A Little Elijah Update

Dear Elijah,

You are just running everywhere you go. I can't believe how fast you are walking and moving everywhere. You are into things faster than I can keep up with you. You are definitely a moving tornado around our house. 

You have a bright smile and love to play 'peek-a-boo' with anyone who will play with you. You are taking long naps and sleeping about 13 hours every night. You are a sleeper like Gabe and your dad. Must run in the male genes of the family :-).

You are saying 'please', 'more', 'drink' and 'all done' in sign language. You are a screetcher and I am TRYING my hardest to get you to stop doing it! I can't believe how much you want to talk. You will open your mouth and want to talk so much that just a screetch or scream will come out. 

I love you so much,

Your Mom

A Little Talia Update

Dear Natalia,

You are just getting smarter and smarter. Who can keep up with you? You have a quick wit. You are always finding ways to be as comprehensive as possible with everything you do. 

Lately you have been carrying around your purse with lots of little treasures in it. You will empty it on the couch, play with all your little treasures, pack it all up and take it to another place. You empty it on your bed at night and go through and organize everything the way you want it before you go to sleep. You tuck your stuffed animals in every night. 

You are constantly pushing Gabriel's buttons and when you push too far he will turn around and slug you. You are always being a little mom to Elijah, trying to corral him everywhere and tell him what to do. 

Your dad has been traveling and when he is gone you will carry a cell phone with you (one of my old one's that doesn't work) and call him and talk with him about what is going in your day. It is adorable. You are getting dressed by yourself and talking like a 16 year old. Your command of so many things is way ahead of your age but your emotions are still trying to catch up with your brain. And it is okay :-)

I love you so much,

Your Mom

A Little Gabe Update

Dear Gabriel,

I just adore you. You are really starting to show your true colors as you are getting older. You are detail oriented, like to take your time with many things, caring and hard working. Tonight while we snuggled you took your time to show me how to wash your bear. You created a bath from a couple blankets, and then continued to tell me how to make sure he was clean, where to get it towel and pajamas. I love it. 

I heard a song on the radio today called 'You're Gonna Miss This'. It is about a dad who keeps telling his daughter to just enjoy every stage of life, because soon it is all over.

You took the garbage can out yesterday to the road all by yourself. You took it back when it was empty. You helped to clean the floor. you are fun to play with and want to always spend time with me. You are gentle with Elijah and constantly trying to find ways to play with him 'nicely'. 

I can't even tell you how impressed I am with you. You are my hero. You are so special. Heavenly Father has a mission just for you...and it is a powerful one. 

I hope you know how much confidence I have in you. The more confidence I can show in you, the more trustworthy you will become, I know that for sure. 

I love you. 

Your Mom

Politics Are Not The Answer To America's Problems

Dear Kids, 

I am having varied feelings tonight. 

It was the night of the State of the Union Address. A time when our nation *could* come together in order to move forward toward liberty and have the reassurance of that from our leaders. 

And I didn't even care to tune in and watch. 

Our country is turning into something that is so ... well ... RUSSIA. And I know because I lived there. It is unbelievable the amount of hypocrisy and evil that is inside every facet of our government and the governments around the world. 

I am VERY politically active and I care a lot about what is going on. But I have had the same thoughts for the last couple of years that I had again tonight... Politics are not the answer to America's problems. 

It reminds me of in the Book of Mormon when Alma LEFT his seat of Chief Judge, a VERY high position of political power in the land, and left to PREACH THE WORD. That is the only answer to where we are as a nation and as the world. 

The answer is not in politics, it is in God. The answer is not in speeches from politicians, but from missionaries. The answer is not in policies being made or broken, it is in covenants entered into. The answer is not in more regulation, but more freedom that innately comes from God. The answer is not in which political party is 'right', it is in accepting Jesus as our Savior again as a country. 

I will bear this testimony to you over and over again, especially because the world is going to continue to deteriorate as you grow. The answer is in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are in the final battle for men's souls. The answer is in spreading Zion. That is where the final battle will finish. In establishing Zion and having Christ return to be our leader and exemplar. 

I have decided to leave the political arena to do the same thing as Alma... preach the word. I am preaching the word of God to everyone that will listen. I am standing up from what is right and our God given rights. I am not afraid of what men and governments can do to us. The fight is world-wide for freedom now because Satan knows that the Savior is coming back. My energy is on Him and being close to the spirit and his prophet. 

I just hope I can pass on THAT passion to you. Political passion is great, but the answers are not there. The passion necessary to make it is in the gospel. 

I love you,

Your Mom

The Missing Feeling

Dear Kids, 

It is good for me to feel the "missing feeling". 

