Dear Kids,
Let me tell you some of my favorite memories about you right now.
~Talia and Elijah finding songs on the keyboard and dancing around to them. Then choosing different instruments to play while it is being played. Pretending like there is a stage in front of me to perform all the different marches and dances. It's ADORABLE.
~All the kids wrestling with your dad. Putting the love sac on his back like he's a "turtle" and being bounced up and down.
~Doing airplanes with you on my feet. Lifting you in the air and saying, "up in the air junior Gabriel, up in the air upside down, up in the air junior Gabriel, keep your noses off the ground!" and then dropping you on the love sac.
~Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner all together and actually having help with out complaints.
~Joshua looking at me with his 3 month old eyes and smiling at me and accepting me just for who I am. I think that is one reason why Heavenly Father made human babies be dependent for so long is because there is an element of really being alive when a baby is around, because all they are is LOVE.
~Pushing each other on the lego box (with the wheels) and pushing each other up and down the hallway.
~Picking Talia and Gabe up from school and when we leave Elijah says, "Let's go get the kids!" and he will call them "my kids" really often. It's so cute. Then when we get them they tell me all about what they learned (how to spell "lunch") - OH the simplicity of it all. I am eating it up. I really actually like having to take the kids to and from school each day because of the quality time we get because of it.
~Doing "affirmations" in the car on the way to school in the morning. Saying and repeating phrases all together like, "I am smart. I am kind. I am a great friend. I am going to have an awesome day. I am an ambassador of Christ. I am a hard worker. I tell the truth. I am going to have fun! I listen to my teacher. I stand up for what is right...." It is so heart warming for me to do that with my kids because it helps me get my head right for the day as well!
I LOVE BEING YOUR MOM!
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Monday, January 9, 2017
Things I Don't Want To Forget In 20 Years
Dear Kids,
The other day I had a bit of a melt down. Everything was going fine, I was feeling really great actually. I had a great week, started exercising a bit and taking care of myself again after having Joshua, watching my nutrition, reading and getting back into a little bit more of a normal routine.
However, the house has been a constant mess, the garage is still full of boxes, I have no systems for anything, the only place in the house that has any kind of order is the kitchen (which is the most important :-) ). The kids rooms have been horribly dirty and I just haven't been able to really get to it like normal with them. Usually we have a routine of taking care of things, but the last 4 months that has been completely out the window.
So I went in to Talia's room to start helping her clean up and I saw that she had gotten her memory box and had opened it up and started playing with the things inside. I don't know why that was the "switch" for me, but I lost it. I put everything in her room and boys room into garbage bags (into "gobbly-goop". I told them they lost the privilege to have anything in their room because they weren't taking care of it anyway (which is true).
Seeing that I had reached "the point", Brent ended up taking the kids out for a couple hours while I took some space and fed Joshua. Then when he got home I went out and used a couple of my Christmas gift cards for a couple hours.
While I was driving around the spirit gave me a great gift. I pray to have "10,000 foot view" experiences often, to remind me of what I am doing all these things day-to-day for that don't seem to be making any kind of a difference. The Lord helped me to have one of those moments. I could see myself in 20 years giving a talk to young moms. I could see myself telling so many stories about when I was young mom and relating to this group so well. Then the spirit said, "You have to get back to writing down what you experience everyday. You have been told to do that before, you won't be able to help people in the future if you don't write them down. You will forget."
It was a poignant moment for me. I have been told in many blessings to write virtually everything down that I am doing with my family right now because it will help so many people in the future. So while I was out I decided I needed to write down a list of things that I don't want to forget about being a young mom in 20 years... so I can have that real conversation with other women and be able to relate to them because I will remember through my writing:
-I don't want to forget that the days seem like forever, but the months seem like a blink of an eye. One day can seem to go on FOREVER. There are so many times that the minutia of being at home with young kids is so monotonous that 24 hours lasts an eternity. But then all of a sudden a month goes by and I can't believe it went by so fast.
