Hard Times With Talia

 Dear Kids, 

The last couple of days have been rough ones, especially for Talia. She is having a hard time emotionally and everything is really getting to her. She has been a bit out of control with her reactions and disrespect, especially to me. 

I was talking to Mimi about it and I really feel like it's definitely part due to the change in our lifestyle, but more than anything I feel like it's because of eating habits. For the past couple of days she hasn't eaten very well. She's been being REALLY picky and she just isn't eating and chemically I think it has really caught up with her. 

So I think something we are going to try is to do specific snack bags for her to have at 10am, 2pm, 4pm and then she can have meals in between. And the snack bags will have things in there for her that aren't junk and won't add to the issues, but things that are healthy and helping her body to cope. When she doesn't eat, she has just been a bit of a MONSTER. 

Mainly I'm writing this journal entry so that when you read it, especially if you are parents while you read it, you will know that when your kids act out, I really think it's most of the time because of just a couple of things:

1. Lack of good sleep.

2. Lack of good nutrition.

3. Something special with mom or dad to fill up a bucket. 

I went through all of these checkmarks with Talia and I started doing a specific "mom and daughter" notebook/journal where we can write back and forth to each other. I feel like it's helping to bridge the gap that happens when emotionally we are butting heads a bit. 

But the first two things - I know she hasn't been sleeping great because she keeps telling me that she's woken up in the middle of the night. And the last couple of days she hasn't been eating well at all. I know it's just been a domino effect. 

Kids have hard days and hard times. It's just part of the parenting journey. It's a false expectation to think they won't. But when those THREE things above are taken care of - it really does help with over 60%-70% of the problems. 

Talia - I hope you remember me as a mom who really tried to help you with as many things as possible. I also hope you remember me as a mom who set her boundaries when she needed to, when you are disrespectful I am going to give a consequence because you just can't treat me that way. I hope you remember me as a mom that, even when you got a consequence, I still did my best to come to you after wards, when you are CALM, and love you and hug you again. There are times that you are SO MAD at me for not checking on you when you are having an emotional breakdown. But you have to understand that from my standpoint, when I check on you in the middle of a breakdown, you end up verbally attacking me and yelling at me. I just can't allow you to treat me that way. When I check on you and you are ready to have a conversation that is controlled, then we can get to the bottom of things, but when you just blame me and yell at me and are disrespectful to me, that is when I just let you have your space until you calm down. 

I know that your hormones are going a bit crazy right now as well. I know that these years are going to be tough figuring out the emotional ups and downs of feeling crazy with your hormones changing, your period coming on, and all the things. I am here to help you. I promise. I will help you as much as I can. But you also have to know that I won't allow you to abuse me. I just won't allow that. I know we butt heads sometimes, but I love you no matter what!

YOU are an amazing person. Your soul is big and powerful. You have such capacity for strength, conflict management, and problem solving. I believe in you! I believe in you and what you can do in your life. 

Keep turning to Jesus. Please. Keep turning to God throughout your life. Talk to Him in prayer. Cry to Him in prayer. Build the relationship. He loves you. He won't take your problems away (just like I don't take them away) and natural consequences will follow depending on the choices you make, but just like me and your dad, God love you NO MATTER WHAT you do or don't do. More than anything He just wants you to be okay and to know that you are adored. 

You are adored. We love you. We believe in you. 

I love you kids, I love you all, 

Your Mom

First Presidency Letter and Working Through It

 Dear Kids, 

Besides just telling you about my feelings with each of you and my family, I need to tell you the things I'm struggling with personally so you know my inward movements and emotions. It's important for you to look back on my life, and on OUR lives together, to know what was going on within me at the same time, especially with things going on in the world. 

Right now we are over a year into the CO VID- 19 pandemic. Initially "they" (the governments of the world and media handlers) told us it would be about a 2 week shut down until everything would be under control. The American people bought it hook, line and sinker. 

Something you have to know about your dad and I - we are very versed in the deep state and the secret combinations of our day. There is so much going on in the world with the atrocities of mankind, it's too much to go into. But when you look back on our lives and see our decisions about things, I want you to know that we were FULLY aware of the back deals going on, the deep state agenda, the secrecies, all the corruptions, etc. 

