Circles of Life and Taking Care Of Mimi

 Dear Kids, 

I need to tell you about an experience I had the other day while I was praying. 

It had been a long day. We've only been at Mimi and Papa's for a few days and there is SO MUCH TO DO. They are both in a deep depression because of losing Shayla, I don't think they've realized how depressed they really have been. I have been deep cleaning the house, it was just really dirty and out of control. Mimi doesn't have the stamina or health to do it on her own and there was a lot that has gotten behind. Papa is so busy with work and with being Bishop that he's only been able to stand doing the bare minimum. I know part of the reason why we are doing this part of the adventure is because my parents have needed more help than any of us really knew. They need the support, the physical change of cleanliness around them, the energy of the kids, just all of it. So.... as soon as we got here I got to work. 

This particular night I was just tired. Really bone tired. I had been working for a few days straight and I hadn't been sleeping very well. I needed a good rest. 

I knelt down to pray and I just cried. I cried about Shayla dying. I miss her. I cried about regrets I have, that she already has forgiven me for. She told me not to regret anything, that she didn't feel like I had anything to apologize for before she died. But I still look back and just remember everything she was going through and what else I could have done. I cried about that. I cried about mom being an invalid. I cried that my kids, all of you, will never know my mom like I knew her. Everything I am is because of her. I cried about dad being so sad and losing part of himself when Shayla died. I cried about my family in general. I cried about not being able to talk to my mom about her health openly, I cried about all the walls she has up that I will never be able to get past emotionally. 

I just cried a lot. 

When I tucked Talia in this particular night before praying she was so sad that we weren't with her friends anymore and was just asking why we had to do this. I told her that part of the reason God sent us on this journey was so I could help my mom. And I explained to her that my mom did everything for me... she birthed me, changed my diapers, raised me, taught me about God, helped me grow and learn, she did everything. Now it is my time to give back to her a little bit and it is our time together to serve her and Papa in a way they can't do for themselves... just like when I was a baby and I couldn't do things on my own... I need to help them now and honor them this way. 

Anyway, back to the prayer... after talking to God a bit He helped me circle around and realize that I had the capacity to serve my mom like this because I saw her do it when her mom was sick. I don't have a lot of memories of when Grandma Connell was so ill, but I do know that mom took care of her the majority of the time together with her dad. I was about 12-15 years old the majority of the time, almost Talia's age. The spirit told me that I had the capacity I do to serve her this way because she planted that seed in my heart. She is the one who showed me how to do it. How to be strong when your parent isn't. Mom showed me that because of what she went through with her own mother. She showed me how to care and take care of things when it's really hard. I have the capacity for strength because of watching my mom do exactly what I'm doing now. 

And then I cried some more. 

Oh how life's circles go around and around. I just hope and pray that I'm planting seeds in your hearts to remember for the rest of your lives. Maybe you will have to take care of me this way... but I hope that what you will have to complain about is that I'm always on missions and not around as much as you want me to be. 

We'll see what God has in mind. He knew this was going to happen with my parents and with Shayla... so I'm getting my lessons. It's like Krista always says, "Well, Heavenly Father knew this was going to happen, so I suggest you get your lessons."

I love you, 

Your Mom

Things to remember for Talia's birthday

 Dear Kids, 

Happy Birthday to Talia today! 11 years old! It's crazy how fast time flies. 

People always told me that. And I knew it in my head, but I had no idea how right they were, now that I have the space to look back with my heart on everything that's happened in our lives, and we're really just getting started. 

It's a funny thing that when you kids were all younger I could finish a day and have several stories that I could have written down... and not just written down, but made a story out of it for others to be able to learn from. It seemed so easy to see the learning moments and all the things that I needed to remember. 

But now, I feel like I finish the day and the stories aren't flowing to my mind and heart like they used to. Perhaps it's because everything that came across as magical and new when I was a new mom, all the feelings that I had never felt before, all the swinging of different emotions that I was trying to figure out all the time. 

Now, all those mom feelings are just normal. All the moments are regular, everyday, mom moments that I have grown the muscles to figure out. The sensitivity to all the different situations has really dampened up. 

But when I look back on my journal, when I've kept track of the small stories, the one moment situations during the day, it is amazing what happens. I relate to people better, I remember the feelings, the range of understanding is increased and I see life in a new way again. 

So I really want to try to find those moments in my day again. Today, I want to remember that one of the coolest things that Talia loved for her birthday was when we went to Swig together. She loved the special drink and the quality time with just her. She loved doing alone time. She loved being with me. She always loves just going places with me. I want to remember that. I want to remember that all she wants is for me to cuddle her, she just wants me to touch her back, to go somewhere special together... those are the highlights of her life right now. I want to remember that. Always. 

Talia... even though I might not be able to do everything with you that you really want to do all the time, please know how much I LOVE that you just want to be with me. 

I love you sweet girl of mine. I love your smile and your spirit. I love your goodness and your determination. I love your happiness and friendship. Thank you for everything that you are always teaching me. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

"I'm learning how to win, and I'm learning how to pray"

 Dear Kids,

We were staying with Dani for a couple of weeks. One day Joshua was just wanting to play card game after card game after card game. He was so excited about learning games and especially winning the games. 