-I want to remember to remind other women that they simply can't get to everything sometimes. For example... Brent has been working 7 days a week for 8 weeks in a row right now. He has been slammed and hasn't been able to be available to help like normal. The leaves from our trees fell down like 2 months ago... but guess what? All of those leaves are STILL on the ground. We haven't cleaned them up yet because there are so many other things to do. And that isn't the only thing that isn't happening... there are so many details inside of taking care of the house that simply aren't happening. You drive down the street and our house is the only house that looks like a disaster in the front. Mind you, my kids are AMAZING workers, but the oldest is 8 years old... they still need me to be with them in order to get bigger projects done to mentor them and coach them through how to do it right. I can't just go say "Hey, go spend an hour to get the leaves cleaned up." Within 10 minutes they would be playing because they still need a coach there to help them focus. I have thought several times that my neighbors are probably rolling their eyes at the mess.... that we are "that" neighbor. But guess what??? it doens't matter what they think. Sometimes there are things that just go by the way side. We will get to it, and until then, it's not killing anyone. So keep it simple... if it isn't going to kill someone or if it isn't dangerous (like if someone breaks glass... clean that up immediately ;-) ),
- Along this same though remember that everything you are doing is all about human development. Sometimes the best you can do around the house is a load of dishes and one load of laundry, then the other time you have is spent on kids crying, a child needing help to wipe his bum, that same child having diarrhea, so you go help him with medicine, then the baby cries and you need to feed him, then you are done feeding him and you need to show the other young child how to clean up his trains, then it's time for lunch, then it's time to show the kids how to clean up lunch, then it's time for a nap, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to go get the other kids from school, then it's time to give them "after school hugs" and talk with them for a few minutes, then it's time to make sure they are doing their after school things, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to respond to the other kids saying, "mom come listen to my song on the piano/watch my dance/play with me on the tramp", then it's time to think about dinner, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to follow up on your kids getting their chore done for the day and family work time, then it's time to set the table for dinner...... you get the picture...
-Following that point there are MILLIONS of things that aren't getting done, like the pile of music to organize, the boxes in the garage to sort, the leaves on the lawn that need to be raked up, the sheets that need to be washed, the dusting around, the 5 people who have called you that need to be called back, the emails that you need to answer, the song you need to practice for church.... I don't know how working moms with young kids do it. Or single moms of young kids. They are amazing.
-I want to remember to teach other young moms to say what they need. The reason Brent jumps in so well when I need a break is because he knows my signs and I have told him what I need him to do in those moments. We have had to practice for about 10 years to get it right, but we are getting better and better at it.
-I want to remember to teach young moms that there are so many people that say, "You are going to miss it and don't worry about it, it will all work out" - they are RIGHT. But that doesn't mean that it will help you feel better sometimes! My sister Kalea said it best, that older moms are like the generals in the army. They have been there, they have "done that", but they are in the tent that is away from the battlefield. They have wonderful perspective of course and so many skills, but the young moms are the soldiers that are on the field of battle getting wounded at every turn. It is just hard work, every stage of mother hood is WORK, it is deep down and dirty work a lot of times that is emotionally exhausting. Yes, we will all miss them being young, but the more conscious effort that we put in when they are young, the more ready for life they will be when they get older. I have a friend that painted a picture of what life was like when her youngest is now 8 years old. They are amazing helpers, they can do things on their own, she has taught them well, they are amazing kids... and it's because she put in the time. If we don't put in the time when they are young, then it will be so much harder later.
-I want to remember to warn my kids about how the repetition of parenting. I was very unprepared for the fact that children are NOT adult learners! LOL. It seems like an obvious thing, but they have to have repetition. I had no idea that I would have to teach/mentor/show my children how to brush there teeth over and over and over again. How to say thank you, over and over and over again... how to properly put something away over and over and over again, how to communicate, how to take a break when they need one, how to set the table, how to wash the dishes... everything takes so much longer with little kids because the repetition is SLOW. It is a good 10 years (when you have more than one child) AT LEAST of repeating the simple life skills over and over and over again.
-I also don't want to forget to look for the young moms and see how I can help. If someone has had their leaves on their lawn for 2 months, to go do a service project and clean them up instead of being irritated. To have the eyes to see when someone just is simply in over their head and they need help... especially to teach that to my children.