Anyway, because of that when Co-19 hit we immediately looked at it and smelled something was up. Something was wrong. We did research. We found out things about the virus and the connections with Wuhan. We read and studied and read some more so we would know what was happening. I'm SURE when we know everything there is to know, we will be blown away by everything that really happened inside of this "plan de mic". 

The initial way the church responded was to close the temples down. Close the churches. We had to do home sacrament, go through lock downs, all the things. The church was very cautious with all of it and was ahead of the game the government was trying to throw around the world. The church urged everyone i the wearing of masks and with compliance. (which is their job). 

Who knew that such a thing as masks would cause such an uproar among the saints?! But it did, and it still is to this day. 

Anyway - there were many people I know that initially were very bothered by how the church was handling everything. Especially those of us who saw what was happening from the corruption perspective. We saw what was going on with all of this and the control that it was about. 

Now don't get me wrong - Co-19 is deadly, especially for those with pre-existing conditions. But it isn't any more deadly than the flu, it's different than the flu with the way it attacks the body, but it isn't more deadly than the flu - initially. Now it's into delta variant and it's getting more aggressive. At the end of "Fiddler on the Roof" that we were in as a family, your dad and I got Co-19. We worked through it and I'm REALLY glad that we got it at the beginning of everything because I do believe it's mutating in a very interesting way. 

But anyway- I'm not a virologist, but I've done my best to understand it from the medical perspective. Of course we need to be careful about caring for each other from the medical stand point. 

But where it's been difficult is from the freedom standpoint. 

Anyway - Your dad and I received a lot of clarity about what was happening with the church's response. So many are upset with the way they have responded because, especially "freedom fighters" have expected the brethren to stand up to the tyranny. But your dad and I got a lot of clarity on that. 

It isn't the brethren's job to stand up to tyranny. It's OURS as a PEOPLE of this country. WE create the government that the brethren get to work with. WE THE PEOPLE create the government of the USA and we have allowed tyranny to take over. Now there are so many who are upset with the brethren for not standing up more - when it reality that's our job. 

Anyway - I thought we were past some of this stuff and I was finding more peace in my soul about it all. But JUST like the media and "powers that be" predicted - we are getting into the fall and now they are pushing the agenda once again. Pushing the agenda that we need more lock downs because we aren't "winning this war". And especially now that the vaccine is out, they are pushing it like crazy and trying to get mandates all over the place. 

So the latest thing is the First Presidency just a couple of days ago put out a letter that as a global church we need to adhere to the advise of government officials and wear masks and urged us to get the vaccine. 

Well - people went CRAZY about that letter. And I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. It REALLY bothered me. The first day it was put out I got so many messages from so many people asking what I thought about it. So many mixed messages from all over the place. Some saying to follow the prophet no matter what, some saying that it was an administrative decision in order to keep temples open around the world and not revelation, some saying that the brethren are part of the "Ca bal" and they are bought and paid for by the deep state (which I don't believe). SO MANY ATTACKS. Some attacking that if we don't do this then we are going to hell. 

And I have to admit that this was a tough one for me because I don't believe in the va ccine effectiveness, there are many people who have also died from the shot. I don't believe wearing masks is the answer. I don't believe we should mandate ANYTHING, it isn't constitutional. 

As I sat on it and felt through it I realized this is exactly how I feel:

I am not mad at the brethren. Far from it. They are doing their best at the head of this church to work with the governments of the world in order to keep the temples and church open. No. It's not about them and their decisions. 

I am sad we the people have let it get this far. I am sad that we didn't stand up for liberty long before this kind of control came into play. I am sad that more of us haven't been awake to the deep state and what has been happening in order to keep it from getting to this point. The Brethren are simply trying to work with the government that WE THE PEOPLE have allowed to become so corrupt! It's OUR FAULT not the brethren's fault. 

But my ultimate sadness is that I NEVER thought in a million years that the action that I would take of peaceably standing up for my constitutional rights by NOT adhering to the suggestions of a corrupt government would "look" like rebellion against the suggestions of the First Presidency! I never thought in a million years it would look like that. 

I have been torn up inside so much because of this. I cried to God about it today during my quiet Sunday time. I just told him, "Father, I don't want to rebel against my prophet! I have no desire to do that! I want to follow suggestions from a prophet! I want to teach my children to follow the prophet always. But how to do I teach my children that AND also stand up for my constitutional rights? How do I show them how to adhere to constitutional freedoms without it coming across as not listening to the prophet? How do I show them that the deep state is horrible and corrupt and NOT give into the agenda of the deep state without it looking like spiritual rebellion?". It has been so hard for me. SO HARD. 

