Dear Kids,
I decided to really take to heart the things I taught in my conflict management class over the weekend. I felt like something I could have done was give an example of a "Conflict Cleanse" and what that would look like.
So I tried it today. And let me say... the day went AMAZING. Seriously.
That isn't to say there weren't any fights. Because there were. But where they have gone out of control, today it was handled with such grace and care, because my heart was prepared for it and because of the spirit guiding me. So this is what today looked like:
1. I unfortunately didn't wake up with my alarm. Blah. However, I had prepared myself the night before to face the day with a smile. I was very realistic about kids crying and getting upset and I set my expectations at a very appropriate level of what to handle.
2. When I did get up, I greeted my kids with huge smiles and hugs. HUGE ones. On purpose I thought to myself, "I am so grateful to be their mom today!"
3. We went to make breakfast, and I prepared myself to always use the phrase "Would you rather..." when there was going to be fighting while the kids helped me. So I used it, I said, "Would you rather share the space with your sister or would you rather get down?".... "Would you rather take turns putting the flour in or would you rather go clean your room?"... "Would you rather obey and not touch _______ or would you rather lose the privilege of helping?". I prepared myself like CRAZY, that any time I was getting frustrated I would automatically see I was getting frustrated with a small performance, and I would use the "Would you rather" phrase in order to set the boundaries of behavior.
4. Any time I got irritated I used a soft answer and smiled. I mean a really soft answer. The kids listened better.
5. As soon as there was physical fighting then their time out's were immediately to do some physical NOT go sit on a chair. Example, "I see you decided to push your sister, that means you chose to go jump on the tramp for 10 minutes. I will set the timer. See you in 10!"
6. I did not stress myself out by thinking about everything I needed to get done. I have a list of things to do. I focused on my kids. I totally focused on loving them first. When they asked a question I would look them immediately in the eyes and get on their level. With my body I immediately let them know that what they were asking was more important than what I was doing. And you know what? It worked great! Their emotional needs were met so fast that they didn't need me so much and I still got stuff done.
7. When I treated them with respect they obeyed me immediately. I used the phrase, "Tell me about...." So if Gabe was getting frustrated and raising his voice, instead of telling him to stop I said, "Tell me about why you are frustrated." And I prepared myself to really LISTEN. REALLY listen. He could feel from my heart that I was focused on his worth, not on his performance, and because of that validation he calmed down immediately.
Those were a few things that happened today. I really hope I have another chance to teach this class again, and hopefully a lot because I really feel like it helped me and I hope I can help other people, especially moms, who have a hard time with this.
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, January 19, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Conflict Management Class Homeschooling Conference
Dear Kids,
I taught a conflict management class at the homeschooling conference yesterday. It was great experience for me to get back up in front of a small audience to teach about communication and conflict management. There were several things that went really well, and other things that I wish I had narrowed down for people there better. Each presentation I do reminds me of how much more I have to learn about teaching and passing information on in a very effective way!
I taught about the three worlds that are constantly interacting. I taught about the steps of conflict. The escalation of conflict. I taught about separating worth from performance. I taught about the physical responses of stress and why we feel like we can go from peaceful to snapping in .02 seconds.
I wish I would have prepared better for really good everyday examples of solving conflict, what it looks like, what to do in the exact moments of conflict, how to help our kids better... just the nitty gritty of everyday situations. I feel like I explained all the concepts really well, but I didn't have enough examples of application. I also feel like I should have written down a bunch of ideas of how to handle things. Activity ideas. I want to put together, for the next time I present, an example of what a week's schedule would look like if all you are focusing on is conflict management.
I will get better at presenting. I have to because the Lord wants me to be better at it so I can teach more and more people about his gospel. That is in my blessing that I will be bearing my testimony really often. So I want to be worthy of that calling and life's purpose. I just pray He will give me another opportunity to do this lesson again so I can get better and better at it!
