Update on Gabe

 Dear Gabriel,

Wow... I can't believe how much change you have been through this year. So much change. You are growing. You are getting taller. You turned 16! You can drive. I better start a list:

-You got your license about a month ago. It has helped to give you the freedom that you have been wanting so badly. Now the only thing holding you back is your own car. But we told you that before we get "a kid car" you have to have a job to be able to help pay for the insurance. That wasn't your favorite thing, but it is what it is!

-You haven't loved robotics as much as we were hoping at the beginning of the year. Both of us were hopeful about that. But it just didn't click as much as we wanted. But that is okay, we live and learn. 

-You are thinking you really want to study history. You have really enjoyed all your history classes and it's something that interests you. Ever since you were little you have LOVED codes and clues and treasure hunting, so archeology has really started to kick in as something you might enjoy. We will see how you decide to pursue that in the future. 

-This year in math you have struggled a bit in the middle of the year with attention span. Your sleep habits have been poor and that has affected your ability in classes. That is something we are working on. But lately your teacher has said you have been doing better! so we are happy about that.

-You are starting the 75 HARD challenge with Nate, a friend you made in seminary. I am so grateful to Nate for inviting you to do that with him! Something you are AMAZING at is showing up for people. When you have an appointment, you always show up. If you have made a commitment to be somewhere, you show up. You are VERY good at that. So when Nate invited you to do this with him, it's so awesome because that part of you that shows up for people is turning on in order to help you with this goal!

-You have done a project for your Advanced Key of Liberty class for the Eagle Forum this semester, helping at the capital in the legislative sessions. That has been a GREAT experience for you to understand more about politics and how laws get put into place. I am so grateful you have done that for your project. It's been a HUGE commitment, but I know you have grown through it.

-You have been trying to figure out more about who you are as a person. You have pushed boundaries in a way this year that you never have before in your life. You are more irritable (thank you testosterone!) and you are wanting to be your own person. Sometimes the things that you are feeling very independent about are pretty silly (with adult eyes you will see this). But I can also see that it is imperative for you right now to figure out your own boundaries in life and it is a natural thing for you to want to be your own man!

-You are trying to find a job. You have been desperately trying to find a job. It's time for some regular money flow that's for sure!

-Your friend situation is good at Rise Up, but everyone has been so busy with all their things in life that you really haven't had a chance to hang out very much with anyone. I really hope that as you grow and get older you will find more of "your people" that you can connect with and really make life long friends with. I know some of my best friends didn't come until later in life. I hope you find some amazing people and have good experiences.

-I admire how much you want to do, and I also know it's been a challenge for you to learn how to time manage better. This year has been a struggle with time management for you. I hope we can get through that. I think that part of it is that you are trying to do things completely on your own, but within that you haven't found good strategies for time management on your own. I know you'll get there. It's going to be a bit learning curve for you!

I love you and I know you are on your path of doing great things. I am proud of you. I am so grateful you are in our family!

I love you,

Your Mom

All Of A Sudden It's Quiet

 Dear Kids,

And all of a sudden it is quiet. Talia is teaching a dance class. Gabe and Elijah are at science and math classes. Joshua is taking a bath. I am doing computer work. 

And it's so quiet. 

I am starting to wrap my head around what people are talking about when they say that you will miss all the noise and chaos. It's true. 

I always knew it would be true. But all of a sudden it's getting so much more real now that my kids are bigger and are branching out in so many ways.

And it's quiet. 

My mom would always talk about how her life was so fluid. That as kids get older you have to take every opportunity to just be available for them. 

I am trying. I hope you all know that. I am trying to do dates, alone time, late nights, talking to you in the car, supporting you with the classes and experiences that you want to have... all the things. I am trying.

But in the middle of all of that "trying" I have realized lately how much of just me "being" with you isn't happening as much. there is always something else to get to and drive to and take care of. I guess that is just the life of a mother. It's just the life of someone who is trying to balance "all the disks" as Elder Bednar would put it.

Life is so funny. It's deathly quiet at one moment and then screaming kids the next. 

But it's all beautiful and wonderful because it means I was in the middle of all of it. I will NEVER regret the decision I made being home with you all. I am in the middle of all of it and I wouldn't change it for the world. 

In just a couple minutes Talia will walk through the door again and I will be up and moving. 

I'm so grateful for the silence. And I am so grateful when it is over. 

I love you kids. I love all of you so much. I am proud of you.

Love, 

Your Mom

Things You Notice And Learn When You Are Sick - The Power Of Sitting

 Dear Kids,

This is Day 7 of being sick, yesterday I found out that I have pneumonia. Usually when I apply all the vitamins and herbs and all the "things" I get over something within 48 hours, but this time around that just wasn't happening. I just kept feeling like someone was sitting on my chest and was so labor some to breathe. 

One thing is for sure.... my body was ready for me to rest. And my mind and soul was ready for me to rest.

I'm not great at that. I am a lot like Mimi that way. She never rested either, until she got so sick she couldn't do much anymore. And even then she still got up and did everything she could. I loved her for that example.

I haven't been able to move around and do much, so just sitting has been my action. Sitting by Elijah while he works on things. Sitting by Gabe while he rests on the couch. Going to Talia's room and just sitting there while she gets ready. Sitting on the ground with Joshua while he builds something. Just been sitting. 

And it's fascinating to feel how EVERYONE has just .... well.... calmed down. I don't often just SIT by everyone. I really don't. I am always moving and doing something. I am not often just sitting for the sake of being next to someone and just being there. 

It's made me realize that I can really do that more often. I need to just sit and BE WITH each of you more often. Especially now when you are all so busy and growing up. Just sitting and being available to just be there... It has a power in and of itself for relationships. I have needed that reminder. BIG TIME. Especially because of feeling the calm that has also happened with it. Probably because we aren't just focused on getting to the next thing. And I'm not focused on getting kids out the door. 

How are we homeschooling and still in a hurry?? I just don't understand. I mean... I do understand. It is what happens as you kids are ready to start branching out with your experiences and friends. And that is right. But I definitely really long for the days of everyone just being home. YOU all used to just come to me. You would come play at my feet with anything I was doing.

I would get ready for the day and you would sit there and play in the same area. I would make something and you would sit there in the kitchen to be part of my "doings". I would be doing housework and you would just follow me. 

It seems that the tables have turned. Now I get to come sit next to you when you get ready. Or sit next to you when you are making something. Or sit next to you when you are doing school work or on the couch lounging around, or playing games or whatever it might be. I get to come to you now, instead of expecting that you will come to me. 

That is a good reminder for me. It's time for me to just go to you the way you used to come to me. Just so we can be by each other. Just available in the "in between". 

I love you kids. So much. I really do. I hope you will never forget that.

Love,

Your Mom

Phases of Parenting

 Dear Kids, 

I am sitting here in an empty house. All of my kids are playing with someone right now and hanging out. I'm entering in to a stage where all of you just don't need me the same way that you did before. 

It's strange. 

Gabe has been pushing back, finding his independence. 

Talia just wants to be with her friends after she finishes her responsibilities.

Elijah is the same. 

Joshua is the same. 

It's crazy to me that I'm entering into a different phase of parenting. It's totally new to me and figuring out how many reigns to give compared to how much to hold onto is quite the balancing act. 

I cried over Gabe the other night. He got home from a trip he took to Mexico to help at an orphanage. I felt entitled to hear all about it. But he didn't want to share much. He just said, "Mom I experienced a lot of things that I just don't want to share publicly." And that was that. He got angry at me for asking him questions. He was frustrated when I tried to ask thought provoking questions, accusing me that I wasn't honoring his privacy. 

So I backed off. And I cried. 

He used to tell me everything. He used to just be by my side all the time. He was always so much without guile. He was always so happy and wanting to laugh with me. 

And he's gone. My boy is gone. He is turning into a man and trying to become his own person. 

And it's right. It's all as it should be. It isn't wrong. But it's still hard. It's hard not to be the first person to be there experiencing things with him. It's hard to specifically drop him off at mountain biking knowing he doesn't want me to stay. It's hard to not be "everything" for him anymore. 

And it's right. He should be feeling this way. he should be finding his independence. He should be feeling things out on his own. He should be keeping things close his heart and wanting to be his own person. 

But it's still hard for me. 

When I was crying I talked to my momma in heaven. I apologized to her for anytime I got frustrated because she kept asking me questions. She was good at that. She would ask me questions and want to know everything. Sometimes I got upset with her about it. But she just wanted to be involved. She was just trying to show me that she cared and she still wanted to be a huge part of my life and my heart. 

I told her I was sorry and I would give anything for her to ask me questions again. I would give anything to talk to her about how to raise teenagers and how to figure it all out. I miss her. 

And there was a time that I didn't appreciate everything she did for me... just like my kids are going through right now. My kids if you are reading this - it's true. You just don't know what it takes to be a parent until you are one. When you start out with parenting, you think you have all the answers when the kids are little, and you have a lot of opinions about what your parents did right or wrong, or what others are doing right or wrong. 

Then as you gain parenting experience, you become much less judgmental of your own parents. You realize how much they did for you and how much they loved you. You realize so many things. 

The time will come for all of you when it comes full circle. The time will come when you will be 47 years old and you will have teenagers or adult children and you will read this and you will know exactly what I'm talking about and the big feelings involved in this whole parenting journey. 

I love you all. Even when you make me cry. I love you so much. I have given my whole life for you. And it's ALL WORTH IT. Even the rough moments. 

I love you, 

Your Momma

In The Thick Of It

 Dear Kids, 

I am sitting in my bed at about 11pm at night and thinking about what story would be touching to share today. I can't really think of just one story. 

I want all of you to know how much I love you. All of you. 

Today was another one of those days that was filled with teenage emotions, problems, push backs and contentions. Gabe, Talia and Elijah - you are all experiencing really BIG emotions right now and trying to figure out your place in the world. Having three of you to go through this together is a ROLLERCOASTER to say the least, for the whole family and the whole house. 

When we have days like today when contentions arise and you are trying to figure out your own personal boundaries with life, it drains everyone. And it drains me. It seems like lately I can't do anything right. All of you complain about how I am late for things, that I show up 5 minutes late to pick you up, that I don't park close enough to the store, that the food could be "this way or that", that FHE could be more fun... etc. 

Gone are the days of just happy innocence, imagination and play. 

We are into days that are more emotion filled and boundary pushing. You are, as Elder Uchtdorf puts it, "Toddler Teenagers". 

The truth is that none of you have ever been teenagers before and you are just trying to figure things out. Nana told your dad and I that when kids become teenagers "Their brains fall out and you have to teach them everything all over again."

I didn't know how true that was until all of sudden we had teenagers! I am having to teach you manners all over again, why deodorant is a good idea, why you need to brush your teeth for 2 minutes at least, why we should NOT eat food in your bedrooms, why burping loudly in someone's ear is offensive, how to keep track of time on the clock, how to put your dishes away (I have to remind people to clear their spaces at the table all the time)... there are so many things that you are learning all over again... except this time you keep telling me, "Mom I KNOW."

You already "know" how to put your dishes away. You already "know" how to load the dishwasher.  You already "know" what manners are important. You already "know" personal hygiene practices and how to clean your room. You already "know" what to eat that is healthy and good for you. 

Except this time around everything you "know" isn't always put into practice. Doing is different from knowing. 

Today was just another one of those days. 

I can't think of anything in particular that happened that I could write about - other than the fact that I get to learn a lot of things over again too. 

I am learning how to be patient all over again. I am learning how to teach you all over again - just in a VERY different way. I am learning how to laugh with you all over again. I am learning how to get myself out of bed everyday and face motherhood again - just in very different ways. I thought as I progressed in parenting that I would learn to be MORE patient - but in reality there are many ways that I have become less patient. Remembering to exercise patience with everything you are still learning is a whole new thing as you are getting older. 

How is it that I've gotten so much more experienced with motherhood, yet I feel like I know less instead of more? That is a very big surreal feeling. How could I be less confident in so many ways as I've aged instead of more? But I feel that way. There is so much I don't know. Maybe that is the true sign that I am getting wiser as I get older - the sign that I realize that God just has to take it all in order for anything to work out okay because I just can't do this on my own. 

I have learned that. I have definitely learned and have HUGE confidence in the fact that I have to give EVERYTHING to GOD. 

And that's the end of everything. 

I just want a happy family life. In so many ways. I want all of you to just be nice to each other. That's all I want. I remember asking my mom what she wanted for a gift for her birthday and she would say, "Just one day with no one fighting." I now realize as a mother that she REALLY meant that. It really would be the greatest gift. 

Anyway - I am rambling now. 

Maybe the whole point of this journal entry is for when you are a mother or father, for when you have a hard day and you just realize that you are in the THICK OF IT ALL with your kids and in the end you just want them to be happy and healthy and to know that you love them. Maybe you will read this in 30 years when you are in the THICK of life with teenagers and you will understand then what I am trying to write down because it is something that is felt with the heart instead of trying to figure it out with words. 

I love you all. 

I want you read this in the end and realize that I just LOVE YOU. I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh. I want you to smile. I want you to get a long. I want you to forgive and let go. I want you to have a testimony of Jesus. I want you to breathe in the beauty of life around you and really enjoy it. I want the BEST for you. 

That is why I do what I do day in and day out. That is why I get out of bed in the morning - because I love you. 

And that is why you will do the same thing when you are a parent. And THEN you will understand. You will know that you are doing your best and you will know that I did my best. I wasn't perfect, but I did the BEST I KNEW HOW. And that is what matters. I did my best and you will do your best too. 

And in the end that is enough. 

I love you. Always. 

Your Momma

Update From The Last Year!! Lots of time to cover

 Dear Kids, 

I haven't talked AT ALL about Rise Up Academy! Man, I didn't realize how fast a year has gone by. How did I go a year without writing? I'll give you a run down of our lives in the last year since the last time I wrote. Here's a quick update from Spring of 2023 to the beginning of 2024:

 -April 2023 I applied for lots of co-ops to be part of. I PRAYED AND PRAYED for the right fit for our family. We found it! We joined Rise Up Academy in August 2023. It was been the BIGGEST answer to prayers for the kids and their experience with homeschooling, especially my teenagers.

-Summer 2023 was full of LAGOON. We got Lagoon passes for Christmas and the summer theme was just going to Lagoon as much as possible. We had some good times there together! We have so many pictures from going to Lagoon every week. We were able to meet up with the Robbins sometimes.

-We traveled to see Papa in July 2023. We had a Kvarfordt family Reunion in August 2023. It was a ton of fun. We had a bounce house with water and we did a service project to get the storage room cleaned out. It was a lot of work but good.

-Gabe did an Oceanography trip in May 2023. That was AWESOME and he LOVED IT so much!! He wanted to go again just for LONGER. He has a sea fairing traveling soul for sure.

-I turned 46 in May 2023. Crazy! (I'm not only 2 months away from 47!)

-Talia had a GREAT summer in 2023 with her neighborhood friends (she misses those times with them actually. Once school started in fall 2023, it changed a lot with that group. But her summer was a blast).

-Brent and I went to Vegas for our anniversary in June to the LOVE Cirque show. It was amazing! 

-I went to girls camp with Talia in June 2023. I was on the camp advisory board, and it was so fun to spend that time with my girl!! Brent was in the Elder's Quorum Presidency for about a year, but needed to be released because of all the travel that came up with work. 

-Gabe went to "All Stars High Adventure Camp" in June 2023. He had such an amazing experience there.

-Gabe went to FSY in June 2023. He LOVED IT SO MUCH! Such a great experience.

-Of course Talia turned 13 in July 2023. Official Teenager! And she got to go to FLORIDA in summer of 2023! amazing blessing.

-We got "Snowball" our RABBIT in Summer of 2023. Long awaited pet. 

-I have been teaching Joshua's "Core" class in Rise Up Academy, started in Aug 2023. It's been so fun to be his teacher. There are so many fun things I've been able to play to do with him in class that I wouldn't have time for otherwise. I'm so grateful for that FOR SURE. So many things I did with my older three kids (when they were little) that I've never done with Joshua. And this has given me that opportunity!

-In Rise Up: Gabe's classes = Sword and Hero, Classical Acting. Talia = Shakespeare (she got "high empress") and Key of Liberty. Elijah = Boys Club and various afternoon classes (music, chemistry, etc). Joshua = Core Class (with me!) and various afternoon classes.

-Kids started piano lessons with Jaime Guiterrez. She has been an amazing teacher for them and it's been SO GOOD to hear music in the house again.

-Talia joined the Screaming Diva's Company Dance team. She has 4 competitions this year (in Roy, St George, Ogden and Lagoon). She's been working REALLY hard at them!

-Gabriel started snowboarding this year! The Vrajich kids, Peja and Sasha, have been his teachers. He's been doing AWESOME and I'm so proud of him for trying something new! He's had a great snowboarding season. 

-Elijah has been doing basketball this season (Jan 2024) and he is going to be starting baseball soon!

-Joshua has been just hanging out and being amazing with learning so much all the time. I think he is going to be starting sports this next year. His reading is off the charts and math skills are far above his level. He definitely soaks up learning from all around him.

-Gabe has also been doing Speech and Debate classes. That has been teaching him SUCH GREAT communication skills and I'm so glad for him.

-We went to the St George Temple open house (Oct 2023) and the Red Cliffs Temple open house (Feb 2024).

-We've been doing all the "house" settling things. I feel like we are KIND OF all moved in (after a year, haha!). We got a couch for downstairs and will be starting to set up the TV room downstairs soon. I need to spend some more time on decorating! And family pictures :-)

-Brent has been traveling with his work A LOT. It is a BIG traveling job. I keep joking around with him that we got this job 10 years too early. If it was 10 years from now I could just travel everywhere with him. We got a surprise and were able to go to BARCELONA together! It was an amazing trip! We got to hang out with Shauna Little and LOVED that of course. 

-It was our first Christmas in this house officially. We moved in to the house 5 days before Christmas in 2023... so Christmas 2024 was the first official experience with Christmas in the house. I'm SO GRATEFUL for this home. It's SUCH A HUGE BLESSING in our lives. Definitely an answer to prayer for sure. 

Over all I look back and I'm overwhelmed with how well we've been taken care of. Look at everything that happened in a years time. It's amazing!

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

No Catastrophe's - Normal Busy Mode Is Nice!

 Dear Kids, 

I am sitting at the kitchen table and listening to the sounds of "Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom" in the background as Elijah's plays the game. Joshua is telling him where to move and saying things like "Watch out! Go that way! Are you sure you are ready to fight him again?". It's adorable. 

The boys have been earning screens with their "bingo charts" and Gabriel has been following his daily schedule with his homework. Talia went to babysit someone in the ward after math class. 

Pretty normal day. 

It's strange. Even on the normal day I have this thing happening in my heart about life. 

It's a feeling of... "What's next?". 

We have a good routine with school. We have a good routine with vitamins and eating right and having good friends and doing our church callings and dad working and all the "things". I have this feeling of "What's next?".

It is a feeling that is a little bit... unsettling. I don't have any major issues to come up. It is nice to have life just be "normal". We spent YEARS in poverty, years figuring out our marriage, years with babies, years with sickness, years with death of family, years of so many things. 

And now I am finding that life is slowing down a little bit. And it's NOT slow at all. It's slowing down in a specific way. No more catastrophe's. 

That's so nice. It's amazing to have NO CATASTROPHE'S! No one is majorly ill. Our income in stable. The kids are all moving through life in school. It's amazing actually. I feel like I've been on the edge of some kind of crisis for so long, that I don't know how to come down out of it. 

Don't get me wrong, our life is busy. My life is SUPER busy right now. I'm in my car all the time taking kids here and there. The kids are involved in a lot of great things with school and activities. We always have something that we are doing and involved with. Rise Up Academy has been the HUGEST blessing for our family this year and we are SUPER busy with everything happening there with classes, preparing classes, Shakespeare play, Classical Acting play, service projects, gearing up for next year and all the things. 

Having *almost* three teenagers and one *almost* tween is a busy and GREAT time of life. AND... I don't have any crises going on right now. I'm SO GRATEFUL. 

I'm finding that coming down from survival and crisis is something that I'm getting used to. 

I'm also finding that I have a lot in life I have left to do. What do I need to do to give back? What do I need to do to make a difference in the world? What do I need to do in order to help my family more? How can I love my husband more? How can I serve in the kingdom more? How can I develop my talents more?

It's a GOOD in between space because I can actually really start thinking about these things. It's so nice. 

I read my last post about if I died unexpectedly. I'm so glad that I didn't! I am so glad that I am living and breathing and moving and doing life like this. 

I am so grateful for life. I am grateful for the EVERYDAY NORMAL LIFE!

I love you kids. So much. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful, everyday life. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Thoughts for Elijah

 Dear Elijah, 

I need to write to just you today. 

I hope you know that I love you. You and I have been trying to figure each other out for your whole life. There are days when we are just in a flow together and it's beautiful. 

You have always been the child to bring me flowers :-). I love that about you. 

You have always been the child to come find me first for a morning hug after you wake up. I love that about you. 

You have always been the child who stands up for people, who makes sure to help the underdog. I love that about you. 

You have always been my child who has such a soft heart when someone gets a consequence. When Joshua has to finish his dinner to get ice cream, you are the one who sits by him to try and help him eat and not give up. I love that about you. 

You have a HIGH sense of fairness - and sometimes that gets us into trouble together. 

You want EVERYTHING to be exactly the way YOU think it should be, because it's the way you want to control the situations and make everything fair. 

Just today we got into a little disagreement because you did something where you had to run together with Joshua as a consequence, and you thought Talia should have to as well. You were SO MAD at me that I didn't "MAKE" Talia get the same consequence. You just were beside yourself that she wasn't running as well. You kept trying to argue with me and twist words around. 

You were trying to boss me around with making me parent the way YOU think I should. Because to you it seemed like it was the fair thing to do. 

There are a lot of times when you try to force my hand with parenting in a certain way and it's difficult for me. I have definitely lost my temper several times because you are RELENTLESS. That is another thing about you that I love, your determination, but you are sometimes pushy about the wrong things that you really can't control.

I want you to know Elijah - that I love your strength. Remember to use it for things that are UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. 

You can't control other's decisions. You can only control your own decisions. 

You can't control other's emotions. You can only control your own emotions. 

And guess what? You get to practice this your whole life. I am still practicing this. When you become a dad you are going to learn these lessons in a way you never thought possible because your kids are going to push your buttons more than you can imagine. They give you LOTS of opportunity for spiritual growth!

Just like all my kids give me that opportunity. You help me spiritually grow. 

Today when we had the disagreement I am SO GRATEFUL to say that I was able to control my own emotions. When you were spewing anger at me and frustration, I didn't retaliate. I'm SO GRATEFUL for the spirit's help to do that. I was praying the whole time you were upset for the spirit to help me to NOT get upset back at you. And it worked!

I love you so much buddy. Even when we disagree. Even when I do things that you get frustrated with. I love your strength and abilities. Please use them for good! Please DON'T BE A VICTIM TO OTHER PEOPLE!~

Remember that. DON'T BE A VICTIM. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

If I Die Suddenly - Here Are My Thoughts

 Dear Kids, 

I just saw a post on facebook about a mom I know that recently and suddenly died of a brain aneurism. 

She was 46 years old. 

Same age as me right now. 

I just got stuck looking at her obituary and I started to feel super heavy feelings in my heart. "that's my age. I could have a brain aneurism tonight. My kids could never see me alive again. What if that were to happen."

I started asking myself some questions... would my kids know how much I love them? Would Brent know how deeply I feel for him? Would my family know how I feel about them? Would my kids be prepared? Have I left enough memories for them?

So many thoughts swirling. 

Because of that I wanted to write in my journal - so if anything like that happens suddenly that you have some thoughts from me about it. 

If I ever die suddenly I want you to know some very important things:

1. I love my Savior and I love my Heavenly Parents. If I die suddenly and go back to my heaven-home, know that I will be very well taken care of there. I will use the power I have as an angel to come back to you. I will come be with you all the time. I will constantly be trying to lead you and talk to you with the power of the Holy Ghost, especially since angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost (2 Ne. 32). Just think about talking to me, and I'll be there. If you hear me speaking back to you in your head and in your mind, BELIEVE that it is actually me and we can STILL have conversations together.

2. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I have made plenty mistakes as a mom. But one mistake I HAVEN'T made is not spending time with you.  Choosing to spend as much time with you as I can has been one of the smartest things as a mom I ever could have done. I have dedicated my motherhood to being with you. Your dad has sacrificed so much time and effort with working so I CAN STAY HOME WITH YOU. That's how important all of you are to us. We are taking seriously the counsel for the mom to stay home and nurture and teach children. 

2.5 = I have done a lot of things right as a mom. I have loved you with my whole soul. I have laughed with you and at your jokes. I've played with you on the ground, in the sand, in the ocean, on the mountain tops, on the hiking trails, in the backyard... we've had so many amazing experiences together. I've taught you to serve with your whole heart, we've done service for countless amounts of people. We've painted together and taken long drives in the car just in order to listen to books together. We've played at all kinds of parks together and spent time with family and friends as MUCH as we can. I've taught you how to work, to do chores, how to clean the toilet, dust wash the dishes, plant seeds, watch things grow. We've done tea time Tuesday together and read countless stories. We've had adventures together and we've kept those memories alive in our family chatbooks. I've read scriptures with you daily (mostly! ha!), we've talked about Come Follow Me, I've born my testimony of Jesus. I've prayed with you over and over and over again. I've gone to the temple hundreds of times and put your names on the prayer rolls over and over. I've made thousands of meals and probably even more desserts! And I've LOVED EVERY MOMENT TOGETHER WITH YOU.

3. I would ask you to please forgive me for anything I have done wrong. And I am SO SORRY for ANYTHING that I have done that might have been difficult for you. I'm so sorry, please forgive me for being human and making mistakes. Please find peace in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and know I did my best, and when I made mistakes I asked you to forgive me and said I was sorry. There are so many people I know that get so bitter toward their parents. I would just ask you to be kind in your thoughts about your dad and I. We really have done the best we know how. You get to take everything we have done for you, and then pass on all the good stuff to your kids. 

4. I KNOW the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the Restored Church of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I know Priesthood covenants are real and powerful and necessary. Go to the temple. Make covenants. Strive each day to be a little better than the day before, and then keep turning to Jesus for wholeness.

5. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOUR DAD SO MUCH. I feel so deeply and passionately for your father. He is SUCH a good man with a good heart, deep thoughts, rich emotions and has done the best he knows how as a dad. I love you and he loves you and NEVER EVER FORGET IT. 

Oh my kids - I HOPE I don't leave you early. I hope that the Lord sees fit to keep me here with you to grow old with you and be a grandma to your children. 

And no matter what the future looks like, no matter what the plan looks like for me in my life, or you in your life, I also KNOW that God knows best. Sometimes trusting Him is really hard. But I KNOW He knows best. Have faith. Always have faith in the Lord. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom (your FOREVER MOTHER)

Joshua's Strength: Compliments!

 Dear Kids, 

Joshua - I had a magic moment today with you! I thought to myself, "that is going in the journal stories today."

You were doing some copywork and I was watching you. I said, 'you are doing so great with writing buddy! I like how you are putting dashes in where the spaces need to be. That is very smart."

Then you said this, "Mom, you taught me that! You are teaching me how to be smart because you are the

smartest, bestest mom in the world."

It just made my heart melt. Here you are, doing your best to do your part and be responsible with school, and you were just so complimentary. You have a GIFT for compliments! That is one of the BEST things you do, you make people around you feel so good about themselves, it is a strength of yours, that is for sure!

Thank you for including me in those gifts of compliments. I love hearing your sweet thoughts and I appreciate how positive you are. 

Thank you for showing me how to be a better person. 

I love you buddy, 

Your mom