Time Passing... Lessons Learned

Dear Gabriel,

How are the holidays just around the corner again? I have no idea how that happened. Time keeps getting faster and faster and faster and faster! You are already a YEAR old. Your cute personality is coming out more rapidly each day. It just reminds me to soak in every moment with you at this stage in your life because it is going to be gone in a blink of an eye.

I wonder how you are going to remember the moments of your life... Your time passing? Every family and every parent has quirks. It is just how it is. There are going to be things about me that drive you crazy as your mom. There are going to be things about your dad that inevitably you are going to want to be like (hopefully :-). It is just amazing to think that as time is passing... you are developing into YOU... into your person.

How humbling it is to be a parent. You are going to be part me, part your dad and part of everything else you allow to influence you in your life, including the natural gifts you came to this world with. Every time a minute passes, it is a minute that will be gone forever, and hopefully means that you and I have learned valuable lessons from one another.

I love you,

Your Mom

Seasons, Temperatures and Climates

Dear Gabriel,

Being in St. George for the past couple of years I have become very warm blooded! This morning I opened my shades and there was SNOW on the ground. Your dad came inside from starting the car and just said, 'This is why we are moving back to St. George!'. It is amazing to me that just 30 minutes away the temperature and climate are so different.

Isn't that amazing how different the landscape is around us? There is always a new adventure and beautiful season to appreciate. I really do love the snow. I love the winter. I love the spring. I love the fall... and of course the summer. It leads me into thinking about how different the temperatures are inside of each day of life. Just a matter of minutes and each day can be completely different.

You never know what season, temperature and climate will come with each minute of our personal lives. Each moment can bring pain, happiness, frustration, excitement, gratitude, tragedy... such different temperatures and climates. The most important thing is to find peace no matter what the temperature, climate or season comes with each day.

I love you,

Your Mom

The 'Inside Stuff'

Dear Gabriel,

Moving is a lot of work. We are moving back down to St. George next weekend, which we are very excited about, but it is a lot of work. It has given me a lot of 'brain free' time when I have been packing boxes just to think. Mostly what I think about when I am packing is... 'We have a lot of STUFF!'.

Life is just full of stuff. Stuff in stores. Stuff in cars. Stuff in purses. Stuff in houses. Stuff in planes. Stuff in suitcases... stuff, stuff, stuff. Some of the stuff is worth keeping around and the other, it's just time to toss! Now that is so symbolic of our 'inside stuff'. We have stuff in our heart. Stuff in our soul. Stuff in our mind. Stuff in our energy. Stuff in our thoughts. Stuff in our motivation... stuff, stuff, stuff. Hopefully most of the 'inside stuff' is worth keeping, and the rest... well, it's just time to toss.

The most important stuff is the 'inside stuff'. Making sure the 'inside stuff' is in order and harmony causes the outside stuff to just work out. Any time my 'inside stuff' is at peace, then no matter how much I have going on with the outside stuff, I am able to handle it and with a smile. Mostly, I can handle it because God teaches me how. He is really the maker of the good 'inside stuff'.

I love you,

Your Mom

Dancing Through Life

Dear Gabriel,

Music is the soul of the spirit. I had a very wise man tell me that one time, especially because the power of music has so much to do with my life. It has been fascinating in the last couple of weeks to watch you and how you respond to music. You are starting to sing, dance and wanting to play the piano with me all the time.

The other day I put on some music while cleaning the house and you just started dancing to the rhythm. It was adorable! Because of you dancing naturally as a baby, I started thinking about how much I dance as an adult. I believe there are ways we dance, and the most important is the way we choose to 'dance through life'. Relationship communication, starting the day right, working hard, enjoying the smells, eating well, accomplishing goals... so many different kinds of ways that we 'dance through life'.

I hope you know that I am 'dancing through life' with a smile, love and excitement. There is so much to be grateful for. There is so much to love. There is so much to laugh about. There is so much to enjoy. There is so much to see. There is so much to hear... so much around me all the time. I am so grateful especially we get to dance through life together... especially with the music blaring while we clean the kitchen floor under your high chair ;-)~

I love you,

Your Mom

Kissing Christ

Dear Gabriel,

This is a great story. So we were downstairs the other day. Your dad and I were folding laundry and you were just playing, talking, laughing and having a great time crawling (aka 'stink bugging'). Our downstairs is still not really put together and among it all is a picture of Christ still leaning up against the wall, in the spot we want to hang it up. It is just a picture of his face with a slight smile.

Well, at one point while you were crawling past him you stopped. You sat in front of his picture and looked at him for a moment. Then, all of a sudden, you leaned forward and kissed him. You got all excited and started talking to him, leaned forward and kissed him again, and kept talking (I am sure going on with a story you were dying to tell him). You laughed for a second, smiled at him, then turned and kept on crawling around and playing with your toys.

Both Brent and I saw the whole thing. Immediately when you stopped in front of his picture I swatted your dad on the arm and said,"Check this out." Then when you leaned forward and kissed him, I just about lost it. Tears welled up in my eyes as you talked to him, kissed him again, and told him your story.

What an amazing lesson for me. That night, in my prayers, I visualized being in front of him, as you were. I visualized talking with him, just like you did. I remembered what it was to truly 'be as a little child' and wept. Thank you for kissing Christ.

