Gabe's Adventure Around Kolob Lake

Dear Kids,

We went camping about a month ago up at Kolob Lake.

It was GORGEOUS!! So beautiful with the trees, water, beach, and NO technology. It's always so refreshing to get away from all the hustle and bustle. We were only going to be able to stay for an overnighter, but that was plenty!

There was one specific situation that happened that I MUST write down and tell you about.

We brought walkie talkie's with us to the lake and all you kids were just having a blast with them. You would wander around with one and we could still keep track of you back at camp. Such a needed adventure for your young souls who want to be so independent!

At one point Gabriel came to me and asked, "Mom, could I walk down the beach a while by myself? I will take a walkie talkie with me." After talking about it, we decided that it would be okay and that after a bit he needed to turn around and come back to camp.

So he headed out. We kept checking in with each other and talking about things that were going on around him. All the birds he was seeing and the mud his shoes were getting stuck in. At one point he said, "Mom, can you see me clear down here?? I'm waving! I'm at the big rocks!"

Well, this was MUCH farther than I had even thought he would get. I could see him, but he was like a speck on the horizon. I told him, "Wow buddy! That's amazing that you got that far!" He was going much faster than I had anticipated, but I felt really happy for him to have that adventure.

It turns out that at some point he got it in his mind that he wanted to walk all the way around the lake.  Unfortunately when I thought he was turning back to come back to camp, he just kept right on going. And this isn't just a small lake, it's quite a jaunt to go all the way around. After I had seen him waving, I checked in with him just  a bit later and he wasn't radioing me back.

"Gabe.... are you there?"
"Gabe... where are you buddy?"
"Gabe... It's time to come back to camp now."

NO ANSWER. Well... my heart started to do some pitter-pattering. I had seen enough movies when kids are kidnapped or something and immediately my mind just went to fear. What happened? Why isn't he answering? He should be coming back to camp by now.

Brent ended up jumping into the truck to go look for him. He came back about 20 minutes later and hadn't found him. So by this point, I was REALLY starting to feel nervous. After talking about it, we decided that I would jump in the truck with Brent, we would take Joshua with us, and Brent would go drop me off at the halfway point and I could start talking to people about if they had seen Gabe at all. We told Talia that she needed to stay in camp and just keep checking in with us on the radio.

So we drove for a bit, and kept walking back and forth to people on the shore talking to them about seeing Gabe.

"Oh yes! About 10 years old? Red stripe down his pants? He came through here a while ago. He was on an adventure!"
"For sure I saw him... just doing the boy thing and walking around the lake."
"Yes, I wondered what he was doing."
"Yes, I asked him about how he was doing and if he needed anything and he told me that he couldn't talk to strangers but that he appreciated it."

Then we got about 3/4 the way around the lake and the end answer from a 50 year old lady was this.

"Yes, I saw him about 20 minutes ago, but he didn't keep going around the lake, he went up into the forest to go over the ridge. I was watching him the whole way until I couldn't see him anymore. I knew someone would probably show up that would be looking for him."

With that answer, I had no idea what to say or think. I had started to hike around the lake and go in a certain direction and Brent took off in the truck in another direction... all the time checking in on the radio and never hearing back from Gabriel.

During this whole process it was a fascinating back and forth from my mind to my heart.

First, I got just a taste of what it feels like to loose a child and have no idea where they are. It's AWFUL! That feeling of emptiness having no idea where they are and no answer was just gut wrenching. Second, I noticed a huge battle between my mind and heart and gut. My mind was going 45 million miles an hour thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened. My heart was just longing to find him, to hold him, and to know that he was okay. My gut kept telling me, "Andrea... it's okay. He's okay. Be calm."

The wrestle going on was so interesting. I kept swallowing my panic and listening to my gut. Because I know that my gut NEVER steers me wrong. I have spent YEARS and YEARS fine tuning the difference between these 3 faculties of mine, and I know the difference... even when it's a stress filled moment. I prayed. I praised God for going through this empathetic moment. I praised Jesus for whatever needed to happen. I prayed some more. I started to almost FORCE my mind to see Gabe healthy, strong, and okay. I have learned so many gut wrenching experiences that those are my best weapons of truth. To be spiritually centered, praise God, and then say, "It is all Yours. Whatever happens is Yours. Let me be your instrument."

I had been looking for him for A WHILE and I had decided when I made it back to camp that we would get more people involved if we didn't find him by then.

As it turns out when I had about 10 minutes left to get to camp while I was walking around the lake we got a call on the radio from Talia.

"Mom!! You won't believe it! I see Gabe! He's coming over the ridge and over to camp. He's coming to camp!"

I had almost forgotten about the fact that the kids back at camp were as worried as I was!

Turns out, Gabe had lost his radio about 2 minutes after he waved to us from "the big rocks", which is why we didn't hear from him. He was lost in his mind (happens a lot with his thought processes) and left it there on the rock while he was looking at some plant.

Oh the relief! The joy!

Also... the understanding. I understood more how parents feel when their children are lost. Physically or spiritually. It's not complete. It's not whole without them. And the fight with the devil to not go into complete despair. Luckily, our story turned out for the best. He was fine. He told me he decided that he knew he could get around the lake and so he was going to do it. He is also a boy who will get things done when he pus his mind to it. He knew where he was going. I asked him how he knew where camp was over the ridge.