-I want to remember how much it makes a huge difference when you have a husband who is so understanding of the craziness of home life with the children. I have never ONCE heard from Brent's mouth, "What did you do all day?". He has NEVER questioned what I have been focused on when he gets home and the house is a mess. He doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me because he knows the minutia of what it is like to raise young children, especially trying to be a conscious mother. I am going to teach my boys to be SO UNDERSTANDING of their wives when they have young children. And it isn't just the physical time, it is the emotional time involved in human development. There are so many dynamics involved inside of it.
-I want to remember (and give myself a pat on the back) for enjoying my babies when they were babies. It helps that I am a stay at home mom, but I have been able to raise all my babies without leaving them. It is a HUGE sacrifice emotionally, mentally and professionally... but you know what? I will have NO REGRETS when they are grown. I will know that I put my all into raising my kids.
-I want to remember to encourage other moms to have the "10,000 foot view" prayers and the concept of "sharpening your saw" is HUGE in order to maintain that kind of view of motherhood. I also want to encourage other women that the first 5 years of motherhood your kids usually completely forget!!! LOL. That thought has saved me more than once when I have gotten upset. My oldest is just BARELY getting to the point where he is going to remember a lot of things and have memories. The first 5 years of motherhood are a wash... and that is a good thing because there are so many lessons that are purely for you as a mom because these cute kids are perfect during that time.
-I don't want to forget the tantrums and how exhausting they can be. Tantrums TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY to handle correctly... but it is worth it to do that when they are little. Handling the emotions of kids (not just young kids, but every age) is usually the most important. I want to remember to LISTEN WITH MY EYES. I love that lesson from a friend of mine, remember to listen with your eyes. (she told a story of her child... he came to her and started talking. She was doing something else and was saying, "uh huh..." Then that child said, "mom I want you to listen to me." she replied, "I am honey."... then he said, "No, I want you to listen to me with your eyes."... I love that story, it is HUGE for kids). BE PRESENT with my kids.
-I don't want to forget the 1% principle. If I do just 1% better today than I did yesterday, over a year I will improve 3800%. I can do 1% better. That is doable.
-I want to remember to tell other moms that prayer in parenting works... not just praying FOR your kids, but praying WITH your kids. So many times when I have had a hard time with my kids, or one particular child, I have said, "we need to say a prayer about this."... Then we will. I will pray and ask Heavenly Father to soften my heart and soften their heart, I will pray that the spirit can be better with us while we are trying to figure this out... so many things that we pray for together RIGHT when there is a hard moment... and EVERY TIME I have done this, it works magic. I don't remember to do it all the time, but it is one of the best tactics of parenting ever.
-I don't want to forget that the first 3 months after having a baby is survival. the next 3 months is a little bit better. After 6 months you are starting to get back to yourself and it takes a full year to feel like maybe you have a handle on life again.
There are so many lessons... but I must remember to WRITE them all down. I AM DOING the most important work of my life right now... everything else is just cake. I know there are many plans the Lord has for me and my children... and we will get there one day. Right now, the chapter in my life is at home, doing the minutia on the "front lines" of battle, getting bloody everyday.
Love you,
Your Mom
The other day I had a bit of a melt down. Everything was going fine, I was feeling really great actually. I had a great week, started exercising a bit and taking care of myself again after having Joshua, watching my nutrition, reading and getting back into a little bit more of a normal routine.
However, the house has been a constant mess, the garage is still full of boxes, I have no systems for anything, the only place in the house that has any kind of order is the kitchen (which is the most important :-) ). The kids rooms have been horribly dirty and I just haven't been able to really get to it like normal with them. Usually we have a routine of taking care of things, but the last 4 months that has been completely out the window.
So I went in to Talia's room to start helping her clean up and I saw that she had gotten her memory box and had opened it up and started playing with the things inside. I don't know why that was the "switch" for me, but I lost it. I put everything in her room and boys room into garbage bags (into "gobbly-goop". I told them they lost the privilege to have anything in their room because they weren't taking care of it anyway (which is true).
Seeing that I had reached "the point", Brent ended up taking the kids out for a couple hours while I took some space and fed Joshua. Then when he got home I went out and used a couple of my Christmas gift cards for a couple hours.
