He Creates More

Dear Gabriel,

So I am sitting here during your nap time staring at the dishes, the needing-to-be-vacuumed floor, messy high chair, crumbs on the counter and thinking, "I don't want to do any of this today... and I don't have to!". This past 14 days have been one of the busiest weeks for quite a while, seems like everything hit me at once... with the campaign, 5000moms, new 5000moms site, launch parties, Shrink-a-thon, choir camp, home projects, church stuff, family events... just a lot.

Today is the first day when I am sitting here realizing that I don't have anything immediately pressing I HAVE to get done RIGHT NOW. What a glorious feeling! Another blessing throughout the past 2 weeks is the Lord has helped me get it all done the way that was perfect. I made a commitment a couple weeks ago (knowing all of this was coming up) that I would NO MATTER WHAT take prayer time and relationship time for the Lord... knowing that if I did that - He would help me to keep up with everything - especially help me to make sure I was still being a good mom to you through it all...And He did!

It is amazing that even during the most busy times - He will create more time for me. Even during the most stressful times - He will create more peace for me. Even during the most frustrating times - He will create more patience for me... all if I open my heart to Him and allow Him to direct me through all of it. I can honestly say that even though last 2 weeks have been soooooooo busy - I have been able to remain at peace through it all. Mainly because I committed to put my relationship with the Lord first through it.

I learn this lesson in my life over and over and over and over again. It is about CONSISTENCY in maintaining a true relationship with the Lord and with my Savior that gets me through everything - great, big, frustrating, maddening, happy, joyful, sorrowful... doesn't matter the emotion. As long as I am consistent and not sporadic, I always have the energy I need to do what He would have me do.

So as I look at the dishes, crumbs, high chair... my mind goes yet again to... "He will create more energy for me to get up and get it done!"... and a smile comes to my face.

I love that... and I love you.

Your Mom

The Art Of Being Neighbors

Dear Gabriel,

You know I think the art of being a good neighbor is leaving our society. I notice inside of myself that I could reach out more and actively look for ways to serve my neighbors.

This morning I opened the front door and to my surprise there was my neighbor just gathering up a bag of freshly mowed grass. She was astonished that I opened the door and quite embarrassed that she was caught. She kept apologizing if she woke me up, or if she was too loud... I just said, "Patty! I didn't even realize you were mowing MY lawn, I heard the mower and just thought you were in your yard. THANK you so much!". She said she noticed that Brent has been out of town a lot and so she just thought it was something she could do to help me.

How amazing is that? She took time out of her day to ACTIVELY look for what I needed. That is the art of being a good neighbor. Whether it is for your neighbor across the street, down the street, in the grocery store, at church, at an activity... the art of being a good neighbor is actively looking for ways to serve them.

What a great lesson and a great reminder of how wonderful it feels to be served out of the kindness and purity of someone's heart. Thank you Patty for your lesson.

I love you,

Your Mom

True Self Improvement

Dear Gabriel,

I am feeling as if I need more spirituality in my life. I don't know exactly how to describe this feeling I am having. In the last few months we (your dad and I) have been concentrating so hard on our mindset, our thoughts, our feelings... been working with various self improvement goals, books and programs. It has been really good... But one thing is always missing from them... God.

This phrase is one of my favorites... 'The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than the study of behavior will improve behavior" (Packer). I have had this reaffirmed to me over and over and over again in the last week. No matter what faith someone belongs to - I do believe that the study of true spiritual doctrines is better than any self improvement book ever written. After all - the techniques and skills that are taught by people doing self improvement really comes from a spiritual base. Where are we told that gratitude of one of the most powerful mindsets? The scriptures. Where are we told that forgiveness is imperative? The scriptures. Where are we told what we focus on expands? The scriptures.

There are SOOOOO many skills and techniques taught - but no matter what I can always find the deeper meaning and doctrine behind them because of the scriptures and the gospel of Christ. I know what your dad and I have been doing over the last few months is good, but I believe the spirit is pushing me to reach for higher ground now. I believe I am being pushed to reach for a deeper relationship with my Savior. I believe I am being directed by God as to how this world really works... because after all, He made it anyway.

I love you so much. I hope you will always remember that your mom loved the Lord. I love Christ. He did everything for me. He will teach me more about self improvement than any other master on the world ever could.

I love you,

Your Mom

Earth

Dear Gabriel,

I want you to be raised digging in the dirt. There is just something about getting back in touch with the earth through gardening, digging, scrapping, more digging, working hard and the joy of seeing the law of the harvest fulfilled before your eyes.

This earth was made abundant. Just when we think we have lost resources, we find new ones. Just when we think man has made a mess of everything, the earth and the Lord fixes it all. Seriously - there is such a flow inside of planting, growing, cultivating, and living the actual law of the harvest that causes wisdom to sprout within your mind.

I believe to really respect the earth around you it is imperative to become part of the flow inside of life. Especially to realize that the Lord is in charge of it all, and He and the earth with always provide.

I love you,

Your Mom

Moments

Dear Gabriel,

This last week has been filled with 'moments'. It is all the moments which happen each and every day that make the conglomeration of a full life. This week I have had many moments that lead to my life right now = which is completely full!

There were mommy moments when you just came up to me and cuddled with me for no reason, I saw your dad out of the corner of my eye and my heart jumped a beat, a neighbor waved and smiled, my friend needed some time talking, talked to family and filled my love bucket, walked outside in the rain, hugged a friend for no reason, when you looked up at me and just laughed and smiled, I danced and sang as loud as I wanted to... For some reason all the 'moments' have been so potent - so real for me this week.

Thank you for your moments. Thank you for your smiles. Thank you for your love. Thank God for my real, potent moments that make the passion of life real and tangible. The difference between someone who lives in the passion of life and those who don't is living in the moment, thanking God for the moment and living the next one just as joyfully.

I know this time I have with you is a fleeting moment and the next thing I know, you are going to up and gone. I am soaking in as much as I can.

I love you,

Your Mom

Hurting Heart Strings

Dear Gabriel,

I am going through 'heart pain' tonight. I don't want to go into all the details of the situation, but this last week with a family situation has been awful. There have been so many feelings of anger, uncertainty, doubt, hopelessness, and fear that has been pervading. There have been boundaries set which are hard. There have been experiences that have twisted, hit, cut and bruised heart strings. There have been many hearts broken. There will probably be more in the future.

I don't know how Heavenly Father does it. He sees his children hurting and bruised and broken. He wants to gather them up in His arms - but every time He tries to they just wiggle out and push Him away. I feel the same way. Every time I have tried to reach out and love it has been thrown back in my face - and a lot of people's faces. It is so important to stay close to the spirit.

I wish I could see the end from the beginning. But I can't. That is why the spirit must guide. No matter what I cannot allow manipulation, I cannot allow violence and I cannot allow disrespect. There are boundaries which must be set. But it is hard. I look at you as a child and I just pray that you will decide to make the right choices as you get older.

I love you,

Your Mom

Time Doesn't Exist

Dear Gabriel,

I am actually creating more time. I don't know how it is happening... but I have been really concentrating on the feeling and thought of, "I have MORE than enough time." The decision to move forward planting this thought in my head every day is because I was starting to get too many things going at the same time.

The scattered feeling was starting to take over my life. There is a lot we are doing right now... Together your dad and I are doing the campaign, keeping up our relationship, making sure to take family time, putting together a couple events and church responsibilities. By myself I am working on my projects of 5000moms, Buckets of Ideas and other family projects. Your dad is working on the greenhouses and the Photrex. We are keeping up with a lot of things going on each day - let alone just taking time to relax, enjoy, breath, exercise and just LIVE.

So... I was allowing myself to feel scattered. But I have reversed it... Or I should say that God has given me the gift of more time. I have been praying for it and I have been concentrating on it. I can't believe how much I am getting done, staying ahead and have extra time to just sit here and wait for a few minutes in the quiet while your dad gets home to go to the temple. What a miracle!

So remember, if you are complaining about not having enough time... realize that you really can change that situation! After all, according to Einstein, time doesn't exist... so why stress over it? There can be more than enough time, if you allow it to be so.

I love you,

Your Mom

Starting To Feel The Flow

Dear Gabriel,

You know once the flood gates open - it just becomes an overwhelming flood of possibilities! I have been listening to 'The Secret' Audio Book consistently the last 2 weeks. I knew my thought processes needed to have a jump start and I felt like this is how it needed to happen. Amazing what happens when following the hunches of your soul. I can't believe how much the flood gates of blessings have opened in the last couple of weeks.

Brent has been getting many more leads for greenhouses, the 5000moms project has had new momentum and direction that is imperative take place, we are going to be in charge of Morgan Philpot's campaign in Washington County, I am singing at a big rally coming up, the love overflowing from my heart is just huge, my communication with the spirit is so close, my other projects are starting to take some form... it is awesome. There is a lot left that needs to happen to really jump start us - but it is starting!! I am so happy about feeling it.

Most importantly I have been feeling momentum and motivation. While feeling all these feelings of love and excitement, I have also been able to fight the thoughts of fear and doubt MUCH FASTER than I did before. I recognize the thoughts when they come - and what has been astonishing is to realize how much I was allowing fear and doubt to rule my life. Thank heavens for the ability to get myself out of that mindset!

I don't know what the next few months will bring - but I do know it is up to me and your dad to stay on this course of staying close to the spirit and allowing the flow of abundance to just happen. I love feeling it!

I love you,

Your Mom

Christ Hugs Me - Everyday

Dear Gabriel,

Sunday's are my favorite day of the week. The day that reminds me of heaven. Heaven truly is all around me. I feel it close, touching me and hugging me - truly because heaven can be here where I am - Because of Christ.

I have been reading and studying Christ a lot in the last few months. Knowing Christ and feeling Him, knowing He is always here and always loving me is a huge part of who I am, especially who I am as your mom. I just finished 'Believing Christ' by Stephen E. Robinson. What an inspired book - not very big, but very powerful. As I finished it today I cried. Christ has felt EVERYTHING.

He knows what it is like to be chosen last in a game of basketball. He knows what it is like to loose someone to death. He knows the agony of a suffering parent. He knows the depression of an abused child. He knows the pain of earthquake victims. He knows the pain of labor. He knows the suffering that is happening TODAY - everywhere in the world. Not just that, He knows all of it from the beginning to the end. Imagine that! He knows the loss and heartache of everything ever experienced by anyone... by ME.

I think that is why I cried. He knows how to put 'arms of safety' around me. He knows my heart. He sees what I need. He has time for me - every second. He has the intuition to hear my prayer. He cares - and He answers. He has never broken His promise of love. THAT is good news. The gospel and Christ is all about GOOD NEWS! I can feel happiness, gratitude, love, and be led safely through my day because of Him! Christ and His atonement are everything. I love Him. I love that He hugs me - everyday.

I love you,

Your Mom

A Smiling Moment

Dear Gabriel,

So I must be pregnant or something! ha ha. So many things have been touching my tear ducts and heart strings. Maybe I could make a song from that... Today has been gorgeous. We have been outside digging in the dirt! It is nice enough here that we can start to prepare the ground for some gardening.

Since moving into this house there is a lot to do in order to help the yard. I went out and shoveled, raked, prepared places for flower beds... etc. During this whole time you were just digging around, discovering worms, looking at rocks, trying to eat the dirt - you know all the little boy stuff! All of a sudden in a moment that was just heavenly I looked down and you were looking at me with a huge smile on your face! I was so shocked because usually I will look at you, say your name, THEN you look up at me and smile. Well, it was your idea first this time.

In that instant I felt the deepest gratitude for you and being your mom. I am so grateful that I am home with you, teaching you, spending time with you, loving you, reading to you, hugging you... all those things that I KNOW I will look back on with a big smile on MY face. Thank you for taking the time to love me and allowing me to learn so much from you - especially of love and happiness. You are so happy, you are always smiling and joyful. No wonder Christ told me to be more like YOU as a little child.

I love you,

Your Mom

Always Listen

Dear Gabriel,

I just want to tell you about a story - a little bit longer post than normal, but this must be shared.

Yesterday we were up in Salt Lake and decided to go to church before driving the rest of the way back to St. George from our LONG holiday vacation (which was SO rejuvenating!). For those that read this who might not be LDS, let me explain the meeting we were in.

We went at 1:00 in the afternoon and it was 'Fast and Testimony' Meeting - when members of the congregation are invited to tell everyone there about their feelings about Christ, the church, the atonement, Joseph Smith, the scriptures - and anything else they feel moved to say. Well, toward the end of the meeting a man went up to the stand that was very physically and mentally handicapped - his name was Carlos. He wasn't able to talk except in long tones and a few consonants here and there. One of his obviously good friends got up with him in order to interpret.

Well, with the help of his friend (I don't know his name) Carlos was able to tell just a couple of things. He talked about a few friends he saw when he was in Provo at the mall and how excited he was to see them. That was it. He didn't want to say anything else but that. Everyone in the congregation (including me) were listening politely, but when he finished I didn't think very much about what he wanted to say. I heard the words, but I didn't really listen to him. This is where the lesson comes in...

After a few more people who got up, the last person to get up was Carlos's friend who helped to interpret. He taught me a GREAT lesson. This is what he said when he got up...

"I just wanted to get up because I felt like I needed to add to what Carlos was saying today. I didn't feel like I was able to interpret what he was trying to say correctly and it is my fault for not getting across the true meaning of what is in Carlos's heart...". Then this kind man started talking about a moment in the scriptures - specifically in the Book of Mormon. There is a story about Ammon and how after many years of being apart from his very good friends and brothers, he was able to meet up with them again. This story talks about how excited he was to see them, that basically he jumped for joy because they were still his 'brethern in the Lord'. The story talks about how wonderful it was for Ammon to see them again because of their faith and their love for the gospel of Jesus Christ - which Ammon shared so intensely.

Well, then Carlos's friend said this, "This is what Carlos was trying to say. When he saw his two good friends at the mall he was so excited because he knew they were his 'brethern in the Lord'! He loves the gospel and Jesus Christ so much that I know he feels exactly like Ammon did when he sees his brothers and sisters who rejoice in the gospel as much as he does."

Well, I started BAWLING. How insightful and so kind for this man to get up and follow the spirit so well to make sure that Carlos was understood. How amazing that he knew his friend so well that the spirit could talk to him in order to make sure that Carlos's message was sent out so well and so clear, the way that Carlos could not do himself.

This taught me a great lesson of listening. Really listening. This man listened not just to Carlos, but to the Lord and what He would have him do for his friend. What an amazing and humble example of how I can listen. Just something little like that meant the WORLD to Carlos. You could see it in Carlos's eyes when his friend was talking. He knew what he was saying and I am sure his heart was jumping with gratitude for having a miracle like a friend who listens.

Be a friend who listens. Always listen. Don't just hear, don't just nod your head in agreement. Really LISTEN.

I love you,

Your Mom