Dear Kids,
I haven't written down nearly enough of my personal ministering experience with Jesus in my journal for you to read about. I realized when I was listening to a professor of religion the other day the importance of writing down my personal revelation as scripture for our family. I have written down a few experiences that I hope you have read about, but I want to get into the habit of writing more.
Something that I was told again in a blessing that your dad gave to me is to WRITE DOWN what we are experiencing in our lives on a daily basis. The little things that we are doing in our family in order to improve and help all of you be ready for life, and the experiences that your dad and I are having together.
This morning in my meditation and pondering time I had a wonderful experience with Jesus. He visited me. When I say that he visited me I say that I felt His presence and was very aware of Him in the spirit. One of the powerful things about Christ Centered Meditation and Visualization is that it gives Him permission to come and minister to me personally and every time it happens it is so powerful! I can't believe that He gives me these gifts of His energy and presence all the time.
When I start my meditation I always start by focusing on my breath. I just sit comfortably. I don't have a certain way I sit every time, just sit comfortably in my chair/bed. Sometimes I cross my legs and other times I just sit with my legs outstretched and straight. Most of the time I just lay my hands in my lap and just relax them there. Then I focus on my breath. I feel the breath coming in my nose, the sensation of the coolness of the breath coming into my body and then I feel the warmth of the air leaving my body. It feels good to just focus on this aspect of air - life giving air - coming in and out of my body keeping it alive.
After doing this for a little bit then I go into visualizing light coming into my body, through the crown of my head, from heaven as I repeat the scripture of, "Let my eye be single to thy glory, so my whole body can be filled with light." and as I say, "Let my eye be single to thy glory" is when in my mind visually I am reaching up into heaven, the priesthood power of heaven is opened and as I say, "So my whole body can be filled with light" the light from heaven comes down into my body and fills me up.
This is an aspect that I used to call energy work - I am now giving credit where credit is due and recognizing it as priesthood power from God that He is giving to me for my daily work on the earth. After doing this a few times until I feel to move on, then I visually go into the temple.
I walk into the temple, give my recommend, smile at the workers - I visualize every part of going in and getting ready and dressed. Now realize when I say that I visualize this, this whole section of coming into the temple and visualizing doing this, getting dressed and ready for initiatory, takes just a moment because of how quickly things can be understood in the mind's eye. In the eye of faith.
Then I go into the initiatory. Today the woman who administered the initiatory to me I didn't know her, but she was someone that is in my family line, someone that is connected to me. Then I visualize her going through the initiatory process with me. I can't write that down because it is temple talk and sacred, but when you go through the temple you will understand what I am referring to.
Then I moved to the next section of the initiatory which includes a body scan. I won't say the details since it is temple talk, but this section you will also understand when you go through the temple. It goes from the top of your head to the souls of your feet pronouncing blessings with every section of the body. It is an amazing body scan and a chance to check in with how my body is doing. There are blessings given and I visualize these blessings as I go through the body scan. I can feel and spiritually see light coming into my body, specifically into those areas of my body as I go through this process, and it was Jesus going through it with me today.
During this section I will often find places in my body where there is anxiety residing, or a feeling someone in my body that is bound up emotionally in some way. Today it was in my stomach. When this happens there is a practice of a bag that Jesus holds that I empty that area of "bound up" into. I visualize that there is a rope connected to that area and as it leaves my body and goes into the Jesus bag it empties out that feeling that is within my body. I did that today and knew immediately it had to do with Shayla.
Shayla is in the hospital again after another surgery on her back. I want badly to help her, but I feel withheld from helping her for reasons that are a little difficult to explain. There is an energy there with her and Casey that is hard to describe, but they are withholding our family's love and support on a spiritual level and I don't know why, I can't describe it without someone else also feeling it energetically and spiritually. Long and short of it is, there are major walls there, and I feel really bad about it. I want them to come down. I know part of what she is experiencing with this disease is DIS-EASE. She has a lot inside of her and I just feel sad for her sadness.
Anyway - when I knew this instinctively that this feeling was about her I emptied it into the Jesus bag and it kept leaving my body where the area of the rope was and as the rope is pulled from that part of my body the feeling is also emptied into the bag. It is so healing EVERY TIME that I do this. I also tried to do this with my hip - it has been bothering me as well on a physical level. I added light there, it wasn't effective on my hip today as my stomach. So I'll work on my hip more another time.
Jesus gave me to know to just let it go with Shayla. This is her journey. I can offer, I can pray, I can send as much love as possible. But if she chooses not to accept it, that is out of my control. I have wanted to do visual healing/co-creation with Jesus on Shayla, but every time I try to go into this space to do this, I am withheld. So I just have to visualize giving her to Jesus and knowing that He is in charge of what needs to happen. And I pray for her heart to be softened and Casey's heart to be softened to healing power. And I pray for her to allow light and let go of anything she is binding up inside of her body.
After this and finishing the body scan then I went to the covenants of the temple. and went through each of them in my mind together with Jesus, reviewing the signs and tokens and as much of the words that go with them as possible. Then I went to the veil and went through the process of going through the veil. That is my FAVORITE!
I got the other side of the veil and the room was filled with angels! So many angels were all around. It was exhilarating and beautiful. I saw Jesus and Heavenly Father, then I also saw Heavenly Mother. I really wanted that today, so see her beauty and amazing light. I just basked in the power of the angels and heaven around me. I can't wait until what I see in my mind's eye is also seen on a physical level. I know it will come one day, and for now my mind's eye experiences are exactly what my Savior is doing to prepare me for more.
And kids, these experiences are REAL. The attack I had this past summer tried to erode my testimony in a way that I haven't ever felt before. But everything I am telling you is real. It is true. I can say that with certainty now more than I ever have before.
After getting through the veil and experiencing this Jesus went with me to bless my kids and bestow upon them light and life, warmth and love. When this is happening we go to each of you and I touch you and He puts His hands on your head and we bless you for the day. Light comes down from heaven and fills your bodies. Each of you receive this. And each time I do this I see a bit more of your souls and who you really are. It helps me throughout the day when we have humanity moments to be able to go back to that space in my mind's eye and see you in those spiritual moments and with my spiritual eyes the way Jesus sees you, and it helps me to temper my reactions and treat you with more royalty.
Like right now, Joshua is upset and crying next to me about something he's frustrated about, and I'm able to sit back and look as him like Jesus does. It is a gift.
All of what I experience in these meditation/pondering/prayer moments is a spiritual gift. I was also reminded of that for the last several weeks when I've tried to go to these spaces and I haven't been able to. It was reminded that it is a spiritual gift given to me and it can be taken away. I am humbled by it and that the Lord trusts me with it.
After going to each of you it was time to get started with my day and I closed and gave Jesus a hug and told Him Thank you. Then He smiled at me and reminded me how to love on my husband. That connecting with Brent really is one of the most important things I can do and it gives us both power together when we connect (especially on an intimate level) with our life. This last week we have connected on an intimate level more than we have for a long time and there is power that comes from that. There is creation power in our lives, energy given, so many things that come with intimacy. It is amazing and beautiful.
I love you kids. I love being your mom. Now I get to finish writing this down and go throughout my day with these blessings a part of me.
I love you,
Your Mom
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