I am working it out in my mind and in my heart. A lot. I still don't really have my answers - I am wanting to quiet myself in order to understand. I know I must have the Holy Ghost talk to me about it all. I must listen to Him to get my answers. Not someone outside of myself.

The dreaded part of my heart wonders... is this the suggestions from the brethren because they know it's just too late? Is it too late to stand up to this tyranny? do they know that and so now all that matters is that we stay alive to spread the gospel? I LOVE this gospel. I know the Brethren have to do everything in their power to keep the church running while "the beast" controls the land (as we are told in Revelations).

I want all of you to know the struggle this has been. It really has been a HUGE one for me. Because I LOVE my prophet. And I LOVE the constitution. 

Sooooo... I am going to sit with it and listen to the spirit. I need to keep myself humble and prayerful. Always humble and prayerful. Listening to the Lord. 

I love you kids. I know more is coming. I know there is so much we are going to have to face together. But inside of it all please know that I LOVE JESUS. I love His Gospel. I know my covenants will keep me safe. I know they will keep all of you safe. I love the power of the priesthood. I love the constitution. I love God's laws that way. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Mother Victimhood and Perspective

 Dear Kids, 

It was just a regular Sunday, but man, my emotions have been a bit crazy. I was laying in bed after dropping off Gabe to an early morning priesthood meeting and was falling back asleep while snuggling your dad. Next thing I knew, Joshua was climbing into bed and saying, "Mom! I need to get dressed! Will you help me?"

I asked him to go ask Talia for help.

"No! I want you."

I asked him to wait for just a couple of minutes.

"No! I want you."

I groaned and felt sorry for myself that he wasn't asking Brent for help. Just then Brent leaned over and said, "Joshua, buddy, mom's tired. Can you wait?"

"No! I need her!"

I took a deep breath, got up, and go started with my day. All while your dad was able to stay in bed a little longer... And I was mad at him for it! haha! I was mad that it was me that was always being asked for help. That it's me that's always being tugged on. It's always the mom. 

It took me some time, but I eventually jumped out of my mother-victimhood and got back to work, mainly in my mind. Then was able to make it to church, take the sacrament, ask for forgiveness, feel the spirit, have a great relief society lesson on motherhood (go figure... there are no accidents) and then come back home. 

Now that my head is wrapped around my emotions better I can look at this very small part of my morning, something that happens EVERY MORNING (Kids coming to get me out of bed) and I can love it. I can look at it with a good heart and appreciate that my kids are still little and want me in their lives. There were a lot of women there who were empty nesters, all of them would give their left arm to have one of those days when their kids only want THEM and no one else anymore. 

This time with you is fleeting. I only have so much time with you to be under my wings. I absolutely do my best, but I have moments that I just feel like I want a moment alone. It was a good reminder today to cherish the moments. Even when I don't want to get out of bed.

I love you kids. 

Your Mom

Missing Shayla and Role Reversals

 Dear Kids, 

I keep looking at this picture screen that is up in the shelf in Mimi and Papa's house. It has all the pictures that we've sent to them, including all the pictures that my siblings have sent to them as well. Many times during the day one of you will sit down in the rocking chair next to the picture screen and just sit there and watch it. 

So many memories. So many happy times. So many sad times. So many traditions. So many good things.

And I keep seeing Shayla up there. With her family, in the wheelchair, after Summer was born... Wow I miss her. I miss her a lot. I miss the chance to be able to just go see her and spend time with her, to bond with her and help her. I keep replaying so many things in my mind and heart about the last week I was with her. I keep seeing her kids and pictures of her with her kids and with Casey... with her beautiful blonde hair, and other pictures of her bald.

I keep replaying the phrase she said to me when I asked her for forgiveness... she just kept saying, "Andrea, there's nothing to forgive." I know she meant it. But I still ache for the chance to spend one more day with her, especially healthy. That's another part of something she said to me when I went to go take care of her, "Andrea, I just wish this was a visit with you and your kids, that you came to be with me and we were hanging out with each other and talking about nothing much while our kids just play together. I wish it was just another visit and we could say that we'd see each other again soon."

I ache for that chance to do that. I have been grieving her while I've been here more than I realized I think. Part of it is because I'm very aware of mom and dad's depression about it all. I feel their sadness and my empathetic heart just breaks for them. I feel myself giving them energy everyday, every time we are close to each other. I feel them taking it from me. Which they should... it's okay. I know that's something God would have me do. I just keep praying that He will keep filling up my bucket so I will be able to keep filling up theirs. 

When I was in St. George there was definitely a part of me that was separated from it all. 

Being here is also very reality hitting. It's a reality that my parents are failing. My parents aren't invincible after all. They don't live forever, even though they want to. I think that the hard part is they won't talk about it. I wish mom would talk about plans for her funeral. It doesn't mean that it will happen tomorrow, but I wish she would address it. But she won't. She won't go there. I know there is a lot of pain about death in her heart. I know that dad feels the weight of all of it so much on his shoulders and the weight of the business. 

Part of the reality that is hitting me so much is the way that Brent and I are aging as well. I see my parents in the stages they are in right now and I just feel sad. I feel sad they aren't capable of doing more. But in reality, they've put in their time. They are tired. They have done so much for so many people... I just feel sad that they are in the closing chapter of their lives, but I don't know when that final stroke is going to be and it is just looming all the time. and the reality that Brent and I are going there sometime as well. It's weird to be in this role reversal of taking care of my parents... especially my mom. 

I want to believe that Jesus will be back before it all. I want that. Really badly. But I just don't know what that road is going to look like. All I can do is place it in His hands and just tell Him to take it. That's all I can do. 

Being here is hard. It is hard. But it is right. It is where God wants us for the next little bit. And maybe this is the whole reason we had to go on this adventure, was so I could be with my parents and spend some quality time with them. 

When I am getting older and failing, please remember that there are so many things that I understand about taking care of a failing parent. And I know it will be hard when it is turned back on me and when it is all of you taking care of me and dad. That is going to be very humbling and very hard. But know that I understand the uncertainty and pain of it all. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

Circles of Life and Taking Care Of Mimi

 Dear Kids, 

I need to tell you about an experience I had the other day while I was praying. 

It had been a long day. We've only been at Mimi and Papa's for a few days and there is SO MUCH TO DO. They are both in a deep depression because of losing Shayla, I don't think they've realized how depressed they really have been. I have been deep cleaning the house, it was just really dirty and out of control. Mimi doesn't have the stamina or health to do it on her own and there was a lot that has gotten behind. Papa is so busy with work and with being Bishop that he's only been able to stand doing the bare minimum. I know part of the reason why we are doing this part of the adventure is because my parents have needed more help than any of us really knew. They need the support, the physical change of cleanliness around them, the energy of the kids, just all of it. So.... as soon as we got here I got to work. 

This particular night I was just tired. Really bone tired. I had been working for a few days straight and I hadn't been sleeping very well. I needed a good rest. 

I knelt down to pray and I just cried. I cried about Shayla dying. I miss her. I cried about regrets I have, that she already has forgiven me for. She told me not to regret anything, that she didn't feel like I had anything to apologize for before she died. But I still look back and just remember everything she was going through and what else I could have done. I cried about that. I cried about mom being an invalid. I cried that my kids, all of you, will never know my mom like I knew her. Everything I am is because of her. I cried about dad being so sad and losing part of himself when Shayla died. I cried about my family in general. I cried about not being able to talk to my mom about her health openly, I cried about all the walls she has up that I will never be able to get past emotionally. 

I just cried a lot. 

When I tucked Talia in this particular night before praying she was so sad that we weren't with her friends anymore and was just asking why we had to do this. I told her that part of the reason God sent us on this journey was so I could help my mom. And I explained to her that my mom did everything for me... she birthed me, changed my diapers, raised me, taught me about God, helped me grow and learn, she did everything. Now it is my time to give back to her a little bit and it is our time together to serve her and Papa in a way they can't do for themselves... just like when I was a baby and I couldn't do things on my own... I need to help them now and honor them this way. 

Anyway, back to the prayer... after talking to God a bit He helped me circle around and realize that I had the capacity to serve my mom like this because I saw her do it when her mom was sick. I don't have a lot of memories of when Grandma Connell was so ill, but I do know that mom took care of her the majority of the time together with her dad. I was about 12-15 years old the majority of the time, almost Talia's age. The spirit told me that I had the capacity I do to serve her this way because she planted that seed in my heart. She is the one who showed me how to do it. How to be strong when your parent isn't. Mom showed me that because of what she went through with her own mother. She showed me how to care and take care of things when it's really hard. I have the capacity for strength because of watching my mom do exactly what I'm doing now. 

