Dealing With Conflict

Dear Kids,

Conflict has always been really interesting to me. It is quite a paradox actually.

Like when boys get into a fist fight at school. I remember after any fight in high school the next day the boys who got into the fist fight were best friends afterwards. I remember the first time I had a friend of mine really come at me for something I did that was not very thoughtful. After that we were closer than we were before. There was a mentor of mine that would not shy away from conflict at all and just say exactly how she felt. But she had more close friends than anyone I have ever known. 

I think it is because conflict allows for emotions to come out, to be expressed, to actually have some real honest conversations that don't normally happen. 

The problem lies in avoiding the conflict because it is hard to confront things. It is hard to have really tough conversations. And, if most people are like me, it takes a lot of practice to not just 'shove things under the rug', because you put your heart on the line. 

The magical thing about conflict though is that you see how someone handles stress and hard situations. I think it is good because it takes us to another level and really helps to expand our vision of how we affect the world around us. With conflict comes boundary setting and learning how to stand our ground, and also learning when an issue has been pushed enough. 

It is also imperative with conflict to learn to just let it go. After an issue is brought up and talked about, apologized for, then we move forward and we don't look back. Letting go can be the hardest part, but the most imperative.

Don't avoid conflict - don't hide. I know I tried to push away my emotions and how I felt about things for years, but after learning how unhealthy that is I have been trying more and more to say how I feel, to express my emotions, and then to move forward. It is a better way to live. 

I hope to teach you how to deal with conflict. How to adequately express yourself, how to not shove things under the rug, but to talk about them, figure out the root issues, process them and then move on. It takes a lot of practice... but by the time we are all 90 years old we should get it right? :-)

I love you,

Your Mom

Feed Your Feminine Soul

Dear Kids,

Tonight I am going to feed my feminine soul by taking a bubble bath, relaxing and reading a book.

When I think of most of the good women I know, after thinking about how good they are, the next thing I think is... tired. We women are just tired! We do so much good for so many people, it is a must to take some time to feed our soul's a bit.

Think about everything God has made that is beautiful, captivating and feminine. All the different variety of flowers, colors in animals, breath-taking vacation spots, striking art, scenic views, pieces of music that take your breath away and make your heart sing... there are so many things in this world that are just beautiful and feminine. But none of them hold a candle to US. The actual women of the world that make it a beautiful place.

But we are so busy trying to make the world amazing, help our children to be amazing, keep up with our work and clients to help them be amazing, feed our friendships so our friends can be amazing, clean and decorate our house to our house can be amazing, give as much love to our men so they can be amazing... we are doing all of this and get so tired that sometimes we forget to feed our feminine souls so we can truly FEEL amazing!

Femininity is not weakness, it is beauty and captivation. It is striking and strong. It is inspiring and truly amazing. It is laughter and one of the best reasons this world is so completely gorgeous. So, I am taking a bubble bath. I am going to light some candles. I am going to put on some great music. I am going to breathe slowly and deeply and just give some light and refreshing energy to my feminine soul.

Boys... remember to feed the feminine in the women around you. And Talia... remember to feed your feminine soul the way God intends you to.

I love you,

Your Mom

February Updates

Dear Kids,

How can I try and capture everything that is happening in our lives right now. Everyday is a story of it's own and so many things that happen. I just don't know how I can capture it all.

I do want to capture a few things, for my own journaling purposes:

-We went out on a nature walk/hike today and gathered herbs for my medicinal cabinet. I am working like crazy to know more about natural medicine, even though to so many people I already know a ton... I feel like I am just a beginner. I grew up on natural medicine, and I want to pass that onto you as well.

-Elijah, you said, "daddy" for the first time a couple days ago while we were ON the phone with your dad! That was an amazing moment and a blessing for him to hear that from you.

-I am doing 'Intention' calls with my family every Sunday night. This last Sunday was my 2nd call with them and I love them. Uncle J is teaching them, he has such a gift with energy work. I have felt in my heart that I am going to be working with energy work, natural healing and medicine in the future and I am gathering all the data I can until I feel the need to push forward with it more fervently in the public eye and market.

-Uncle J gave me a beautiful blessing last night that blessed our home with 'Legions of Angels'. So many amazing things he blessed our family with.

-Your dad is working A LOT right now and out of town and so you don't see him very often. You are missing your dad so much and I am exhausted trying to keep up with filling your love buckets and keeping everything running here. It is worth it because of how much it is going to help us catch up with everything financially though.

-My heart is being made more tender for so many things right now. A lesson I am learning is what Joseph Smith talked about after his experience in Liberty Jail. He said, "But it was not all in vain because our hearts are being made more tender." That is how I feel about being home with you so much on my own right now. My heart is tender towards single moms, military moms, divorced families, widows...

-I am learning what it is like to be the man around the house.

-For 10 hours every week I am working with my partner, Shawna, on our business consulting clients. I love working with her. She is amazing and a perfect partner to have in a business! We have plans for growth ahead, but more than anything it gives me a break, helps my head to stay active, and then refreshed to come back and face our house :-).

-I am painting again. I love it. I think everyone should have a creative outlet.

-I need to work on scrapbooks. I am actually making a resolution to do that. My other goal is getting my sewing machine out.

-I love natural medicine!

-You are all learning to be such hard workers. I love it! You have such amazing ability and capability. I love you all so much!

I love you,

Your Mom

Motherhood Is Messy

Dear Natalia,

It is after midnight, I am exhausted, but there are some things I must write. I need to tell you a little bit about being a mom. 

Motherhood is messy. It isn't a perfect picture. But that is exactly why it is individual and amazing for every single different woman. The vast, exhausting and rewarding experiences each day equal the miracle of motherhood, and that picture is different in every home. 

What is the motherhood picture?

It is staying up with your daughter until after midnight helping to soothe her coughing fit. It is sitting in church with your kids not really hearing anything because your kids are pushing and pulling at you. It is snuggling and loving your baby as you sing him a song, with a whisper, in his ear. It is watching your daughter's face as she is sleeping soundly, being amazed that this little person could have such spice in her soul. It is building forts over your dining room table and eating dinner on a kid picnic table. It is teaching yourself to intervene with a soft voice, especially when it is hard to keep your temper because kids start screaming at each other. It is trying to teach a brother why hitting a sister isn't the best way to handle getting the toy he wants. It is using all your strength to keep your hefty 15 month old boy from kicking you constantly while putting on a diaper. It is letting your son tell you stories from his imagination about how he was Buzz Lightyear and Larryboy all day. It is looking around your house and knowing that the energy to clean it will just have to manifest itself tomorrow. It is laying down in bed at night exhausted and praying to have the ability to wake up with smiles to do it all over again.

Motherhood is very different from my expectations. It is messier, it is harder and it is lonelier than I realized. But each picture painted everyday from our life together is crafting our relationship for a lifetime. I love that. 

Even on the nights when I am exhausted (like tonight) I can't think of a reason my heart would be more happy than to say, "I am a mother".

I love you,

Your Mom