Box Days

Dear Gabriel,

You know, I hear stories and advice all the time from people, books, magazines... etc. about just making sure to spend time with your kids no matter what. The laundry and dishes can always wait. Other things on your list can just wait... "just put down the 'to-do' list and focus on your kids".

Well, I want to call their bluff a little bit today. There are days when I really can't focus on you as much as I want to. That is just reality. We are getting ready to move and so we have a lot to do this week. Today you kept asking me, "Mom do you want to take a video of me? Mom, do you want to watch me? Mom, will you play monsters with me? Mom, do you want to..." Over and over again you kept asking me to do something with you constantly.

I found myself just getting irritated about it today. I was feeling overwhelmed and just didn't want to worry about doing anything else except pack and get ready. It was one of those days when I had to repeat to myself again and again and again, "Andrea, you are a mom first... you are a mom first.... you are a mom first."

But then I realized (with help from a friend) that sometimes there are just 'box' days, like today when I had to focus on the boxes everywhere and I couldn't focus on you. The 'box' days come and go, but when they are here I don't need to feel guilty about getting things done that are needed. There are 'time' days when I can spend a bunch of time with you, and then there are 'box' days, when what I really need to do is pack and put stuff in boxes to move.

So at one point when you asked me again to do something with you I put down the box and said, "Gabe, let me talk with you a little bit." So I sat down with you and told you why I kept saying 'no' when you asked me to do something. I explained that it wasn't because I didn't want to, but I had to get some things done. Then when they were finished we could spend a lot of time together.

Once I took that magical 2 minutes with you to look in your eyes and let you know I wasn't ignoring you, but I still couldn't spend time with you like you wanted, you replied, "It's okay mom." You touched my cheek and then went on your way. You were a little bit sad and had a little bit of a rough emotional day, but we were able to work through it once I took that time with you. 

I think that is the 'magic' of taking time for your kids. It isn't that I have to spend hours with you on end constantly, it is that you need to know that your feelings are heard and respected. Then once that happens, even if it is a 'box' day and not a 'time' day you will know I love you still, no matter what.

Let this be a lesson to me and anyone else who needs it on the 'box' days.

I love you,

Your Mom

A Day Of Mom Life

Dear World,

For anyone wondering about a day in the life of a mother with 3 kids under 4, here is a snap shot (from personal experience):

Wake up at 6:14am to screaming down the hallway saying, "Give it back!"
Feel the bouncing of the bed to little bodies saying, "I want to cuddle"
Getting the kids off the bed so dad (who has an upset stomach) can rest
Starting 'Signing Time' while handing kids a piece of toast
Go back to bed to nurse the baby
Pick up my bible to read while I nurse the baby
After 'Signing Time' help the kids get ready to go to the gym
Get myself ready for the gym
Get in the car, go to the gym and have peaceful work out time and meditation in sauna
Get kids from gym daycare
Drive back home
Open the door with a screaming baby ready to eat
Hurry and hop in the shower while husband holds the baby so I don't have to nurse while sweaty (good husband :-))
Make a fast shake for kids
Drink my shake while nursing the baby
Daughter running to me saying, "I need help to sit on the potty! I have to poop!"
Unlatch the baby while nursing to help daughter (experience has shown if I wait to help her we have a big mess to clean up)
Help her with a screaming baby in the background
Try to latch baby back on when finished helping daughter
Son jumps next to me to read a book while I finish nursing, we read 3 books
Get done nursing, while burping the baby he spits up everywhere
Change the baby
Son wants me to take a video of him on the camera, I take a video for 2 minutes
Daughter wants me to play a game with her
I tell kids it is time to go outside and play for 10 minutes
Finish the dishes and sweeping the floor while kids are outside
Daughter comes in screaming, son tells me they hit each other
Sit down and talk with them about hitting, daughter immediately hits son
Consequence follow through
Son takes a toy from daughter, consequence follow through and talk with son
Baby doesn't want to be on the floor, put baby in sling
Try to finish packing a room upstairs (moving this weekend) while kids are playing 'monsters' in the background
Son asks to play on the computer, I tell him no
He gets really mad at me, acts inappropriately and jumps up and down
Consequence follow through and talking about it
Outside time again for 10 minutes and I try to do more packing
Baby is hungry, time for nursing
Kids are hungry, time for lunch
Kids help make PB&J sandwiches, me teaching them how to use a knife
Kids help pour drinks, me teaching them how (son getting much better!)
Get out the veggies, tell kids they can have a couple chips after veggies
Finish our lunch, clean up the table together
Put dishes away together, daughter loves to put away silverware, son love to put away plates and cups
Time to read before naps and we read for 30 minutes
Daughter to a nap
Son goes to a friends house instead of quiet time today
Time to nurse the baby
Get on a phone call with a friend
Check email
Check facebook
Want to take a nap - but then daughter wakes up
Get daughter up
She helps me to pack a room upstairs, clean and vacuum
Baby in the sling, needs more mom time and doesn't want the rocker
Go to pick up son
Husband comes out of office - sold a couple greenhouses! yay!
Kids want to play with husband
I need to think about dinner, but we just sold our stove and microwave before the move
We decide to go out instead
Time to nurse the baby
Go out to eat
Kids bouncing everywhere, they are excited about being out for dinner
Get back in car and sing 'Wheels on the bus' on the way home
Put on a 'Leapfrog' for the kids
Do more packing
Son wants to watch another Leapfrog, I say no, he acts inappropriately
Consequence follow through and talking about it
Both of us get kids ready for bed, pj's, brush teeth, wash hands
Sing songs before bed
Say family prayer
Do 'piggy back' rides to bed, hugs, kisses and talking moments
Come out, look at big pile of laundry and decide to eat a bowl of ice cream instead
:-)

That is a day in the life of a mom!

Mommy, I Want To Talk

Dear Natalia,

Today while I was nursing Elijah, you got the computer chair, moved it (with the little body of yours) and situated it right in front of me on the couch. Then you bounced up onto the chair, sat down quite resolutely and said, "Mom, I want to talk."

Then you just went on talking. You talked about mom, dad, baby, Gabe, friends, books, teachers, the wall, your chair, the colors of your shirt... you just kept going and going. I just sat there looking at you and thought, "You are 2 going on 20". It was adorable to see your mind moving so fast like that.

Girls just want to talk. While I was listening to you I thought, "Isn't this what we all want and need? We just need to process and talk through things. Most of the time we can figure things out, we have all the answers inside of us, we just need a good listening ear so we can throw it up out of our brains."

Then when you were done, you hopped off, moved the chair back and came back to me. You looked at me and said, "Mom, I love you. Thanks for talking to me." And then you bounded off and did something else.

I hope you know that I always want to talk! Even when I don't do any talking, and you do all the talking, I want to always be a resource for you as you grow.

I love you so much,

Your Mom

Even At The Last Minute

Dear Kids,

We found a home! Yahoo!

The Lord is so merciful to us. We went to look at a home that would be perfect for our price range, neighborhood and yard. When we met the owner there he told us to look around. They had just finished painting it and were saying good-bye to the painters.

After looking through it we both felt good about it. So we went to talk with the owners about it. He was very kind and upfront with us about all the information about the house. He told us that there were about 10 other people who had come to look at it, but he said, "I am the kind of guy who waits for the 'Ah-ha!' feeling with any business that I do. We have been waiting for that to happen...." Then he paused for a couple of seconds and he said, "You can have it if you want it. It's yours".

It was so shocking! We said, "We can send you all our information, you can call our references..." He just shook his head and said, "No, I got the 'Ah-ha' that I needed with you. You can move in any time."

So we told him we would come by his office the next day and drop off the deposit money. We just walked away going, "Did that really happen?". It was SUCH a huge blessing, especially because that is what we have been waiting for! We have been waiting for that kind of thing to happen, especially because we just weren't feeling good about anything we were looking at (except the house I told you about a couple day's ago).

