In The Thick Of It

 Dear Kids, 

I am sitting in my bed at about 11pm at night and thinking about what story would be touching to share today. I can't really think of just one story. 

I want all of you to know how much I love you. All of you. 

Today was another one of those days that was filled with teenage emotions, problems, push backs and contentions. Gabe, Talia and Elijah - you are all experiencing really BIG emotions right now and trying to figure out your place in the world. Having three of you to go through this together is a ROLLERCOASTER to say the least, for the whole family and the whole house. 

When we have days like today when contentions arise and you are trying to figure out your own personal boundaries with life, it drains everyone. And it drains me. It seems like lately I can't do anything right. All of you complain about how I am late for things, that I show up 5 minutes late to pick you up, that I don't park close enough to the store, that the food could be "this way or that", that FHE could be more fun... etc. 

Gone are the days of just happy innocence, imagination and play. 

We are into days that are more emotion filled and boundary pushing. You are, as Elder Uchtdorf puts it, "Toddler Teenagers". 

The truth is that none of you have ever been teenagers before and you are just trying to figure things out. Nana told your dad and I that when kids become teenagers "Their brains fall out and you have to teach them everything all over again."

I didn't know how true that was until all of sudden we had teenagers! I am having to teach you manners all over again, why deodorant is a good idea, why you need to brush your teeth for 2 minutes at least, why we should NOT eat food in your bedrooms, why burping loudly in someone's ear is offensive, how to keep track of time on the clock, how to put your dishes away (I have to remind people to clear their spaces at the table all the time)... there are so many things that you are learning all over again... except this time you keep telling me, "Mom I KNOW."

You already "know" how to put your dishes away. You already "know" how to load the dishwasher.  You already "know" what manners are important. You already "know" personal hygiene practices and how to clean your room. You already "know" what to eat that is healthy and good for you. 

Except this time around everything you "know" isn't always put into practice. Doing is different from knowing. 

Today was just another one of those days. 

I can't think of anything in particular that happened that I could write about - other than the fact that I get to learn a lot of things over again too. 

I am learning how to be patient all over again. I am learning how to teach you all over again - just in a VERY different way. I am learning how to laugh with you all over again. I am learning how to get myself out of bed everyday and face motherhood again - just in very different ways. I thought as I progressed in parenting that I would learn to be MORE patient - but in reality there are many ways that I have become less patient. Remembering to exercise patience with everything you are still learning is a whole new thing as you are getting older. 

How is it that I've gotten so much more experienced with motherhood, yet I feel like I know less instead of more? That is a very big surreal feeling. How could I be less confident in so many ways as I've aged instead of more? But I feel that way. There is so much I don't know. Maybe that is the true sign that I am getting wiser as I get older - the sign that I realize that God just has to take it all in order for anything to work out okay because I just can't do this on my own. 

I have learned that. I have definitely learned and have HUGE confidence in the fact that I have to give EVERYTHING to GOD. 

And that's the end of everything. 

I just want a happy family life. In so many ways. I want all of you to just be nice to each other. That's all I want. I remember asking my mom what she wanted for a gift for her birthday and she would say, "Just one day with no one fighting." I now realize as a mother that she REALLY meant that. It really would be the greatest gift. 

Anyway - I am rambling now. 

Maybe the whole point of this journal entry is for when you are a mother or father, for when you have a hard day and you just realize that you are in the THICK OF IT ALL with your kids and in the end you just want them to be happy and healthy and to know that you love them. Maybe you will read this in 30 years when you are in the THICK of life with teenagers and you will understand then what I am trying to write down because it is something that is felt with the heart instead of trying to figure it out with words. 

I love you all. 

I want you read this in the end and realize that I just LOVE YOU. I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh. I want you to smile. I want you to get a long. I want you to forgive and let go. I want you to have a testimony of Jesus. I want you to breathe in the beauty of life around you and really enjoy it. I want the BEST for you. 

That is why I do what I do day in and day out. That is why I get out of bed in the morning - because I love you. 

And that is why you will do the same thing when you are a parent. And THEN you will understand. You will know that you are doing your best and you will know that I did my best. I wasn't perfect, but I did the BEST I KNEW HOW. And that is what matters. I did my best and you will do your best too. 

And in the end that is enough. 

I love you. Always. 

Your Momma

Update From The Last Year!! Lots of time to cover

 Dear Kids, 

I haven't talked AT ALL about Rise Up Academy! Man, I didn't realize how fast a year has gone by. How did I go a year without writing? I'll give you a run down of our lives in the last year since the last time I wrote. Here's a quick update from Spring of 2023 to the beginning of 2024:

 -April 2023 I applied for lots of co-ops to be part of. I PRAYED AND PRAYED for the right fit for our family. We found it! We joined Rise Up Academy in August 2023. It was been the BIGGEST answer to prayers for the kids and their experience with homeschooling, especially my teenagers.

-Summer 2023 was full of LAGOON. We got Lagoon passes for Christmas and the summer theme was just going to Lagoon as much as possible. We had some good times there together! We have so many pictures from going to Lagoon every week. We were able to meet up with the Robbins sometimes.

-We traveled to see Papa in July 2023. We had a Kvarfordt family Reunion in August 2023. It was a ton of fun. We had a bounce house with water and we did a service project to get the storage room cleaned out. It was a lot of work but good.

-Gabe did an Oceanography trip in May 2023. That was AWESOME and he LOVED IT so much!! He wanted to go again just for LONGER. He has a sea fairing traveling soul for sure.

-I turned 46 in May 2023. Crazy! (I'm not only 2 months away from 47!)

-Talia had a GREAT summer in 2023 with her neighborhood friends (she misses those times with them actually. Once school started in fall 2023, it changed a lot with that group. But her summer was a blast).

-Brent and I went to Vegas for our anniversary in June to the LOVE Cirque show. It was amazing! 

-I went to girls camp with Talia in June 2023. I was on the camp advisory board, and it was so fun to spend that time with my girl!! Brent was in the Elder's Quorum Presidency for about a year, but needed to be released because of all the travel that came up with work. 

-Gabe went to "All Stars High Adventure Camp" in June 2023. He had such an amazing experience there.

-Gabe went to FSY in June 2023. He LOVED IT SO MUCH! Such a great experience.

-Of course Talia turned 13 in July 2023. Official Teenager! And she got to go to FLORIDA in summer of 2023! amazing blessing.

-We got "Snowball" our RABBIT in Summer of 2023. Long awaited pet. 

-I have been teaching Joshua's "Core" class in Rise Up Academy, started in Aug 2023. It's been so fun to be his teacher. There are so many fun things I've been able to play to do with him in class that I wouldn't have time for otherwise. I'm so grateful for that FOR SURE. So many things I did with my older three kids (when they were little) that I've never done with Joshua. And this has given me that opportunity!

-In Rise Up: Gabe's classes = Sword and Hero, Classical Acting. Talia = Shakespeare (she got "high empress") and Key of Liberty. Elijah = Boys Club and various afternoon classes (music, chemistry, etc). Joshua = Core Class (with me!) and various afternoon classes.

-Kids started piano lessons with Jaime Guiterrez. She has been an amazing teacher for them and it's been SO GOOD to hear music in the house again.

-Talia joined the Screaming Diva's Company Dance team. She has 4 competitions this year (in Roy, St George, Ogden and Lagoon). She's been working REALLY hard at them!

-Gabriel started snowboarding this year! The Vrajich kids, Peja and Sasha, have been his teachers. He's been doing AWESOME and I'm so proud of him for trying something new! He's had a great snowboarding season. 

-Elijah has been doing basketball this season (Jan 2024) and he is going to be starting baseball soon!

-Joshua has been just hanging out and being amazing with learning so much all the time. I think he is going to be starting sports this next year. His reading is off the charts and math skills are far above his level. He definitely soaks up learning from all around him.

-Gabe has also been doing Speech and Debate classes. That has been teaching him SUCH GREAT communication skills and I'm so glad for him.

-We went to the St George Temple open house (Oct 2023) and the Red Cliffs Temple open house (Feb 2024).

-We've been doing all the "house" settling things. I feel like we are KIND OF all moved in (after a year, haha!). We got a couch for downstairs and will be starting to set up the TV room downstairs soon. I need to spend some more time on decorating! And family pictures :-)

-Brent has been traveling with his work A LOT. It is a BIG traveling job. I keep joking around with him that we got this job 10 years too early. If it was 10 years from now I could just travel everywhere with him. We got a surprise and were able to go to BARCELONA together! It was an amazing trip! We got to hang out with Shauna Little and LOVED that of course. 

-It was our first Christmas in this house officially. We moved in to the house 5 days before Christmas in 2023... so Christmas 2024 was the first official experience with Christmas in the house. I'm SO GRATEFUL for this home. It's SUCH A HUGE BLESSING in our lives. Definitely an answer to prayer for sure. 

Over all I look back and I'm overwhelmed with how well we've been taken care of. Look at everything that happened in a years time. It's amazing!

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

No Catastrophe's - Normal Busy Mode Is Nice!

 Dear Kids, 

I am sitting at the kitchen table and listening to the sounds of "Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom" in the background as Elijah's plays the game. Joshua is telling him where to move and saying things like "Watch out! Go that way! Are you sure you are ready to fight him again?". It's adorable. 

The boys have been earning screens with their "bingo charts" and Gabriel has been following his daily schedule with his homework. Talia went to babysit someone in the ward after math class. 

Pretty normal day. 

It's strange. Even on the normal day I have this thing happening in my heart about life. 

It's a feeling of... "What's next?". 

We have a good routine with school. We have a good routine with vitamins and eating right and having good friends and doing our church callings and dad working and all the "things". I have this feeling of "What's next?".

It is a feeling that is a little bit... unsettling. I don't have any major issues to come up. It is nice to have life just be "normal". We spent YEARS in poverty, years figuring out our marriage, years with babies, years with sickness, years with death of family, years of so many things. 

And now I am finding that life is slowing down a little bit. And it's NOT slow at all. It's slowing down in a specific way. No more catastrophe's. 

That's so nice. It's amazing to have NO CATASTROPHE'S! No one is majorly ill. Our income in stable. The kids are all moving through life in school. It's amazing actually. I feel like I've been on the edge of some kind of crisis for so long, that I don't know how to come down out of it. 

Don't get me wrong, our life is busy. My life is SUPER busy right now. I'm in my car all the time taking kids here and there. The kids are involved in a lot of great things with school and activities. We always have something that we are doing and involved with. Rise Up Academy has been the HUGEST blessing for our family this year and we are SUPER busy with everything happening there with classes, preparing classes, Shakespeare play, Classical Acting play, service projects, gearing up for next year and all the things. 

Having *almost* three teenagers and one *almost* tween is a busy and GREAT time of life. AND... I don't have any crises going on right now. I'm SO GRATEFUL. 

I'm finding that coming down from survival and crisis is something that I'm getting used to. 

I'm also finding that I have a lot in life I have left to do. What do I need to do to give back? What do I need to do to make a difference in the world? What do I need to do in order to help my family more? How can I love my husband more? How can I serve in the kingdom more? How can I develop my talents more?

It's a GOOD in between space because I can actually really start thinking about these things. It's so nice. 

I read my last post about if I died unexpectedly. I'm so glad that I didn't! I am so glad that I am living and breathing and moving and doing life like this. 

I am so grateful for life. I am grateful for the EVERYDAY NORMAL LIFE!

I love you kids. So much. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful, everyday life. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Thoughts for Elijah

 Dear Elijah, 

I need to write to just you today. 

I hope you know that I love you. You and I have been trying to figure each other out for your whole life. There are days when we are just in a flow together and it's beautiful. 

You have always been the child to bring me flowers :-). I love that about you. 

You have always been the child to come find me first for a morning hug after you wake up. I love that about you. 

You have always been the child who stands up for people, who makes sure to help the underdog. I love that about you. 

You have always been my child who has such a soft heart when someone gets a consequence. When Joshua has to finish his dinner to get ice cream, you are the one who sits by him to try and help him eat and not give up. I love that about you. 

You have a HIGH sense of fairness - and sometimes that gets us into trouble together. 

You want EVERYTHING to be exactly the way YOU think it should be, because it's the way you want to control the situations and make everything fair. 

Just today we got into a little disagreement because you did something where you had to run together with Joshua as a consequence, and you thought Talia should have to as well. You were SO MAD at me that I didn't "MAKE" Talia get the same consequence. You just were beside yourself that she wasn't running as well. You kept trying to argue with me and twist words around. 

You were trying to boss me around with making me parent the way YOU think I should. Because to you it seemed like it was the fair thing to do. 

There are a lot of times when you try to force my hand with parenting in a certain way and it's difficult for me. I have definitely lost my temper several times because you are RELENTLESS. That is another thing about you that I love, your determination, but you are sometimes pushy about the wrong things that you really can't control.

I want you to know Elijah - that I love your strength. Remember to use it for things that are UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. 

You can't control other's decisions. You can only control your own decisions. 

You can't control other's emotions. You can only control your own emotions. 

And guess what? You get to practice this your whole life. I am still practicing this. When you become a dad you are going to learn these lessons in a way you never thought possible because your kids are going to push your buttons more than you can imagine. They give you LOTS of opportunity for spiritual growth!

Just like all my kids give me that opportunity. You help me spiritually grow. 

Today when we had the disagreement I am SO GRATEFUL to say that I was able to control my own emotions. When you were spewing anger at me and frustration, I didn't retaliate. I'm SO GRATEFUL for the spirit's help to do that. I was praying the whole time you were upset for the spirit to help me to NOT get upset back at you. And it worked!

I love you so much buddy. Even when we disagree. Even when I do things that you get frustrated with. I love your strength and abilities. Please use them for good! Please DON'T BE A VICTIM TO OTHER PEOPLE!~

Remember that. DON'T BE A VICTIM. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

If I Die Suddenly - Here Are My Thoughts

 Dear Kids, 

I just saw a post on facebook about a mom I know that recently and suddenly died of a brain aneurism. 

She was 46 years old. 

Same age as me right now. 

I just got stuck looking at her obituary and I started to feel super heavy feelings in my heart. "that's my age. I could have a brain aneurism tonight. My kids could never see me alive again. What if that were to happen."

I started asking myself some questions... would my kids know how much I love them? Would Brent know how deeply I feel for him? Would my family know how I feel about them? Would my kids be prepared? Have I left enough memories for them?

So many thoughts swirling. 

Because of that I wanted to write in my journal - so if anything like that happens suddenly that you have some thoughts from me about it. 

If I ever die suddenly I want you to know some very important things:

1. I love my Savior and I love my Heavenly Parents. If I die suddenly and go back to my heaven-home, know that I will be very well taken care of there. I will use the power I have as an angel to come back to you. I will come be with you all the time. I will constantly be trying to lead you and talk to you with the power of the Holy Ghost, especially since angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost (2 Ne. 32). Just think about talking to me, and I'll be there. If you hear me speaking back to you in your head and in your mind, BELIEVE that it is actually me and we can STILL have conversations together.

2. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I have made plenty mistakes as a mom. But one mistake I HAVEN'T made is not spending time with you.  Choosing to spend as much time with you as I can has been one of the smartest things as a mom I ever could have done. I have dedicated my motherhood to being with you. Your dad has sacrificed so much time and effort with working so I CAN STAY HOME WITH YOU. That's how important all of you are to us. We are taking seriously the counsel for the mom to stay home and nurture and teach children. 

2.5 = I have done a lot of things right as a mom. I have loved you with my whole soul. I have laughed with you and at your jokes. I've played with you on the ground, in the sand, in the ocean, on the mountain tops, on the hiking trails, in the backyard... we've had so many amazing experiences together. I've taught you to serve with your whole heart, we've done service for countless amounts of people. We've painted together and taken long drives in the car just in order to listen to books together. We've played at all kinds of parks together and spent time with family and friends as MUCH as we can. I've taught you how to work, to do chores, how to clean the toilet, dust wash the dishes, plant seeds, watch things grow. We've done tea time Tuesday together and read countless stories. We've had adventures together and we've kept those memories alive in our family chatbooks. I've read scriptures with you daily (mostly! ha!), we've talked about Come Follow Me, I've born my testimony of Jesus. I've prayed with you over and over and over again. I've gone to the temple hundreds of times and put your names on the prayer rolls over and over. I've made thousands of meals and probably even more desserts! And I've LOVED EVERY MOMENT TOGETHER WITH YOU.

3. I would ask you to please forgive me for anything I have done wrong. And I am SO SORRY for ANYTHING that I have done that might have been difficult for you. I'm so sorry, please forgive me for being human and making mistakes. Please find peace in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and know I did my best, and when I made mistakes I asked you to forgive me and said I was sorry. There are so many people I know that get so bitter toward their parents. I would just ask you to be kind in your thoughts about your dad and I. We really have done the best we know how. You get to take everything we have done for you, and then pass on all the good stuff to your kids. 

4. I KNOW the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the Restored Church of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I know Priesthood covenants are real and powerful and necessary. Go to the temple. Make covenants. Strive each day to be a little better than the day before, and then keep turning to Jesus for wholeness.

5. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOUR DAD SO MUCH. I feel so deeply and passionately for your father. He is SUCH a good man with a good heart, deep thoughts, rich emotions and has done the best he knows how as a dad. I love you and he loves you and NEVER EVER FORGET IT. 

Oh my kids - I HOPE I don't leave you early. I hope that the Lord sees fit to keep me here with you to grow old with you and be a grandma to your children. 

And no matter what the future looks like, no matter what the plan looks like for me in my life, or you in your life, I also KNOW that God knows best. Sometimes trusting Him is really hard. But I KNOW He knows best. Have faith. Always have faith in the Lord. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom (your FOREVER MOTHER)

Joshua's Strength: Compliments!

 Dear Kids, 

Joshua - I had a magic moment today with you! I thought to myself, "that is going in the journal stories today."

You were doing some copywork and I was watching you. I said, 'you are doing so great with writing buddy! I like how you are putting dashes in where the spaces need to be. That is very smart."

Then you said this, "Mom, you taught me that! You are teaching me how to be smart because you are the

smartest, bestest mom in the world."

It just made my heart melt. Here you are, doing your best to do your part and be responsible with school, and you were just so complimentary. You have a GIFT for compliments! That is one of the BEST things you do, you make people around you feel so good about themselves, it is a strength of yours, that is for sure!

Thank you for including me in those gifts of compliments. I love hearing your sweet thoughts and I appreciate how positive you are. 

Thank you for showing me how to be a better person. 

I love you buddy, 

Your mom

Easter 2023 & Traditions

 Dear Kids, 

Last week was Easter. Oh my goodness it was so beautiful! 

We were told in Conference from President Nelson that Easter is the MOST important holiday for us as disciples of Jesus Christ. Your dad and I have done several thing in order to hopefully help you all know how much we love Jesus.

Some of our Easter traditions are:

-Talking about the events of Jesus's life the week before He was crucified. Each day we hang up a picture and read the scriptures that go along with that day.

-Easter Morning get up and watch the sunrise while having "Resurrection Donuts"! This year the sunrise was so beautiful! I just couldn't believe it. This picture shows just a little bit of what this really looked like. The kids were grumbling as they got out of bed, but once we got up on the mountain they were all so happy that we did it! Elijah was funny, he kept waiting for the sun to come up over the mountain and finally just blurted out, "Come on sun! Just pop out already!". 

-While waiting for the sun to rise we read scriptures from the different accounts in the Bible about Jesus's Resurrection - then we sang "I Stand All Amazed". The spirit was awesome. 

-Of course Easter Sunday was wonderful with testimonies of Jesus for the talks. 

-Every year we do a Jesus Treasure Scavengar Hunt for their baskets. Your dad is amazing at putting together treasure hunts. His clues are always awesome. They always have Jesus in them and the story of Jesus and feelings about Jesus in the clues. 

-Then of course we love having Easter Dinner with Ham and Funeral potatoes. :-)

-Easter Egg hunt is on the list - it's full of lots of sugar, but you guys always really love it. 

I feel like in the future I really want our Easter traditions to expand. This year we were with the Wanlass family for part of the Easter week and they did a Passover Dinner on the floor. I REALLY loved that and I want to include that in our traditions. Finding the ways to honor the Jewish experience is on the list of things that I want to include for sure. 

The other thing is MUSIC. We need more music at Easter Time! Next year we need to find ways to include "Lamb of God" into our traditions. 

I love you kids. 

I hope you know that Jesus is the most important person to your dad and I. We love Him. We love to celebrate HIM. 

Love you, 

Your Mom

Mimi, Lost Underwear, Being Like Her

 Dear Kids, 

A story hit me tonight. 

I had to go to Walmart to pick up some new underwear for Joshua. He only has like 4 pairs left and we have no idea where the rest have ended up. I finally took the time tonight to go and get some. 

On the way into the store Joshua was holding my hand and talking about how he has "no idea where all his underwear went!". He then proceeded to talk about how maybe his basket ate them, or maybe his dresser hid them away. 

Then he said this, "Or maybe it was Mimi and she was playing jokes on my to spend time with me!"

I laughed and looked at him. Then I teared up. I said, "Maybe buddy, maybe that's what happened."

I just hit me like a ton of bricks that he won't have memories of Mimi like everyone else has. It made me really sad. And a little angry. I thought for a split second, "Dang it mom! Why did you die?? What about all these kids here who need you??". 

Then there was a reassuring little 'pat on the back' that I felt very briefly, then it left. 

I haven't felt Mimi as much on the other side as I have felt Shayla. I feel like whenever I feel about or think about Shay, that she's right there beside me. I don't know why, but it isn't the same with mom. Maybe part of it is because I haven't talked to her as much as Shay, or if there's something in my heart that is preventing it. I don't know. But I do know that I want more interactions with her. 

I wish it really was her that was taking the underwear just to spend time with Joshua. I want her here with us, but she's gone, and I wish she wasn't. 

All the wishing I can do is in vain however. I won't get her back until I see her again on the other side. It makes me happy for that day, anxious, and also a little depressed because it feels so far away in so many ways. 

Joshy - I wish you had more time with Mimi. You mainly spent time with her while she was ill, you only knew her when she was sick. But she LOVED you buddy, she still does. She loves you so much. She loves all of you kids. She loves you so much. She lived to just be a mom and a grandma. I'm so grateful that I grew up with a mom that was dedicated. 

In so many ways, I wish I could be more like her. But whenever I have that thought, I immediately feel her actually, reminding me that we aren't the same. Our personalities have always been very different and that's okay. I know the way that I am the MOST like her is that I LOVE YOU ALL and I have sacrificed the things of this world in order to be with you. I want to just be your mom, and in that way I am exactly like her. 

I love you kids. I hope you remember how much your Mimi loves you as well. She is your true guardian angel. 

Your Mom

Figuring Out How To Write More Stories

 Dear Kids, 

I used to get to the end of my day and I could immediately pick out the "one" thing that I wanted to write about that day. Either a lesson for me, or a cute thing that one of you did, or an interaction with something or someone that happened that day. It was so easy. I think because EVERYTHING stood out to me. Everything seemed like it hit my feeling button. I could feel easy and write about it. I could look at my day and know when I felt angry, or sad, or happy, or excited, or any other BIG emotion that I wanted to write about and focus on in order to never forget a "moment". 

Stories. They connect us. And I felt like I wrote so many great stories about you and our everyday life. 

Now - As I sit down to write and I think about my day, nothing is coming to me. NOT because we don't have any stories, but because I think that there are so many ways where I have forgotten to look at everything with magical eyes. Everything you kids did when you were little was just magic. Now I'm getting into the phase of parenting when it doesn't feel as magical. It feels more like I'm constantly being pulled in every emotional direction - all of you need me in ways that you never needed me before. I'm figuring out my parenting muscles for what this phase looks like. We're past the cute phase of parenting. We're into some of the REAL stuff parenting. 

Not that it wasn't real when you were little. In a lot of ways it was more real then than it is now. I had NO IDEA how much the things I was putting into place when you were little would make such a huge difference now. They have shaped you in so many ways for who you are now. 

And in other ways there wasn't anything I could do because you all came so independent and such unique souls. 

I don't want you to feel bad about this. Really - it's just all about the phase I'm in right now. But what I do want you to remember is when you are in my stage of parenting, remember not to think that you are alone. You are among the best in the world when you can't figure it out either. 

I hope the millenium is happening for you during your parenting - because figuring out this world within parenting and trying to point you to the Lord during all the worldliness is BIG STUFF. 

I want you to have a testimony of your Savior Jesus Christ more than anything else. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm failing, but when I feel that way I remember that the Lord is the only one who makes up the difference. He is the only one that can truly help you in your lives. I hope you keep choosing to turn to HIM. 

Please just do that - and I will be a happy momma. Choose to follow Christ. 

I love you kids, no matter what. 

Your Mom

Elijah, Weird Reading, Harry Potter and Getting Over Myself

 Dear Kids,

Elijah and I have been reading the Harry Potter books together. A few weeks ago I started getting irritated with the way he was reading. There wasn't a reason for it, I just allowed myself to get irritated because of the way he was pausing and making funny noises with his mouth. 

I found myself getting so worked up over the noises and "wrong" way he was reading that I just started snapping at him. I remember the look on his face... ,"Elijah, stop pausing like that!".... "Elijah, knock it off with that noise with your lips, it's driving me crazy!"... 

I just kept being so critical. 

At one point I looked at his face and he was so down trodden. I just had this flash of what I was doing. I was able to see what my criticisms were doing to him. 

 There are certain behaviors that are easy to be "in the box" about with your kids. When you all become parents, you will understand this better. It has nothing to do with the kids, like this, it had nothing to do with what Elijah was doing - rather it has everything to do with what I'm TELLING myself about what he is doing. And I had gotten REALLY in the box about this particular thing. I had allowed myself to get so worked up over the stupidest thing.

So I backed off. I had to just get over myself.

The next time we read together I had a goal to not SAY ANYTHING about the mouth noises or the pace at which he was reading, or the pauses. Every time he would do any of those particular behaviors I just kept repeating to myself, "Andrea, he's reading. That's what matters. He's reading, let him read. Keep your mouth SHUT!"

And it worked! After a few days I was so much more patient when I started feeding my mind with the RIGHT was of reacting to him. He is reading better and better. He is still making funny noises with his mouth, but his pace of reading is so much better and his pausing with reading is SO much better. I'm REALLY proud of him!

I just have to really catch myself as a parent, ESPECIALLY because of being home all day with the kids homeschooling - it's EASY to get on each other's nerves. I get to spiritually focus on the behaviors that I want duplicated and when I start to get crazy frustrated, I have to remember, "Andrea, it's NOT THEM, it's what you are telling yourself ABOUT what they are doing that is the problem!"

Elijah- I'm proud of you buddy. I love you. I am so proud of your school work and how much you are doing to become a good reader. It has been a CHALLENGE for you, but you have stuck with it and we have made it through so many ups' and downs and break downs over reading. Now you are so much smoother and resilient. I'm so excited for you!

Remember how much your mom loves you, 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom