord for that. At the beginning of the year your dad told me about an impression he had in the shower actually, that he felt tragedy coming. And it was such a stark feeling he felt that I was worried about several things. But what ended up happening was the loss of Shayla, watching her suffer, having my life changed seeing her that way and being around a house full of death angels. Being with her, taking care of her, being a part of that whole process changed me forever. FOREVER. I am a better person because of being a part of her death journey. And I miss her like crazy.

Then the loss of our home. We moved and we got rid of everything. God shed from us all the physical things in life. He told us to get rid of everything and what a process that was. It was like another death, the death of the way we supposed our life "should" be. The death of getting rid of things that I didn't even realize the attachments I had to "things". The shedding process was quite amazing actually. Putting our entire lives completely in God's hands in a way that we never have before

Then being on the road and all of you learning about what it means to not have your own "space". You had to give up A LOT to go on this journey, and you've done amazing at it. 

Then coming to Idaho and being with Mom (Mimi) for the last couple months of her life. Going through that death process with her. Seeing the similarities between her and Shayla. Watching the process of death again and seeing the suffering. Watching her love for all her family be portrayed in such a way that was beautiful and heart wrenching. Being part of watching her go. It all changed me AGAIN. I've been completely changed. Being part of all the spiritual moments that came because of the process. 

Then going through watching my dad (Papa) suffer because of heart ache. Feeling my own heartache. The death of so many feelings and thoughts. And seeing Grandma Kvarfordt die. And feeling the heaviness of another loss. 

Yes, it has been the year of death. 

But within this year of death, I've been amazed at what has happened within all of us. We have been refined. We've gotten to know each other on new levels. We've served in ways that we've never served before. We've been on a mission, there is no other way to say it. And because of that I've felt a sustaining in my life that has been VERY similar to when I was a missionary. I've been able to handle SO MUCH. The Lord has anointed out sacrifice and I've felt it in amazing ways. The spiritual strength and returns I've received, the immediate goodness of God that I have felt and partaken of has been SO FULL. My heart is SO FULL. It is difficult to put into words actually. I have never felt such gratitude before. And yet my heart has been in such grief all at the same time. 

I praise God that He sent us on this journey and that we listened. 

And we aren't done yet. We have more to do. I can feel that. We are working together with the FLOW of God. 

That is my phrase for the year "FLOW OF GOD". And it's amazing because the Flow of God is totally different from me taking over and trying to "get things done". His flow is so peaceful, and yet I am able to "get more done" in better ways. 

I love you kids. I know you will look back on this time of our family life and all of you will have different memories and experiences and feelings attached to it. I hope I give you all the space to feel what you need to feel and think what you need to think about it. 

But I also want you to know that we are following God's counsel. So within your experiences, always look for the hand of God. How have you been changed? What has improved in your life and heart? Even in the hard things, it is RIGHT. 

I love you so much. I hope your deposits from God are powerful inside your heart inside of your testimonies at this time. 

Love,

Your Mom

Report of 2021 By The Month!

 2021 Report:

January: 

-Found out New Years Eve that Shayla had been taken in for emergency surgery. She went to rehab after that and her cancer matastizied. 

-Between everything happening with Shayla, we went up to Brianhead with our Nature Co-op for our winter over night outing. They played in the snow like crazy and went tubing. Brent came with us this year! The kids had a blast, like we do every year. What a gift to be part of this group.

-We took a quick fast trip to Idaho to deliver a greenhouse and brought the kids with us. Gabe went to Boise with Papa for a fast trip and to see Tate get ordained. After Papa got back from that trip he told everyone that Shayla wasn't going to make it and he gave her a blessing of release from this life. 

-Mesha, Kalea, Jonathan, Dad and I all were able to go spend time with her through the rest of January and beginning of February. I had seven days with her. I helped her to finish writing her final letters to her kids. I witnessed someone in the process of dying for the first time in my life. She taught me so many things watching her as she was dealing with such pain. The lessons I learned while being a witness to everything she was going through changed me forever. 

