Making Hard Choices

Dear Natalia,

I am very proud of you today. You made a very hard choice.

Gabriel is going around our little street with his friends quite a bit in the afternoons, they just bounce from our house, to Jake's house to Jaren's house. They have a lot of fun together. Well, I have told you that you aren't old enough yet to go with them yet when they leave our house. When they are here, you have a great time. But when they go to someone else's place, you have to stay behind... and you hate it.

Well, today you were all out in the front yard playing and climbing. The boys decided to go down to Jake's house to play in his backyard. They just sprinted off and left you. You started to run after them, but then you got to the edge of our property line in the front yard. You just stood there, looked after them and then started to cry really hard.

I saw all of this happen through the window. You cried to the door and came inside, sat on my lap and just cried, "They left me! I can't go with them, they left me!"

But then I looked at you and said, "Talia, you made such a good choice! You obeyed mom! You didn't go past where you knew you had to be. You stayed here and obeyed me. You made such a good choice." I was soooooooooo happy that you knew your boundary and stayed within those boundaries.

After a couple of minutes of telling you this, you looked at me and smiled, "I did make a good choice!". Then later in the car I said again, "Talia, you made a very hard choice, but you made a good choice. It was hard huh?"

You said, "Yes mom, it was hard not to go with the boys. But I made a good choice and obeyed."

I felt like it was a HUGE victory! I love you,

Your Mom

Just Some Updates

Dear Kids,

There are some growing updates I need to give about you all! Here they are:

• Gabriel - you had your first soccer practice ever yesterday. You got your first jersey, shorts and socks. So proud! At your practice whenever you would kick the ball really hard you would bend over halfway at the waist while watching how far the ball would go. So proud of yourself. I love it.
• Natalia - you are in dance! somersaults, dancing positions and just having fun. You love it and ask everyday if you can go to dance lessons.
• Elijah - I wrote this just barely, but you are discovering your voice and screaming and screeching as loud as you can and as often as you can. I may need to get ear plugs to keep my sanity! You are into everything right now, very high maintanence, but you always want to be part of the action with your brother and sister. Nothing intimidates you.
• Gabriel - whenever we go anywhere you will always introduce everyone in our family to the people around you. You will point to everyone with your hand, very formal, and say, "This is my little sister Natalia, this is my baby Elijah, this is my mom Andrea and this is my dad Brent." 
• Natalia - you are so ready to go play with kids by yourself. Gabriel is going with his friends Jake and Jaren all over our street (it's tucked behind other streets and is very kid friendly). You want to go with them so bad, but you are very obedient and are staying right by our house. 
• Elijah - you are crawling around so fast! I love to see how much you are learning. You are putting everything in your mouth that you can find. I have to do a 'mouth sweep' often to make sure there aren't choking hazards in there.

I love you all so much. There are so many of these little things I don't want to forget.

Your Mom

Screaming Baby

Dear Elijah,

You have decided that screaming and screeching are really cool. You scream and screech soooooooo loud as much as you can. It actually might be the death of me and my brain. I can't focus on anything else whenever you decide to voice whatever opinion you are trying to get across.

Today when I was really at a 'wit's' end moment because of all the noise, I was very promptly reminded of a story that I have written about before when Natalia was crying and screaming as a baby. I had this story flash to my heart when I couldn't take it anymore.... and it made me look at you completely differently.

It's about a friend who WISH she could have a screaming baby.

This friend had a baby that was just over a year old that drowned... just a couple months older than you. They did everything they could to save her, but to no avail. When this friend got home from the hospital, from saying good-bye to her baby, she had to go out on a walk to try and 'feel some kind of warmth'. While walking farther and farther, with tears streaming down her face, she noticed a mom walking with her baby on the other side of the street. The only thing she remembers is this mom who said to her baby, "Please STOP crying!"

As this friend tells the story the only thing she says after this point is,"I would do anything to just hear my baby cry and scream again."

So... Elijah... when you scream and screech - and I feel like pulling my hair out.... I will sit down with you, cuddle you close and think, "I am so grateful that I have a baby I can hear."

I love you,

Your Mom

What Active Faith Really Means

Dear Kids,

Brent is giving a presentation on 'Faith' at a leadership forum next week. In preparation for it he shared a story with me about the Von Trapp family - you know the one from 'Sound of Music'. He read the story to me from Stephen Palmer's Blog. Just to paraphrase this post, because he covers it so well, he talks about a decision they made as a family to stay in Vermont, but couldn't find a place to live. So they took it to God. Maria said this about it:

“We set up a small chapel in the broom closet of the inn where we were staying. We prayed around the clock for three days. Each of us — there were eight children, from ages three to twenty-five — prayed for one hour, in rotation. Can you believe it?

