Dear Kids,
You know the Dr. Suess Book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"? Obviously one of my favorites. I feel like lately I am stuck in the "waiting place".
I'm not trying to be stuck here. Truly. I'm constantly working on something, never sitting down, moving, always moving... yet I still feel like I am just stuck... waiting.
I don't like this feeling. I'm not sure how to shake it, besides keep on moving forward.
I mainly feel this way because of working so hard on switching my mindset, switching my thought patterns to abundance again, switching my mode of talking to myself, my old beliefs, everything. I feel like my insides want to be on my outsides, I've been changing and renovating within my own heart and soul so much for the past... well, atleast a year. And it's funny because so many of the things I'm working on, I thought I had already gotten rid of before... but it's like they have reared there heads again in a challenge to get me to really "wish them goodbye".
I got thrown for a loop today because we got word that our house owners hired a property management company. He came for an inspection today and at the end we were talking about rental prices, and he said he is pretty much going to advise our landlords that we aren't paying enough. In our neighborhood rents are 1600+. I told him that would really stretch us and I don't think we could do that.
But he left, and I started looking for places to live.
And wow. I spiraled. Major. I took a huge emotional dive. Down. Down. Down.
Rent. Again. Looking. Again. Don't we know this already? Can't we be done with this pattern of renting?
But no. Because our credit is awful. We have no money to our name. We are living pay check to pay check. We still have IRS debt looming over our heads.
The same.
Waiting.
I kept having these thoughts swirl around in my head of more of the same. Getting more and more depressed because after 3 years of living in this house, we haven't made any kind of headway in a wealthier position.
Waiting.
These thoughts just swirling like crazy. The hard part is, I know exactly what power those kind of thoughts have. I know what they create.
They create more of the same. Again.
More waiting.
So catching myself in the spiral of downward energetic movement was huge today. And I got above it. I really did. I knew I had to write about it... because I caught myself. It takes a lot of practice and patience and will power and all those other things to really be in a good space emotionally, spiritually and energetically. And I've been doing amazing at it. Especially knowing what that state of mind and state of emotion creates. That's what I want. I want my life to be different in 5 years. I don't want more of the same.
So I have to go and look for evidences of better. We are doing so much better than 5 years ago. Wow. Yes. We are doing so much better. 5 years ago we were just starting a job at Tradestar and getting out of major financial crisis that we had been in for 6 years before that. Yes, we are doing so much better. 5 years ago our patterns were not healthy in our marriage. We were working on some major breakdowns in our relationship. Major.
Yes. Evidences. 5 years. 5 years ago my thoughts were creating what I have now. I have to remember that. Remember that it takes time for the tree to grow.
So that is why I fight my way out of those thoughts. Because 5 years from now we will be in the different space. I have faith in that. I MUST have faith in that. That the effort I'm putting into our life right now is going to make a huge difference in 5 years. That the work Brent is putting in will also show in 5 years.
So yes, all those things I wrote about are the same - but we are moving in the right direction. I must have faith in that. I KNOW what I'm doing right now is creating our future. No fear. No more fear.
I am going through all these transitions for so many reasons. I know that as well. I have valuable things to share with the world. I will not let Satan derail me in my thoughts, pictures in my mind, eye of faith, and state of being. I won't let him do that to me.
so I keep my head up. Yes, I'm still waiting but just like the book, "All that waiting and staying is not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and get to a place where the boom bands are playing!"
Yes. We will. We will escape it.
I love you,
Your Mom