BUT, the lesson we learned from this is... the Lord is in charge. We knew we were going to have to find someone who would be willing to work with us. We knew we wanted to have a private owned home, without working with a property management company. We knew we wanted a yard and a very nice neighborhood for the kids. We knew we needed a place where the rent was very low and would allow us to keep saving for our own home.

This seemed like it was a lot to ask for a little while, because none of these requirements were coming together. But then all of a sudden... BAM - it worked! That is how the Lord works. We needed to find a home by the end of the week. We have no idea how that was going to happen, and He opened the door for it to work.

It is amazing how the Lord works with our lives. I keep learning this lesson over and over and over again, that the Lord is very aware of what we need and even when it seems like it is the last minute, he always answers our prayers and our needs. It is a lesson I am sure we are going to keep learning as the years go by. So when you get stuck in tight situations, remember that the Lord really does have you in mind. He knows before you ask. He just wants you to ask and look up to Him so He can give you His blessings.

I love you,

Your Mom

Some Lessons Learned In Housing

Dear Handsome,

We are getting ready to move. We have had many experiences during this moving adventure, that I must make sure and write some of them down so we have them for our memories in the future.

The first one that I want to make sure and not forget is the lesson we learned about moving by the spirit quickly. We came across a house in Bloomington Hills on Vermillion Street. It was privately owned. It wasn't the most comfortable house... but as soon as we walked into it I felt the spirit. I knew that the spirit was telling me that this was a house we should pursue. But then getting out to the car and talking to you about it, there were several things about the house that you didn't particularly like. So I started double thinking again about it.

Well, it kept coming back to me, over and over and over again about that house. I kept seeing it in my mind and I even started thinking about decorating it. A couple days later you told me, "I felt really good about that house on Vermillion. The spirit confirmed it."

BUT... we didn't act on that prompting. The reason why is because we didn't quite have enough money for a down payment and for the first month's rent. Because of that we just kind of waited. We didn't do anything. We just waited. Then about a week and a half later I drove by the house and it had been rented out.

Well, immediately I felt the spirit tell me that we disobeyed the prompting that we received. It was a very stark feeling, especially because I hadn't felt it for a while. I felt a feeling of light withdrawing. I knew we had sinned. You were out of town at the time, so I talked to you about it later that night. You felt the same way. We disobeyed the spirit and we both knew it.

That was an interesting experience because it really helped us to learn more about 'acting instead of being acted upon'. We have been learning that lesson a lot in the last year. Both of us have been waiting to be 'acted upon' too often... more than just acting and being lead by the spirit.

This was again one of those times when we were waiting to be acted upon, instead of following the prompting, acting on it and seeing what doors the Lord would open to us because of acting by the spirit.

Another thing we have learned is to not close our minds to how the Lord will open possibilities for us to have our own house. And a house that we want. We have been talking to one of our friends, Margo, about her being an investor buyer for a house that we would live in and possibly do a lease option on. We don't know if it is going to work out for sure... BUT something we have both felt from the spirit in the last week is to remember that we don't and shouldn't be renters for very much longer. The Lord will open up the way for us to have our own home as long as we are being proactive about it - again ACTING instead of waiting to be acted upon.

That is going to be a continual lesson for us I think.

No matter what, I am grateful to be learning all these lessons with you and strengthening our relationship because of it. There are so many reasons why we could be in the box towards each other right now with the various housing, business and financial stresses that we have been feeling for a while. But the Lord has lightened our burdens, just like the Nephites in the Book of Mormon. He lightened their burdens so they couldn't feel them upon their backs anymore. I think the Lord is doing the same thing for us as we are staying close to Him and relying on Him. The days I rely on Him, my burdens are much lighter and I am happy and joyful to be alive.

Well, I love you. I hope you always know that.

Me

You Are Good Kids

Dear Kids,

I hope you all know that you are GOOD KIDS.

Very often I think about a quote that I have seen several times floating around on emails and social media. It goes like this...

I remember this a lot today. I made it a goal to remember it as consistently as I could with each of you. And you are all good kids.

Natalia - you are always looking for ways to make sure things are taken care of. It is amazing that even this young you are ultra aware of everything and everyone around you. I was changing the baby's diaper and looked around and realized that I didn't have the wipes. Well, you noticed it before I did and you came running into the room shouting (because you only have one level of talking right now, and it is shouting everything), "Here you go mom!".  How amazing is that? You are only 2 1/2 years old and already you are noticing things so quickly. You always go get the baby's binky when he cries, you are always sharing your treats with Gabe when he eats his too quickly, getting my phone for me, cleaning up the toys...

Gabriel - you are always so extremely honest. This morning when we went to the gym I got 2 bags of treats ready for the car ride. The first one was apples and then the rule is after you eat your apples you can have a more fun treat. This morning it was cereal. Well, you asked me, "Mom, can I take both bags in the car? I will eat my apples first." I knew you are so honest that I could trust you. I gave you both bags. Not once did you try and sneak the cereal. You put the bag by you, ate your apples, then asked permission to open the bag of cereal. It was amazing. And again tonight after dinner... you earned a treat and you chose cookies. The package of cookies was in front of you the whole time and not once did you try and sneak more than the 2 you were allowed to have. I love knowing your level of integrity at only 4 years old.

Elijah - well, right now you are just an angel. You are smiling and grinning all the time. You want to be part of everything that is going on around you. I love it.

I have to remind myself of this saying often because I get so impatient with the little things... too often I think. There are so many little things that by the end of the day I have allowed myself to be irritated over. But when I remind myself of how good you already are, and then see all of those things 'on purpose' throughout the day, the spirit is with me more and I am not nearly as impatient.

You are good kids. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently. Don't let anyone ever treat you differently. You are the sons and daughter of a King.

I love you,

Your Mom

Gifts

Dear Kids,

I am so grateful I took the time before I got married to gain as many skills as I could. This is something that I feel very good about inside of my life and choices. Time is everything that the Lord has given to us, and how we decide to use it makes all the difference to our lives.

I was just thinking about this because of working on so many people in our family lately giving them massages and doing energy work with them. The gift of healing has been given to me and I know I can use it to help other people's lives.

Right now your dad is laying on the massage table with ice on his back and he is cursing my name. Ha! I also get to torture people... which in some weird way I like to have the excuse to tell people they have to just 'grit their teeth and bear it' sometimes. I think I like it because that is just how it is in this life. There are times we just grit our teeth and bear it, then on the other side we are able to laugh about it and enjoy it.

What gifts do you have? What are you doing to develop them? How did you/I develop and/or use a gift to benefit our family and friends? Those are important questions to always keep in mind.

I love you,

Your Mom

Baby Talk

Dear Elijah,

Sitting here at the computer I just heard the sweetest sound. Baby talk.

You are laying on your daddy's chest as he rests on the couch. You are looking at him, well I should say you are looking through him and to him with your heaven-sent eyes. You are telling him something. Very literally - I turned to look at you and you were trying to open your mouth and tell him about something.

Your eyes are full of wisdom and light.. the wisdom and light only the Lord knows. You are miraculous. There is just nothing like a baby. Nothing like baby talk.

When you were just a newborn (now you are 4 months old) you would look at me. I remember how much you wanted to open your mouth to speak. I could feel it from your soul and see it in your eyes. You are an old soul. You can see a little bit of the intensity with which you try and talk to us in this picture.

As the world gets more and more jumbled and life more complicated for you as you grow up, just remember that as a baby you knew everything you ever needed to know. That you are the son of a King. You are a leader. You are full of peace and knowledge. Your soul knows everything and has all the answers inside of it.

Thank you for letting me be part of your life. Thank you for choosing to be with us.

I love you,

Your Mom

ps. Just a few notes of your milestones. You are rolling over! You arch your back and head more than any other baby I have seen. You are trying to sit up by yourself. You are loving your brother and sister. Every minute you can you will smile at them and talk to them too. The cool thing is that they talk back to you and know what you are saying. I love it.

Yelling Is Bad

Dear Natalia,

I have already apologized to you tonight before you went to bed... but I need to write and tell you I am so sorry again.

Your dad has been gone for a few days. My nerves are on edge (bad nursing week, getting ready to move, trying to find a house, figuring out money...blah, blah, blah). For some reason, and I don't know why this is, but I have NEVER yelled at anyone...until I had kids.

I don't know what it is about having kids that has caused the 'yelling Andrea' to all of a sudden surface. I don't yell often, but I got into a really bad habit of it this last year. I yelled a lot in 2012, when I was pregnant with Elijah. Too much. I would resort to yelling and just getting frustrated and angry all the time. My hormones were crazy.

Anyway, tonight I yelled again. We have actually had a good day and you guys have been awesome. I got both you and Gabe out of the tub. We went into your room and then you started to cry because you didn't have your binky. You just kept going, crying and whining about it. I told you that you could have it after we put pj's on you. But you didn't listen to me. You ran to the bathroom and tried to reach your binky on the counter. It fell in the sink. You started crying harder.

For some reason this just caused me to snap. I yelled at you, "Talia, I told you we needed to put pj's on first! Stop crying! Why don't you listen to me??". It wasn't just frustrated yell, it was a mean yell, an angry yell.

As soon as it happened the spirit left me. I felt it immediately. It was so wrong. You stopped crying, dropped your head, eyes to the ground and just started whimpering instead. My heart dropped. Here you were, a 2 year old little girl who is cold, tired and just wants her binky. And I yelled at you to shove your emotions under that 2 year old skin and just bear it.

Wow.

Not stellar mom. I felt horrible. It reminded me of so many times in the last year that I have just lost it and all of a sudden became this person that I didn't even know existed. I have never seen that person before and I have seen her too many times in the last year to even count.

So I hugged you. Put your pj's on. Got you in your bed. I got Gabe ready for bed and we all laid down on your bed together. We sang songs. Then I told you both how sorry I was. I said, "I am so sorry I yelled. It was very bad and wrong. I am so sorry."

Gabe then said, "Yeah mom. You yelled. Yelling is bad."

I asked your forgiveness. I kissed you and loved you. But nothing will take all those times away, or the times in the future (Heaven forbid there being very many). I am your mom and should be making deposits into your love bucket, not dumping it over and pouring it out.

I needed to write this story down because it will help me remember. Yelling is bad. It will also help me to tell other moms... We cannot expect our children to be contention free if we have contention within our own hearts. We must start by cleansing the inner vessel first. That is one of the most important reasons to keep a journal. It helps me to look inside and get real with myself about what I am doing in my life and how I can improve.

I will ask your forgiveness many times in my life. I just hope you remember that when I get upset and angry, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with what is going on inside my own heart. I take full responsibility for it.

And don't forget, no matter what...

I love you,

Mom

Enjoy The Moment Mom

Dear Gabriel and Natalia,

 I think the lesson I am going to keep learning from you over and over and over and over.... AND over again is 'How To Enjoy The Moment'. That really is what kids do best.

Sometimes the moment is:
--When lunch is spilled all over the kitchen table. Automatically I get irritated and think about how long it is going to take to clean up. Automatically you look at it as something to play and have fun with.
--When you get to vacuum all by yourself. Automatically you are basking in the reality of having a responsibility. Automatically I am just thinking about what needs to be done next.
--When you get to take a bath. Automatically you assume the role of having a fishing adventure. Automatically I am off to try and pick up the room next door.

But there are times when I decide to get a little wiser. Like tonight when we went to Artic Circle for dinner (since dad has been out of town for days, and mom needed a cooking break) and played on the slide together for 2 hours. You loved it so much you talked about it all the way home.

When do we lose living by the moment as adults? When does that happen?

I am sure it is different for everyone. But for me, I know it is a lesson I am going to keep learning all my life. Just relax and enjoy the moments.

That is the theme for today.

I love you,
Mom