It's Time To Move - Not Sure Where Yet

 Dear Kids, 

We found out that we have to move from our house this last week. It's been a little bit of a rollercoaster. I have been feeling like change has been coming for a while now. After everything happened with Shayla I asked God if that was the change that I was feeling and He said, "That was some of it." But there is more. 

So I have been praying very specifically for your dad to find the place in the world where he knows that he is creating value uniquely in the way God has in mind for him, especially with his career time on this earth. He wants to make a difference and be of value using his time everyday and he has been 'itching' for new experiences that will stretch him into becoming more of the man that God has in mind. I've been praying for this for a while now. 

Last Sunday I fasted specifically for God to "part the waters" so to speak, for our family. For Him to open the way for us to know where we need to be moving. 

The Monday morning after I fasted we got the phone call that the owners of this house want to sell it and so we need to move out. That was definitely part of the result of prayers and fasting for God to part the waters for us. Parting the waters includes us being in a different area and place.

Where that needs to be? We don't know yet. Monday when I got the call I was really angry and frustrated that we were still in the financial place that we are and that we can't buy a home of our own. I had to really work through those emotions, and I felt bad that anger was my first reaction to God parting the waters for us. But I repented of that one ;-). Tuesday I felt like, "The world is our oyster! We can do anything and go anywhere we want!" so we started talking about realistically what we could do and where we could go... including Guatemala! After going through that rollercoaster, the rest of the week I settled into the feeling of, "God, you know where You want us to be. Put us there. You have always had our back. You have always shown us where we need to go. I trust you now, I trust that You will show us where You want us. I'll go where You want me to go." That has been my feeling ever since. 

As of now, we don't know where we are going to go, or what is right yet. We have really considered Guatemala. Seriously considering it actually. We need to save up some money to be able to do that and we talked about going to Idaho for a couple of months to be with Papa and Mimi so we can save some money. That would be a really good option actually. But the other day the gravity of that really hit me a lot, and so I've been marinating on the reality of what that really needs to look like - we'll see. 

Right now I know that God will show us where we need to be. I have no doubt about that at all. Sometimes that waiting to find out is a little challenging, but I know He will show us where we need to be and what we need to be doing. 

I always have more to learn on this mortal journey, but wherever we are led, I know it will be the right place. 

I love you kids, home is where we are together,

Your Mom

Talia, Snapchat, Deceiving and The Lesson

 Dear Kids, 

I need to tell you a story that happened with Talia this past week so we don't forget about it. It was a very important lesson for her, but I believe it will be a lesson that we will be able to reflect back on quite a few times in the future. 

Talia has been pushing boundaries lately, with quite a few things. She started putting on make up everyday, even though the rule was to wait until she is 12 years old. When I started noticing it I talked with the spirit about it about what we should do. But God told me, "Andrea, just wait, you will be able to use it to your advantage with the next boundary she crosses in the future." So I consciously decided to let it be. 

The next boundary she crossed was she snuck a phone that we had gotten from a friend to use for audiobooks. We hadn't charged it and didn't do very much with it yet, but she snuck it and used it for play, but then discovered that she could charge it. After charging it up, she decided to make an Apple ID on it and then create a snapchat account. 

Uncle J texted me and said, "Talia has a snapchat account?". I didn't know anything about it. When I approached Talia about it she said, "It's not on the tablet!" then continued to deflect and deny that she knew anything about what he texted. She then said, "I don't want to talk about this right now!". So I told her, "That's fine, we don't have to talk right now, but tonight before you go to bed, we need to talk about it."

So that night when we sat down together I said,"Okay, tell us about snapchat." She no longer was trying to deny what had happened, but went into the story of using the phone for play and then finding a plug and getting it charged and then proceeding with downloading it. She said, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

So it was another boundary she crossed because she KNOWS she cannot download any apps without mom and dad's permission. So Brent started talking to her about her "trust" account with us. That we have to have a good trust relationship because there is going to come a time in the future when all we have is her word for something. He told her about an example of if she decides to go to high school in the future and one day a friend sneaks alcohol or drugs into school. Then that friend could come by her locker and say, "Keep this in your locker, I don't want to get caught!" Then just at that moment a teacher is coming down the hallway, so the friend hurries and shoves it in Talia's locker and they run off to class. 

Because teachers know suspicious behavior they would go to the locker during class and open it and find the alcohol there. Then Brent said, "then the principal will call me and tell me, 'Mr. Palmer, we found alcohol in Talia's locker and we called the police because of underage possession. Will you please come to the school so we can get this sorted out.... So then I will go to the school and before I talk with ANYONE I will pull you aside and ask you what happened. It will be a situation where I have to know I can trust you. And if we have a trust relationship and you tell me what happened, I will defend you and have your back. But if we don't have a trust relationship then I can't defend you because I won't know if you are telling me the truth."

She understood the gravity of that kind of situation. Then we told her about all the dangerous things that happen on snapchat because of traffickers pretending to be someone that they aren't. We told her all the time that bad people pretend to be a friend to you on snapchat, or they create an alternate account of someone that you know, and then try and trick you into giving them all kinds of information, where you live and details that will help them to be able to kidnap you. 

She got scared with that possibility. At the end of the conversation she was realizing the gravity of the situation and we just told her that we were sorry that this is the world that she gets to live in, but it is the world she chose to come to, and that the internet is a really scary place when you are innocent and don't have the skills to be able to recognize danger. We also told her that more than anything we want a trust relationship with her and that is the most important part of all. Especially that God can speak to her heart and she has the light and choice to listen to the Holy Ghost above any other influence. She ended up getting some conesquences for her actions and she wasn't happy about it and she understood in her mind what we were talking about, but in the end her heart still was a bit hard towards us and God.

Then something happened the next day that actually was a HUGE answer to prayer in this situation. After having this conversation with Talia she felt a bit defensive and frustrated. It really more than anything is her heart. When she softens her heart to God so the spirit can talk with her, that is the most important thing to us that she learned from all of this. I kept praying, "Please, help her to soften her heart to understand the dangers. Please soften her heart to us and especially to you Lord. Soften her heart to know that the Holy Ghost really is the most important guide."

Then God gave us an answer to that prayer. 

The next day she came running into my bedroom and was sobbing out of control. "mom! I have to tell you about something, but I don't want you to be mad at me. but I have to tell you! I'm so scared!" She was out of her mind with how emotional she was, crying like crazy and shaking. 

She then told me that she had a message from someone she didn't know that asked a few things. The conversation went like this:

"Hi, is this talia?"

"yes. Who is this?"

"This is Josh. Do you want to go out tonight?"

At that point she said, "It scared me so bad. I didn't know the number. I don't know who it is. So I deleted it and I immediately came and told you about it!"

I was so proud of her. But I asked her a few clarifying questions. She told me that when she signed up for snapchat that she had to put in a phone number and birthdate. She put in my birth year (1977) but she did put in the phone number of the texting app that she had been using. 

"So I think that this person must have gotten my number because I signed up for snapchat! Oh mom! I'm so sorry! I'm so scared. I'm never leaving the house again! What if they know who I am and where I live?"

So I asked her again some questions about if she had to put in her address. She hadn't put her address in. Which was excellent. 

"Talia, if you didn't put your address in there is no way they know where you live, so I'm so grateful for that. But what do you think you need to do now about it?"

"mom! I'm so sorry! That scared me so bad! I'm never going to do anything like that ever again! I don't want to get kidnapped! When you were telling me all those things about people using snapchat and other apps for finding kids to kidnap I didn't really think it could happen! I didn't think it could happen to me! I should never have done that! I should never have signed up! I didn't realize! I should never have hardened my heart to God and not listened to the spirit!" (followed by further crying).

I silently said a prayer. In this situation, it was the perfect time for her to learn this lesson. This was the perfect way for her to learn. I held her, I hugged her, I reassured her. Then we deleted the texting number she had put into snapchat. 

Since that lesson she has been so much better. She still has more lessons to learn, but God answered our prayers. He helped her to understand how dangerous being deceitful can be and how much in danger it can put her in. I'm so grateful she learned the lesson early and in a way that worked. He is good and He knows the way that she learns. He knows how she needs to learn the lessons and it was exactly what she needed with the whole thing. 

With this whole situation it has helped me to realize where I am practicing unrighteous dominion as well. I have been controlling a bit too much, but I don't want to give away too many freedoms too soon. It has helped to realize when I need to just listen and not lecture. It has helped me to listen to the spirit with the daily interactions with Talia, and the other kids, in order to really try and hear what they are saying to me with their energy and spirits, and how their love bucket can be filled up better than we are filling them now. 

My kids, you are always the prefect mirror for me and what I need to learn at the same time that you are learning your lessons as well. Yes, Talia chose to make that mistake of deceit and lying. But I needed to repent of anger in my would towards her inside of it all as well. I needed to turn to Christ in order to know the best way to handle the situation for her in mind. I needed to turn to God just as much as Talia did. Same thing with you dad. He needed to turn to God for answers as well.

Parenting is the most challenging, but most important work there is. I hope you all know how much I love you, and also how much we are doing in order to protect you and help you learn about the world we live in, in a way that follows the prophets counsel of, "Raising a sin resistant generation". I am taking that charge very literally, and I'm doing my best. Then giving the results to God. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Miracles At The Retreat

 Dear Kids, 

The Homeschool Mom's Retreat last weekend went AMAZING. There were so many miracles that happened for so many women and it was an answer to prayers, many prayers. 

Before the retreat happened I sent out a communication to the ladies that Satan was going to try to do everything he could to keep them from coming to the retreat and to pray for protection. It was amazing to see how exactly true that counsel ended up being. But the women who needed to be there made it. There were several that were on the verge of canceling because of work things coming up, family things coming up, or a number of other situations, but they followed through and made it. 

When the committee got there (Connie Lossee, Shirlyn Wanlass, Katie Vrajich), we said a prayer together and I was specifically instructed to pray for a few things. Here is a list below of the different experiences and prayers given:

-"Father we are all endowed women of Thee and have the holy endowments of the priesthood. We ask with the power of the priesthood endowment that You have given us for this space to be consecrated and protected, for the conduits of heaven to be opened so the ministering angels of all the women coming will be here in abundance."

.....After saying this portion of the prayer I IMMEDIATELY felt light descend onto the property and the angels entering the space were spiritually tangible. It was AMAZING to feel the dissension of God's power where we were and that the space where we were was consecrated for this purpose. There were SEVERAL women all through the retreat and when bearing testimony at the end that talked about how they felt like they were in the temple all weekend. Yay!

-"Father, we ask specifically for the Savior to come and to be on the property with us, to walk beside the women, and that the ladies coming will have a personal experience with Jesus in a way that will anchor their testimonies."

.....At the end of the retreat we did a circle where all the women had a chance (if wanted) to share what they learned and if their intentions were fulfilled. SO MANY of them talked about how they had a personal experience with the Savior - specifically on the Faith Walk. Katie gave hugs to the ladies on the Faith Walk at a certain portion, and many of the women said how when she gave them a hug, they immediately felt that it was Jesus giving them the hug. Katie testified as well that she was physically pushed out of her comfortable seat (where she was reporting who made it around the hike) to give hugs from Jesus. 

-"Father, please dedicate this space so every one of these women can come and receive personal answers about their lives directly from Thee in a way that will secure them to their covenants" ... Then before the Faith Walk started and we were setting up Shirlyn said a specific prayer about dedicating the space. Then she asked me if I had anything else to pray for. I felt specifically to pray for the women, especially those who were questioning the power of their covenants to get the answers they needed and rededicated the space again. 

.....We found out later that at the moment we were praying about that one of the group discussion leaders (Ashla Clay) knew she had to do a temple visualization and talk specifically about covenants. There was a woman (Jane) who came specifically because she didn't know why covenants were so important anymore. She was faltering and she didn't know if anything she believed was important anymore and if the temple was really worth it. In that discussion she was in, she got the exact answers she was looking for. When we found out the correlations of events and how the prayers were answered I told Jane, "Guess what? God cares about the ONE, and all those events working together were specifically for YOU. He loves you." She just cried. 

-In the Intention Discussion on the first night I asked all the women to write down their intentions and why they needed to be here. They all did and I testified to them that they would receive answers to those intentions. Then when we went around at the end of the retreat, EVERYONE of those women received those answers. I was just glorying in Jesus and God the entire discussion, just amazed at them and how much THEY LOVE THESE WOMEN. 

-I testified to them over and over and over and over and over again how irreplaceable they are in the world. No one can do what they are doing in their lives, in their families, in the children's lives, in their neighborhood... no one can do what they can do. And a lot of times we as women feel really insignificant inside of the mundane work everyday that we do with our families, when in reality IT IS THE ONLY WAY that God wins. I just told them over and over that I just wanted to impart spiritual confidence in them to go home with. 

.....The amazing part is that by testifying to them, I received my own answers about it all as well. I have been feeling like I want to be used as an instrument! And He found me worthy and used me! All weekend there were answers given, conversations I had, conversations that the ladies had with each other, we were ministering to each other ALL WEEKEND long. It was ZION. I have a complete testimony that it is how we create Zion. We were doing the work of the Lord. 

-At the end of the retreat I had a lady come up to me (Natalie Lisonbee). She was one of the only ladies that I didn't have a chance to really connect with. (This needs to be prefaced with the fact that the day the retreat started was April 22nd, Shayla's birthday and I asked all the ladies there to sing Happy Birthday to her). She said, "Andrea, I've wanted to tell you all weekend that when we sang Happy Birthday to your sister, someone came in the room and sat down in the chair right next to you. Then when you hit your hand on the chair accidentally and made the joke about how you needed the chair for stability, I just really felt to tell you that she wants you to know that you can use her for stability and she will always be a stabilizing force for you."

.....When she said this to me I just broke down sobbing. I needed to hear it so much. And I think it was an even greater testimony that the Lord used someone I didn't know to tell me all of that. I was telling Shirlyn about how amazing it was because I would have thought the Lord would have used a good friend like her for that message, but instead He used a stranger and it made it even more poignant. She just held me while I sobbed and cried. 

-Personally I received the answer at the retreat that I need to go into a season of "no" so I can say "yes" more to what I'm doing inside of my home. There are schedules and patterns that we've gotten into that can lead to destruction in a lot of ways (just lazy habits more than anything that need to be revised) and I need to say "no" to outside things so I can be home. I am always busy, and I am always being called by someone for something (which I LOVE actually), but it leads me to being distracted from my home. This retreat weekend the Lord told me, "See Andrea - there is going to be more great works for you to do, but not yet. You will be used like I used you this weekend more in the future, but not at the detriment of your family. Your children need more of YOU right now and it won't always be that way. You will be used. Be patient and your time will come. Right now, focus on your home, your health, your husband, and you will get there."

.....This answer from God was SO REASSURING because I know there are so many things for me to do, but I also felt in a deeper more meaningful way how I don't have much longer with my kids. I only have just a little while longer before they will be on their own and independent. I need to put the same energy I gave to the women at the retreat into my children and their testimonies as well. Several times when I was ministering to someone after the interaction the spirit would tell me, "This is how you treat your children... this is how you interact with your children.... this is how you testify to your children.... this is how you listen to your children..." He was using the way I was treating the women as the example of what to do when I got home. It was a perfect way to teach me. 

-The women talked about how much they LOVED the Faith Walk. Shirlyn set this up and her intention with it was for it to be private quiet time for the women to have personally with God. She told them at the beginning of it, "Don't cheat yourself. You need this quiet time. As homeschooling moms the thing we never get is quiet time. Give yourself that gift of quiet time with Jesus and with God." And all the women LOVED it so much. There were quote and questions all along the path. It was on the Forsyth trail. When we dedicated it we asked for the women not to be distracted and when they were there and NO ONE came to the trail when we were there! Right before and right after, but no one came during it, which was beautiful. They put their "mountain" of their life right now on a rock and put it at the Saviors feet when they got to the top of the trail. We had a picture of Jesus that as they crested the hill, He was there. All the women had very sacred experiences. It was so inspired. 

All weekend there were answers to questions constantly throughout the classes together, the Faith Walk, the women ministering to each other, the group meetings, the meals, the devotionals, all of it. 

One of the ladies came to me and said, "He wants to tell you 'Well Done Thou Good And Faithful Servant'" - Which ALSO made me cry. 

I love you kids. I love you so much. I go and lift other women so in their homes they can give their kids all the love they deserve. I hope you know that I'm giving you ALL of my love, all of my energy and my time while you are with me. 

Your Mom