Prayer and Emotional Organization

Dear Kids,

When I remember about the power of prayer in the moments of meltdown, it changes the landscape of our entire day.

Gabe and Elijah got into a huge fight while I was in the shower. I came out to Gabe, locking Elijah out in the garage, and Elijah have a coming apart. When I opened the garage door Elijah was beside himself with frustration. "Gabe said he would punch me in the face if I threw the mustard at him! He didn't let me have some of the sandwich!"

In this moment, the colliding of anger and emotional disorganization, is the power inside of parenting choices. The power of my reaction made the biggest different inside of how the boys handled it. Today, they got the mom who chose to be completely present with them.

I knelt down and asked Gabe to tell his side of the story. Then Elijah had a turn. Then I told them I saw that they both had something to apologize for, and to do differently next time. Then I took the sandwich (a pre-made hoagie sandwich) to the kitchen to cut it up.

This was the juncture that really caused a meltdown for Elijah. I cut him a smaller piece of sandwich. He immediately felt completely dismissed and "put down" by that action. Elijah just couldn't handle having a smaller portion than Gabe. He lost it. Crocodile tears rushing down his cheeks. "It isn't fair! I want as big of a piece as Gabe! It isn't fair. Why would you do this!" - words that accompanied yelling, tears, and frenzy.

In a flash, I had another choice to make. I tried to calmly respond, but he was beyond talking. So I took him to his room, and I stayed there with him. I sat down by the door. He was out of control emotionally. "Mom! Let me out! I want out! I don't want to be here!"

No amount of talking calmly was going to help him. I tried breathing with him, I tried opening my hands to him for a hug, I tried so many things, but he was rejecting all of it. Tears, screams, anger was spewing from his body. I could feel the anger lashing out energetically.

So I sat there for a moment and told God that I didn't want to leave Elijah in his emotional disorganization. I've done that a lot, when I give him breaks, but it has translated to him of disconnecting emotionally and not being able to get emotionally organized again. So I sat there. "Father... what should I do?". My heart was hurting for my boy, but he was beyond reaching at this point. Then the whisper... "Pray".

While he was having a melt down, I prayed softly out loud in a calm voice. "Father, I pray for my son. I pray that his heart will let go of the anger inside of it. I pray for angels to be around him and with him to help him figure out how he is feeling, and how to use it. I pray for my heart to remain soft to him. I pray, not to control his emotions, but so that I can remain spiritually centered to be available to him as he needs me to be. I pray for him to know that I love him no matter what he does or doesn't do. I am so grateful to be his mother. I am so grateful he is my son. I am so grateful for everything about him, for the anger, the frustration, but also for his warrior spirit, for his love, for his big heart. I pray that he will be released from the anger that is holding him bound. I cast out any influence that is keeping his heart wrapped around anger..."

During the prayer I saw Elijah in my mind calming down. I saw the angels who were wrapping their arms around him to help him. I saw my heart reaching out to hug him and accept him JUST AS HE IS, inside of some of his madness and humanity.

I just kept praying distinctly for him while he was melting down. I repeated these same phrases and words over and over again. And he slowly started to calm. He slowed down. He started breathing again. Eventually he was organized emotionally and I was able to go to him. I reached out my arms and he ran for a hug, for love. I didn't say a word except, "Are you okay?". He said he was okay. We sat there for a few beautiful seconds before he was ready to go out to eat. He asked me to carry him out, and I did. He is getting big enough it is difficult to do that, but it is a big way he asks for love, is by being carried. I complied.

And now I am watching him and he is remaining emotionally organized. He is expressing himself smoothly and easily. While I'm watching him, I'm breathing and praising God for parenting power, the energy to spiritually focus, and angels watching over us. I know this unseen power is real and tangible.

I am so indebted to prayer when I have no idea what else to do! When a child refuses to come to me, refuses to participate, when they are completely disorganized emotionally, I always find that prayer, out loud so they know I am praying for them, WORKS.

This isn't the first time I've done this... but it is a reminder to me to do this CONSISTENTLY. To consistently spiritually focus inside of those disorganized emotional moments.

I love you kids. So much.

Your Mom

Old Thought Patterns

Dear Kids,

I am being taught. I can't believe how much I'm being taught.

As I'm sitting here I can't even describe how much is going on inside of my head and my heart. The spirit has been exploding with downloading information to my mind and heart, it's hard to even describe the intricacies of it all. I have more and new downloads EVERYDAY. I know it's for a purpose and I know the Lord knows that I will do His will as He gives me platforms to do so.

One of the things I'm learning is how to say goodbye to old thought patterns, rooted stories in my mind's thoughts that I don't even realize are constantly on the screen of my mind, and old beliefs. Many of these beliefs and thoughts I thought I got rid of years ago! But, here they are, making their debut once again. But I am loving it! The spirit is being my guide and I'm loving every moment of it. It's stretching me in a way that is unprecedented up to this point of my life, but I'm welcoming it with everything I have.

I want bigger stewardship for the Lord. I want a bigger stage for the Lord. I want to share the gift of influence He has given me and told me that I must share. He told me in my patriarchal blessing how much I will be speaking to people all over the world. I am stepping into that in the last little while. The seed is planted and it's starting to form and it's starting to germinate. It's been under the layers for quite a few years, but all of this is according to His grand design and I glory in it.

There is such a science of faith. There is so much to faith that most of us have no idea how to work with. He is teaching me. It's exciting!

Going back to old thought patterns, I have been saying "hello" to them as they bubble up from my heart and mind instead of shoving them back down. I was listening to a lecture the other day from John Assaraf and he suggested that when the old thought patterns and beliefs start to make themselves known, to welcome them. Tell them "Hello old thought pattern" and see what they are trying to show you. See where the seed of abundance is inside of the thought pattern itself. Talk to it. See what it has for you to learn.

More on this later.

I love you,

Mom