Dear Kids,
The last couple of weeks I have had a type of "cloud" over my mind with my meditation times. Most of the time I can find a good flow and an abundance of the spirit, especially as I envision going through temple processes and our future and anything else that the Lord would have me know.
But the past couple of weeks I have had a type of cloud over me. I was wrestling with it for a while because I couldn't figure out if I had done something to chase away the spirit, if I had done something that needed repenting of (besides the everyday things :-) ).
Then today I read the talk by Elder Andersen from conference and he was talking about "Spiritually Defining Memories". In this talk he is speaking a lot about experiences that we have had, or will have, that are moments when we can say that we know that God knows that we know! They are spiritual experiences that leave such an impression on our mind that we do not forget them.
Most of the talk he was speaking about moments that are involved in regular everyday life - as appropriate because that is where the Holy Ghost speaks to us so often. But in one section of the talk he said this, "Some experiences are so sacred that we guard them in our spiritual memory and do not share them."
Then he referenced a couple of things. First is the scripture Alma 12:9, "It is given unto MANY to know the mysteries of God, nevertheless they are laid under a strict command that they shall not impart only according to the portion of his word which he doth grant unto the children of men, according to the heed and diligence which they give unto him."
Then he referenced this from Elder Maxwell, "It takes inspiration to know when to share spiritual experiences. I recall hearing President Marion G Romney who combined wit and wisdom say, 'We'd have more spiritual experiences if we didn't talk so much bout them.'"
Then Elder Anderson then quoted this scripture, "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost, wherefore they speak the words of Christ. Angels have not ceased to minister unto the children of men. For behold they are subject unto Christ, to minister according to HIS command, SHOWING themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind in EVERY form of Godliness."
Then I had a flashback to a meditation I had just a little bit ago when in the middle of the meditation I saw in my mind's eye the part of the temple when messengers come and we are taught how to interact with them and I had flash to my mind the section in D&C when Joseph Smith gives distinctions of how to make sure it is a right spirit that has come to testify to you. In that meditation there was someone there, SO STRONG, I felt it so strong that I opened my eyes to see who was there, but the room was empty.
It was ever since that experience that I have had the cloud over my mind.
Then after reading Elder Anderson's talk today I was taught WHY I had this cloud. It is because the Lord wanted to make sure to cement into my mind and heart that the experiences that I will have are for ME and BRENT only.
I have to be very honest with myself about the fact that there is a portion of me that totally understands how Joseph Smith felt when he went to get the golden plates, but he was forbidden because his heart was not 100% right and pure as to the motivation for taking them. I have to be honest with myself that I have not had 100% pure motives for wanting to have spiritual experiences. I have to admit to myself that there is a part of me that wants them for influence, for recognition, for "clout".
And THAT must be rooted out.
In a blessing I received from your dad in February he said these words, "I bless you to be aware of the presence of ANGELS assisting you in your work and at times you will see them and interact with them so that they may more effectively teach you all the wisdom they have gained."
I have been told that I will SEE THEM AT TIMES and INTERACT WITH THEM so they can more effectively teach me all the wisdom they have gained.
In order to have those type of spiritual experiences, my heart has to be right. It has to be pure. No "better than", no dominion, no pride. Completely stripped of pride. And when I have these experiences I was told very specifically to write them down in my private journal and only share them with Brent.
So the cloud was given to me a little while before the Lord knew I was going to read Elder Anderson's talk so I would have enough time to really figure out what was going on. Then I got my answer today in his talk.
I am not going to force it, but I know that I am on a path of further visions and revelations. In order to be right on this path I must be ready to tell no one. Just like it said in Alma that I can know the mysteries of God but I'm under a strict command to NOT share. And maybe the time will come to share, and maybe it will never come. And that is okay. I cannot trifle with sacred things. I keep them sacred. Without pride involved.
So, I praise God. Seeing angels or not seeing them. I praise God. I glory in my Jesus. Always.
I love you,
Your Mom
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