Conflict has always been really interesting to me. It is quite a paradox actually.
Like when boys get into a fist fight at school. I remember after any fight in high school the next day the boys who got into the fist fight were best friends afterwards. I remember the first time I had a friend of mine really come at me for something I did that was not very thoughtful. After that we were closer than we were before. There was a mentor of mine that would not shy away from conflict at all and just say exactly how she felt. But she had more close friends than anyone I have ever known.
I think it is because conflict allows for emotions to come out, to be expressed, to actually have some real honest conversations that don't normally happen.
The problem lies in avoiding the conflict because it is hard to confront things. It is hard to have really tough conversations. And, if most people are like me, it takes a lot of practice to not just 'shove things under the rug', because you put your heart on the line.
The magical thing about conflict though is that you see how someone handles stress and hard situations. I think it is good because it takes us to another level and really helps to expand our vision of how we affect the world around us. With conflict comes boundary setting and learning how to stand our ground, and also learning when an issue has been pushed enough.
It is also imperative with conflict to learn to just let it go. After an issue is brought up and talked about, apologized for, then we move forward and we don't look back. Letting go can be the hardest part, but the most imperative.
Don't avoid conflict - don't hide. I know I tried to push away my emotions and how I felt about things for years, but after learning how unhealthy that is I have been trying more and more to say how I feel, to express my emotions, and then to move forward. It is a better way to live.
I hope to teach you how to deal with conflict. How to adequately express yourself, how to not shove things under the rug, but to talk about them, figure out the root issues, process them and then move on. It takes a lot of practice... but by the time we are all 90 years old we should get it right? :-)
I love you,
Your Mom
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