While I was driving around the spirit gave me a great gift. I pray to have "10,000 foot view" experiences often, to remind me of what I am doing all these things day-to-day for that don't seem to be making any kind of a difference. The Lord helped me to have one of those moments. I could see myself in 20 years giving a talk to young moms. I could see myself telling so many stories about when I was young mom and relating to this group so well. Then the spirit said, "You have to get back to writing down what you experience everyday. You have been told to do that before, you won't be able to help people in the future if you don't write them down. You will forget."
It was a poignant moment for me. I have been told in many blessings to write virtually everything down that I am doing with my family right now because it will help so many people in the future. So while I was out I decided I needed to write down a list of things that I don't want to forget about being a young mom in 20 years... so I can have that real conversation with other women and be able to relate to them because I will remember through my writing:
-I don't want to forget that the days seem like forever, but the months seem like a blink of an eye. One day can seem to go on FOREVER. There are so many times that the minutia of being at home with young kids is so monotonous that 24 hours lasts an eternity. But then all of a sudden a month goes by and I can't believe it went by so fast.
-I want to remember to remind other women that they simply can't get to everything sometimes. For example... Brent has been working 7 days a week for 8 weeks in a row right now. He has been slammed and hasn't been able to be available to help like normal. The leaves from our trees fell down like 2 months ago... but guess what? All of those leaves are STILL on the ground. We haven't cleaned them up yet because there are so many other things to do. And that isn't the only thing that isn't happening... there are so many details inside of taking care of the house that simply aren't happening. You drive down the street and our house is the only house that looks like a disaster in the front. Mind you, my kids are AMAZING workers, but the oldest is 8 years old... they still need me to be with them in order to get bigger projects done to mentor them and coach them through how to do it right. I can't just go say "Hey, go spend an hour to get the leaves cleaned up." Within 10 minutes they would be playing because they still need a coach there to help them focus. I have thought several times that my neighbors are probably rolling their eyes at the mess.... that we are "that" neighbor. But guess what??? it doens't matter what they think. Sometimes there are things that just go by the way side. We will get to it, and until then, it's not killing anyone. So keep it simple... if it isn't going to kill someone or if it isn't dangerous (like if someone breaks glass... clean that up immediately ;-) ),
- Along this same though remember that everything you are doing is all about human development. Sometimes the best you can do around the house is a load of dishes and one load of laundry, then the other time you have is spent on kids crying, a child needing help to wipe his bum, that same child having diarrhea, so you go help him with medicine, then the baby cries and you need to feed him, then you are done feeding him and you need to show the other young child how to clean up his trains, then it's time for lunch, then it's time to show the kids how to clean up lunch, then it's time for a nap, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to go get the other kids from school, then it's time to give them "after school hugs" and talk with them for a few minutes, then it's time to make sure they are doing their after school things, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to respond to the other kids saying, "mom come listen to my song on the piano/watch my dance/play with me on the tramp", then it's time to think about dinner, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to follow up on your kids getting their chore done for the day and family work time, then it's time to set the table for dinner...... you get the picture...
-Following that point there are MILLIONS of things that aren't getting done, like the pile of music to organize, the boxes in the garage to sort, the leaves on the lawn that need to be raked up, the sheets that need to be washed, the dusting around, the 5 people who have called you that need to be called back, the emails that you need to answer, the song you need to practice for church.... I don't know how working moms with young kids do it. Or single moms of young kids. They are amazing.
-I want to remember to teach other young moms to say what they need. The reason Brent jumps in so well when I need a break is because he knows my signs and I have told him what I need him to do in those moments. We have had to practice for about 10 years to get it right, but we are getting better and better at it.
-I want to remember to teach young moms that there are so many people that say, "You are going to miss it and don't worry about it, it will all work out" - they are RIGHT. But that doesn't mean that it will help you feel better sometimes! My sister Kalea said it best, that older moms are like the generals in the army. They have been there, they have "done that", but they are in the tent that is away from the battlefield. They have wonderful perspective of course and so many skills, but the young moms are the soldiers that are on the field of battle getting wounded at every turn. It is just hard work, every stage of mother hood is WORK, it is deep down and dirty work a lot of times that is emotionally exhausting. Yes, we will all miss them being young, but the more conscious effort that we put in when they are young, the more ready for life they will be when they get older. I have a friend that painted a picture of what life was like when her youngest is now 8 years old. They are amazing helpers, they can do things on their own, she has taught them well, they are amazing kids... and it's because she put in the time. If we don't put in the time when they are young, then it will be so much harder later.
