Shayla, Surgery, Dad's Blessing

 Dear Kids, 

We took a spur of the moment trip up to Idaho this past weekend in order to take the chance to see grandparents. Your dad had a greenhouse to deliver to Montana, and so we decided to drop by Idaho Falls at the same time together. 

So we drove up Friday and got there late Friday night. Saturday Papa was going over to Boise to be there for Tate's ordination to the priesthood. Since we were there I had Gabe hop in with him so he could go with him to support Tate. I'm glad he got to go over. 

After we met up with Papa to pick up Gabe Papa told me he had to talk to me about Shayla. He took me aside and told me that he went over there with full intention of giving her a blessing of healing. But he woke up at 4am that morning before giving her a blessing and it was given him exactly what to say to her. And he was told that it was time for her to be released from this life. 

He was emotional while telling me this of course. He said it was a beautiful blessing full of things that she is going to do on the other side. By the end of the blessing Casey and Elaine (Casey's mom) were both crying so hard. He said, "She might last another few weeks, but she might just last another couple of days, we don't know yet." So I asked him if we should go over to Boise that night to see her, but he advised me to keep my plans to go up to see her this next week to help with her family. 

Seeing my father tell me about a blessing that he had to give to his daughter, my sister, about being released from this life, was extremely humbling. This life is so fragile and so tender. I hugged him tight and told him how much I love him. He told me, "I don't ever want to do that kind of blessing for another one of my children ever again. So don't do that to me A." I told him I would do my best not to!

He told me to talk to the girls in the family and he would call Jonathan. I called Kalea and Mesha and told them what dad had told me and then told them that they should give him a call. We cried together and talked together about it. It shocked everyone. 

I've been waving with lots of emotions ever since then. That was almost a week ago, Mesha went up this week to be with Shayla the last few days, and I am leaving tomorrow morning to be with her for the next week and help at their house. I'm so glad to go over and support her and take care of her. But it is going to be hard. It is going to be hard to be there with her while she is so miserable. 

The way this all started in the last few weeks is that her sciatic nerve has been really bothering her for a couple months. Then on New Years Eve she went in for emergency surgery because she couldn't walk. They went in and took a tumor out that was pressing on her spine. Then after that surgery it really started to blow up the other tumors in her body. In just a couple short weeks the tumor in her stomach and in her shoulder got so big that they are extremely uncomfortable for her. And that is when Papa went over to giver her a blessing of healing, but instead was told to release her from this life. 

Mimi at this point is in denial about the blessing. For good reason. I don't know how any mother can try and accept the fact that their child is going to go before them. I am praying that my mom can have a dream or a vision that can help her understand all of this. 

Mesha is up there right now and she has told us that Shayla is in pain. They are trying to control her pain as much as they can. I am going to go up tomorrow together with Joshua for this week and be there to help at the house and help with the kids. Shayla needs her family right now. Siblings should be the longest relationships of our lives, longer than our parents or children, they are the longest relationships of our lives and it hurts to think about this relationship that is ending. No - not the relationship that is ending but her life on this side that is ending. 

I trust God. I want all of you, my children to know, that I trust God completely. And it doesn't take away from the pain of it all to trust Him. The pain is still there, the grief, the sadness. All of it. I have thought of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego from the Bible a lot throughout my life. I love their story so much for many reasons. I thought about that story again throughout my processing with all of this. I have thought of them going to King Nebuchadnezzar after they wouldn't bow down to the idol set before them. How they testified of God, Jesus Christ. How they said they knew that God could deliver them from the fire. 

Then they said, "But if not.... we will still worship the Lord!"

I have thought about that a lot during this last week. That I KNOW God can save Shayla from this fire. I know He can. But if not.... I will still trust in Him forever. I will still worship the Lord and love Him, even in the midst of this trial. I hope as I go up to Boise that I can deliver some happiness and light to everyone in her home. I hope to be a light. I hope to give some peace and happiness while I'm there. I pray that the Lord will give that ability to me to bestow upon her family and upon her household. And I will keep trusting in God. I will keep trusting in Him no matter what the outcome is. 

I want to know and trust the will of God in all things, even in death. This is helping me to process all of that part of my testimony. 

My biggest heartache is for her children. No one loves their children like their mother. No one. And her kids are going to have identity crisis inside of all of this. It's going to be really, really, really hard. I hope that they can feel their mom near as much as possible. As much as she is given to be around them. And raise them in the Millennium. Especially sweet Summer, who won't remember her :-(. It's just so sad. 

I love you kids. Remember, it's true. No one loves you quite like a mother does. No one. 

Your Mom

New President, Deep State Victory, Living Under the Beast

 Dear Kids, 

Well, this week was an interesting emotional rollercoaster with what happened with the election. 

Biden was sworn into office this Wednesday January 20th. It was quite a theatrical show. And no population was there. It was disgusting. All in the name is "safety" and "health" because of COVID-19. Washington DC was surrounded by the military all the in the name is "safety" from the crazy right wing activists. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't agree at all with violence on the right wing side. But the way the media is portraying anyone who supported Trump is unbelievable. And they are going to cause WWIII. 

Actually I believe that WWIII has already started, and it started with a biological attack that we call COVID-19 which came from China. That is what I believe. The other strategy in this war is psychological warfare. The warfare for people's minds is crazy. On both sides of the aisle. I see it constantly in the liberal media and from the conspiracy side as well. 

There is a movement called Q-anon that has made quite a stir. But so much of their movement could also be taken as completely psychological warfare with undercover CIA operatives at the core as well. There is precedence for this with history with the Bolshevik revolution. They had a "trust" movement underground to win the hearts of the patriots of the country and ended up deceiving them while communism took over. 

Communism is the great BEAST from Revelations. And I believe that we are living under the control of the Beast right now. It is happening as we speak. 

I had a thought that I need to construct a presentation about all of this from a LDS perspective with the words of the prophets in mind. There are many people that see it, but many more that don't see it at all. And I believe we have been warned and it's up to us to change this around. 

Dad and I hosted a meeting together with Morgan Philpot last night. HIs presentation is called, "The End of all Nations". It is an excellent presentation that involves the scriptures and Old Testament testifying of the constitution of the United States and the covenant land. He does an amazing job weaving it all together and it helped me to have so much more clarity last night. 

All week long I was curious to see if the inauguration was going to happen or not. Part of the "underground" movement were messages that the inauguration wasn't going to take place and that the military was going to be declaring war. I had such an uneasy feeling, especially Tuesday before the inauguration. 

I have come to the point in my life where I have to trust my intuition completely, especially because of the evidences that the Lord has given me in the past that I am not led astray and that the impressions I have are actually completely true. 

The impression that I had on Tuesday is that there was going to be a bomb that was going to go off. Somewhere. Somewhere something was going to explode. All day it felt that way. And then Wednesday came and the inauguration happened and then that feeling left. 

I think they were going to set something off. And they threatened those that are pursuing true freedom to kill millions of people in order to move forward with the Deep State victory. It was such a victory for the Deep State it was disgusting. They have taken over everything. It is the most subtle plan that Satan has used yet in this world. That the world is controlled by the Beast of the Deep State and everyone thinks it's a conspiracy theory and not true. 

It is true. and it's happening all over the place. And they are using the weapon of COVID-19 in order to conquer the world without a single shot fired. It is the "desolating sickness" that is covering the land. Not because it is killing millions and millions of people. Because it isn't. But because it is causing the land to be desolate. We are going to see economic breakdown like we have never seen before. We are in a decline and there isn't going to be peace. Not for a long time. 

After going to Morgan's presentation last night I was reminded that I have to study the constitution like I've never done it before. And I have to do it from the perspective of the scriptures and the modern day prophets. I have to do that. I have to know my basis. I can see all these things in my head, I understand it all, but to be able to line it out for the common person is hard for me. So I need to get past that hump. 

The Lord told me in my patriarchal blessing that He is going to use me to "establish His government and administer" in His government on the earth. I can only be worthy to do that If I REALLY understand constitutional principles as given to me by God. Not by the interpretation of man. 

I hope I have the shoulders to bear everything that is coming. And I am trying to decide the best tactics to move forward with together with my family. And the other part is the Brent has to lead out as well. He is the man of the house. He is the one with patriarchal priesthood power. He has to lead this fight. And I'm going to really dedicate myself to praying for him to understand exactly what that needs to look like and be. Because I can't do this under my stewardships. He has to. This is his to take on as given to him by God. And I think I've been wandering around trying to figure out my energy in this because he is wandering around trying to figure out his energy involved as well. 

Kids, this world is sticky. I hope I can prepare you for it the right way. My energy has been really down lately and I think it is because I've been filling up my mind with the wrong things. I am going to fill up my mind with the words of the prophets about the constitution and about the covenant of this land and this nation and my part in it. And Brent's part in it. 

Now I just pray for God to give me the time to do that. And the energy and focus. 

I love you. Remember I always stood on the side of the constitution. The document founded by God. 

Your Mom

Meditation Moments Break Down

 Dear Kids, 

I haven't written down nearly enough of my personal ministering experience with Jesus in my journal for you to read about. I realized when I was listening to a professor of religion the other day the importance of writing down my personal revelation as scripture for our family. I have written down a few experiences that I hope you have read about, but I want to get into the habit of writing more. 

Something that I was told again in a blessing that your dad gave to me is to WRITE DOWN what we are experiencing in our lives on a daily basis. The little things that we are doing in our family in order to improve and help all of you be ready for life, and the experiences that your dad and I are having together. 

This morning in my meditation and pondering time I had a wonderful experience with Jesus. He visited me. When I say that he visited me I say that I felt His presence and was very aware of Him in the spirit. One of the powerful things about Christ Centered Meditation and Visualization is that it gives Him permission to come and minister to me personally and every time it happens it is so powerful! I can't believe that He gives me these gifts of His energy and presence all the time. 

When I start my meditation I always start by focusing on my breath. I just sit comfortably. I don't have a certain way I sit every time, just sit comfortably in my chair/bed. Sometimes I cross my legs and other times I just sit with my legs outstretched and straight. Most of the time I just lay my hands in my lap and just relax them there. Then I focus on my breath. I feel the breath coming in my nose, the sensation of the coolness of the breath coming into my body and then I feel the warmth of the air leaving my body. It feels good to just focus on this aspect of air - life giving air - coming in and out of my body keeping it alive. 

After doing this for a little bit then I go into visualizing light coming into my body, through the crown of my head, from heaven as I repeat the scripture of, "Let my eye be single to thy glory, so my whole body can be filled with light." and as I say, "Let my eye be single to thy glory" is when in my mind visually I am reaching up into heaven, the priesthood power of heaven is opened and as I say, "So my whole body can be filled with light" the light from heaven comes down into my body and fills me up. 

This is an aspect that I used to call energy work - I am now giving credit where credit is due and recognizing it as priesthood power from God that He is giving to me for my daily work on the earth. After doing this a few times until I feel to move on, then I visually go into the temple. 

I walk into the temple, give my recommend, smile at the workers - I visualize every part of going in and getting ready and dressed. Now realize when I say that I visualize this, this whole section of coming into the temple and visualizing doing this, getting dressed and ready for initiatory, takes just a moment because of how quickly things can be understood in the mind's eye. In the eye of faith. 

Then I go into the initiatory. Today the woman who administered the initiatory to me I didn't know her, but she was someone that is in my family line, someone that is connected to me. Then I visualize her going through the initiatory process with me. I can't write that down because it is temple talk and sacred, but when you go through the temple you will understand what I am referring to. 

When it got to the point of someone putting their hands on my head, I immediately knew that it was the Savior who was doing so. I immediately felt His presence spiritually and knew He was there placing His hands on my head. In that section of the initiatory you are pronounced as CLEAN. He told me that today, that I am CLEAN EVERY WIT. The feeling of gratitude that goes through me when He tells me this is immense and powerful. 

Then I moved to the next section of the initiatory which includes a body scan. I won't say the details since it is temple talk, but this section you will also understand when you go through the temple. It goes from the top of your head to the souls of your feet pronouncing blessings with every section of the body. It is an amazing body scan and a chance to check in with how my body is doing. There are blessings given and I visualize these blessings as I go through the body scan. I can feel and spiritually see light coming into my body, specifically into those areas of my body as I go through this process, and it was Jesus going through it with me today.

During this section I will often find places in my body where there is anxiety residing, or a feeling someone in my body that is bound up emotionally in some way. Today it was in my stomach. When this happens there is a practice of a bag that Jesus holds that I empty that area of "bound up" into. I visualize that there is a rope connected to that area and as it leaves my body and goes into the Jesus bag it empties out that feeling that is within my body. I did that today and knew immediately it had to do with Shayla. 

Shayla is in the hospital again after another surgery on her back. I want badly to help her, but I feel withheld from helping her for reasons that are a little difficult to explain. There is an energy there with her and Casey that is hard to describe, but they are withholding our family's love and support on a spiritual level and I don't know why, I can't describe it without someone else also feeling it energetically and spiritually. Long and short of it is, there are major walls there, and I feel really bad about it. I want them to come down. I know part of what she is experiencing with this disease is DIS-EASE. She has a lot inside of her and I just feel sad for her sadness.

Anyway - when I knew this instinctively that this feeling was about her I emptied it into the Jesus bag and it kept leaving my body where the area of the rope was and as the rope is pulled from that part of my body the feeling is also emptied into the bag. It is so healing EVERY TIME that I do this. I also tried to do this with my hip - it has been bothering me as well on a physical level. I added light there, it wasn't effective on my hip today as my stomach. So I'll work on my hip more another time. 

Jesus gave me to know to just let it go with Shayla. This is her journey. I can offer, I can pray, I can send as much love as possible. But if she chooses not to accept it, that is out of my control. I have wanted to do visual healing/co-creation with Jesus on Shayla, but every time I try to go into this space to do this, I am withheld. So I just have to visualize giving her to Jesus and knowing that He is in charge of what needs to happen. And I pray for her heart to be softened and Casey's heart to be softened to healing power. And I pray for her to allow light and let go of anything she is binding up inside of her body. 

After this and finishing the body scan then I went to the covenants of the temple. and went through each of them in my mind together with Jesus, reviewing the signs and tokens and as much of the words that go with them as possible. Then I went to the veil and went through the process of going through the veil. That is my FAVORITE!

I got the other side of the veil and the room was filled with angels! So many angels were all around. It was exhilarating  and beautiful. I saw Jesus and Heavenly Father, then I also saw Heavenly Mother. I really wanted that today, so see her beauty and amazing light. I just basked in the power of the angels and heaven around me. I can't wait until what I see in my mind's eye is also seen on a physical level. I know it will come one day, and for now my mind's eye experiences are exactly what my Savior is doing to prepare me for more. 

And kids, these experiences are REAL. The attack I had this past summer tried to erode my testimony in a way that I haven't ever felt before. But everything I am telling you is real. It is true. I can say that with certainty now more than I ever have before. 

After getting through the veil and experiencing this Jesus went with me to bless my kids and bestow upon them light and life, warmth and love. When this is happening we go to each of you and I touch you and He puts His hands on your head and we bless you for the day. Light comes down from heaven and fills your bodies. Each of you receive this. And each time I do this I see a bit more of your souls and who you really are. It helps me throughout the day when we have humanity moments to be able to go back to that space in my mind's eye and see  you in those spiritual moments and with my spiritual eyes the way Jesus sees you, and it helps me to temper my reactions and treat you with more royalty. 

Like right now, Joshua is upset and crying next to me about something he's frustrated about, and I'm able to sit back and look as him like Jesus does. It is a gift. 

All of what I experience in these meditation/pondering/prayer moments is a spiritual gift. I was also reminded of that for the last several weeks when I've tried to go to these spaces and I haven't been able to. It was reminded that it is a spiritual gift given to me and it can be taken away. I am humbled by it and that the Lord trusts me with it. 

After going to each of you it was time to get started with my day and I closed and gave Jesus a hug and told Him Thank you. Then He smiled at me and reminded me how to love on my husband. That connecting with Brent really is one of the most important things I can do and it gives us both power together when we connect (especially on an intimate level) with our life. This last week we have connected on an intimate level more than we have for a long time and there is power that comes from that. There is creation power in our lives, energy given, so many things that come with intimacy. It is amazing and beautiful. 

I love you kids. I love being your mom. Now I get to finish writing this down and go throughout my day with these blessings a part of me. 

I love you,

Your Mom