Actual Meaning

Dear Kids,

These past 5 days there has been someone sick in our household. It has been a nasty bug that made it's rounds from Gabriel, to Natalia, to me... hopefully it stays away from your baby brother!

Needless to say, we have spent a lot of time in the bathroom, dad was gone for the beginning of the week and then is gone working again some long hours. So the normal 'duties' of the house have been very neglected.

I started getting very irritated about not being able to even sit up without getting whoozy and sick. But then I realized a few things. There have been a lot of little 'helps' going on around the house that I need to change my view point and look at it all in a new light...

Natalia, when Gabe was sick, you helped me get all the laundry (that got messy from him) washed. You were so amazing at pushing the baskets, putting the soap in, unloading the dryer... and I just haven't gotten to folding it all yet.  This pile is actually a love effort from you.

 I finally gave up the fight to do the dishes when I couldn't stand without getting dizzy. Then I decided that this sink is actually symbolizing letting my body rest a little bit.

There have been constant toys and books all over the floor. But I thought about it, and even though I couldn't do much with you, I could lay down and read to you and play with you while I was horizontal. We got lots of quality time in with each other.

There have been a few neighbors who have come to take all of you to the park, or play, or something to get your energy out. Stuff has been in and out of this closet. But thank heavens for neighbors who are willing to help!

My bed hasn't been made for quite a few days now. There has been no point since all I wanted to do was lay down, or all one of you wanted to do was lay in mom and dad's bed (somehow it makes you feel better :-) ... But we have sure gotten a lot of cuddle time together.





There are so many times when the 'Actual Meaning' of things can be hidden from our eyes. It is a matter of how we choose to see it. This bug will eventually go away (look at me now! I am vertical and can sit up for a while to write!) but until then, I will not choose to stress myself out... or 'sweat over the small stuff'.

Thank you for always doing your best to help, to laugh and be patient with a sick mom.

I love you,

Your Mom

Everyday Decisions

Dear Kids,

Someone very close to us has been going through a lot of heartache lately... literal 'Ache in her Heart'. She had been married for almost 20 years and it ended officially today. It really struck me... all the changes she is going through when I saw her name change 'officially' on facebook.

Before getting married I often thought to myself, "How do people get divorced after that long? What is the deal? How does that happen?". Once again, the Lord is teaching me how to continually improve upon my mortal thought patterns.

I totally get it now... it is in the everyday decisions. I know that she has worked very hard in her life. I know she has worked very hard to keep her family together. I know that she has followed the spirit as much as she knows how. Yet, because of everyday decisions in their lives, she and her husband ended up on opposite sides.

There are many days when your dad and I do not see 'eye to eye' on things. There have been many days when I have been 'in the box' towards him, and he towards me. There have been countless times when we have had walls up between the two of us. On those days, I have thought to myself, "This is how it happens. This is how all of a sudden 20 years down the road you don't know who you are living with anymore."

Thank heavens your dad and I have chosen to come back to each other, to work it out together and to 'let down the walls'. We have chosen to connect again, we have chosen to love each other no matter what. We have chosen it, he for me and I for him...and for the Lord. But that is the magic in these statements.... WE. The two most 'perfect' people could get married and everyone around them think that they have got it made. BUT, if their everyday decisions aren't moving them together with the Lord, then eventually their marriage will wither and die.

What will our life will be like in 20 years? I don't know. But what I do know is that today I have chosen to love him, and he has chosen to love me back. Today I have chosen to see the good in him, and he has chosen to see the good in me. Today I have chosen to forgive him, and he has chosen to do the same for me. Today I prayed for him, and he prayed for me.  Isn't that the magic with everything in our lives? Live for everything TODAY. Do our best to love TODAY. Make everything worth it TODAY. Right now, immediately, today.

My heart tonight hurts so much for her. I was single for a long time, I can't even imagine going back to being single again after almost 20 years... PLUS being a single mom. But what I can imagine and know with all my heart is the Lord has her in the palm of His hands. I know the Lord is not a God of fear. There is no lack of love in His universe. And she is choosing with all her heart to have faith in Him and love Him. That is everything she can do. And tonight, He will hold her close to His heart, in order to help hers to stop aching for a bit. The Lord will hold her heart safe in His hands until she finds a man who will keep it safe in his.

Always love people, always. We never know what they are going through and what battles they are facing. You never know if the person driving beside you on the road, or standing behind you in line, or walking past you on the sidewalk just had their marriage end and their name's changed, just like this woman who is ultimately important and valuable to us and everyone else in her world.

I love you,

Your Mom

Never Forget Christ

Dear Kids,

There is a comedian who is going to start a 'Messiah Complex' tour around the world. He is a stand up comedian, very intelligent and completely sacrilegious. He is an extremely likable guy, I actually really like him as a person, he is surprisingly one of the most 'self-actualized' stars... yet he uses his very well developed interpersonal skills to spread the filth of the world. During his shows he will be very effective with his comedy, and yet be desecrating the name of Christ along the way.

When did all of this change about how we use the name of Christ? How has this happened? Oh how it hurts my heart to think of all the ways He is mocked, used and spit upon STILL. Yet, He loves back no matter what. Our world has almost completely forgotten the meaning of the Atonement.

Well, not in this house.

Let me be very clear - Christ is the reason for everything. The very light in our eyes comes from Him. The very power we use for living day to day comes because of His Atonement. I will preach this to you over and over and over again. I will NEVER deny Him. I will always stand up for Him. Always.

We are living in those times prophesied of for centuries. We ARE living in the days Isaiah saw. We are tangibly part of the culmination of times. I will work until my last breath for you to know how much I love my Lord, my Savior and my Brother. I will do everything I can to pass this testimony onto you so that you can spread it to the world.

If Christ were to meet this comedian? He would love him. He would invite him to be part of his life. In fact, I think Jesus would have much faster wit than Russell Brand. But just like if Christ were alive today, the way this man is acting would be the same whether Christ was by his side or not. He would be one who would be mocking Christ to his face, sadly enough. The same it is for all of us. Whether you were alive during Christ's day or now, the way you stand up for Him and testify of Him is the same way you would act if He was by your side.

So be a friend of Christ. Uplift His name. Stand up for Him. Love Him. Be ready to hug Him when you see Him again and He opens His arms to you to guide you home. 

I love you,

Your Mom

Importance Of A Father

Dear Kids,

The importance of father's and men in general is greatly overlooked. There has been so much emphasis on women's rights and the feminist movement that as a society haven't been talking enough about men and why they are also SO imperative to our lives and world.

Well, with Father's Day coming up I want to make sure and set the record straight for our family - for YOU. Your father is irreplaceable. The importance of a strong, good, loving, protective, encouraging and hard working man is so overlooked.

Your dad knows this better than anyone - his father was not part an active part of his life since he was just past toddlerhood, and then committed suicide when your dad was only 17 years old. The pain he went through with his sisters and mom is indescribable. They just needed a dad! He is sometimes overwhelmed by how to even be a dad, how to be a patriarch and lead his family in the right way.

I keep telling him, "Just loving your kids, loving me and doing your best is the most important thing... taking time to cuddle, to tease, to teach, to wrestle, to laugh, to work, all of it means you are a wonderful dad."

Our world needs more good men and fathers. Just read some of these statistics:

• 63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes.... FIVE times the national average. (US dept of health)
• 90% of all runaways and homeless children are from fatherless homes...32 times the national average (Justice and behavior)
• 85% of children with behavior problems come from fatherless homes...20 times the national average. (Center for Disease)
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes...14 times the national average. (Justice and Behavior)
• 85% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes... 20 times the national average (US Dept of Justice)

There are even MORE numbers and statistics I can find, but I think you get the point. If we keep demeaning the importance of good men and fathers in our lives... our society will continue to degrade. I feel for mom's who have to raise their children alone. Your Nana did that - I can't even begin to comprehend the exhaustion and stress of a single mom. Hats off to all single mom's.

BUT WHERE ARE THE DADS?? And what value are we putting on fathers with the masculinity, strength, power and protection they give? There is an epidemic of inactive fathers, and our society needs to stop overlooking the importance of them.

I want to be the first to tell you - Your dad is irreplaceable. Just like my dad was irreplaceable. I had not idea how rare I was raised and by having an active dad in my life taught me how to love men and respect them. Most of all I am eternally grateful for the Father of us all and for His Son who gave his life for us.

I love your dad! Father's Day is a celebration of our men, and most especially our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I love you,

Your Mom

There Are No Ordinary People

Dear Kids,

If there is any knowledge I want you to remember it is this:

The glory within you is overwhelming.

There is light in you which is hard to comprehend. There is power that is unending. CS Lewis said, "There are NO ordinary people". The most important part about that statement is that EVERYONE is amazing.

The more you give yourself permission to be powerful, the more others around you will seek to be powerful. The more you stand up for what is right, the more your peers will want to do the same. The more you seek for the highest life has to offer, the more your family will seek it as well.

Everyone is amazing. The glory within you is overwhelming. The more you live up to that truth, the more others will come TO YOU and ask, "Where have you found such peace? Where have you found that radiance I see in your eyes?" ... then you will have the most precious opportunity to bear your testimony of Christ, of His power and how you have received power because of it.

Do not get dragged down by what the world is trying to sell. You are higher, you are better. Not because you are better than other people, but because you remember who you are, the glory of your soul is powerful and because of that you will help your family and friends seek for higher ground as well.

I believe in the divinity in you. And I love you,

Your Mom

That Kid

Dear Gabriel,

Here is a story you might appreciate in 20-30 years when you have a kid who is 'that kid'.

Last night I was talking with one of my friends. She watched you, Talia and Elijah a few days ago while your dad and I went on a getaway for my birthday (a much needed one might I add!). All three of you were at another friends house during the day after we left and then she picked you up about 5:30 or so and took you back to our house to spend the night.

I wanted to check in and see how you did while we were gone, especially because she had told me over a text that you were 'tired and grumpy'. One of those nights when bed-time couldn't come soon enough! She shared this story...

"Andrea, I didn't know what to do. They were both so grumpy all night. Then Gabe went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and I went in to help him. Then he just SCREAMED at me... 'Get out of here! I will do it by myself! Leave me alone'!...

"I didn't know how to handle it, wasn't sure what you wanted me to do, so I just shut the door and let him be. It just so shocked me! He screamed so loud."

There were a few emotions that I recognized when she told me this story and I have been thinking about all day today:

• Embarrassment. It is embarrassing to have a kid who does that to someone else, especially when I feel like I do everything I can to teach you respect!
• Curiosity. Why did you react that way? Just tired? Setting a boundary to have authority in your house? Mad because mom and dad were gone? Lots of emotion you didn't know how to express? Normally you are very respectful, what happened here?
• Jealousy. You are 4 1/2 years old. You still have a 'get out of jail free' card when you do something like that. How lucky are you? You still have some time to figure out how to communicate. Me as the mom, I am just 'supposed' to have all the answers. haha.

The other emotion is something I keep learning over and over again being a parent. Learning how to NOT JUDGE other people. Getting the 'beam out of mine own eye first' before condemning. I used to think 'I will never have that kind of kid' before becoming a parent. Or 'my kids will never act THAT way'.

Well, I have come to the conclusion that every kid is 'that kid' at one time or another. How else do you learn boundaries? How else do you learn emotion? It is through these experiences that we, as your parents, can learn better what you need to know. The key as a parent is to not allow behavior like this to continue, and to catch the teaching moments and use them to our advantage as much as possible.

So, just remember when you have a kid that is 'that kid'... you were once too. As we all were.

I love you,

Your Mom

List Of Thank You's

Dear Handsome,

This is a 'Thank You' list to you. I forget everything you do until you are gone. Thank you for...

• Helping me put the kids to bed at night
• Singing to the kids
• Practicing your guitar
• Wrestling with your son
• Telling Natalia how pretty and special she is
• Getting me glasses of water
• Cleaning up the water after the kids have spilled their entire bath on the floor
• Taking care of all the food we get from the greenhouse
• Having laundry folding parties with me
• Making educational DVD's for the kids
• Leaving me love notes on my pillow
• Randomly hugging me in the kitchen
• Doing the dishes every night after dinner without me asking
• Taking the garbage out when it is full
• Making random funny and inappropriate comments to make me laugh
• Supporting me inside of fulfilling my calling
• Picking up our crying baby
• Changing his diaper without me asking
• Listening to me when I need to vent
• Debriefing concerns with me and helping me solve them
• Winking at me from across the room 
• Teaching your son to open my door
• Cuddling with your daughter when she needs physical touch time 
• Teaching me how to work technology details that I detest

Pretty much I just want to thank you for being my best friend. This is one of my favorite of our 'best friend' pictures. I love you... and luckily you are hot. ;-)

Your Lover