-I want to remember to warn my kids about how the repetition of parenting. I was very unprepared for the fact that children are NOT adult learners! LOL. It seems like an obvious thing, but they have to have repetition. I had no idea that I would have to teach/mentor/show my children how to brush there teeth over and over and over again. How to say thank you, over and over and over again... how to properly put something away over and over and over again, how to communicate, how to take a break when they need one, how to set the table, how to wash the dishes... everything takes so much longer with little kids because the repetition is SLOW. It is a good 10 years (when you have more than one child) AT LEAST of repeating the simple life skills over and over and over again.
-I also don't want to forget to look for the young moms and see how I can help. If someone has had their leaves on their lawn for 2 months, to go do a service project and clean them up instead of being irritated. To have the eyes to see when someone just is simply in over their head and they need help... especially to teach that to my children.
-I want to remember how much it makes a huge difference when you have a husband who is so understanding of the craziness of home life with the children. I have never ONCE heard from Brent's mouth, "What did you do all day?". He has NEVER questioned what I have been focused on when he gets home and the house is a mess. He doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me because he knows the minutia of what it is like to raise young children, especially trying to be a conscious mother. I am going to teach my boys to be SO UNDERSTANDING of their wives when they have young children. And it isn't just the physical time, it is the emotional time involved in human development. There are so many dynamics involved inside of it.
-I want to remember (and give myself a pat on the back) for enjoying my babies when they were babies. It helps that I am a stay at home mom, but I have been able to raise all my babies without leaving them. It is a HUGE sacrifice emotionally, mentally and professionally... but you know what? I will have NO REGRETS when they are grown. I will know that I put my all into raising my kids.
-I want to remember to encourage other moms to have the "10,000 foot view" prayers and the concept of "sharpening your saw" is HUGE in order to maintain that kind of view of motherhood. I also want to encourage other women that the first 5 years of motherhood your kids usually completely forget!!! LOL. That thought has saved me more than once when I have gotten upset. My oldest is just BARELY getting to the point where he is going to remember a lot of things and have memories. The first 5 years of motherhood are a wash... and that is a good thing because there are so many lessons that are purely for you as a mom because these cute kids are perfect during that time.
-I don't want to forget the tantrums and how exhausting they can be. Tantrums TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY to handle correctly... but it is worth it to do that when they are little. Handling the emotions of kids (not just young kids, but every age) is usually the most important. I want to remember to LISTEN WITH MY EYES. I love that lesson from a friend of mine, remember to listen with your eyes. (she told a story of her child... he came to her and started talking. She was doing something else and was saying, "uh huh..." Then that child said, "mom I want you to listen to me." she replied, "I am honey."... then he said, "No, I want you to listen to me with your eyes."... I love that story, it is HUGE for kids). BE PRESENT with my kids.
-I don't want to forget the 1% principle. If I do just 1% better today than I did yesterday, over a year I will improve 3800%. I can do 1% better. That is doable.
-I want to remember to tell other moms that prayer in parenting works... not just praying FOR your kids, but praying WITH your kids. So many times when I have had a hard time with my kids, or one particular child, I have said, "we need to say a prayer about this."... Then we will. I will pray and ask Heavenly Father to soften my heart and soften their heart, I will pray that the spirit can be better with us while we are trying to figure this out... so many things that we pray for together RIGHT when there is a hard moment... and EVERY TIME I have done this, it works magic. I don't remember to do it all the time, but it is one of the best tactics of parenting ever.
-I don't want to forget that the first 3 months after having a baby is survival. the next 3 months is a little bit better. After 6 months you are starting to get back to yourself and it takes a full year to feel like maybe you have a handle on life again.
There are so many lessons... but I must remember to WRITE them all down. I AM DOING the most important work of my life right now... everything else is just cake. I know there are many plans the Lord has for me and my children... and we will get there one day. Right now, the chapter in my life is at home, doing the minutia on the "front lines" of battle, getting bloody everyday.
Love you,
Your Mom
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