-The whole of January was spent on traveling, supporting and talking with family, receiving support from Dani (she came and stayed with my kids while I helped Shay), Brent was amazing while supporting me during the whole process. Everything else in January is a little bit of a blur honestly. The kids were doing their normal classes, piano, ninja warrior, parkour, choir, homeschool co-op... everything else like that. 

-And we got Ginger Dog! She turned out to be more for me than for the kids. My comfort animal this year.

February: 

-Went to Secret Garden with Talia for a mom and daughter date. 

-Shayla passed away on February 15th after a week of severe strokes. It was a relief when she passed on so she didn't have to be in such pain anymore. 

-Her viewing was in Boise Wednesday night Feb.17th. The funeral was planned for Thursday February 18th. Then the burial was February 19th in Montpelier Idaho. We made the whirlwind trip to Boise for the viewing and funeral, then back to Idaho Falls to spend the night and then go to the burial on the 19th. 

-We stayed in Idaho with mom and dad for a week after that, then Brent came back up to get us. We went to the aquarium while we were here. We made it back to St. George around the 29th of February.  The kids missed a lot of their homeschool activities during this month.

March:

-Talia and I went on a girls trip to Phoenix AZ. She had earned money to go on a trip like three months earlier, but we had to put it off because of everything happening with Shayla. We stayed with Amanda and Emily Noxon down there and had a great time! Just what the doctor ordered.

-End of March was spent helping with "Anne of Green Gables" at with a homeschool academy. Both Talia and Gabe were involved in it and they had a great time! 

-Also spent quite a bit of time with planning the mom's retreat in April. The kids did their regular classes and homeschool routine for this month and it felt really nice not to miss anything because of travel. 

April:

-Jeff and Julie Noxon came for Brent's Birthday, and also Krista and Al. We got Brent a "dad chair" (that we had to pack up after!). Julie and Jeff stayed for about a week and we went hiking with them, swimming at the hotel and had a great time.

-Dani and Gavin came for Easter! Jonathan visited St. George and got to see him, Denise and the twins.

-Talia and Elijah involved in a few spring parades with the Epic Children's choir!

-Went and helped to build a greenhouse for Dani and Alan in Tooele. 

-I headed up the "Women Who Know" Mom's retreat up in Pine Valley. This experience was phenomenal and just what I needed in order to feel God working through me for other people. There were so many spiritual experiences during this retreat and I could feel the way God was working with me to help the women who came. I planned it together with Shirlyn Wanlass, Katie Vrajich, Connie Losses, and Maren Jones. It was a beautiful experience.

-Kalea and her family came to visit. 

-Brent for the last month (since the beginning of the year) has been steady in helping with everything inside of the house and his work responsibilities. He had been still singing with the quartet and meeting every week to practice his songs with them. He was enjoying that quite a bit. 

May:

-Elijah started baseball (Dani came to watch him, which was amazing!). The kids had their piano recital. We did "Pioneer Days" with the nature co-op in Washington. We started going to the lake for rest and relaxation. We went to a few stage productions (Brent and I) for date nights. Talia did her princess party this month.

-At the beginning of May is when we found out that we had to move out of the house in Washington and we started getting answers about getting rid of EVERYTHING and hitting the road. We spent a large part of May getting that process moving forward. 

-Kids had their Epic Children's Choir end of semester concert. We went to Veyo Pool for the final party of the semester with the nature co-op. 

-I turned 44 years old and we went to Mesquite for Bingo with Holly and Cory! Perfect date night. and Colleen came to visit with Boyd and I got to meet him for the first time!

June:

-We planned a family camping week about three months earlier. We had a lot to do to get everything ready to move out, but we knew that we had to keep our promise to the kids and go camping... so we went up to Baker Dam area and camped for a week. The kids had a great time!

-Ginger Dog got a huge "owie" on her head and I thought she was going to die, but she didn't and she made it through!

-Shirlyn surprised Brent and I with going to do sealings on our 14th anniversary! FIRST TIME BEING BACK TO THE TEMPLE after Covid!

-We spend the majority of June packing up, going to the dump, doing a garage sale, and getting the house cleaned and moved out. Dani and Alan came and helped us A TON, and they took our food storage back to Tooele with them - that was a hard thing.