I love you,

Your Mom

Good Bye Summer Hello Fall

Dear Gabriel,

There is a cold front coming in this week. It is turning into fall! I LOVE the changing of the seasons. I can't even say how much it does for my soul. The changing of the seasons, for me, is a time of reflection, acceptance and renewal.

The Lord is so good to us to give us the seasons. Fall is definitely one of my favorite times of the year. All the colors, all the plants saying good bye until next year, the cold fronts coming in, wearing jackets, layering my outfits, putting on closed toe shoes and the approaching holidays just fill my heart with such excitement! I just love fall - especially because it is when YOU were born.

The coming of fall causes me to look back on my summer and think 'wow... we really did get a lot done!'. We did almost everything together. We helped your nephews come into the world, launched 3 huge projects, visited my family for a month, went to various family reunions, got together with friends, made new friends, lost most of my baby weight, had lots of fun adventures... BUT most especially watched you grow.

I hope you know as I am saying good bye to summer and hello to fall that I am preparing to say good bye to a year of 'firsts' with you. You turn 1 year old October 25th. Your year of 'first's will be over and the next chapter in our lives will begin. I just can't wait to see what it brings and what we will get done together!

I love you,

Your Mom

Crawl Out Of Your Skin Tired

Dear Gabriel,

You are 'crawl out of your skin' tired right now. You are just wiggly, groggy, have red eyes, runny nose, shaking your head... part of it is laughable, and the other part is just sad. I am trying to hold you, but you are just squirming everywhere. I put you down and you want back up, I pick you up and then you want back down. I know how you feel.

Sorry to tell you, this doesn't go away. You just start to learn how to control the squirms and the wiggles. There are times I want to squirm around like you are when I am tired, but have learned how not to. I think there are many things like that in life, with various emotions... being tired, angry, happy, sad, frustrated, excited, etc. When I was young, I probably showed my emotions more than I do now. As adults, we just learn how to 'contain' our emotions.

So, go to sleep and enjoy your night's rest. Part of me thinks it is better to show my emotions like you do, and the other part of me knows it is better for me not to. I love being able to watch your emotions, and know what you are feeling. Sometimes I just wish I could tell you that more efficiently. Until that time...

I love you,

Your Mom

Eyes of Recognition

Dear Gabriel,

I want you to picture in your mind an 80 year old man, struggling to walk, sick from various illnesses, and happy as can be. No complaints, just grateful for everything around him. On his way up his neighbors driveway to the front door he notices the garbage can empty by the road. He automatically grabs the garbage can with one hand, cane in the other hand and slowly comes up the driveway, struggling the whole way. He chose to see with eyes of recognition a service project, that he didn't even have to do.

Life is so busy. Constant text messaging, TV noises, hurried traffic, rushed kisses good bye... It takes effort to truly see the world around you with 'eyes of recognition'. Choosing to see everything with these particular eyes opens up a whole new world. The eyes of recognition help you to see people as PEOPLE. Everyone around you needs a smile, hug, warm welcome and small 'garbage can' service projects.

Because of an old's man example, my eyes of recognition have been in full force the last couple of days. I know I have missed many opportunities to serve and love, but I have seen more than I have missed. It is a happy way to live. Pray for eyes of recognition... it truly is the happiest way to live.

I love you,

Your Mom

Taking My Own Advice

Dear Gabriel,

It's time for me to take my own advice, the advice I am giving to many women (now and in the future). You are in the other room taking your nap and I need to take the time to apologize. The last week, especially the last 3 days, I have been pretty crazy busy and haven't been the best mom and wife.

5000moms launched today, there are still some things to be finished and updated, but the main part is over. I LOVE working on this project. We are going to help so many women! I can't wait to see what happens. BUT, the most important part of this project is teaching women and moms to make sure they have balance with their priorities... the last 3 days I haven't been following my own advice very well.

I know there are going to be plenty times in the future that I will be off again. I just ask for your patience with me as a mom. Being productive and adding value to the world is very important to me, but the most important thing is to put my family and the Lord first. It is going to be a lesson I will learn many times over.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your goodness. Thank you for being my son. At times when my priorities get a little 'whacked' I probably won't take the proper time to hold you, cuddle you, read to you, laugh with you and play with you. I apologize in advance for those times, like the last 3 days especially. It will never be a permanent habit, I promise. Holding, playing, laughing and loving you and your dad are the most important things.

I love you,

Your Mom

Urgency

Dear Gabriel,

I have about 10 minutes before I need to bounce to another appointment today and I need to tell you about my feelings today. I have been feeling urgency. The urgency I feel is to be self reliant. I have been feeling this 'rush' feeling in my heart for the last month... we don't have much time to make sure we are self reliant!

We are doing everything we can to be financially stable. I can't ever remember EVER feeling this much pressure. Your dad is working his hind end off trying to save his business as well as moving forward with the greenhouse partnership. I am working my hind end off with my projects... we are just doing everything we can to survive. We can't just survive anymore! We must THRIVE. We can't help people from empty shelves!! We can't... we must fill our shelves up and more in order to help and be in a position to help as many people as possible in the future.

I don't think this urgency is going to go away for a while. The challenge is to take time for peace and prayer, using the urgency feelings to produce powerful prayers. It is more important NOW than ever to pray deeply, feel at peace in my heart so we can get everything done...Even with the urgency feelings I have, how busy we are and how much stress we are under. No matter the kind of urgency, no matter what the stress, there must be time for urgent prayer for the Lords help to get us through this.

I love you,

Your Mom