Mom's Breakdown After Getting To Mexico

 Dear Kids, 

Talia asked me a few weeks ago why she never saw me crying. I told her that I cry, but it usually comes at night while everyone is sleeping and in bed. 

I had a break down Sunday night after we got to Mexico, and it was early enough that I was able to invite Talia in to actually SEE me crying. I told her that I do cry! I am human! There are things that overwhelm me and get to my heart. 

And kids, it's okay to cry and have breakdowns. Not all the time, but when you have emotion built up in your body it's important to get it out. That is one reason why when anyone is having a break down I say, "Go to your room and get your emotions out." Because you need to learn to give yourself some quiet time and space to feel your emotions and let them leave your body. 

that is what happened to me on Sunday night. 

We got into Mexico safe and sound. Sunday we had a good relaxing day... but everyone's emotions were HIGH. There was a lot for all of you to come down from emotionally. I was fielding a lot of break downs on Sunday from all of you and by that night time it was my turn!

When I knelt to say prayers with Joshua we did our usual prayer time and in every prayer at night we pray for angels to be around him while he sleeps. Since Mimi passed away he's been adding, "And bless Mimi to be my guardian angel." When he said that it just hit me in my gut. 

I miss my momma! I miss her so much! I miss that she wasn't the one calling me and asking me about all the details happening since we got into Mexico. I felt the MAJOR overwhelm of living in a different country. I just was like... "what are we doing??? What are we thinking??". I was feeling isolated, away from everything familiar and everything was so new. I didn't know the language. I can't communicate. I brought my kids into an area that we don't know. So many BIG emotions hit me and I just CRIED. 

I cried and cried and cried. I cried for a long time. It's been awhile since I cried myself to sleep, but I did that night. I had a lot of emotion that had been put up on the shelf and been saved for later. There were so many times in the last 7 months that the Lord just told me to put something I was feeling on the shelf and I'd be able to take them down later. 

Well now I am in "the later", and it's time to take all those things on the shelf down. And Sunday night was the start of it. 

And let me tell you, it felt REALLY good. I had a lot in there. I just needed to cry and let it out. 

I LOVE this quote that I'm putting in here. And it's true. When you cry, sweat or sit by the ocean, there's so much healing in it... the only thing left out of this quote is how Jesus helps you through all the "things". :-)

I love you kids... there's going to be A LOT that happens to you in your life times. We don't know what the future holds. We don't know the successes or failures, we don't know the tragedies that await us. But we can control how we handle it, every time. The gift of agency is a beautiful thing, especially with the way it works together with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We can control our reaction because of the Grace of Jesus and the power that it includes. We can make the best of situations because HE is the one who can make us capable and strong. 

After I was done crying I just prayed and prayed and asked the Lord for help. And He sent me Jesus. He always sends me Jesus. Jesus heals me and helps me. He makes everything whole. 

We can do this! The Lord is on our side!

I love you, 

Your Mom