At one point I heard Dani shout out, "That's right buddy!! You remember that and you pretty much have life figured out!". 

I turned to see what happened and she told me, "Andrea, Joshua just told me the greatest thing ever! He said, 'I'm learning how to win... and I'm learning how to pray'."

It was adorable, and I thought to myself, that it's true! There's not much more to life than that... learning how to win and learning how to pray are made to be together. When we pray, we win. When we win, we pray. The trick is to remember to keep praying, even when we are in a "winning" part of life. Life is filled with winning times and losing times. It is just the ebbs and flows of life. Learning how to pray during all of it gets us through, and learning how to have the tenacity to keep a winning attitude and mind when we are losing, then we also are able to make it through. 

It is always amazing to me how much children answer lots of questions, they have a natural wisdom about them. Remembering to keep children's wisdom in our hearts is another big key to life as well. 

Remember kids, your WHOLE LIFE you are going to be learning how to win, and you are going to be learning how to pray. Prayer keeps improving and there are lots of times of prayer plateau's as well, when you just have to keep moving through the times when you don't know if God is hearing you. But keep on going and you will keep winning through all the lessons you will receive. 

I love you kids. So much. 

Your Mom

The WHY's Of This Experience

 Dear Kids, 

Well, we've been moved out of the house for a whole week! I can't believe it's only been a week. It's crazy. 

It's Saturday morning and the kids are watching episodes upstairs and I'm just catching up on a ton of messages. We've had a good week here at Dani's house! We got settled in the loft room upstairs (Stacy and Walker's room... they were so good to let us stay in there, VERY unselfish of them so we could have more space for the kids and our stuff). We were here with their crew for a few days, but then they left for New York and now we have the run of the house for a few days. 

We went hiking with my mission comp (Lynne Caldwell Allred) and her kids on Thursday to Donut Falls. It was beautiful and perfect time up in the mountains! We've been swimming quite a bit this week. Today we are going to be working in the greenhouse for a bit together and then we are going to go see Nana. 

It's been strange to be in someone else's house. For the first several days I went into a little bit of a panic mode and kept thinking, "Just go back home. We don't need to do this. We don't need to be moving in this way. Just go home. The kids don't need these experiences. Just go back to what you know and the people you know." 

This is REALLY emotionally stretching for everyone right now. We had a GREAT support system in St. George. We were very entrenched in the homeschool community and had wonderful friends. Mesha and her family were down there just down the street and I didn't realize how much I loved having them so close! I was a little bit put out by it at first because I'd been there by myself for so long, but I grew loving it when her boys would just show up and hang out. I really liked that. We had a wonderful community and ward. There were so many things that we were so involved in that I really feel sad about leaving. 

I have gained so much empathy for so many situations and people through all of this, especially scripture story people. I have thought about Lehi leaving everything behind a lot. I have thought about his sons and how they walked the same journey but came out of it totally different people. I am praying like crazy that God will sanctify this experience for all of you,... for my kids! 

I used to see us traveling and having experiences like this as a goal in our lives, we planted the seed to do something like this when Gabe was just a baby. We talked about living in different places in the world for 6 months at a time constantly and that it was something that we really wanted in our family culture. But now that it's upon us, it feels really scary! There are so many logistics to it, and so much sacrifice. God has had us sacrifice so much... and it feels right and peaceful. But it's also very stretching and it's exercising muscles that we didn't realize that we even needed. But God knows what He is doing with our lives and I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY. 

I have a lot of empathy for my pioneer ancestors leaving and going to new places with just their families. I have thought so much about all those who came before who set out with the discovering spirit in order to make it better for their future generations. 

I have to come back to the WHY. What is the WHY of what we are doing?

1. It is to follow God's will. FIRST. 

2. It is to expose all of you to new cultures and ways of living... but in a way that will cause gratitude in your lives. That will help you appreciate all of the blessings that we have. 

3. It is for you to learn hands on what it's like to learn another language. 

4. It is for you to see how the church operates in different areas. For you to see how the family of the members of the church are the same no matter where in the world that you go. 

5. It is for our whole family to be closer together and not so individualized. Everyone has their things, but I feel like we need more bonding, and this is going to teach us that our home is not the place, but it is the people. Wherever we are, that is home because we are together. 

6. Because it's part of our missions on this earth to have a worldwide perspective. We have to know the people of the church all over the world. In my patriarchal blessing it tells me that we will live in communities and that we will be inspiration for people all over the world. 

7. Because we follow the promptings of the spirit FIRST. And I hope you can see that in our lives. 

8. And because Mom and Dad HAVE to get the spiritually centered podcasts finished!

I love you kids. I love you so much. 

Your Mom

Lessons From Consecration Of All Worldly Things

 Dear Kids, 

Well.... we left with our wagon full!

Something that I have felt A LOT during this process is ADMIRATION for my pioneer and pilgrim ancestors. There are so many people throughout the ages who sacrificed so much for their children to have a better life. They were also driven from their homes without any notice and had to leave with only a wagon full.

