Feeling Mimi While Driving On The Freeway

 Dear Kids, 

I want to tell you about an experience I had with Mimi the other day.

We were driving to Katie Vrajich's house to hang out a bit and help them unpack from their recent move to Provo. We were driving down the freeway and listening to music and a song came on that I just wanted to dance to. I just started dancing like crazy while I was driving and you guys were laughing at me. 

Then I had a flash come to my mind come from Mimi. I just felt her so strongly in a moment, and she basically said to me, "Andrea, you are such a fun mom. You create amazing moments and memories for your children."

I started BAWLING right there in the middle of dancing while driving down the freeway. I felt her just looking at me and at all of you, and feeling her love for our whole family. 

I had flashbacks in that moment of all the times growing up that I had wanted to go on trips with mom, just go shopping with her by myself. 

You see kids, Mimi had really bad anxiety. So much to the point that I have MANY memories of her not leaving the house for weeks. I remember wanting to go shopping together and she wouldn't go. I remember so much of wanting to make memories with her and she just couldn't leave the house. We ended up doing a lot of crafts at home, and she was always really good at hosting people coming to our house, I always really loved that. I loved the hosting she did, she did what she could with what she had. I always knew that. 

Even though I craved the adventure, I wanted more adventure with her, I always knew that she did the best she could with her life. And it was amazing. She raised amazing kids. She loved us all fiercely. She taught us the gospel. She taught us hard work. She smiled and she accepted and she hosted. She loved people for who they were inside and she always saw the good in people. She passed all that onto me. It was amazing. 

So while I was feeling her on the freeway I had all those flashbacks of feelings pop up about how much I wished I had done something with my mom, like driving on the freeway and watching her dance to a song. 

And that filled me with hope. Hope for you guys having great memories. Hope for you knowing that I like to have fun and I love to dance. Hope that you will have memories with our good friends and family. Hope that you have instilled in you the hard work and goodness that my mom had. Lots of hope. 

And while I was having these thoughts come into my head I heard Mimi again say, "Andrea, I always told you that you were a better mom than me."

Then I started crying because I don't want her to feel that way! But she always passed confidence onto me. She always told me how amazing I was doing. 

So kids, I hope you have good memories. I'm definitely not perfect - but I'm doing my best. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I want you to take all those gifts from me, everything that I teach you and instill in you - and just make it better for your own family and kids. Take all the good you can, then make it your own for your own family. 

I love you. I have confidence in you as well! Thank you for loving me and forgiving me of my mistakes and that you keep loving me through it all. 

I love you so much,

Your Mom