-Talia had an early birthday party with her friends before we left town. We said goodbye to everyone and everything we knew in St. George and left with our "wagon full" and understood the pioneers so much more. 

July:

-Spent the month at Dani's house in Tooele. Got passports applied for. Went hiking with Lynne Allred (my mission comp) and her kids - we went and visited her a couple of times. Talia did her birthday at Dani's house. We went to the Tooele City Pool almost everyday. Gabe and Elijah went to the rodeo with Krista and Al. 

-We went to Lagoon for the first time as a family! The kids had a blast. We road the train up there. We met with Julie and Jeff to go together with Jace and the kids. They had a great time. Definitely a great memory. 

-Brent worked from Dani's office and it was interesting and a good learning experience to live at Dani's together. The kids said they would never under appreciate having a mattress to sleep on ever again. On the way to Idaho they said, "We are just grateful that we'll be able to sleep on mattresses!"

August:

-Got to Idaho right at the end of July for the Chuckars Game and the Kvarfordt Reunion at Papa and Mimi's house. Casey came with the kids which was awesome. That was the first time Mimi had seen the kids since everything happened with Shayla. 

-After the reunion we got to work on Mimi's house. We took down all the Christmas trees and deep cleaned the upstairs. We painted her bathroom. I started on the craft room downstairs. We started organizing the herb room. We started on the five month process of cleaning out the downstairs area. We spent pretty much all our extra time working on the house. 

-Went to the Zoo and the Aquarium as well. We had a field trip day every week. We exercised every morning. We got into a pretty good routine. 

-Brent kept working from an office with Brian Karford, Papa's brother.

September:

-We were finally able to go to the temple to do baptisms with Gabe! We met Teague and Ben at the Star Valley WY temple. 

-We spent as much time in the temple doing work in August and September as possible. Brent and I went sometimes twice a week. We felt an urgency to spend as much time there as possible.

-Went to the Butterfly Sanctuary in Blackfoot. Still did field trips every week at a museum or something fun. Did projector movies outside. Built forts and built planes. Played games with Mimi as much as possible. Went to Jackson Hole WY with Papa on a day trip, and got square ice cream cones. 

-Finished cleaning out the garage and kept working on the house. Brent kept working at the office and Gabe started working at Fred and Waynes with Papa for his FIRST paid job! He opened a bank account.

October:

-Passports got in the first of Oct. The day the passports got in was the day that Mimi really started to decline and her health was in (more) jeopardy. I spend all day and all night taking care of her. Helping her, getting things for her. She became completely bed ridden. I was worried about going to Colleen's wedding. We had originally planned to leave for Guatemala, but after seeing what happened with mom we postponed our plans.

-I was able to go to Nebraska to be part of Colleen's wedding. I'm so grateful that worked out! It was Oct. 9th.

-When I got back from Colleen's wedding I knew that mom was on the road to death. I called everyone. Mesha was able to fly into town Thursday Oct 14th. Kalea got into down Oct. 13th. I didn't realize how much of a burden I was carrying until they go there. Jonathan was able to make it for Sunday Oct. 17th. We had the most beautiful Sunday ever with Mimi before she passed away early morning on Monday Oct. 18th. Then we planned the funeral all the week and had her funeral on Friday Oct. 22nd.  What a whirlwind. there were so many people who came to her funeral, so many people who helped. So many family and friends who showed up. 

-AND we had ALL the boys birthdays in October as well. I was gone to Colleen's wedding on Elijah's birthday. Gabe's birthday was just three days after Mimi's funeral. The Joshua's two days after that. 

-Brent and the kids went to the Pocatello Temple Openhouse. We went to SLC for Halloween and saw and spent good time with Gayle. We went trick or treating with Julie, Jeff and Jace. 

-I got into crypto at the beginning of October. 

November:

-We told dad that we would stay through the holidays with him before going out of the country to Guatemala. He was very grateful. We tried to get back into somewhat of a normal routine after Mimi passed away. All the kids had lots of emotions to work through. We kept staying as grateful as possible that we got to spend the last two months of Mimi's life with her. One of the biggest tender mercies God has ever given to me!!

-Sang in Stake Conference as a family. Went to the "Inside Out Animal" museum, which was amazing.

-Finally finished the storage room project and got EVERYTHING DONE.

-Grandma Kvarfordt passed away on November 20th. Another loss. Another guardian angel. Heavy holiday seasons. 

-Krista, Al, their kids and Nana came up to Idaho Falls for Thanksgiving, we did the meal at their airbnb house. Mesha was with us because of coming up for Grandma's funeral. 

December:

-We started watching Autumn and Summer everyday! HUGE blessing for all of us to spend time with those little girls! And seeing the Merrells more often. 

-Did the Christmas program with the Ammon 4th ward. Saw the light parade. Got the house all decorated.(Scaled back, just the living room decorated this year instead of the whole house). Gabe still working at the shop. He did lots of hot chocolate stands outside on the corner as well. Lots of homeschool routine days. 

-Went to SLC for Palmer family pictures. Then the next weekend went to St. George for about 5 days to spend time with friends and family. Went caroling, live nativity with the Robbins, hiking, and enjoying as many people as possible. Stayed with Shirlyn and her family and Katie parked their trailer up there so we could spend as much time together as possible! Saw Shauna Little on our way back!

-Got back from St. George on Christmas Adam. Then it snowed for Christmas Eve and we had a wonderful Christmas day. We did service for 12 different families this year instead of 12 days of Christmas (we missed that tradition this year, but did our best to adjust... we'll do it again next year). 

-Making plans for the New Year and hopefully heading to Guatemala in January!

-We watched the Merrell kids between Christmas and New Years and had a good time with them! Played, went sledding, watched movies, had lots of hot chocolate and enjoyed time together.

Tender Mercy Gift Of A White Christmas From Mimi

 Dear Kids, 

Today is the day after Christmas. You all said yesterday at one time or another, "This is the best Christmas we've ever had!"

It does my heart good whenever you say something like that because EVERY YEAR you all say the same thing. Which means the love of Christmas is really rooting in your hearts, especially because I don't think we've done anything "that" different or more amazing, we've just kept with our traditions and stayed consistent and tried to do everything we could to be as service minded as possible and to make Christmas morning magical. 

Something that I experienced was very important for me to write down. 

We went down to St. George for about 6 days because we were missing our friends down there and missing out traditions that we had built with our community down there this year. We wanted to go caroling and we wanted to go to the live nativity, we wanted to spend time with friends and see people that we love and adore. We spent a lot of the time with Shirlyn Wanlass and Katie Vrajich and their families (we stayed with Shirlyn) - they are friends that have become like family. We did a lot of activities and were able to see a lot of people. Spend time with Mesha and her family and go caroling with Holly and Cory Larsen and their family. So many good memories. 

But something I didn't expect is when we came back and got back into Idaho, I really felt the loss of my mom after we got back. I have just been here through this whole experience and haven't had the "let down" of coming home and NOT having mom here. That happened to me this time around. I got back and the hole that she left and that I didn't have her to come to home to really hit me hard. The other thing that really hit me is as we were driving back into town I knew that our time here was done. I could just feel it. We have done with God sent us here to do - support mom and dad during her transition to the other side and get their house in order. We've been on a service mission for them. 

Then the next morning after getting back into town (it was the 23rd of December) there was a storm, but it was this wet, sleet storm. It kept hovering around 35*-37* and going back and forth to really wet sleet and rain. And it was brown EVERYWHERE, not beautiful December snow, but brown and ugly. And it TRIGGERED ME big time with missing my mom. 

My mom (Mimi) LOVED Christmas, everything about it. She loved white Christmas's especially, the beauty of the white everywhere. She loved everything about it. And she was the best gift giver. I realized that I didn't have a play for Christmas Eve because I had just come to rely on her Christmas Eve Box that she would send every year. We would always open that after lunch of Christmas Eve and we would have activities to do for the rest of the day with treats to make and movies to watch. Every year it was a fun theme and the kids looked forward to it so much. 

But this year as I watched the rain come down on December 23rd and I didn't have a Christmas Eve Box for the next day and it was brown and ugly, it triggered me SO MUCH with missing my momma. Man! My heart just fell and just ached ALL DAY. I went out and had to get my hair done, on my way home I went to her grave and just cried. I just said, "Mom... could you give my family the gift of a white Christmas this year? We've been here doing God's work, and for some reason it just wouldn't feel complete without a white Christmas to top it off. For my kids to see a good storm and to enjoy the snow falling down on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. They get this chance to be here during Christmas... please can you give us that gift this year? Please?". 

I just sat there and cried and cried. I miss her so much. I miss her smile. I miss her and how she was always looking for the good. She was always watching my kids, each of you, and seeing what you were good at and how to help to make you better. She was always thinking of what would be fun for you. When you woke up grumpy, she was the one who would try and figure out what was wrong so that you could feel better. She always saw everyone's heart, she always wanted everyone to feel happy and comfortable. She wanted everyone to always have a positive time and enjoy themselves, and never wanted contention around. That morning on the 23rd it added to the feeling of missing her because we had gotten in really late and you had all woken up SUPER grumpy and I just wanted her there to make it all better! Because she would! I miss how she always knew what to get and how to help the little kids make memories. 

Anyway, after I finished thinking of all the reasons I missed her and got all my tears out I headed home. I got back home and pulled myself up and finished off the day. We opened our pajamas that night because I missed her so much and I didn't want to wait anymore. 

But then guess what? The next morning we woke up to the BEST SNOW STORM EVER! It was picture perfect! It was white and beautiful and the snow flakes were falling and you all just thought it was the most amazing thing. As soon as I saw all the snow I started crying again. God heard me! He had answered my prayer and Mom had helped with it, I am SURE of that. She knew that my heart really wanted that as a Christmas present, and with her gift-giving abilities, she made sure it happened for me and my kids! Such a HUGE tender mercy. I kept telling you all over and over again that Mimi's gift to us this year was a White Christmas!

It snowed ALL Christmas Eve and then on Christmas morning as well. It was just what I had asked for. I know in the grand scheme of things that it seems like a small thing to have snow for Christmas, but for this heart it was HUGE, it was a grand tender mercy for God to say, "Andrea - I see you and your heart. I love you. Your mom wasn't going to let up until you had your white Christmas!"

Remember kids to look for the good. Always. Look for the ways you can help and lift others around you. Be a giver. 

Also remember in those weak moments when you are sad, that God wants to help you inside those moments too. And your guardian angels up in heaven are there to help with those petitions. 

I love you. And I know that Mimi loves you too. 

Love, 

Your Mom

Cleaning Out The Storage Room & Following The Prophet

Dear Kids, 

Something we have done so much of while we've been on this God appointed service mission is work on the storage room. It has been a CHORE. Quite the chore actually. 

I don't even know how to write about it except that I want to record and write about it so I don't forget! There's been a lot to do in the house since we've been here, and your dad has been a champ! BOYS - remember when you get married to treat your in-laws like your dad has treated his. He has always been respectful to Papa and Mimi and has always honored them. He has been awesome while we've been here, because most of what we've been able to accomplish I could not have done it without his help. He has been so unselfish about his time and energy, it's just been phenomenal. He has just always said, "God sent us here to do a lot of service. We are doing this for God." 

Your dad is a good man. Remember that.  (he doesn't look happy in this picture - but I promise he was a willing helper! haha!)

We cleaned out the storage room that hadn't been touched for at least 15-20 years. There were mice to be cleaned out, really rotten storage that had gotten wet, just so many parts of a very unpleasant job. but the thing I kept thinking is that we had to get it to the point where dad could really actually use the storage in an emergency situation. Now he really can. He can go down and he can find what he needs anytime he looks for it. And have a cleaned out bathroom to redo and an extra bed for adults! yay! When we finished that project we knew that was one of the reasons why we needed to be here was to physically get a lot done. 

But while we were working on it all I just thought of all the years that mom and dad had obeyed the counsel of the prophets to be prepared. We found cans from 1976!! It's amazing how long my parents have worked on following the prophets counsel. What a beautiful example of staying prepared. It was a sacred experience to do all that work on something that had taken a lifetime for my parents to put together. Amazing blessing to see the accumulation of all their dedicated years to following that counsel. And I know they were blessed for it throughout their whole lives. I know that. I know they were given so many blessings inside of it all. It's a great example for me to be humble and follow the counsel of the prophet and have faith in that counsel. 

That is a good thing for me to remember. 

I love you kids. Be prepared!

Your Mom

Watching Autumn & Summer, Remembering My Kids When They Were Little, Foundations 0-5 Years Old

 Dear Kids, 

Wow... I can't believe that I haven't written for a month... but then I can believe it. 

At the beginning of December I started to watch Shayla's little girls, Autumn and Summer. All of you have had so much fun with them and have been so happy that we've been able to hang out with them more. I told Talia that I would pay her to help me with them, and that has presented an amazing opportunity for her to be able to really bond with them, which is awesome. The other thing that has been beautiful about them being here is the way I've felt so connected to Shayla. She is around those girls all the time! She loves them so much! The first day that I put Summer down for a nap and she rested on my shoulder, I could feel Shayla put her hand on Summer's back and help me settle her down and I just cried and cried. It was beautiful. I miss Shayla so much!

I was telling your dad the other day that it's amazing to me how much time it takes to take care of little people! Now that my youngest is 5 years old, I am starting to go into another phase of parenting, and having another 5 year old and a 20 month old around has added an element of busy-ness that I have forgotten about until being involved in it again. Littles are just a lot of work!

But it's the best work in the world. Kids I want you to remember that there are SO MANY FOUNDATIONAL SKILLS when you spend time and raise children under 5 years old. I am being reminded of really how many layers of skills are taught to a child from the time they are a baby until they are 5 years old. It's amazing to me the foundational work it takes, the energy it takes, and the exhaustion that it causes. 

But really truly, it is the best work in the world. 

The time I spent with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU when you were really little was worth it. The time I spent with you being involved in every move I made - when I was loading the dishwasher and you wanted to be part of it and help me with every moment, the foundational skills of just putting your dirty clothes in the hamper (even though so often it seems like you forgot that skills with dirty clothes everywhere :-) ha!), the prayers that we say together, the reading that I did with you everyday with each of you sitting on my lap and listening to me read the same book to you over and over and over again (you never got tired of your favorite books!), when you would get mad and throw fits and I would have to take you to a time out, when you would touch something that you shouldn't and setting boundaries with you by squeezing your hand (and having to do that over and over again as well). 

Something I don't feel like I was prepared for when I became a parent was the amount of repetition that happened with so many things over and over again. Those foundational building blocks that teach you so much when you are just young. The kindness that we show to each other, learning how to talk kindly and ask politely, learning how to listen and be patient, learning how to obey immediately, looking at each other in the eyes, responding correctly... so many foundational skills. There were lots of times when you were all so young that I had no idea if I was making any kind of a difference, but looking back on it, it is ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Those foundational years are years that you will never have back with your children. They seem so insignificant, when in reality they are EXTREMELY significant, inside of all the building blocks for the rest of your life. 

There are lots of things that I have done right and that I have done wrong as a mother. But something I know is that I am trying to learn from all of them, all the moments I can, I'm trying to learn from them as much as I can in order to be a little bit better everyday. 

When you have your own children and you are "stuck" in the mundane and "boring" parts of parenting, the repetition of small skills that have to happen over and over again, the schedule that happens over and over again... it can seem so tedious and monotonous, but believe me it is worth all the energy. And sometimes your humanity takes over and you just get tired of all the energy output... and that's okay. Sometimes you lose your patience and the mom monster comes out and you have no idea that it was even a part of your soul before it shows up for the first time... but remember that we ALL have those moments and you just have to keep learning from them. Keep learning from the moments that build on each other. 

These are all the things that I've been thinking and pondering on since watching the little girls. Just thinking so much about all of you when you were all so young and when I was putting foundational skills and love into you and your development and I had no idea how important it REALLY was. I always knew how much I wanted to be a mom, but I had no idea what it would teach me about EVERYTHING. 

Growing a family is like a garden. It's the perfect analogy for it. Everyday you have to weed it, pay attention to it, leave it alone to just soak in the sun, nurture it, and be SO PATIENT to really see the results. 

