Dad's Back & Accepting Mortality

Dear Kids,

Your dad hurt his back last week. This time it has been REALLY bad. He was completely down for about five days. He's hurt is back before, but this time, it is more than at other times.

I know that one thing I am learning through it is patience in being a care giver. I am not keeping up with everything by myself. My heart is so soft for those women who have no help, single women, or women with disable husbands. They are a league all of their own. I am so grateful that normally I have so much more help from your dad. I can't imagine taking care of everything, ALL THE TIME by myself. That would be so exhausting.

Your dad has to do something different about his back, or he's going to end up on the operating table in about 10 years. It's not a good shape. But, if we act now, he will be okay.

I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around my own aging body and life. I've always had such a vibrant soul, heart and energy. I am feeling the toll of mortality starting to set in just a bit. I can't eat what I used to eat. I can't do what I used to do. It is a bit discouraging, especially to see my parents aging they way they are.

I have been eating horribly for the last little while... almost in rebellion. I don't want to admit that this is where I am in life. I have been rebeling against my own life by eating whatever I want. I am going to make it a major matter of prayer to get past this block that I've had in my heart.

I did a cleanse last week and felt GREAT. But I hopped right back into my bad habits once it was done. Getting my emotional state wrapped around my own mortality is taking me for a loop.

But... I will figure this out and conquer this, just like I have anything else. I am giving myself so much grace inside of figuring it out, but now I am feeling the pull of the spirit to really get past it, accept it, love it, and glean what I can at this point in my life. Influence who and what I can at this point in my life. Really start to step into my magic. That's what I want to do, that's what my heart is aching for, to step into my own magic.

Patience Andrea. It will come.

I love you kids,

Your Mom