I have always been the kind of person that really lives in the now. If I go away for a couple of days I usually don't really miss whoever is home. I think to myself, "It is just a couple of days, I am going to see you soon... have fun!" ... and then I take off!  I have felt homesickness in the past, but that has been wearing off because of getting into a groove of traveling. 

But you must know that your dad is the opposite of me. He feels so deeply, it is pretty amazing. His level of passion and feeling go very deep into his soul. He doesn't have to have reminders like I do of the missing feeling. 

Well, lately he has been gone a lot. And I think one of the lessons I need to learn from this is learning empathy for those who "miss" people. The other night I was talking to your dad on the phone and I missed him so much, my heart was aching deep inside my chest and I overflowed with emotion and cried... all because I missed him so badly. I told him, "I don't know how older couples do it when they lose each other. I can't imagine how badly they miss each other!"

I remember when my grandpa was like a different person after my grandma died. He was hollow. He was empty. She had his soul and the missing feeling took over his whole body. I get it now. I can't imagine that kind of missing feeling. 

I love your dad so much. I want you to remember when you look back on our lives as a family that when he was gone I am not the same. I am half a person. I am half a soul. He completes everything about my life and your life. It is good for me to deeply experience the immense missing feeling for him. I appreciate him so much more when I am reminded why I love to have him around. I love him so much more when I am reminded that it is easy to take his deep love for me for granted.

I love you... and remember that I love your dad like crazy. 

Your Mom

Being A Parent Is Hard Work

Dear Kids,

I don't know if I have mentioned this or not, but being a parent is hard work. Seriously... the stamina it takes to be an active, positive, teaching, mentoring and loving parent... Let's just say I am exhausted.

Lately a lot of the parent responsibilities have fallen to my shoulders because of your dad working quite a bit. It is a good thing and a hard thing all at the same time. This morning when I woke up I had the goal of being positive, uplifting and not get emotionally involved in all of YOUR emotions.

Training my mind and heart to look at all the good things you are doing and point those out instead of the negative, that is hard work. Training my reactions to not get so involved in the whining and the crying, that is hard work. Training my ears to not go crazy because of all the noise around me all the time, that is hard work. Training the emotions in my chest to not get completely wound up and tight because of being "on" all the time, that is hard work. Training my patience and emotional stamina and forgiveness, that is hard work.

It is just hard work being a parent. I should say, it is hard work being an active parent.

My heart is softening more and more to how tender every moment is for all of you. There are so many things that you are still learning. It is a big deal to you to have the stuffed animals in the 'certain' order on your bed. It is a big deal to you to just lay down and have me hold you. It is a big deal to you to give you hugs as much as possible. It is a big deal to you when I sit down and actually watch a movie with you instead of use it as time off to clean the kitchen. It is a big deal to you when I notice the little things you are doing right.

And it takes hard work as a parent to really be involved with everything that is a big deal to you.

I am learning. Slowly but surely. There is no better refining process than being a parent.

I love you,

Your Mom

Don't Compare Your Behind The Scenes To Someone Else's Highlight Reel

Dear Kids, 

My sister and I were talking a few days ago. She shared a thought with me that I now want to share with you. 

"Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel."

I love this. In our world (mainly because of social media) we have the chance to see into other people's lives in a way that has never been possible before. And most of the time what we see is the "highlight reel".

We declare, post and update about the great things in our lives. As we should! There is so much to be celebrated and shared. But rarely do people ever share the frustrations, the moments regretted, the words that shouldn't have been said, the emotions we wish we didn't feel, the private crying moments... We just don't see the "behind the scenes".

There are a few deadly C's:

1. Comparing

2. Criticism

3. Contention

When we see the highlight reels from other people's lives, for some reason it causes us to do at least one of the deadly C's. DON'T. There is no reason to compare your life with someone else's life just because of what they choose to share with the world. There is no reason to criticize because of the access we have to what other people's opinions are. There is no reason to have crazy contention either. 

The person who posts a smiling picture of their happy little family could be in the middle of a major health crisis and they are soaking in every moment they can. The person who posts quotes and wise thoughts all the time could be seeking for truth themselves on a daily basis. The person who (seems like) always has a clean house could have worked for years on that one talent because it was a major weakness. The person who has a beautiful body might be in the middle of a major divorce. The person with a thriving business and seems so self confident could have struggled for years as an entrepreneur and worked to recover from bankruptcy...

We just DON'T know!! Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. 

Your life is great just the way it is! Your talents are amazing! Your happiness is of your choosing. Your character is how you choose to respond and build your soul. Instead of comparing, choose to celebrate. Instead of criticizing, choose to love. Instead of promoting contention, choose to spread grace. 

I love you,

Your Mom

My Fabric People

Dear Kids,

People. The fabric of our lives is woven by the people in it. 

For the last couple of weeks I have been able to see, hug and talk to former church teachers, friends of family, parents of my friends, mentors, educators, adopted aunts, extended family. They are all "My Fabric People". They have woven the fabric of my life! I have been thinking so much tonight about how my life has been so blessed because of all the people who love me.

One of my favorite people in the world (Ronda Rasmussen), the adopted aunt of mine and my siblings, dropped by tonight with a gift for my mom. I don't know if she truly understands the gift her love has been to our family. Just standing there talking to her I had flash backs of her holding me on her lap, kissing my cheeks, always happy to see me, her daughter babysitting me, having her be a shoulder to cry on. She is the ONLY person I have ever seen my mom actually cry to when help was really needed. Her smile makes our whole family happy.

Another is a church teacher of mine from when I was a teenager. I got to sit in a church class she taught again. During that lesson I had flashbacks of her lessons when I was a teenager. She taught the most amazing lessons. I still have a box full of jewels from her. I remember VERY well how she looked me in the eyes and told me, with the rest of the girls in the room, what each jewel meant and why those were the jewels of our lives. That our lives are full of jewels. Our hearts are full of them. That lesson was so powerful even 20 years later. 

There is another couple I was able to talk with tonight that are parents of one of my friends growing up. I remember sleeping over at their house, having dinner around their table, getting caught talking to boys on the phone at midnight, watching TV... so many memories! Now I was able to sit there on their couch and once again have them talk with me and love me. 

And this just scratches the surface of "My Fabric People"!  

There are countless people who are part of our lives. We have mentors and teachers on our path constantly. I have so many people who love me and have helped me to be the person I am today... They have helped me to be your mom and to be capable of helping you be ready for the world as well. It is because of the combination of all "My Fabric People" that I have learned life's lessons, and will continue to do so.

Take time to see and recognize your fabric people. There are already teachers who have loved you so much, already friends of mine who have had you on their knees reading books to you, already adopted aunts who you cry to. There are so many people woven in and out of your life already. Remember them. Love them. I know that I do. I hope I have been a fabric person for someone as well.

I love you,

Your Mom

Here There Is So Much More Heaven To See

Dear Kids,

My heart and mind has been contemplating a lot about the "Habit of Optimism". All my life I have been an optimist. It is just natural in my blood. But after having kids, and having a lot of hard realities of life hit me everyday, I have to say that the optimistic side of me has been very subdued.

It is hard to be optimistic when someone is constantly crying, needing something, demanding my time and energy. Besides feeling other pressures of business, clients, church, and just life. I must admit that I have gotten out of the habit of being optimistic. I go to bed tired. I wake up very realistic about the demands my day is going to present to me, and I must say I haven't been doing it with optimism all the time.

Thinking about this I had an experience flash into my mind from years ago while I was in Russia serving a mission. I had the priviledge of helping to teach my mission president's wife the Russian language. We would go to her home and I would spend a few hours with her each week. Needless to say, we became very good friends. She reminded me a lot of my own grandmother and it was very reassuring.

I remember one time I went to her house after a day that was very hard. People had cursed me, wished me to leave everywhere I went. Drunk men had tried to touch me and push me around. It was in the wintertime, everything was dark all the time. There is no optimism in Russia! I reached her home and she was ready for her lessons. I was not my usual self, very distracted by thoughts of home and "What did I do this for?" thoughts in my mind. (I get several of those thoughts about parenting by the way! Sometimes I wonder what in the world I got myself into!).

She caught me looking out the window. I was thinking about the beautiful scenery and mountains that I missed so much. She stopped and waited for me. She was from Switzerland originally, and lived right by the Alps. St. Petersburg is very, very flat and dirty. I asked, with homesickness in my voice, "Don't you just ever miss the mountains?"

She stood up, went to the window and thought for a moment. Then she said, "Yes, I miss the mountains at times. But.... look outside with different eyes. Here there is so much more heaven to see."

That statement jolted me to my core. She had decided to look with different eyes. She had decided to also leave everything she loved and come here, and she was welcoming it with a heart of love and optimism. She was choosing to see what was beautiful and lovely, she was choosing to see her lessons, greet them with warmth, and open arms. She was making that choice.

It was a powerful lesson then, and it is a powerful lesson now. It is my choice to create the Habit of Optimism. It is a habit to either be negative or be positive through the small choices of thought we make every single day. Just like a garden, we choose to cultivate our thoughts of optimism, or allow the negative thought weeds to take over. It takes energy and commitment to develop this habit, but necessary and so worth it to really make a difference in our family and in our world!

I love you,

Your Mom