And then I cried some more. 

Oh how life's circles go around and around. I just hope and pray that I'm planting seeds in your hearts to remember for the rest of your lives. Maybe you will have to take care of me this way... but I hope that what you will have to complain about is that I'm always on missions and not around as much as you want me to be. 

We'll see what God has in mind. He knew this was going to happen with my parents and with Shayla... so I'm getting my lessons. It's like Krista always says, "Well, Heavenly Father knew this was going to happen, so I suggest you get your lessons."

I love you, 

Your Mom

Things to remember for Talia's birthday

 Dear Kids, 

Happy Birthday to Talia today! 11 years old! It's crazy how fast time flies. 

People always told me that. And I knew it in my head, but I had no idea how right they were, now that I have the space to look back with my heart on everything that's happened in our lives, and we're really just getting started. 

It's a funny thing that when you kids were all younger I could finish a day and have several stories that I could have written down... and not just written down, but made a story out of it for others to be able to learn from. It seemed so easy to see the learning moments and all the things that I needed to remember. 

But now, I feel like I finish the day and the stories aren't flowing to my mind and heart like they used to. Perhaps it's because everything that came across as magical and new when I was a new mom, all the feelings that I had never felt before, all the swinging of different emotions that I was trying to figure out all the time. 

Now, all those mom feelings are just normal. All the moments are regular, everyday, mom moments that I have grown the muscles to figure out. The sensitivity to all the different situations has really dampened up. 

But when I look back on my journal, when I've kept track of the small stories, the one moment situations during the day, it is amazing what happens. I relate to people better, I remember the feelings, the range of understanding is increased and I see life in a new way again. 

So I really want to try to find those moments in my day again. Today, I want to remember that one of the coolest things that Talia loved for her birthday was when we went to Swig together. She loved the special drink and the quality time with just her. She loved doing alone time. She loved being with me. She always loves just going places with me. I want to remember that. I want to remember that all she wants is for me to cuddle her, she just wants me to touch her back, to go somewhere special together... those are the highlights of her life right now. I want to remember that. Always. 

Talia... even though I might not be able to do everything with you that you really want to do all the time, please know how much I LOVE that you just want to be with me. 

I love you sweet girl of mine. I love your smile and your spirit. I love your goodness and your determination. I love your happiness and friendship. Thank you for everything that you are always teaching me. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

"I'm learning how to win, and I'm learning how to pray"

 Dear Kids,

We were staying with Dani for a couple of weeks. One day Joshua was just wanting to play card game after card game after card game. He was so excited about learning games and especially winning the games. 

At one point I heard Dani shout out, "That's right buddy!! You remember that and you pretty much have life figured out!". 

I turned to see what happened and she told me, "Andrea, Joshua just told me the greatest thing ever! He said, 'I'm learning how to win... and I'm learning how to pray'."

It was adorable, and I thought to myself, that it's true! There's not much more to life than that... learning how to win and learning how to pray are made to be together. When we pray, we win. When we win, we pray. The trick is to remember to keep praying, even when we are in a "winning" part of life. Life is filled with winning times and losing times. It is just the ebbs and flows of life. Learning how to pray during all of it gets us through, and learning how to have the tenacity to keep a winning attitude and mind when we are losing, then we also are able to make it through. 

It is always amazing to me how much children answer lots of questions, they have a natural wisdom about them. Remembering to keep children's wisdom in our hearts is another big key to life as well. 

Remember kids, your WHOLE LIFE you are going to be learning how to win, and you are going to be learning how to pray. Prayer keeps improving and there are lots of times of prayer plateau's as well, when you just have to keep moving through the times when you don't know if God is hearing you. But keep on going and you will keep winning through all the lessons you will receive. 

I love you kids. So much. 

Your Mom

The WHY's Of This Experience

 Dear Kids, 

Well, we've been moved out of the house for a whole week! I can't believe it's only been a week. It's crazy. 

It's Saturday morning and the kids are watching episodes upstairs and I'm just catching up on a ton of messages. We've had a good week here at Dani's house! We got settled in the loft room upstairs (Stacy and Walker's room... they were so good to let us stay in there, VERY unselfish of them so we could have more space for the kids and our stuff). We were here with their crew for a few days, but then they left for New York and now we have the run of the house for a few days. 

We went hiking with my mission comp (Lynne Caldwell Allred) and her kids on Thursday to Donut Falls. It was beautiful and perfect time up in the mountains! We've been swimming quite a bit this week. Today we are going to be working in the greenhouse for a bit together and then we are going to go see Nana. 

It's been strange to be in someone else's house. For the first several days I went into a little bit of a panic mode and kept thinking, "Just go back home. We don't need to do this. We don't need to be moving in this way. Just go home. The kids don't need these experiences. Just go back to what you know and the people you know." 

This is REALLY emotionally stretching for everyone right now. We had a GREAT support system in St. George. We were very entrenched in the homeschool community and had wonderful friends. Mesha and her family were down there just down the street and I didn't realize how much I loved having them so close! I was a little bit put out by it at first because I'd been there by myself for so long, but I grew loving it when her boys would just show up and hang out. I really liked that. We had a wonderful community and ward. There were so many things that we were so involved in that I really feel sad about leaving. 

I have gained so much empathy for so many situations and people through all of this, especially scripture story people. I have thought about Lehi leaving everything behind a lot. I have thought about his sons and how they walked the same journey but came out of it totally different people. I am praying like crazy that God will sanctify this experience for all of you,... for my kids! 

I used to see us traveling and having experiences like this as a goal in our lives, we planted the seed to do something like this when Gabe was just a baby. We talked about living in different places in the world for 6 months at a time constantly and that it was something that we really wanted in our family culture. But now that it's upon us, it feels really scary! There are so many logistics to it, and so much sacrifice. God has had us sacrifice so much... and it feels right and peaceful. But it's also very stretching and it's exercising muscles that we didn't realize that we even needed. But God knows what He is doing with our lives and I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY. 

I have a lot of empathy for my pioneer ancestors leaving and going to new places with just their families. I have thought so much about all those who came before who set out with the discovering spirit in order to make it better for their future generations. 

I have to come back to the WHY. What is the WHY of what we are doing?

1. It is to follow God's will. FIRST. 

2. It is to expose all of you to new cultures and ways of living... but in a way that will cause gratitude in your lives. That will help you appreciate all of the blessings that we have. 

3. It is for you to learn hands on what it's like to learn another language. 

4. It is for you to see how the church operates in different areas. For you to see how the family of the members of the church are the same no matter where in the world that you go. 

5. It is for our whole family to be closer together and not so individualized. Everyone has their things, but I feel like we need more bonding, and this is going to teach us that our home is not the place, but it is the people. Wherever we are, that is home because we are together. 

6. Because it's part of our missions on this earth to have a worldwide perspective. We have to know the people of the church all over the world. In my patriarchal blessing it tells me that we will live in communities and that we will be inspiration for people all over the world. 

7. Because we follow the promptings of the spirit FIRST. And I hope you can see that in our lives. 

8. And because Mom and Dad HAVE to get the spiritually centered podcasts finished!

I love you kids. I love you so much. 

Your Mom

Lessons From Consecration Of All Worldly Things

 Dear Kids, 

Well.... we left with our wagon full!

Something that I have felt A LOT during this process is ADMIRATION for my pioneer and pilgrim ancestors. There are so many people throughout the ages who sacrificed so much for their children to have a better life. They were also driven from their homes without any notice and had to leave with only a wagon full.

We were given lots of time to leave the house and we also left with our "21st century" wagon full. We sold everything, we gave a ton to DI, got a small storage space for the "non-negotiables" and we took the rest to the dump. We only left with what we fit in the back of the truck. 

I also have a lot of empathy for Solomon. Remember the story in the Old Testament about when King Solomon was told to go and kill their enemies. But not only that, he was told by the prophet to kill all the cattle and to get rid of all the "spoils" (anything that was valuable). But after fighting them, he decided to keep the cattle and the spoils. 

Then the prophet came to him and told him that God was very upset because he didn't obey and get rid of everything. After going through this process I can have a lot of empathy for Solomon. It was REALLY HARD to get rid of so much stuff. It was especially hard to put so much in the dump. BUT it's what God told us to do. We had to totally shed and get rid of everything. He told us to do it and the day that we had the first truck full we took to the dump, the spirit reminded me of the story of Solomon. It takes a lot of obedience to get rid of useful things. But God told us to give the best to DI, get rid of the rest. 

We've already learned so many lessons. 

-Creating space in your life allows God the space to create within YOU. 

-Get rid of the worst stuff and allow it to leave your life. We just don't need so much stuff. 

-Obey. Just obey the spirit. And listen to what comes to your mind with whisperings. I'm grateful that I listened to the whisperings in order to remember Solomon, because I was feeling like a horrible steward throwing so much away, but then the spirit brought that to my remembrance and it settled my mind and heart. 

-All of you kids have been on edge - it is a lot of change for you what we are doing! I have had to be a lot more patient with the emotions that keep coming up. 

-You never know how God is going to create in your life. We planted the seed in our hearts over 10 years ago about doing something like this. We thought that we'd have to create independent wealth in order for something like this to happen (mini-retirement in another country). But then Covid-19 happened and now people are working from home all over the world. So now we can look at so many possibilities of living!

-Gabe said it really well when I asked him how he was feeling about all of this. He said, "I'm excited, scared, nervous, adventurous, happy, sad... just a whole collage of emotions." That's how we've all felt. 

-I have wondered more than once what we are doing! But the Lord kept giving us confirmation after confirmation about it all. 

-I had multiple times when the spirit told me exactly who needed to have something from us. God told me specifically that Dani needed our food storage. That Kindle Gardner needed the greenhouse hoops with shade cloth. He helped us to sell the van in two hours. He helped us to sell my bike right before we left town. He gave me the strength to get the house ready for inspection. 

-Brent had a very specific confirmation that we were going to be traveling for a while, but then we'd come back to St. George. I had that experience when I was driving down the boulevard. I had a "flash" experience (God gives those to me as a gift) where I was in the future, driving down the boulevard and it was like I had been gone for a little while and we were back. I had that strong impression in the greenhouse that we weren't going to be harvesting that year. The Solomon experience from the spirit. EVERY NIGHT when we went to bed and we wondered if we were doing the right thing, your dad and I would look at each other and say, "We can back peddle. We can just find another place to live and do that." But every time, the spirit told us that we were doing the right thing. Over and over again. 

We are definitely going to miss being by the Robbins. We lived close together and we really have grown to love it!

I think that's the hardest part of all of this... leaving our family (Robbins) and our friends. We have made AMAZING friends in St. George. So many amazing families and people. Our Homeschool Co-op has been phenomenal. We have such a great neighborhood of good kids to play and run around with. Talia especially with her social ways is going to miss her friends. 

But kids, I KNOW we are going to look back on this experience and we are going to see the Hand of God all over it. We are creating in our lives all the time and God is doing some pretty amazing things for us and our family. I know that. He is teaching us so much and He is preparing us for even more. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Moving Out

 Dear Kids, 

So update:

We move out this upcoming Saturday. We're going to Dani's house for about 2 weeks. Then Krista's house for 1 week. Then Papa and Mimi's house for about 4-5 weeks. 

Your dad is going to be taking a trip to Guatemala Aug. 13-18th in order to check it out and try working from down there. He's going to go and try to make some connections. Dani is going to go with him. 

I'm excited to see what he finds out and what is going to be possible. We have a lot to do - this whole week we're finishing up the house, then after that I need to concentrate on getting passports for everyone. It is going to take some money to make this happen, but we feel good about it.

I'm trying not to wrap my heart around it too much because I don't want to get to excited before knowing if it's going to work with work. It feels a little crazy doing this when there's so much coming apart in the world. I want you to know kids that your dad and I are doing exactly what God has told us to do. And we are probably going to find out the power of it in about 10 years from now ;-). That's what happens. When I look back on my life 10 years ago, I see exactly how God has molding everything for right now. And it will be the same 10 years from now as well. 

There's so much going on in the world. We are witnessing all of it. Here are a few headlines...

-Election fraud that's being reviewed right now between Trump and Biden

-Vaccine that is going to start to be mandated everywhere - and a it's a vaccine that is injuring people all over the place with inflammation of the heart and blood clot issues

-China wanting to take over the world

-The LGBTQ agenda is permeating everything and Satan is having a hay-day with all the false philosophies that people are getting distracted by.

So many things. But we carry on. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom