Dear Child Of Mine,
I can feel you. I cry about you in my prayers. I feel your soul. I know you are near.
How am I the lucky one? How I am the one you have chosen to come to? I am amazed at the life I can help carry. You are near to our Father. You can see everything now. Oh how I wish I could too. I wish I could see with your eyes, before turning to mortal images.
You are peaceful. You are happy. I hope I am the mother you need me to be. I hope to create a relationship between you and God for the your entire life that will be strong and foundational.
Hold on to me. Take anything you need from me. Suck energy and life from me anytime you need to be healthy and strong. To be capable and able.
Thank you for choosing me. I have felt you for a long time now. We are ready for you to be with us.
I love you already. Before I felt you, I have loved you for years.
Love,
Your Mom
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Another New Phase
Dear Gabriel,
You showed me a defiant side of you the other day. I feel like when it happened I had a flash forward a few years, and I do NOT want that kind of relationship.
We were getting ready in the morning and you HATE being pushed to rush. But we had to rush, so I pushed you. I pushed you to get dressed, brush your teeth, have breakfast, do all the morning rituals before getting out the door. The more I pushed, the more you looked at me with loathing.
As you were walking out the door you yelled at me, "You are a MEAN MOM!!". Then you slammed the door. It really hurt my feelings. A lot actually. It took me about an hour, until all of a sudden I just started crying about it. I haven't seen that side of you before and I realized that we are getting to another level of life with you. I have to learn new parenting skills with you now. I have to learn new tactics, because the "young child/toddler" tactics aren't working, and truly aren't appropriate to be using any more with you.
Here I am on unchartered ground again as a mother. A new phase I haven't been exposed to yet. New emotions and situations that haven't reared their ugly heads yet. But as I was thinking about this I had to remind myself that we are also approaching a time when there are so many more beautiful parts about our relationships that we can expand on.
You are thinking deeper. You are feeling things on a more sophisticated level. You can understand more when I explain complexities of situations to you. You are wanting to learn more and more and more and more about everything.
As I was dropping you off after all this happened, you came back to the car and gave me a hug, "I am so sorry mom that I disobeyed you." You are still young enough to apologize quickly and move forward.
I don't want our relationship in the future to be how it was pushing you in the morning. I don't want to push, push, push, nag, nag, nag to get you to respond to me. Sometimes thinking about how to parent in different situations is exhausting because I must have the humility to admit that it ALL STARTS WITH ME.
So my goal is to open my heart to the Lord's way of parenting. He doesn't push us. He waits for us. He reminds us. He lets us all on our faces and fail. And then he is there for us when we need Him after we are bruised up and learned a few lessons ON OUR OWN. That is where you are now. You want to learn so many lessons on your own.
I love you so much. Let's keep working on this together.
Love,
Your Mom
You showed me a defiant side of you the other day. I feel like when it happened I had a flash forward a few years, and I do NOT want that kind of relationship.
We were getting ready in the morning and you HATE being pushed to rush. But we had to rush, so I pushed you. I pushed you to get dressed, brush your teeth, have breakfast, do all the morning rituals before getting out the door. The more I pushed, the more you looked at me with loathing.
As you were walking out the door you yelled at me, "You are a MEAN MOM!!". Then you slammed the door. It really hurt my feelings. A lot actually. It took me about an hour, until all of a sudden I just started crying about it. I haven't seen that side of you before and I realized that we are getting to another level of life with you. I have to learn new parenting skills with you now. I have to learn new tactics, because the "young child/toddler" tactics aren't working, and truly aren't appropriate to be using any more with you.
Here I am on unchartered ground again as a mother. A new phase I haven't been exposed to yet. New emotions and situations that haven't reared their ugly heads yet. But as I was thinking about this I had to remind myself that we are also approaching a time when there are so many more beautiful parts about our relationships that we can expand on.
You are thinking deeper. You are feeling things on a more sophisticated level. You can understand more when I explain complexities of situations to you. You are wanting to learn more and more and more and more about everything.
As I was dropping you off after all this happened, you came back to the car and gave me a hug, "I am so sorry mom that I disobeyed you." You are still young enough to apologize quickly and move forward.
I don't want our relationship in the future to be how it was pushing you in the morning. I don't want to push, push, push, nag, nag, nag to get you to respond to me. Sometimes thinking about how to parent in different situations is exhausting because I must have the humility to admit that it ALL STARTS WITH ME.
So my goal is to open my heart to the Lord's way of parenting. He doesn't push us. He waits for us. He reminds us. He lets us all on our faces and fail. And then he is there for us when we need Him after we are bruised up and learned a few lessons ON OUR OWN. That is where you are now. You want to learn so many lessons on your own.
I love you so much. Let's keep working on this together.
Love,
Your Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)