Figuring Out How To Write More Stories

 Dear Kids, 

I used to get to the end of my day and I could immediately pick out the "one" thing that I wanted to write about that day. Either a lesson for me, or a cute thing that one of you did, or an interaction with something or someone that happened that day. It was so easy. I think because EVERYTHING stood out to me. Everything seemed like it hit my feeling button. I could feel easy and write about it. I could look at my day and know when I felt angry, or sad, or happy, or excited, or any other BIG emotion that I wanted to write about and focus on in order to never forget a "moment". 

Stories. They connect us. And I felt like I wrote so many great stories about you and our everyday life. 

Now - As I sit down to write and I think about my day, nothing is coming to me. NOT because we don't have any stories, but because I think that there are so many ways where I have forgotten to look at everything with magical eyes. Everything you kids did when you were little was just magic. Now I'm getting into the phase of parenting when it doesn't feel as magical. It feels more like I'm constantly being pulled in every emotional direction - all of you need me in ways that you never needed me before. I'm figuring out my parenting muscles for what this phase looks like. We're past the cute phase of parenting. We're into some of the REAL stuff parenting. 

Not that it wasn't real when you were little. In a lot of ways it was more real then than it is now. I had NO IDEA how much the things I was putting into place when you were little would make such a huge difference now. They have shaped you in so many ways for who you are now. 

And in other ways there wasn't anything I could do because you all came so independent and such unique souls. 

I don't want you to feel bad about this. Really - it's just all about the phase I'm in right now. But what I do want you to remember is when you are in my stage of parenting, remember not to think that you are alone. You are among the best in the world when you can't figure it out either. 

I hope the millenium is happening for you during your parenting - because figuring out this world within parenting and trying to point you to the Lord during all the worldliness is BIG STUFF. 

I want you to have a testimony of your Savior Jesus Christ more than anything else. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm failing, but when I feel that way I remember that the Lord is the only one who makes up the difference. He is the only one that can truly help you in your lives. I hope you keep choosing to turn to HIM. 

Please just do that - and I will be a happy momma. Choose to follow Christ. 

I love you kids, no matter what. 

Your Mom

Elijah, Weird Reading, Harry Potter and Getting Over Myself

 Dear Kids,

Elijah and I have been reading the Harry Potter books together. A few weeks ago I started getting irritated with the way he was reading. There wasn't a reason for it, I just allowed myself to get irritated because of the way he was pausing and making funny noises with his mouth. 

I found myself getting so worked up over the noises and "wrong" way he was reading that I just started snapping at him. I remember the look on his face... ,"Elijah, stop pausing like that!".... "Elijah, knock it off with that noise with your lips, it's driving me crazy!"... 

I just kept being so critical. 

At one point I looked at his face and he was so down trodden. I just had this flash of what I was doing. I was able to see what my criticisms were doing to him. 

 There are certain behaviors that are easy to be "in the box" about with your kids. When you all become parents, you will understand this better. It has nothing to do with the kids, like this, it had nothing to do with what Elijah was doing - rather it has everything to do with what I'm TELLING myself about what he is doing. And I had gotten REALLY in the box about this particular thing. I had allowed myself to get so worked up over the stupidest thing.

So I backed off. I had to just get over myself.

The next time we read together I had a goal to not SAY ANYTHING about the mouth noises or the pace at which he was reading, or the pauses. Every time he would do any of those particular behaviors I just kept repeating to myself, "Andrea, he's reading. That's what matters. He's reading, let him read. Keep your mouth SHUT!"

And it worked! After a few days I was so much more patient when I started feeding my mind with the RIGHT was of reacting to him. He is reading better and better. He is still making funny noises with his mouth, but his pace of reading is so much better and his pausing with reading is SO much better. I'm REALLY proud of him!

I just have to really catch myself as a parent, ESPECIALLY because of being home all day with the kids homeschooling - it's EASY to get on each other's nerves. I get to spiritually focus on the behaviors that I want duplicated and when I start to get crazy frustrated, I have to remember, "Andrea, it's NOT THEM, it's what you are telling yourself ABOUT what they are doing that is the problem!"