When you are parents, keep your perspective. You can do it! You will be amazing parents, all of you! You all have amazing strengths and all of you have your weaknesses that will be refined as you experience so many things in life. But remember that your mom ALWAYS believes in you, no matter what!

I love you, 

Your Mom

Being Sick, Jesus Coming, Giving Me A Blessing, Sharing My Burdens

 Dear Kids,

There was an experience I need to tell you about while I haven't been feeling well.

Your Papa and I got sick with (I think) the most recent Covid bug. We didn't get tested but had all the symptoms. We have both had it before, luckily we have anti-bodies to help with the process. But for a few days I REALLY didn't feel well at all. 

I was achy all over my body, it felt like my body was hurting from a fever but I never really had a fever, just aches and pains all over my joints and muscles. It was just miserable. I had a cough and got ahead of the cough part of it luckily. Nothing ever accumulated in my lungs too much. It was the fatigue and aches and pains that were the worst. 

It started the Tuesday before Grandma Kvarfordts graveside service. It felt yucky, but I was functional. Then Wednesday was her graveside and I was starting to feel the fatigue. Thursday I felt awful, Friday and Saturday were the worst. Kalea was there and helped to doctor me up on Wednesday, Mesha helped me on Thursday and Friday. 

I didn't go to church on Sunday and I went and took a bath. I just sat there in the tub and was praying to feel better. Then something beautiful happened. Jesus came to me while I was praying and He said he was there to give me a blessing. He put His hands on my head and blessed me with the capacity to handle expanding stewardships and especially going through the coming days with what those expanded stewardships equal with my energy. Then I was telling Him that I felt the heaviness of everything in my shoulders and back and it just felt SO HEAVY. 

Then He did something really fascinating. Usually when I feel things in my body and I have moments with Jesus I will empty it from my body and put it in my Jesus bag. But He didn't do that this time. Instead this time He took pains and aches from my shoulders and back, it came out of me in little squares, kind of like small bricks, then He passed them down to women in my family line. Then He said, "It won't be heavy if you share it with the women who love you." Then He kept taking the pieces out of my back and shoulders and kept passing it down. They were all very willingly taking those portions of the heaviness from my body and held them for me, He told me that is what they are there for, to work together with what is happening in my life while I'm on earth, and dividing up the emotional and spiritual stewardships that felt heavy in my body is the way to make it through. It was a BEAUTIFUL experience. There were women there from hundreds of years back. It was just amazing, I felt so loved and so SEEN by all of them. And they took it very willingly and wanted to help me carry it. They didn't take it and solve it, not just what happens when I give something to Jesus, but they are helping me carry it all. It was especially wonderful because I have felt pain in my shoulders for quite some time, and I know a huge portion of that is because of the burdens I have been carrying and they were getting really heavy. And to know that I could divide up my burdens and the women who know EXACTLY what it's like to go through what I'm experiencing are all there to help me carry them. 

Then I asked Him about when I could feel better, that I didn't want to be sick. Then He said, "Really Andrea?" Jesus told me that I'll feel better as soon as I decide and that in reality, "you like feeling this way because you like it when Brent takes care of you. As soon as your bucket is filled sufficiently then you will feel better." It was an interesting correspondence with the truth in my conscious. As soon as He said that I knew He was right. While I hadn't felt well Brent was taking amazing care of me, and in reality I liked it. I wanted it. I wanted to feel his care for me and I wanted him to fill up my bucket in that way. So I was

getting exactly what I wanted. Really we usually get what we want., even when we aren't willing to admit to ourselves. 

After that Jesus left and I was able to get up and out of the tub. Brent doctored me up some more with essential oils on my back and spine and then I went to bed. The next day I was able to get up and function. It was exactly what I needed to happen. It was beautiful. 

I love My Savior. I love Him. He is the captain of my soul. I hope you know this about me kids. That Jesus IS THE WAY. He is the way. Develop a relationship with Him. Imagine Him coming to visit you, and in reality you are spiritual creating experiences together with Him that will stay with you your entire life. 

I love you, 

Your Mom