I love you,
Your Mom
I taught a conflict management class at the homeschooling conference yesterday. It was great experience for me to get back up in front of a small audience to teach about communication and conflict management. There were several things that went really well, and other things that I wish I had narrowed down for people there better. Each presentation I do reminds me of how much more I have to learn about teaching and passing information on in a very effective way!
I taught about the three worlds that are constantly interacting. I taught about the steps of conflict. The escalation of conflict. I taught about separating worth from performance. I taught about the physical responses of stress and why we feel like we can go from peaceful to snapping in .02 seconds.
I wish I would have prepared better for really good everyday examples of solving conflict, what it looks like, what to do in the exact moments of conflict, how to help our kids better... just the nitty gritty of everyday situations. I feel like I explained all the concepts really well, but I didn't have enough examples of application. I also feel like I should have written down a bunch of ideas of how to handle things. Activity ideas. I want to put together, for the next time I present, an example of what a week's schedule would look like if all you are focusing on is conflict management.
I will get better at presenting. I have to because the Lord wants me to be better at it so I can teach more and more people about his gospel. That is in my blessing that I will be bearing my testimony really often. So I want to be worthy of that calling and life's purpose. I just pray He will give me another opportunity to do this lesson again so I can get better and better at it!
I love you,
Your Mom
Spirit Promptings For Homeschooling
Dear Kids,
I went to a homeschooling conference yesterday, my first one! And I also presented! That was fun. I learned so much, both from the classes I attended and from presenting.
A few notes on what the spirit REALLY guided me on:
-I am going to pray for a vision of YOU. Donna Goff highly suggested this in master planning. She said, "Pray for a vision of your children in the future and what adults you are really going to turn out. It will help you in your stamina and diligence in teaching. It will help you look past all there little annoying behaviors today because you have a vision of their future." I LOVE this suggestion.
-I felt highly prompted to really focus on childhood development and research the best activities for you RIGHT NOW. I was not inspired to do homeschooling to bring the public school system home. I was inspired because the Lord is going to educate you through my hands. I must understand better your development, what your body is doing, how it is doing it and aid you inside of discovering it.
-The other big inspiration is that we have to move more. We have been having a hard time with all three of you really getting on each other's nerves a lot and stressing each other out. That means that you have to MOVE MORE. At least 2+ hours of activity and movement each day.
-The other part of Donna's presentation that was so good for me was her recommendations of "Rhythms" in our day. This is like a word for schedules, but I like it better. She reminded me that you are all under 8 years old. I can't have accountability systems for you to "return and report" on because the Lord doesn't even require that of children under 8. What you require is hands on time with me. I must be there WITH you, showing you, guiding you and readjusting my expectations to know that is part of the energy output I am going to have to do everyday. I have wanted you all to be independent too early. I think that is why there has been behavior problems. You can't be independent yet. You aren't supposed to be.
-The other suggestion was "One spelling rule, math rule, science rule and grammar rule a week. That's it. One artist of the week, one music piece a week."
-Choose one chore to do with them until they get it as a habit. And walk through EVERY DETAIL in the exact order every time. Example: their room. Everyday when we attack their "Room Habit" we make bed, dirty clothes to laundry, pick up books, pick up legos, pick up dolls... etc. And do it in the same order each time. Then once they have the habit and they can do it themselves after 21 days of repetition the SAME way, move onto another chore.
Those were my take home thoughts of the conference!
I love you,
Your Mom
I went to a homeschooling conference yesterday, my first one! And I also presented! That was fun. I learned so much, both from the classes I attended and from presenting.
A few notes on what the spirit REALLY guided me on:
-I am going to pray for a vision of YOU. Donna Goff highly suggested this in master planning. She said, "Pray for a vision of your children in the future and what adults you are really going to turn out. It will help you in your stamina and diligence in teaching. It will help you look past all there little annoying behaviors today because you have a vision of their future." I LOVE this suggestion.
-I felt highly prompted to really focus on childhood development and research the best activities for you RIGHT NOW. I was not inspired to do homeschooling to bring the public school system home. I was inspired because the Lord is going to educate you through my hands. I must understand better your development, what your body is doing, how it is doing it and aid you inside of discovering it.
