My Vows For Thanksgiving

Dear Kids, 

We take being grateful for things too lightly in our society. 

This is the time of year to count our blessings, and I really do love the tradition. But my thoughts really take me to other parts of gratitude as well, and why aren't we living in gratitude all the time? Why is it so accepted to be grateful now at this time of year, but then forget it for the other 11 months? Here are a few gratitude questions, thoughts and vows from me to you:


The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  ~H.U. Westermayer

Are we really remembering the people who came before us? I have a bed and a wonderful home and shelter because of people who sacrificed who came before me. I promise I will not forget to teach you about their sacrifices.


When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time.  Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?  ~G.K. Chesterton

I have legs to run! I have eyes to see! I have ears to hear! There are countless stories throughout time of people who have been in the most dire circumstances, but found gratitude and beauty in life simply because they still had legs and feet, eyes and ears, hands and health.


Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.  ~W.T. Purkiser

We can say all we want with our mouths that we are grateful, but are we really? Are we really living gratefully? Or are we complaining more than we are thanking in our everyday speech? These are questions to ask ourselves as a family often. Are we saying we are grateful with our mouths, but in our hearts we are really not? Are we saying it and not really feeling it?


You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance. ~Kahlil Gibran

So easy to pray for help. Are we praying in gratitude everyday as well? I promise that we will not go a day without having a prayer that is just full of gratitude.
 
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy
 
I want you to remember to live in gratitude for everything. The best way to teach you = me living that way. I can do better saying, 'Thank You'. I can do better really being grateful for the hardships everyday. I can do better teaching myself to be truly grateful in my heart for the things that are really hard. It takes practice to be grateful for EVERYTHING in life.

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.  ~Cynthia Ozick   

We can say all we want that we are grateful for each other and that we are 'grateful for our family'. But are we truly loving each other everyday? Or do we get impatient with each other? Do we have contention too much with each other? Or are we reacting with love and with gratitude toward each other as our immediate reaction?

I love you. 

Your Mom 
 

Soul Slumps

Dear Kids,

I have a confession to make.

The last few weeks I have been horrible with my scripture study and my prayers.

The reason I want to confess this to you is because you need to know how easy it is for these little things to slip in your life. It is very easy to go a couple of days without really reading your scriptures and really feeding your soul. Life gets busier and busier.

But the other reason I want to confess this to you is for you to know what to do when this happens to you. Should you feel like an immense, horrible sinner when you slip into a 'scripture slump'? No. You shouldn't.

Does it mean I am completely off the path because I haven't read? No. Can I go completely off the path if I continue to allow this to happen? Yes. Life goes up and down, our ability to keep up on things goes up and down, and the most essential things are often what we start to put off the most.

But I will tell you that my soul can't adequately survive in this day and age without feeding it better. My soul is hungry, I can feel it after a couple weeks of a 'soul slump'. So it is time to hop up and get back in line. A temporary soul slump can lead to a life time of spiritual disconnection.

The lesson to learn is this: Recognize the soul slump. Know it must change. Then get up and change it.

Recognize and then act. It is pretty simple.

So I am confessing because it is easy to get into a slump, but it is also easy to get out of it as long as the acting part happens quickly so my soul isn't forever lost.

I love you,

Your Mom

Gratitude And What It Means

Dear Kids,

It is Thanksgiving this week, and of course the tradition is to talk about what I am grateful for.

I am having a hard time getting into this tradition this year... not because I am not grateful or don't feel gratitude, but because I don't know how to describe my blessings without feeling inadequate to the job.

How can I really describe, "I am grateful for my family"? It sounds so 'normal', and too 'common' when I say it like that. What I want to say is, "Is there anyway to stand on the top of the entire globe and shout with the whole feeling in my soul how I can hardly contain my emotions for my family? No! The feeling inside of my heart is too big to even begin to just say 'I am grateful for my family'".

Or how can I describe, "I am grateful for my health"? That also sounds too shallow, especially when I know I have no idea what it is like to have a life threatening disease, or have a family member who is constantly dealing with pain. I don't know what that is like. But I do know I am truly grateful for my health because I don't have to worry about those things.

Or how can it adequately be expressed the "I am grateful for my husband"? I live and breathe and love and grow everyday more because of him than anyone else in my life thus far. He is my soul, he connects with my spirit, he helps me to heal, he helps me to live and to love.

This word 'Gratitude' comes in so many forms to so many different people and so many different circumstances. I, for one, truly believe that it is because of our trials that we can even understand anything about the meaning of 'Gratitude'. That is the power of the law of opposites.

I can truly say that I am SO GRATEFUL for my husband because I was single and looking for him for so long. If I hadn't had the pain of what being single means, I wouldn't understand so fully the joy for being married. I can truly say that I am undeniably grateful for all of you, because I truly felt the pain of what is like to not have you in my life, as well as the pain it took to get you all here. I am so eternally grateful for my blessings - but they are so vast, so immense and so deep, there is no way that I can really express the depth of my gratitude.

Gratitude grows through life experiences. The more experiences I have, the deeper my gratitude grows. So know when I say at the Thanksgiving table, "I am so grateful for my life and my family" really the depth of what that means, and I pray that I can show my gratitude for you everyday of my life.

I love you,

Your Mom

Oh The Beauty Of Innocence

Dear Kids,

There have been a few friends who have been having issues with their older kids lately. I have been finding out about the struggles their teenagers are having with pornography, dating, chastity issues, drugs, alcohol... all the *major* choices that can affect someone for their whole life.

My heart just ACHES for them.

After some news again today, as soon as I got off the phone I just looked all three of you and wanted to freeze all of you. You are all so innocent, so sweet, so pure, so good.

Talia, you were putting on your boots to run across the street to be with your dad. You skipped along so happy to just be alive, wearing your cute pink boots, and humming a tune that you are 'so excited to hug' your daddy.

Gabe, you were on your 'walkie talkie' talking to your dad as he was across the street working on something. You were so excited to just be cool and talk on your walkie talkie, saying things like, "So how's it going dad?"... and "Yes, I can still see you, can you see me?"... and "Hey, dad, I can see a snail, he is going really slow".

Elijah, you were trying to walk, looking like a crazy alien with your arms waving sporadically in the air. Then falling down, looking up at me and smiling, and then trying again with determination.

I wanted to take that moment and just freeze you! No matter how hard it is to be a mom of young kids, no matter how exhausting it is... I can still protect you from everything out there. You aren't affected by all the filth and craziness of the world yet and how I wish it could just stay that way forever. I would much rather deal with the trials right now than the trials of when you really start to make the choices that really matter.

So I am soaking up all that I can from your perfect spirits right now, and how beautiful the innocence is that you have everyday. Remember, as you get older, that the world is harsh. There are hard choices, and sometimes you will fall. This free agency thing can be tough. But no matter what, the atonement of Christ will help you to get through it. Your mom will love you no matter what, and I will keep my arms around you as tight as I can for as long as you will let me.

I love you,

Your Mom

Different Perspective On Messes

Dear Elijah,

It is quite amazing to see the difference in my reaction to things with you, as the third child, compared to Gabe as the first.

Today was a great example.

I needed to make some cupcakes to deliver to a few people in our neighborhood. Gabe was at a friend's house, so just you and Talia were here. Talia wanted to be all hands on and help me with everything. You are always just happy to discover everything around you right now.

While I was pouring, helping Talia pour, mixing, helping Talia mix, adding ingredients, helping Talia add... you decided you wanted to have your own little party in the pantry.

Next thing I know I look up and you have taken all the kids stuff (which is on the bottom shelf, which will be changed soon :-)) and strewn it all over the pantry. And you are just having a blast doing it.

Now with Gabe I would have caught him trying to make the mess before it really happened. With Talia I would have gone immediately to get it cleaned up and move her to another location. With you my thought process was this (no joke, this is literally the first thing that came to my mind), while shrugging my shoulders, "He is happy and playing. Might as well let him stay occupied with that as long as possible!"

I totally get why parents will see their kids making messes and just let them do it.  It is keeping them happy and entertained, let them do it! We can clean it up later.

So, good news is I got the cupcakes done, Talia had a great time helping me and you spent 40 minutes in the pantry playing with your mess! It was a win-win for everyone. Gabe even helped me clean it all up when he got home.

I love you,

Your Mom

The Elephant Circle

Dear Kids,

We watched a 'National-Geographic-Earth-Ocean-Animal' type movie this morning. James Earl Jones narrated it - which in my book means it was pretty cool. It went from the tropical rain forest in South America, to the deserts of Africa, to icebergs in the Atlantic, to penguins in Antarctica.

During one particular scene I found myself getting a little emotional. It was at night in the dry African desert. There was a herd of elephants who were making their way across their long journey to find water. During this particular night there was a pride of lions who were just waiting for their time to attack and kill their young.

Then James narrated with his ever so amazing voice, "During the moments of grave danger to their babies, elephants instinctively form a protective circle with their babies inside, being willing to take any blow from the lions in order to keep their precious ones safe. They will hold the circle and, using their mighty elephant strength, will stamp on, kick, push, and hit the lions while they attack. They do anything necessary to keep the circle intact."

How symbolic is that?

Elephants are us, your parents, family, friends and mentors. We really will keep a protective circle around you. We will do anything to protect you from the lions of this world getting you. I am not afraid to use all the strength I have to throw and beat any 'lion' that might try to come and harm you.

Yes, I may get bruised and scratched along the way. Your dad and your family who loves you will also receive those injuries... but they are injuries of love and protection, which only make you stronger and make me stronger.

The beauty of this is as you see us protecting you, in return, you will become those strong elephants who will create a protective circle around those who you love as well. You will learn to become brave, strong, wise and steady in fighting the lions of this world. 

I love you,

Your Mom

Just Needed A Little Time

Dear Elijah,

Last night you woke up all of a sudden just screaming.

Dad went in and tried to comfort you and put you back down. You didn't like that at all. We didn't want to give you a bottle, because for the last couple of nights we have given you a bottle and we don't want to continue that habit.

So a little while I went in and took you and just snuggled in the chair and rocked you.

You snuggled into my shoulder. You would try to tell me something every once and awhile, looking up at me at the same time, and then you would place your head back down again. It was about 30 minutes of singing and snuggling. You didn't fall back asleep, but you settled down.

When I put you back down into your bed you went right to sleep. It was one of those moments when I could feel that you just needed to talk and you couldn't, so you wanted to be close for a little while. You weren't sick, you weren't physically aching, but you were emotionally and spiritually aching. Perhaps aching for home? I know you miss it up there.

It was wonderful time for me too because I realized how much I haven't taken the time to snuggle with you. It was so much easier with the other two being the oldest. But you haven't gotten that time with me.

So I promised myself I would snuggle with you and spend more specific time with you to fill up your bucket more. Just being a year old, and I can feel that is something I will need to be very aware of.

I love you,

Your Mom

Beauty, Three Pigs and Other Stories

Dear Gabriel,

My favorite thing that has been happening in our relationship lately is your request to snuggle with you at bed time.

Now, you are not a very touchy child. I try to hug you and touch you and most of the time you just brush me off. Physical touch is not a huge need for you (unlike your sister!). But for the last little while you have been requesting me to snuggle with you in your bed.

When we snuggle, most of the time you want me on one side of your bed and you are on the other. And then you just talk...and talk, and talk, and talk! You debrief your day, what happened to you, what you didn't like, why you got in trouble, what you liked, what you ate, who you played with, what you are worried about... all of it.

Well, tonight you told me all about a combination of different stories. It was about how Beauty and the Beast were with the Three Little Pigs and then Ariel came and swam in their lake while Woody and Buzz LightYear brought all their toys to play. Oh how I wish I had it recorded! Your imagination and mind right now are just going crazy.

You could have gone on and on about this for another couple of hours I think. But eventually you get to a point where you say, "Okay mom, you can get down. I am done snuggling now." It is so cute.

I had a little flash forward about the times in the future when you want to talk to me... and I hope that we can always have a relationship when you just want to talk and talk to me about what happened in your day.

I love you so much,

Your Mom

Being Told What To Pray About

Dear Kids,

Yesterday I had a very profound experience that I want to share with you.

We have been trying to make businesses work for a few years now. You know all of this from previous entries. The up's and down's that have come with it - which are near to impossible to describe unless you have been through them. They are fabulous failures and very necessary for our growth.

Well, yesterday I knelt down in prayer and was asking for direction for our new projects getting off the ground. I was feeling overwhelmed by it all. I started to cry and just pleading with the Lord that these new ventures will work! We have tried and failed with so many things, the pain of projecting that into the future is too much to bear sometimes. I want to prepare myself for success and possible loss all at the same time.

Right in my the middle of my emotional upheaval, the spirit told me to pray specifically for angels to come and attend to me and your dad, those angels in our family from the past who have learned how to master finances and the laws of abundance. I was told to pray for those who have been waiting to mentor us and teach us how to do this.

So I prayed for exactly that. I asked for the angels to be around us who need to mentor us right now and who need to be right by our side while we build our lives and our successes. I prayed for those angels who have learned the laws of true abundance to be with us and teach our hearts and minds how to understand and accept that stewardship.

When I prayed for this I felt a very specific opening in the veil from an angel that hasn't been among our guardian angels before. I don't know how to exactly describe it, but there was someone there who was just waiting for us to be ready for him to be there. Definitely a man, I don't know who's line he is from, but he has been prepared to mentor us through our lives with finances and abundance specifically.

It was an amazing experience! I felt him come into the room by me, and then I prayed very hard for him to be mostly by Brent. In that moment I saw in my mind's eye that he went to where Brent was and he put is hand on Brent's shoulder.

I told your dad about this when he came home.

I am curious to see how we are going to be taught and I am also very humbled to have this experience. I am not told very often to specifically pray for very specific blessings like that, so I consider it an honor that we were ready for our angel of abundance to be introduced in our lives.

I love you! Remember that you will be told what to pray for in your prayers, especially when you most need it.

Your Mom