Motherhood Is Messy

Dear Natalia,

It is after midnight, I am exhausted, but there are some things I must write. I need to tell you a little bit about being a mom. 

Motherhood is messy. It isn't a perfect picture. But that is exactly why it is individual and amazing for every single different woman. The vast, exhausting and rewarding experiences each day equal the miracle of motherhood, and that picture is different in every home. 

What is the motherhood picture?

It is staying up with your daughter until after midnight helping to soothe her coughing fit. It is sitting in church with your kids not really hearing anything because your kids are pushing and pulling at you. It is snuggling and loving your baby as you sing him a song, with a whisper, in his ear. It is watching your daughter's face as she is sleeping soundly, being amazed that this little person could have such spice in her soul. It is building forts over your dining room table and eating dinner on a kid picnic table. It is teaching yourself to intervene with a soft voice, especially when it is hard to keep your temper because kids start screaming at each other. It is trying to teach a brother why hitting a sister isn't the best way to handle getting the toy he wants. It is using all your strength to keep your hefty 15 month old boy from kicking you constantly while putting on a diaper. It is letting your son tell you stories from his imagination about how he was Buzz Lightyear and Larryboy all day. It is looking around your house and knowing that the energy to clean it will just have to manifest itself tomorrow. It is laying down in bed at night exhausted and praying to have the ability to wake up with smiles to do it all over again.

Motherhood is very different from my expectations. It is messier, it is harder and it is lonelier than I realized. But each picture painted everyday from our life together is crafting our relationship for a lifetime. I love that. 

Even on the nights when I am exhausted (like tonight) I can't think of a reason my heart would be more happy than to say, "I am a mother".

I love you,

Your Mom