-The other big inspiration is that we have to move more. We have been having a hard time with all three of you really getting on each other's nerves a lot and stressing each other out. That means that you have to MOVE MORE. At least 2+ hours of activity and movement each day.
-The other part of Donna's presentation that was so good for me was her recommendations of "Rhythms" in our day. This is like a word for schedules, but I like it better. She reminded me that you are all under 8 years old. I can't have accountability systems for you to "return and report" on because the Lord doesn't even require that of children under 8. What you require is hands on time with me. I must be there WITH you, showing you, guiding you and readjusting my expectations to know that is part of the energy output I am going to have to do everyday. I have wanted you all to be independent too early. I think that is why there has been behavior problems. You can't be independent yet. You aren't supposed to be.
-The other suggestion was "One spelling rule, math rule, science rule and grammar rule a week. That's it. One artist of the week, one music piece a week."
-Choose one chore to do with them until they get it as a habit. And walk through EVERY DETAIL in the exact order every time. Example: their room. Everyday when we attack their "Room Habit" we make bed, dirty clothes to laundry, pick up books, pick up legos, pick up dolls... etc. And do it in the same order each time. Then once they have the habit and they can do it themselves after 21 days of repetition the SAME way, move onto another chore.
Those were my take home thoughts of the conference!
I love you,
Your Mom
2015 Word = SUCCESS
Dear Kids,
New Year. Another New Year. How did that happen so fast?
This last year has been a huge blur for me. Definitely the most trying year of the marriage of your dad and I. Satan has done his best to pit us against each other through some major sin and some major financial difficulties. But I am so happy to say that we have made it through. We made it through! Our relationship is still in tact and we fought for it - "like Lions" as the scriptures say.
Last year I chose the word "Vulnerable" as the theme of 2014. I wanted to be vulnerable in my heart, with my friends, with my professional pursuits, with everything. It is funny how I got exactly what I wanted, I understand vulnerability better than I ever have, but it didn't come the way I thought it was going to come. It came because of exposing major flaws in the most important relationship of my life. It came because of feeling more stress and pull in my marriage relationship than I ever thought. My heart is more vulnerable, more soft, more empathetic. I understand better than ever really what it means to be as vulnerable as possible to my Savior and having Him come in and save me. I get that now.
So I have been taking my careful and sweet time deciding on my theme for this year. Since I learned about vulnerability so deeply, I want to choose my theme right! I decided the word I want for 2015 is "Success". I want success in our lives. I want success in homeschooling. I want success in my relationships. I want success in our business pursuits. I want success in getting out of financial bondage. I want success! That is my word and theme this year.
I love you,
Your Mom
New Year. Another New Year. How did that happen so fast?
This last year has been a huge blur for me. Definitely the most trying year of the marriage of your dad and I. Satan has done his best to pit us against each other through some major sin and some major financial difficulties. But I am so happy to say that we have made it through. We made it through! Our relationship is still in tact and we fought for it - "like Lions" as the scriptures say.
Last year I chose the word "Vulnerable" as the theme of 2014. I wanted to be vulnerable in my heart, with my friends, with my professional pursuits, with everything. It is funny how I got exactly what I wanted, I understand vulnerability better than I ever have, but it didn't come the way I thought it was going to come. It came because of exposing major flaws in the most important relationship of my life. It came because of feeling more stress and pull in my marriage relationship than I ever thought. My heart is more vulnerable, more soft, more empathetic. I understand better than ever really what it means to be as vulnerable as possible to my Savior and having Him come in and save me. I get that now.
So I have been taking my careful and sweet time deciding on my theme for this year. Since I learned about vulnerability so deeply, I want to choose my theme right! I decided the word I want for 2015 is "Success". I want success in our lives. I want success in homeschooling. I want success in my relationships. I want success in our business pursuits. I want success in getting out of financial bondage. I want success! That is my word and theme this year.
I love you,
Your Mom
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)