We were given lots of time to leave the house and we also left with our "21st century" wagon full. We sold everything, we gave a ton to DI, got a small storage space for the "non-negotiables" and we took the rest to the dump. We only left with what we fit in the back of the truck. 

I also have a lot of empathy for Solomon. Remember the story in the Old Testament about when King Solomon was told to go and kill their enemies. But not only that, he was told by the prophet to kill all the cattle and to get rid of all the "spoils" (anything that was valuable). But after fighting them, he decided to keep the cattle and the spoils. 

Then the prophet came to him and told him that God was very upset because he didn't obey and get rid of everything. After going through this process I can have a lot of empathy for Solomon. It was REALLY HARD to get rid of so much stuff. It was especially hard to put so much in the dump. BUT it's what God told us to do. We had to totally shed and get rid of everything. He told us to do it and the day that we had the first truck full we took to the dump, the spirit reminded me of the story of Solomon. It takes a lot of obedience to get rid of useful things. But God told us to give the best to DI, get rid of the rest. 

We've already learned so many lessons. 

-Creating space in your life allows God the space to create within YOU. 

-Get rid of the worst stuff and allow it to leave your life. We just don't need so much stuff. 

-Obey. Just obey the spirit. And listen to what comes to your mind with whisperings. I'm grateful that I listened to the whisperings in order to remember Solomon, because I was feeling like a horrible steward throwing so much away, but then the spirit brought that to my remembrance and it settled my mind and heart. 

-All of you kids have been on edge - it is a lot of change for you what we are doing! I have had to be a lot more patient with the emotions that keep coming up. 

-You never know how God is going to create in your life. We planted the seed in our hearts over 10 years ago about doing something like this. We thought that we'd have to create independent wealth in order for something like this to happen (mini-retirement in another country). But then Covid-19 happened and now people are working from home all over the world. So now we can look at so many possibilities of living!

-Gabe said it really well when I asked him how he was feeling about all of this. He said, "I'm excited, scared, nervous, adventurous, happy, sad... just a whole collage of emotions." That's how we've all felt. 

-I have wondered more than once what we are doing! But the Lord kept giving us confirmation after confirmation about it all. 

-I had multiple times when the spirit told me exactly who needed to have something from us. God told me specifically that Dani needed our food storage. That Kindle Gardner needed the greenhouse hoops with shade cloth. He helped us to sell the van in two hours. He helped us to sell my bike right before we left town. He gave me the strength to get the house ready for inspection. 

-Brent had a very specific confirmation that we were going to be traveling for a while, but then we'd come back to St. George. I had that experience when I was driving down the boulevard. I had a "flash" experience (God gives those to me as a gift) where I was in the future, driving down the boulevard and it was like I had been gone for a little while and we were back. I had that strong impression in the greenhouse that we weren't going to be harvesting that year. The Solomon experience from the spirit. EVERY NIGHT when we went to bed and we wondered if we were doing the right thing, your dad and I would look at each other and say, "We can back peddle. We can just find another place to live and do that." But every time, the spirit told us that we were doing the right thing. Over and over again. 

We are definitely going to miss being by the Robbins. We lived close together and we really have grown to love it!

I think that's the hardest part of all of this... leaving our family (Robbins) and our friends. We have made AMAZING friends in St. George. So many amazing families and people. Our Homeschool Co-op has been phenomenal. We have such a great neighborhood of good kids to play and run around with. Talia especially with her social ways is going to miss her friends. 

But kids, I KNOW we are going to look back on this experience and we are going to see the Hand of God all over it. We are creating in our lives all the time and God is doing some pretty amazing things for us and our family. I know that. He is teaching us so much and He is preparing us for even more. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Moving Out

 Dear Kids, 

So update:

We move out this upcoming Saturday. We're going to Dani's house for about 2 weeks. Then Krista's house for 1 week. Then Papa and Mimi's house for about 4-5 weeks. 

Your dad is going to be taking a trip to Guatemala Aug. 13-18th in order to check it out and try working from down there. He's going to go and try to make some connections. Dani is going to go with him. 

I'm excited to see what he finds out and what is going to be possible. We have a lot to do - this whole week we're finishing up the house, then after that I need to concentrate on getting passports for everyone. It is going to take some money to make this happen, but we feel good about it.

I'm trying not to wrap my heart around it too much because I don't want to get to excited before knowing if it's going to work with work. It feels a little crazy doing this when there's so much coming apart in the world. I want you to know kids that your dad and I are doing exactly what God has told us to do. And we are probably going to find out the power of it in about 10 years from now ;-). That's what happens. When I look back on my life 10 years ago, I see exactly how God has molding everything for right now. And it will be the same 10 years from now as well. 

There's so much going on in the world. We are witnessing all of it. Here are a few headlines...

-Election fraud that's being reviewed right now between Trump and Biden

-Vaccine that is going to start to be mandated everywhere - and a it's a vaccine that is injuring people all over the place with inflammation of the heart and blood clot issues

-China wanting to take over the world

-The LGBTQ agenda is permeating everything and Satan is having a hay-day with all the false philosophies that people are getting distracted by.

So many things. But we carry on. 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom