We went camping about a month ago up at Kolob Lake.
It was GORGEOUS!! So beautiful with the trees, water, beach, and NO technology. It's always so refreshing to get away from all the hustle and bustle. We were only going to be able to stay for an overnighter, but that was plenty!
There was one specific situation that happened that I MUST write down and tell you about.
We brought walkie talkie's with us to the lake and all you kids were just having a blast with them. You would wander around with one and we could still keep track of you back at camp. Such a needed adventure for your young souls who want to be so independent!
At one point Gabriel came to me and asked, "Mom, could I walk down the beach a while by myself? I will take a walkie talkie with me." After talking about it, we decided that it would be okay and that after a bit he needed to turn around and come back to camp.
Well, this was MUCH farther than I had even thought he would get. I could see him, but he was like a speck on the horizon. I told him, "Wow buddy! That's amazing that you got that far!" He was going much faster than I had anticipated, but I felt really happy for him to have that adventure.
It turns out that at some point he got it in his mind that he wanted to walk all the way around the lake. Unfortunately when I thought he was turning back to come back to camp, he just kept right on going. And this isn't just a small lake, it's quite a jaunt to go all the way around. After I had seen him waving, I checked in with him just a bit later and he wasn't radioing me back.
"Gabe.... are you there?"
"Gabe... where are you buddy?"
"Gabe... It's time to come back to camp now."
NO ANSWER. Well... my heart started to do some pitter-pattering. I had seen enough movies when kids are kidnapped or something and immediately my mind just went to fear. What happened? Why isn't he answering? He should be coming back to camp by now.
Brent ended up jumping into the truck to go look for him. He came back about 20 minutes later and hadn't found him. So by this point, I was REALLY starting to feel nervous. After talking about it, we decided that I would jump in the truck with Brent, we would take Joshua with us, and Brent would go drop me off at the halfway point and I could start talking to people about if they had seen Gabe at all. We told Talia that she needed to stay in camp and just keep checking in with us on the radio.
So we drove for a bit, and kept walking back and forth to people on the shore talking to them about seeing Gabe.
"Oh yes! About 10 years old? Red stripe down his pants? He came through here a while ago. He was on an adventure!"
"For sure I saw him... just doing the boy thing and walking around the lake."
"Yes, I wondered what he was doing."
"Yes, I asked him about how he was doing and if he needed anything and he told me that he couldn't talk to strangers but that he appreciated it."
Then we got about 3/4 the way around the lake and the end answer from a 50 year old lady was this.
"Yes, I saw him about 20 minutes ago, but he didn't keep going around the lake, he went up into the forest to go over the ridge. I was watching him the whole way until I couldn't see him anymore. I knew someone would probably show up that would be looking for him."
With that answer, I had no idea what to say or think. I had started to hike around the lake and go in a certain direction and Brent took off in the truck in another direction... all the time checking in on the radio and never hearing back from Gabriel.
During this whole process it was a fascinating back and forth from my mind to my heart.
First, I got just a taste of what it feels like to loose a child and have no idea where they are. It's AWFUL! That feeling of emptiness having no idea where they are and no answer was just gut wrenching. Second, I noticed a huge battle between my mind and heart and gut. My mind was going 45 million miles an hour thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened. My heart was just longing to find him, to hold him, and to know that he was okay. My gut kept telling me, "Andrea... it's okay. He's okay. Be calm."
The wrestle going on was so interesting. I kept swallowing my panic and listening to my gut. Because I know that my gut NEVER steers me wrong. I have spent YEARS and YEARS fine tuning the difference between these 3 faculties of mine, and I know the difference... even when it's a stress filled moment. I prayed. I praised God for going through this empathetic moment. I praised Jesus for whatever needed to happen. I prayed some more. I started to almost FORCE my mind to see Gabe healthy, strong, and okay. I have learned so many gut wrenching experiences that those are my best weapons of truth. To be spiritually centered, praise God, and then say, "It is all Yours. Whatever happens is Yours. Let me be your instrument."
I had been looking for him for A WHILE and I had decided when I made it back to camp that we would get more people involved if we didn't find him by then.
As it turns out when I had about 10 minutes left to get to camp while I was walking around the lake we got a call on the radio from Talia.
"Mom!! You won't believe it! I see Gabe! He's coming over the ridge and over to camp. He's coming to camp!"
I had almost forgotten about the fact that the kids back at camp were as worried as I was!
Turns out, Gabe had lost his radio about 2 minutes after he waved to us from "the big rocks", which is why we didn't hear from him. He was lost in his mind (happens a lot with his thought processes) and left it there on the rock while he was looking at some plant.
Oh the relief! The joy!
Also... the understanding. I understood more how parents feel when their children are lost. Physically or spiritually. It's not complete. It's not whole without them. And the fight with the devil to not go into complete despair. Luckily, our story turned out for the best. He was fine. He told me he decided that he knew he could get around the lake and so he was going to do it. He is also a boy who will get things done when he pus his mind to it. He knew where he was going. I asked him how he knew where camp was over the ridge.
"Oh mom, I knew exactly where came was and how to get there."
The realization of how big he is getting flooded over me. And his capabilities. I would have NEVER thought he could make it all the way around that lake and make it over the ridge on his own. But he said, "I was afraid a little, but I just told it to go away." Amazing. I hope he can feel that way about life.
I love you kids. I love you so much. It would never be complete if even one of you is gone, physically, spiritually, mentally... any way.
I love you,
Your Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment