Feeling Our Baby

Dear Baby,

So we don't know what your name needs to be yet. But until that point, you are our baby.

I need to tell you an experience I had the other day that was soooooo happy for me. I haven't had any kind of spiritual experiences with you up until this happened... Which is unusual for me. Gabe was around me constantly while he was in my tummy, he was hovering. Talia came quite a few times and had some powerful experiences with her. Elijah didn't come often, but I knew him and what he was going to be like and his personality. He was just busy on the other side, and told me once, "Stop worrying about it mom. I will get there when I get there. I'm busy over here."   Typical Elijah.

But with you, I hadn't had any experiences or feelings from the spirit about you at all. Part of it is because we really thought you were a girl until getting the ultrasound. And I had a lot of experiences with the baby girl that was miscarried. But just not with you. You are a surprise for us!

I figured out that part of the reason is because you needed to come to Brent first. He needed that spiritual experience with you first. When we were in the temple about a month ago, you came to visit Brent. He told me after the session that you were there, in front of him at one point, as about a 4 year old boy and said, "Hi Dad!". Brent had such peace about having that experience with you, his heart just wrapped around you at that point. The awesome thing is during the whole session I was just praying and praying for some kind of experience to know you and to feel you. You went to Brent first, and when he told me about it I cried and knew my prayers had been answered, just in a different way.

Well, the other day I was having some prayer time. It was after having a REALLY hard pregnancy day. The day before this experience I was in tears because my sciatic was hurting so badly and my body was just aching. It was a hard pregnancy day and I was having a rough time, I cried several times and was just emotional. The next day *finally* came, and I was praying and just asking Heavenly Father about you. Pleading and asking for help as I enter the third trimester. Then you were there! You came to me! You have to understand when I have experiences like this it is in my "mind's eye". I have also come to call it my "heart's eye". To the naked eye, no one would have seen you. But I felt you and saw you in my "heart's eye". You simply said, "Thank you mom."

Even now thinking about it, I am crying. I felt very deeply the gratitude you felt (and feel) towards me for helping you come to the earth. It was a depth of gratitude that I don't know I have ever felt from someone before. It was a heavenly gratitude. You looked at me so softly, the feeling was just so grateful, such peace, such softness surrounding your heart. Then you were gone.

I have felt you around me a few times after that, nothing profound, but just feeling and knowing your spirit is walking around our home. I'm SO, SO, SO grateful for these experiences to know all of my kids before they come. It is a HUGE tender mercy, that I hope I will never take for granted.

We are excited to have you as part of our family, our little baby. The kids can't wait. Brent and I are going into this with eyes wide open of knowing what to expect with a newborn baby. Both of us are excited and both of us are very realistic about what a new dynamic like a baby brings into a family. Brent said it perfectly the other day, "I vacillate between being really excited and just wanting to have hives." Ha! He has such a way with words.

Can't wait to see you. There are a couple more months to go in this third trimester. I'm doing my best to make sure my body is ready for labor to get you here as safely and naturally as possible.

I love you baby.

Love,

Your Mom