Dear Kids,
I want to sit down and write something magical.
I want to write about something tragic.
I want to create poetry about something life altering.
I want to portray gut bursting laughter and jokes.
I want to touch a million people's hearts with something that only can seep out of my brain and heart.
But as I sit here all I can think of is just a normal day.
I got up. I went to the gym. Listened to a seminar. Then turned on blasting music. Sweated my guts out. Drove home. Prayed at the red light. Got home. Opened the door. Heard crying. Heard laughing. "Mommy! We are up!". Stepped on some legos and stuffed animals (clearly in the positions of some kind of war). Kissed hubby. Showered. Breakfast. "That's MY chair. Mom! Tell her to get OUT!".
Took a deep breath. Smiled. Intervention. Read scriptures. Read children's stories. Did a bit of school work. Went outside. Planned a garden. Tried to teach about gardening. "Mommy! I want to do it this way. This is my choice!". Took another deep breath. "Yes, can I please show you something that will help?".
Dug in the dirt. Planted some seeds. Six little hands and feet all around me. "I want some! It's my turn!". Loud outside voices. "Please stop yelling." Taking turns. Teaching about taking turns... for the 1,000th time this month... with a smile (possibly through gritted teeth). Watering seeds. Covering seeds. Shake time. Lunch time. Greenhouse sold.
Reading time. Nap time. "Mom! reekknelknfaoiksn!" in 2-year old language only mom understands and knows he means "more hugs". Give more hugs. Wraps kids in blankets. Six year old boys in and out of the house for play time. Business call. Business planning. Product decisions. Laughing with mom. Kissed hubby good bye. More laundry rotation. Finish dishes. Nap time done. Teach about putting dishes away. Kids in and out of the house. Play time. "STOP!" six year old not being respectful to friends. Intervention. Social teaching. Dirt clods hit house. Intervention. Crying from the tramp. Intervention. Hide and Seek. "Mom, you count we will all hide!". 1,2,3,4,5,6...... play time.
Afternoon sluggish time. Take more tea. Do more pick up. Teach more pick up. Open doors. Kids playing. Teaching two year old what the driveway is. Over and over again teach the boundary of "do not go in the street". He gets it! Four year old daughter crying from being left out of boy play. Intervention. Hugs. Barbies. Braiding hair. More six year old boys. Tempted to have them go to someone else's house. Remember it is a goal to have an open house to friends. It starts young. Calm myself down from screams. Embrace the chaos. "I want a home where friends are happy."
More mom things. Answer texts. Listen to voicemail. Return a call. Looking at schedule. Figuring out "Yes" things and "No" things for outside commitments. Time for dinner. Time for laundry rotation. Call in from playing. "But mom, I am not ready! No I don't want to come!". Intervention and giving choices. "Would you rather..." statement repeated for the 1000th time in the last 10 hours. Dinner time. Pick up time. Bath time. Reading time. Scripture time. Snuggle time.
All in bed. Tired mom time. Sit in the computer chair for 25 minutes scrolling pinterest, facebook, blogs... anything to separate my brain. Look up. More dishes. More laundry. "I need to write... what to write?". Child out of bed, "Mom I need more hugs." Kisses. More hugs. To bed again.
And here we are.
Nothing earth shattering. Nothing life changing. Just a day. A day of "Normal". Sometimes there are earth shattering days. Sometimes there are life changing moments. And 95% of the time there are just days of "Normal".
You know what? That is okay. Because it's the daily normal adding together that makes life magical.
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, February 16, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Heart Is Opening A Bit
Dear Kids,
So I have found myself pacing the floor all night tonight. I keep munching and keep looking for snacks. I just can't quite make myself go to bed yet.
And I think it is because I am supposed to write.
My heart has been closed to writing super personal things for almost a year. There are so many things that happened in my life and our marriage in this last year and I reacted by going into a cave. I stopped writing. I stopped painting. My clarity depleted. My emotional eating increased. My workouts suffered. My focus went away. It has felt like half my brain and heart has been gone and I have been slowly getting them back.
But I paced tonight and realized that I wanted to write ~ I wanted to finish my day by reviewing it, writing about it, journaling about it and rejoicing in it.
I feel like I have passed a major hurdle!
There is a friend of mine whose husband is dying. She is doing everything she can to record every little detail she can before she doesn't have him any more. There is another friend of mine who is going to have her first baby and she is doing the same thing, recording everything she can and remembering everything she can. There are many people who are going through some big things, life changing things...
This past year has been very life changing and life altering in many ways... and what if I didn't record it because I just want to forget about it? That doesn't help anyone. And there is no reason to shove things under the rug? But I want to preserve the confidence in my marriage as well and need to reserve information for just us and what we are doing in order to keep moving forward and "onward and upward".
I still don't have the answers to that because there are a lot of things in my soul that I want to really write about, and get to the breathless and gory details... not for me, but because I think there are so many other people out there that have "gory details" as well, and perhaps my details can help their details to feel a little bit better... because we can understand each other and buoy each other up with support and friendship.
I don't have the answer of how to write about this last year yet... but I do know that I want to start writing again. I want to start recording my thoughts and my feelings from my everyday experiences again. Where before I haven't been able to do that because there were everyday feelings and emotions that I didn't want to write down and remember forever. I wanted to forget about them and make them just go away into the eternal universe somewhere and get sucked up by the black hole that makes it all disappear.
That's okay. We will get there. For now, my heart is opening and I am more excited about sharing my daily lessons.
So... this is the beginning of a new week and there will be lots to write about.
I love you,
Your Mom
So I have found myself pacing the floor all night tonight. I keep munching and keep looking for snacks. I just can't quite make myself go to bed yet.
And I think it is because I am supposed to write.
My heart has been closed to writing super personal things for almost a year. There are so many things that happened in my life and our marriage in this last year and I reacted by going into a cave. I stopped writing. I stopped painting. My clarity depleted. My emotional eating increased. My workouts suffered. My focus went away. It has felt like half my brain and heart has been gone and I have been slowly getting them back.
But I paced tonight and realized that I wanted to write ~ I wanted to finish my day by reviewing it, writing about it, journaling about it and rejoicing in it.
I feel like I have passed a major hurdle!
There is a friend of mine whose husband is dying. She is doing everything she can to record every little detail she can before she doesn't have him any more. There is another friend of mine who is going to have her first baby and she is doing the same thing, recording everything she can and remembering everything she can. There are many people who are going through some big things, life changing things...
This past year has been very life changing and life altering in many ways... and what if I didn't record it because I just want to forget about it? That doesn't help anyone. And there is no reason to shove things under the rug? But I want to preserve the confidence in my marriage as well and need to reserve information for just us and what we are doing in order to keep moving forward and "onward and upward".
I still don't have the answers to that because there are a lot of things in my soul that I want to really write about, and get to the breathless and gory details... not for me, but because I think there are so many other people out there that have "gory details" as well, and perhaps my details can help their details to feel a little bit better... because we can understand each other and buoy each other up with support and friendship.
I don't have the answer of how to write about this last year yet... but I do know that I want to start writing again. I want to start recording my thoughts and my feelings from my everyday experiences again. Where before I haven't been able to do that because there were everyday feelings and emotions that I didn't want to write down and remember forever. I wanted to forget about them and make them just go away into the eternal universe somewhere and get sucked up by the black hole that makes it all disappear.
That's okay. We will get there. For now, my heart is opening and I am more excited about sharing my daily lessons.
So... this is the beginning of a new week and there will be lots to write about.
I love you,
Your Mom
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