The Past Is To Be Learned From... Not Lived In

Dear Gabriel,

Please, please, please, please, PLEASE... don't ever use my mistakes as a parent as an excuse to be a victim when you are an adult.

I will be the first one to admit that I have and will make a lot of mistakes. It's the same thing with my parents. They will be the first to admit they made a lot of mistakes. BUT - what matters is learning for your mistakes and the mistakes of others in order to rise above them.

The past is to be learned from NOT lived in ~(Jeffrey Holland). Remember this phrase anytime you want to blame anyone for anything. It is not right to blame. It is not right to victimize yourself because of someone else's life and mistakes.

With this in mind, please know that there are going to be times when you will be wronged by people. I have experienced it and I know I have wronged people during my life as well. It is going to happen, we are human and it will happen. If you ever feel like I am 'wronging' you in some way (especially as you become a teenager and adult) please know I want you to come and talk with me about it. Be open, be honest. But don't dwell there. Use it and move forward.

Love people - really love them. Approach everything and everyone with love. If you stay in that place, you will not be a hypocrite, nor will you be a victim. You will be using your free agency to the fullest extent possible.

I love you,

Your Mom

Taste of Life

Dear Gabriel,

So right now you have 2 favorite movies - 'Cars' and 'Bolt'. You are watching 'Bolt' right now and loving it. Laughing at the adventure. Loving the dog. Giggling at the hamster and cat... It is adorable to see how real these figures are in your life. You do the same thing with the characters of 'Cars'. You talk about the cars and say their names as if they are a part of your everyday life experience. The imagination you have inside of your life causes everything around you to have a taste we adults have forgotten.

To me it is such a good reminder of how impressionable you are. All of these things in the movie are so real to you - and it is the same with everything else in your life. Your tender heart just soaks everything up with the openness only a child can have. Your sense of imagination is growing faster and faster everyday. Don't ever lose that.

Don't lose your openness and your willingness to soak up everything. When I remember to learn like you do, soak everything up around me like you do and make it all so real, then life has a taste that is magnificent. My imagination starts to come alive again. My sense of the adventure of life comes back with everything around me. I love it.

And I love you,

Your Mom

All About Daddy

Dear Gabriel,

You want to be just like daddy.

Whatever he says, you repeat. Whatever he does, you want to do. Wherever he is, you want to be. Whenever he comes home, it is all about him.

You will eat what he eats. Dress how he dresses. Talks how he talks - And all of this is a great thing because your dad is such an amazing example for you. If you treat the woman you marry half as good as your dad treats me, she will be one happy woman.

I was telling your dad just the other day, "I doesn't matter what I ask him to do or say when you are around, he will just listen to you." He laughed and then said, "Yeah - but when he is a famous ball player the first thing he will think about and say when he looks at the camera will be 'Hi Mom!'".

I just have to remember that when there are days, like today, that it is all about daddy.

I love you,

Your Mom

Jump Back Up

Dear Gabriel,

I think you are teaching me better than any 'self help' guru ever could how to jump back up when I fall.

The past few days we have been playing soccer in the driveway. I guard the street and you try to kick the ball past me for the 'goal'. Well, the first day you kept tripping and falling... tripping and falling.... tripping and falling. But the amazing thing is, you jumped right back up when you fell.

Today when I looked at you while we were playing, you had many more bruises, scratches and scrapes - but you were running faster, kicking better and falling less. And I think it is because you jump back up every time you fall.

Everyday 'figuratively' I trip and fall in some way. Some days I complain. Other days I whine. Sometimes I just stay there and don't get back up at all. But other days, I do jump back up. There are times I fall and my bruises are in the same place, often I wonder to myself, "Will this bruise ever really go away?"

If I allow myself to learn from your example and jump back into this game of life, even though I have bruises, scratches and scrapes, I will run faster, play better and smile more from my lessons. Remember this lesson to... Every new game you learn to play, you will probably fall more in the beginning.

But always jump back up... especially in the game of life.

I love you,

Your Mom

My Hero

Dear Gabriel,

It is amazing to me to see how 'boy' you are. Everything you either throw, kick, launch, run into, smash, bang around, push... You know, just being a boy. You already have that 'man' focus when you are doing something. I have to get your attention through eye contact to even get you to listen to me. You always want to help me, protect me and your sister... and be my hero.

Even though at times it is exhausting...I love it.

Being in man in our day and age can be a very confusing thing... mainly because we women are very confused creatures a lot of times, with what we want from men. But no matter what, be a man of God, be a man of good courage, and be a man who is sure and confident.

Just keep up all your boy traits and you will be just fine...

Throw yourself into adventure. Kick any bad habits. Launch into work. Run into old friends on purpose and smile. Smash any fear. Bang around with inventions and creations. Push away negativism and find the positive in everything. Focus on the Lord. Always protect the women in your life. Keep eye contact with everyone. Listen with your heart. Look to help everyone around you. And remember that you will always be my hero.

I love you,

Your Mom

Spreading Laughter

Dear Gabriel,

Oh to be two years old and see the magic that you see everyday.

This morning we woke up to a couple inches of snow on the ground! For our family that is north, that is no big deal, but for Southern Utah it is crazy amounts. So we went out, made a snowman and played for a while.

As you walked outside you just started to laugh and you didn't stop. Because of that I laughed and I didn't stop. So we both just kept laughing and the neighbors came out and they laughed at us laughing. They now have a snowman too... while laughing the whole time.

I suspect that laughter will carry through their home to someone they love today, then because of your laughter so many people will just start laughing, without knowing why.

All because of the magic a two year old sees in laughing at snow. How amazing.

Thanks for teaching me about laughing...

I love you,

Your Mom

It's Just Been Too Long

Dear Gabriel,

It's just been too long.

I have had a few people ask me - 'why haven't you written on 'Dear Gabriel' lately?'. To be honest, it is because I haven't thought about it since before Talia was born. That is a scary thought. But please know, it doesn't mean I have forgotten to think about you and love you.

Isn't that so applicable to life? All too often it is so easy to start being so busy that the essentials start to pass us by. Just in the last month or so I have started to really scale back, trying to only make room in my life for just the essentials. And let me tell you... It feels great.

Because there is so much to catch up on, I am sure there are going to be many posts that are coming.

Just remember that I love you. No matter how consistent or inconsistent with various things I might be, I am never inconsistent in my love.

I love you,

Mommy

He Creates More

Dear Gabriel,

So I am sitting here during your nap time staring at the dishes, the needing-to-be-vacuumed floor, messy high chair, crumbs on the counter and thinking, "I don't want to do any of this today... and I don't have to!". This past 14 days have been one of the busiest weeks for quite a while, seems like everything hit me at once... with the campaign, 5000moms, new 5000moms site, launch parties, Shrink-a-thon, choir camp, home projects, church stuff, family events... just a lot.

Today is the first day when I am sitting here realizing that I don't have anything immediately pressing I HAVE to get done RIGHT NOW. What a glorious feeling! Another blessing throughout the past 2 weeks is the Lord has helped me get it all done the way that was perfect. I made a commitment a couple weeks ago (knowing all of this was coming up) that I would NO MATTER WHAT take prayer time and relationship time for the Lord... knowing that if I did that - He would help me to keep up with everything - especially help me to make sure I was still being a good mom to you through it all...And He did!

It is amazing that even during the most busy times - He will create more time for me. Even during the most stressful times - He will create more peace for me. Even during the most frustrating times - He will create more patience for me... all if I open my heart to Him and allow Him to direct me through all of it. I can honestly say that even though last 2 weeks have been soooooooo busy - I have been able to remain at peace through it all. Mainly because I committed to put my relationship with the Lord first through it.

I learn this lesson in my life over and over and over and over again. It is about CONSISTENCY in maintaining a true relationship with the Lord and with my Savior that gets me through everything - great, big, frustrating, maddening, happy, joyful, sorrowful... doesn't matter the emotion. As long as I am consistent and not sporadic, I always have the energy I need to do what He would have me do.

So as I look at the dishes, crumbs, high chair... my mind goes yet again to... "He will create more energy for me to get up and get it done!"... and a smile comes to my face.

I love that... and I love you.

Your Mom

The Art Of Being Neighbors

Dear Gabriel,

You know I think the art of being a good neighbor is leaving our society. I notice inside of myself that I could reach out more and actively look for ways to serve my neighbors.

This morning I opened the front door and to my surprise there was my neighbor just gathering up a bag of freshly mowed grass. She was astonished that I opened the door and quite embarrassed that she was caught. She kept apologizing if she woke me up, or if she was too loud... I just said, "Patty! I didn't even realize you were mowing MY lawn, I heard the mower and just thought you were in your yard. THANK you so much!". She said she noticed that Brent has been out of town a lot and so she just thought it was something she could do to help me.

How amazing is that? She took time out of her day to ACTIVELY look for what I needed. That is the art of being a good neighbor. Whether it is for your neighbor across the street, down the street, in the grocery store, at church, at an activity... the art of being a good neighbor is actively looking for ways to serve them.

What a great lesson and a great reminder of how wonderful it feels to be served out of the kindness and purity of someone's heart. Thank you Patty for your lesson.

I love you,

Your Mom

True Self Improvement

Dear Gabriel,

I am feeling as if I need more spirituality in my life. I don't know exactly how to describe this feeling I am having. In the last few months we (your dad and I) have been concentrating so hard on our mindset, our thoughts, our feelings... been working with various self improvement goals, books and programs. It has been really good... But one thing is always missing from them... God.

This phrase is one of my favorites... 'The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than the study of behavior will improve behavior" (Packer). I have had this reaffirmed to me over and over and over again in the last week. No matter what faith someone belongs to - I do believe that the study of true spiritual doctrines is better than any self improvement book ever written. After all - the techniques and skills that are taught by people doing self improvement really comes from a spiritual base. Where are we told that gratitude of one of the most powerful mindsets? The scriptures. Where are we told that forgiveness is imperative? The scriptures. Where are we told what we focus on expands? The scriptures.

There are SOOOOO many skills and techniques taught - but no matter what I can always find the deeper meaning and doctrine behind them because of the scriptures and the gospel of Christ. I know what your dad and I have been doing over the last few months is good, but I believe the spirit is pushing me to reach for higher ground now. I believe I am being pushed to reach for a deeper relationship with my Savior. I believe I am being directed by God as to how this world really works... because after all, He made it anyway.

I love you so much. I hope you will always remember that your mom loved the Lord. I love Christ. He did everything for me. He will teach me more about self improvement than any other master on the world ever could.

I love you,

Your Mom