“When the morning to leave came, father had gone to get ready for our departure. When he returned, he told us that a local farmer had decided to sell his land and that we were going right up there to look at it. When we got out of the car, we all knew that this was our future home. We bought the property that day.”

This story hit me like a ton of bricks - MAINLY because there are some answers we have been looking for from the Lord... But it has never occurred to us to do something like this.

After Brent read this to me he said, "How many families do we know would do something like this?". Then I automatically looked at him and said, "WE have never done something like this."

So it is time to bump our faith and prayers up to another level. We started this morning, setting an alarm clock and at the top of every hour when the alarm goes off, both of us hit our knees and say a prayer for what we are seeking. Tomorrow we are fasting about it. And then the next day we will continue our 'top of the hour' devotion to God. We have no plans to stop until we receive the answers we are seeking.

We are told to 'weary the Lord' with our prayers, several times in the scriptures. I think the whole point of that is so we ACTIVELY and CONSCIOUSLY turn our face toward God. It is so easy to try and create all the answers from within ourselves... But the Lord is the source for those answers.

Active faith. Remember the power of TRUE active faith. I know there are various ways to show active faith besides prayer, but this has been a great starting point for us to take our faith up to another level. I hope you all know and have ACTIVE FAITH that the Lord can and will move mountains for us and for you.

I love you,

Your Mom

Leadershift = Mothershift

Dear Kids,

We went to a forum tonight with the special guest speaker, Oliver DeMille. He did a fabulous job presenting and motivating for the cause of freedom and liberty. He started out by saying, "I don't know if this will make your angry or not, but we are losing this battle for freedom."

He continued to talk about being an ordinary, PRINCIPLE minded citizen and THAT is the most important thing we can do right now. He talked about reading and being educated. Taking the time to read and educate our minds because we WANT to, not because we are assigned to by someone else. He talked about earning God's trust. He talked about the next generation - YOU - and how the leaders are going to be YOU.

There is a Leadershift going on in the world... the next generation of leaders that are being trained and taught. As he was talking about all of this I had the spirit tell me so strongly, "In order for there to be a leadershift, there must be a mothershift!! The youth will not be those leaders if they don't have those mothers."

That is my role. I must promote not just the cause of liberty, not just the cause of freedom... but I must promote with my heart and soul the cause of mothers. There has to be a mothershift in our society. There must be one, or the leadershift will never happen.

What that means exactly for me, for our family, for you... only time will tell. But I do know that I will take the time necessary to be THAT mother for you. It is hard. It is exhausting. It is frustrating. But it is also illuminating. It is everlasting. It is empowering.

I love freedom. I love liberty. I love our lives! I love being an agent and having free agency, being innovative and powerful. And I love that the Lord has trusted you to me to teach all those things.

I love you,

Your Mom

Motivation For Our Babies

Dear Kids,

This last year and a half, no, probably two years, I have really struggled with keeping my eating correct and under control. We have been under a lot of stress as a family for quite a few years, so many up's and down's... and without realizing it I have been turning to food to help me feel good. I have never been an emotional eater... but I have trained myself to be one.

I have tried over and over in the last 6 months to get the motivation to change my eating habits and take control over my health again. But, to be honest, a huge part of my issue has been this - I know we have another baby to add to our family. My thoughts have been, "Why should I lose weight if I am just going to gain it back again?"... or "I am not worrying about losing weight until after I have our last baby."... or "If I cheat every once and a while (which turns to all the time) then it isn't a big deal."

Last week while I was allowing myself to 'cheat' AGAIN on some cheetos I had a thought hit me across my face, "Having another baby is EXACTLY the reason why you shouldn't eat like this!!" I have taken such good care of myself through the years, and I know that my kids are so healthy, smart and strong because of how seriously I took my stewardship over my body. What a shame it would be to just give up and NOT have the same strength for my next baby.

That jolted me out of my few-year-funk. I can be healthy for my baby. It is through the power of motherhood that I have motivation again. The motivation for our babies can be unlike anything else in this world.

And so, I am eating raw. I started this last Monday. The motivation of losing weight didn't do it for me. The motivation of 'you need to be healthy' didn't do it for me. It is the motivation of knowing that HOW I take care of my body right now will reflect in the body I am able to create for another.

There is nothing else like motivation for our babies.

I love you all,

Your Mom

We Are Going On An Adventure

Dear Gabriel and Natalia,

For some reason this morning I did not wake up with my alarm clock. I woke up at 8:15am to the sound of the front door opening and closing... several times. It was like a dream the first time, the second time I understood it was the front door, the third time I had pulled myself out of la-la land enough to realize that it was the both of you.

I walked out to the living room and looked out front to the sight of you both with backpacks on, crunching on granola bars, in your pajamas and walking in circle eights all over the front yard. Gabriel, you were the leader. Natalia, you were the backseat driver, telling him exactly where he should go. In your minds you were on some kind of trail and conquering the world.

Sitting and watching you was just adorable. Then you came to the door, opened in, walked in and saw me. Both of you smiled really big and said, "Mom! We are going on adventures! We need water."

A couple of thoughts went through my head: First - I am really glad you know your boundaries and stayed in the front yard! Second - It was scary to think that I was out cold for at least 45 minutes while you were both awake. You usually wake up about 7:30, and I didn't hear a thing. Third - I love children's imaginations.

I had to write down this story so I would never forget it. Your day started with a grand front yard adventure. Oh how many more you will have throughout your life. Just keep smiling about it, crunching granola bars and helping each other along the way.

I love you,

Your Mom

I Have Nothing To Complain About

Dear Kids,

Last night in replacement of scripture study together, your dad and I watched '17 Miracles'. The story about the pioneer 'Willie Handcart Company'.

I was telling your dad after watching it and bawling like crazy, how much more tangible and real everything is when you have kids of your own. When I was younger the pioneer stories would actually bore me. I would really think to myself, "Seriously? Do we need to hear this story again?" Even when I became an adult, they were not poignant and real until all of a sudden YOU were introduced in my life.

Have I ever had to watch my children starve to death? No. Have I ever had to watch my spouse freeze to death in the winter cold? No. Have I ever gone with out the modern conveniences that make our lives so comfortable? No. Have I ever had to worry about where I was going to stay the next night? No. Have I ever been afraid of wild animals eating my loved ones bones? No.....

Everything those people went through just astounds me. Even writing it sounds trivial. What even MORE floors me is that on the lips of those who died were sayings like, "If my posterity will keep the faith then it will all be worth it." UNBELIEVABLE that they didn't die bitter and angry that they came on the trek in the first place.

I want to make sure that you KNOW how much I LOVE those people who went through so much, and kept the faith. It is the same with the woman after WWII, when she said, "I didn't keep my testimony during those times... my testimony kept me."

I hope and pray that we all have the fortitude to do what it takes to maintain our faith in God and His Son... even to the bitter end.

I love you,

Your Mom

Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Talia

Dear Natalia,

I have to tell you a story about something you did yesterday.

I was in the living room, which is seperate from the dining room and kitchen. I could hear you in the kitchen saying things like, "No! That is not what I said. I said that you should take the cup out of the fridge"..."You need to listen! Please listen to me better"..."I think it is time for a time out. Are you ready to go?"

So I went in and said, "Talia, what's going on?"

You looked up at me with your big, bright, blue eyes and said, "Mom! Talia is just not listening to me!"

You were giving yourself instructions and then responding accordingly. Oh, I can't even tell you how funny it was... especially because you were very genuinely very frustrated with yourself that YOU were not listening to you.

Ever since yesterday you have been acting a little like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, and talking out loud through it all. It was something I had to write down so I didn't forget it.

I love you and all your spunk.

Your Mom

Most Important

Dear Kids,

A while ago I received some of the best advice about journaling. It is from my sister, Kalea. I was lamenting about how hard it is to try and keep track of everything that is going on, all the stuff that comes in and out of our lives on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I was finding that all my journal keeping endeavors were frustrating because I got so behind on trying to keep up with it all...and anything I was writing was just generalities that it felt like it wouldn't make a mark anyway.

Then she said to me (basically these words), "Andrea, it's not about keeping track of everything that happens. It is about choosing ONE thing that touched you in a day and writing about that."

Ever since I received that advice, my journaling has been completely different, and FUN!

The reason I bring this story up is because the last few days have been exactly that... there has been SO much happening, I don't even know where to start with how to keep track of all of it. So I am going to choose ONE thing I need to share from today. It is seemingly small and insignificant comparatively, but in reality this one moment showed me mountains.

We went to Costco for some shopping as a family. We usually get something to eat after and as we were giving your 'assigned' places (Gabe by me, Talia by dad) - Gabriel, you looked at me and said, "But mom, I must sit by Talia. She is my most important. You sit by dad, because he is your most important."

No matter what I could write about the up's and down's of business, parenting, relationships, new projects, church responsibilities and housing issues we have had the last couple of days, none of them are as important as this story.

Oh how grateful I am that we have that culture in our family that we are the most important. I HOPE and pray we can continue that. There is much that awaits all of us in this life. But, family is everything.

I love you,

Your Mom