Dear Kids,
This post is not just for you to read, but I am addressing the masses with this one.
I was talking with a friend today who over heard a woman call in on the radio criticizing mothers running around in their workout clothes all day, that those women should just "get it together".
First, never criticize a woman in workout clothes. At least she GOT to the gym.
Second, get off your high horse and come back down to the world of the reality of being a mom.
The truth of a woman's day that you see still in her gym clothes at 4pm goes something like this (because yes, being in gym clothes for hours on end has happened to me on many occasions):
1. Wake up - not to your alarm so you can have some quiet time before the kids get out of bed - but to a child coming into your room saying, "Mom, I had an accident."
2. Get up, clean her up, clean up her bed, and grab some towels that were crumbled up on the bathroom floor (from baths the night before) to go in the laundry load with her sheets.
3. Get the baby up, change him, get breakfast, read some scriptures, take the baby out of the high chair because he is throwing food everywhere, while answering your daughters constant questions about why the table is brown and the birds are flying instead of swimming.
4. Change clothes to go to the gym, wake up oldest child who sleeps through bombs going off, get him moving and dressed. Put his breakfast in a baggie to eat in the car.
5. Drive time, gym time.
6. Run errands while out with the kids so I don't have to load them in and out of the car again for the day.
7. Answer calls from a couple of friends. Answer emails about clients while sitting in a parking lot waiting for dance class to finish. Finish class, head to another drop off.
8. Text business partner back and forth about appointments and scheduling during music class.
9. Drop by the grocery store while we are out because the bananas are all brown and the bread is growing mold (hence other JUDGERS out there will see me in the grocery store with my gym clothes on, meanwhile I really don't care if I stink because I am just glad I got a good workout in and made it to the gym).
10. Head home, call dad on the way home while he is out of town. Have him talk with the kids, they fight over the phone, intervene while pulling over to try and handle the conflict without just yelling to the back seat.
11. Lunch, naps and looking forward to finally showering.
12. But the shower doesn't happen because someone drops by. When I am done talking with them I need to spend a little bit of time on my computer before the work day is done to prepare for some office time I will have the next day.
13. Then afternoon hits, baby wakes up from naps, kids get up from quiet time, time for soccer practice, need to think about what to have for dinner instead of just PBJ sandwiches, kids come over to play...or (like many mom's I know) they are busy with going back and forth to school functions, or lessons, or work, or other appointments......
You get the idea.
For anyone out there who DOESN'T have kids or maybe just has one child and never dealt with the way multiple kids MULTIPLY everything in your life, I say... Just enjoy taking an hour to do your hair. Because I haven't had that luxury for years. Just enjoy having time to yourself. Just enjoy it. And I mean that sincerely.
For those of you out there who ever comes across a mom in gym clothes in the middle of the day just compliment her for going to the gym and keeping up with everything else in her life including kids, spouse, work, church, friends, gardens, hobbies, loving, hugging, smiling.
Stop criticizing. Stop judging. Start stepping up and helping. Use words that are kind, not cutting. I am ENDLESSLY grateful for those people who SEE me when I need help opening a door, carrying bags, keeping track of my kids not running into a parking lot... those people who don't judge or criticize, but who say, "Can I help you?".
That is my soapbox rant for the night to the masses.
The End.
Dear Kids,
There is nothing like just normal life experience that teaches how to be non-judgmental, forgiving, and perhaps one day realize self mastery. There are so many things that happen throughout my day, that if someone on the outside were to just peek in for a moment, they would have no idea the culmination of all the emotions that are possible on a daily basis.
Like if someone peeked in to my car this afternoon to see the mess there. All the crumbs, wrappers, blankets, snacks, movies... but little do they know that we took a five hour trip this morning and I have not had a chance to clean it up yet.
Or if someone peeked in at me tonight while I was tickling my kids. I was running around, tickling and laughing while getting ready for bed. They might think I have all the patience in the world and I am the ultimate fun mom. Little do they know that I lost it about 45 minutes later because the fun led to being too crazy, which led to kids not really listening to me, which led to totally disobeying me, which led to ignoring me while I repeated myself over and over again, which led to me completely losing my temper.
Or if someone peeked in at me while I was losing my temper. They might think that I am just an angry person and I need to "get it together". But little do they know that I just dropped off my husband at the airport to be gone on a trip for a couple of weeks, that he has been out of town more than he has been in town since the beginning of the year, and I am trying to gear myself up to be a single mom again for a little while. That more than losing my anger with my kids, my emotions all piled up together in one moment and I took it out on the people that I hold most dear.
Or if someone peeked in at me tonight while I knelt down to pray. They might assume that I am just praying out of 'blind obedience' when in reality prayers are what get me through my life. I can't live if I don't pray. I can't feel if I don't pray. I can't handle anything without a divine connection to my Lord.
Or if someone saw Gabriel come out of his bedroom tonight while I am sitting here at the computer and heard him say, "Mom, I am so sorry I didn't obey you. I really, really love you." And in that moment I was able to gather him up in my arms and hold him for some tender minutes while our hearts connected. They might think our relationship is easy. They might have no idea that he never cuddles with me and anytime he comes to me and allows me to really cuddle with him is a huge treat.
You get the point... There are so many little moments in life that are like domino effects and one thing leads to another. Everyday is a little 'mini' life in and of itself. And every single person has their own life to live and own experiences to have.
So when you are the "Someone Peeking In" during the middle of someone's day and life experiences, just remember to pray a little bit first so you can see them the way God sees them. If you see someone in the mall and they are being snappy with their kids, maybe have a little sympathy because perhaps they are the parent who just lost a business, is getting sued, lost a loved one, or trying to make it through a divorce. If you see someone who constantly looks like their life is all "together", maybe they have worked really hard to get to that point, maybe they have done so much inner work to get to the point of complete patience and capability, or maybe they are just having a really good day... and we all deserve to give ourselves a pat on the back when we are having those really good days. When someone might peak in and see us doing everything right. We can pat ourselves on the back and say, "I really AM doing great!"
Then go to bed, pray your guts out, and get up again the next day and see what adventure life is going to throw at you next.
Love, forgive, smile, laugh, apologize, eat chocolate, cry, square your shoulders, and be ready to do it again tomorrow, while loving the journey on the way and remembering there are chapters in life when you will be on the "inside" of the picture and others are looking at you, and other times you are the "Someone Peeking In".
I love you,
Your Mom
Dear Kids,
As I am writing this Talia just walked in the door crying and rubbing her head. She is coming up to me and grabbing my arms with tears streaming down her cheeks, "Mom, Gabe just hit me with the brown chair!"
I could reply, I could get up and go to Gabe, I could do a lot of things, but what I am doing now is picking her up without saying a word and she settles in snuggling on my lap.
She is sitting here, laying on my chest and now she is starting to giggle because she can hear me and feel my typing. She turns around and now her mind is off of her (more than body) hurting heart because of her brother hitting her.
There have been so many times in this last week that I have just wondered, "What am I doing wrong to have my kids fight so much?" I have tried intervening, I have tried teaching lots of different ways to communicate about it, I have tried soft answers, I have tried loud answers, I have tried so many tactics, but still fighting continues. My own mother has reminded me so many times of how much I would fight with my siblings. My sister and I would yell at each other so loud our parents would make us go outside to yell at each other. My poor neighbors growing up. Seriously, they knew the in's and out's of my drama as a teenager.
Kids just fight. Siblings just fight. There is conflict. I cannot have the expectation of it being peaceful all the time. It is not reality. Especially with three kids under five years old.
But what is reality is how I can be in my heart while the storm is going on around me. Like today. Today, it has been better. Soft Sunday music has been on and I have been calm in my responses as a mom. I haven't tried to get involved and fighting has still been happening, but I am more calm in my heart about it. The kids have been getting a long really well, but still having up's and down's... hence Talia being on my lap.
So, the up's and down's of emotions will still happen. The fighting will continue. Figuring out this thing called 'life' together as a family is going to be going on for the rest of our lives... But no matter what we have each other. And I can always look forward to snuggling with you before you go to bed and have a soft prayer to end our day. Remembering that you will always look to my example with out to set your boundaries and resolve conflict is a big motivator for me to have peace in my own heart.
I love you,
Your Mom
