Papa, Gathering Without Mimi & Shay, Wanting Home

 Dear Kids, 

I have had a lot of emotions coming back to Papa's house. it's weird to call it Papa's house - without the Mimi involved. 

When we got here, Papa was in quite a depression. Since being here I think we've helped him with his energy and getting out of himself a bit more. Living alone is hard. It's lonely. People need people and Papa needed some energy in the house. 

He told me that he is going to be moving and selling this house. It won't happen for several months he doesn't think but he knows it's coming and it's on the horizon. I don't blame him. It is a big yard, and it's a lot to take care of. There are so many memories that are painful for him here. Having the family reunion all together was wonderful and painful missing Mimi and Shayla. It was hard in a lot of ways. It was hard hearing Autumn and Summer call Alisha "mom". - Not that they shouldn't. Because they absolutely should. But it's hard. It's weird. It's a big adjustment. 

It's hard being at Heise all together but without mom and without Shayla's family there. It's a reminder that we aren't complete without each other. And on the other side of the coin, it's a reminder of how much we love each other and that we can't be complete without each other. It's a reminder of the beauty of our covenants and that they really do complete us. 

When Papa moves it is going to be like losing Mimi all over again. I've always had a "home". And when he moves, I won't have it anymore. It's always been your second home. It's always been the constant for us, even when we've been moving around. It makes me REALLY want to have a constant in my life - we need our own home. And I want it so badly. I want our own home so badly. I have to believe that the Lord is preparing it for us. I have to keep that hope alive. 

I have loved traveling - but settling back down into another rental home has brought up a lot of emotions for me. I don't want to rent anymore - I want to have a place. And just finding another rental home is a little bit of a nail in my heart. I just have to keep giving it to the Lord and believe that He is going to help us. 

I love you kids. I know that there have been so many things in this journey that have been hard for all of you. But it's been good as well. You need uncomfortable things in order to expand your soul. You need to have things that push your boundaries so you know you can handle it and you know you can do it. Life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to have us grow. And I know all of you have been growing emotionally a lot. 

I love you, 

Your Mom