Art On My Walls

Dear Elijah,

Today you decided to give us art on our walls.

I was in the living room with your brother and sister, teaching them how to use the home phone we just got. They were calling all sorts of people, and having a great time with it.

Then Talia walked out and three seconds later I hear, "Mooooommmmmmm!!!!" in a scream.

Of course, I jump up and run to the next room, worried about something catastrophic. What I saw melted my heart in love immediately. You turned to me, wide eyed, but grinning like crazy. Then you started playing peek-a-boo with me to show me the latest adventure in our home.

After my heart melted, my next reaction was to be frustrated, but today I chose to handle the frustration the right way. I am proud to say that I am learning a thing or two from this thing called motherhood, and that relationships are always the most important. I knelt down and talked with you about it. "Is it okay to use markers on the walls?"

You yelled, "YES!"

"No, markers are not okay on the walls. Markers are only okay on paper. Where MAY you use markers?"

And then we rehearsed where you could use markers. On the wall? No. On your shirt? No. On paper? Yes. On the table? No. On your face? No. On paper? Yes. We repeated it over and over again.

After going through it all, moving forward from the moment and going on with the day, about an hour later I looked at the wall and thought to myself, "I am going to miss this someday."

I am going to miss art on the walls. I posted about this, and the responses I received from more experienced moms were ALL to the tune of, "Frame it! Keep it! Oh how I miss the days of art on my walls."

I got really emotional.  Here you are, my amazing little man - willing to love, smile and just embrace everything about life. I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for the way you, Talia and Gabe keep things real for me. I have been really focusing the last few weeks on just being here with you. Not being distracted by other things, not being distracted by other projects, not being distracted from my most important work.

My heart is so at peace with your art on my walls right now. I am so happy to have this, and all the other "real" mom moments, as a part of my life. These moments become the memories which become the true art work of my heart and soul... all because of you and your art on the walls.

I love you,

Your Mom

What I Want To Remember

Dear Kids,

Today. What do I want to remember about today?

I want to remember your dad looking at me and saying, "Want me to take the kids swimming to give you a couple hours by yourself?" 
I want to remember having a wonderful conversation with my mom... and oh how I love my mom!
I want to remember reading the Book of Mormon today and cried a bit about how prophetic it is for the day I live in.
I want to remember first thing this morning when Talia said, "Mom! Can I go ride my bike?", bouncing with joy because she can do it by herself since yesterday.
I want to remember Elijah running back and forth to me from the front door, over and over again to give me hugs.
I want to remember telling Gabe a memory I had about him and how he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.
I want to remember the sunshine and the beauty.

Don't get me wrong... there are a lot of things about today that I don't want to remember. It wasn't all roses and sweetness. Like the dishes piled up, not feeling like doing the laundry (again), Gabe getting mad at me this morning, taking Elijah back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to time out until he stopped throwing things at me, the newly found marker on the wall, the unmade bed, the defiance of Talia and holding my temper for a time (then not being successful and handling it wrong with her), feeling exhausted and not keeping my eyes open...

I feel like lately it has been so easy to get done with my day and be frustrated by everything I haven't done. Reminding myself of everything that was accomplished. Tonight, I am choosing to focus on the first, what was done, the smiles that were given, the hugs that did happen, the love that was shown.

What I focus on expands. Focus on my frustration, it expands. Focus on my kids joy, it expands. Focus on my husbands love, it expands. Focus on my sons temper, it expands. Focus on my discouragement, it expands. Focus on my talents, they expand. Focus on having the spirit in my life, it expands.

That is a life long lesson kids.

I love you,

Your Mom

One Memory At A Time

Dear Kids,

I have been going back to the old habit of trying to write about everything that is going on... and so actually never write because I get so far behind and nothing comes out the way I want it to.

So I have to go back to the advice your Aunt Kalea told me, "Just choose one thing that you remember about the day and write about that."

Following that advice has made journal writing so much easier over the last couple of years, and I have to remember to just record one memory at a time.

There is power in this because I can choose something and be very specific about it, capture the emotions of it, and remember it for the rest of our lives. I have been told in many blessings that I must keep a record of what I do with my family because in future times "multitudes will learn from what you have written."

So I am repenting, and coming back to writing.

My one memory today is about wrinkles.

Recently, Gabe, you found a bunch of pictures that I had printed a while ago. There are all kinds of pictures in this pile, and you insisted that we hang them up all over the house. There are pictures from 10 years ago through now that are taped up and down our hallways.

As I was walking down the hall the other day I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw a picture of me that was taped to the mirror. It was one that was 10 years old. I looked at the pictures, then looked at my reflection, and it was the FIRST moment I have had in my whole life that I looked at my reflection and thought, "You are aging! People don't look at you like you are young anymore... you are growing older!"

It was a bit of a shock and relief at the same time. You can imagine me, getting close to the mirror, and examining my wrinkles, my grey hairs, age spots... then I looked at my hands and they look exactly like my mom's hands did when she was 40 years old.

I started to cry... it wasn't a sad cry or a happy cry... it was just a cry of realization of everything that life has taught me up to this point. I feel like I have a lot to offer those around me, I have a lot to teach my kids, I have so many experiences that I can share and uplift those around me with. But I also cried because I know that life truly has just begun.

Winston Churchill said, "Life really begins at 40, up until then, you are only doing research." TRUTH. I can truly say that is truth. I am grateful to know that God is a very old man, for He will always lead me the right way with His wisdom.

And so kids, remember as you grow older, that capturing one moment at a time is worth something. One moment at a time is how the Spirit talks to us. One moment at a time is really how we truly live a miraculous life.

I love you,

Your Mom