Elijah- I'm proud of you buddy. I love you. I am so proud of your school work and how much you are doing to become a good reader. It has been a CHALLENGE for you, but you have stuck with it and we have made it through so many ups' and downs and break downs over reading. Now you are so much smoother and resilient. I'm so excited for you!

Remember how much your mom loves you, 

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

All The Changes & Experiences in a Nutshell

 Dear Kids, 

Wow - the last couple of months, well really the last year, have been NUTS! here is a short recap:

-We got back from Mexico in July 2022

-We stayed with my dad until August 2022 - Brent and I finished up the podcast, mainly the meditations, and then we had to have Brent start looking for a job.

-Brent accepted a position with Al's company and went to SLC to start in August - we stayed with Papa in Idaho while he started and looked for a house that we could rent.

-He looked for about three weeks in between work for a place to rent, but nothing was feeling right and nothing was going through. So Krista and Al offered to have us stay with them until we found a place.

-We left Idaho at the end of August and moved in with Krista and Al. We thought we'd be there for just a few weeks. 

-I looked for a rental and it just wasn't feeling right. So we thought about buying and we knew that we couldn't quite get approved for it yet because of just starting a new job. So we kept looking for rentals and it just wasn't coming together.

-So in Early October after living in their basement for 2 months, Al and Krista approached us about buying a house and we use it - they needed a tax write off and we needed a house. That was the situation that we were waiting for, we immediately knew it was the right thing to do. 

-So I started house hunting again for a few weeks, looking at MANY options. We narrowed it down to the house we are in now!

-We put in the offer in November. They closed in December, and then we moved into the house like 5 days before Christmas!

-We moved in, had to go to St. George and get the storage unit stuff, unloaded, then kept unloading. We had to find a couch, beds, book shelves, bed sets, and replace EVERYTHING - which is what we've been doing for the past 2 months. 

-After moving in I've been finding class options for the kids (I found dance for Talia, only 5 houses down from us!), We've been trying the homeschool community, and figuring life out. 

Now we've been in our house for almost three months and it just feels like a huge BLUR in a lot of ways. And there are many things that are amazing and other things that have been difficult:

WONDERFUL THINGS:

-It's so nice to be in a home that we know we don't have to leave. I can't even say how amazing it is. It feels so good. I don't feel like I'm in a hurry to unpack or anything because I have all the time in the world. I was gung-ho with moving in for the first couple of weeks and then I just kind of slowed way down. 

-It's a great neighborhood with LOTS of kids. That is awesome. I really hope that all the kids can make some good friends here. Talia is good with friends, but the boys need good friends. So I hope, especially Gabe, can find a good friend. 

-Huge blessing that Krista and Al have helped us so much. So grateful for their generosity. 

-I really love the house - it's very comfortable for us right now. The kids have good rooms and good space. We can host people and be comfortable while we do. So grateful for all of that. 

DIFFICULT THINGS:

-None of us were prepared for the emotional pull it would be to finally be in our own place and the realization of how permanent it is. It has brought on a whole new level of homesickness that none of us were really prepared for. It's been a very big pull on our hearts, and overwhelming to realize that we need to integrate into this community and the time it takes to do that. 

-I have definitely been in a bit of a depression - which is so weird for me. I am hibernating, not really wanting to meet people, not knowing how to add value here, all the things that I just took for granted back in St. George. I knew people in EVERY area there - theater, city council, homeschool community, politics, church leadership - all the ways. And here it just feels like I have to start over, and I do. It feels overwhelming. 

-The kids emotions have been all over the place, we're entering a new phase of parenting for sure. 

-Brent has been gone a lot - getting used to his new schedule has been a HUGE adjustment for all of us. 

It's been interesting to feel SO GRATEFUL and so OVERWHELMED all at the same time. The Lord is pushing us and expanding us for sure. 

I love you kids. The Lord will give you growing opportunities all your life. 

Your Mom