"Oh mom, I knew exactly where came was and how to get there."

The realization of how big he is getting flooded over me. And his capabilities. I would have NEVER thought he could make it all the way around that lake and make it over the ridge on his own. But he said, "I was afraid a little, but I just told it to go away." Amazing. I hope he can feel that way about life.

I love you kids. I love you so much. It would never be complete if even one of you is gone, physically, spiritually, mentally... any way.

I love you,

Your Mom

Book of Mormon Christ Specific Reading Challenge

Dear Kids,

During conference (Oct. 2018), President Nelson challenged all the women in the audience (during women's conference), to read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year and highlight EVERY verse and phrase that mentions the Savior.

This has been a fascinating exercise of study! I grabbed a Book of Mormon that had never been marked so I could start with the clean state. Then I started following his recommendation. I have been BLOWN away at the phrases and consistencies that are constantly popping out at me... and I'm only in Alma so far! It has expanded my faith and praise vocabulary immensely.

The amazing part is the phrases that are repeated over and over and over again. They are about deliverance. Constantly there are phrases of deliverance. And remembering. Remembering God. Remembering Christ. Being delivered by His hand. Coming back to God and living. His arms are always open.

-Begin to call on the name of the Lord
-Praise be to God
-Praise God
-Glory be to my Jesus
-The Lord worketh in many ways
-Enlightened by the Spirit of the Lord
-Raise their/your voice to God
-Cry unto the Lord
-He did show forth might power
-In the strength of the Lord
-The Lord covenanteth with his people
-The Lord remembers those who are His people
-In the power of the Lord
-He will deliver you

So many of these phrases have become part of my thinking throughout my day with all of you. I can't tell you how many times I have thought, "It's okay... all praise be to God!". Praising God IS the way that I get through motherhood!

So I challenge you, just like the prophet challenged me... that when you read this that you read the Book of Mormon and mark every verse and phrase where any mention of Christ is written. And remember... Christ is the Lord of the Old testament, and the Book of Mormon IS an Old Testament Book (well... 75% of it!). So it doesn't just have to be 'Jesus Christ'... but the majorities of the "Lord" and "God" mentions are Him as well.

I love you,

Your Mom

Being Involved

Dear Kids,

Something I never want to forget is how important it is, and how INNATE it is, for every human being to want to be involved with people around them.

Joshua, who just turned two years old yesterday, is reminding me of this fact. He is constantly wanting to be involved in everything going on around him. When all the kids are outside playing, he must be out there with them. Just tonight when everyone hopped in the truck to go on a ride with dad, he was freaking out because he wasn't there with them. When anyone is brushing their teeth, he wants to do it too.

There are lists and lists of things that are like this, and Joshua is not unique in this fact. EVERY child does this.

So where do we loose it? It is so natural for every child to push to be involved and "be a part". At some point we choose to listen to the negative thoughts inside of us that we are "not enough" and don't allow ourselves to be part of things any more. Maybe because of being afraid of what people will think of us, not wanting to look silly, not wanting to intrude... for whatever reason... just remember, it's NOT NATURAL. It is a learned behavior. Learned at 6 years old or 16, at some point all of us go through it.

So unhook! Remember that, just like a child, people are born to love. Kids are born to be "a part". To be involved, don't forget! It is such a natural state of "flow". When we don't stop ourselves from being part of something and don't stop ourselves because of fear, we can live in faith. It is natural for us to live in faith, we have just forgotten.

Remember kids! Remember to live in faith! Remember to flow with your natural positive self that you were given at birth. Remember!

I love you,

Your Mom

It's The Little Things

Dear Kids,

It's the little things.

Like Talia setting up a bed for Elijah in the tent they made today so he could sleep there tonight.
Like Gabriel reading books to Elijah the night before his birthday to help him sleep really well for his "big day".
Like Elijah watching Talia show him how to do a ballet leap and trying to do it over and over.
Like Joshua coming to me and handing me a diaper and smiling with his big smile.
Like Gabriel being so frustrated, not knowing how to handle his frustrations, they are boiling up inside of him so strongly, but he doesn't lash out.
Like Brent rubbing my neck while we are working on the Christmas book details for the kids.
Like Talia telling me that she can't sleep and asking me over and over for a massage with oils.
Like Elijah holding onto my arm trying to stop me from leaving his bedtime snuggles.
Like waking up to Elijah and Gabriel playing automatically from the moment they wake up with their legos and action figures.
Like watching my kids paint at the table and trying to get that creativity out of their minds.
Like asking them, "what do you think of your painting?" and they say, "I love it!".
Like sitting in my camping chair on the front porch watching the kids come in and out of the yard, back and forth between houses playing army, cops, robbers and girls in distress.
Like Joshua throwing rocks into the street and looking at me with a big smile because he knows he is not supposed to.
Like the kids being more patient than I am explaining something to each other.

There are so many moments like this everyday. I am so blessed.

Fall in love with motherhood? Yes, it's a process.

Yes, it's worth it.

I love you,

Your Mom