There are some people in the world who would have us believe that Christ is nothing more than a man. Many influences around us would have everyone think that Christ isn't anyone special.
Well, I need to tell you my first TANGIBLE experience when I knew that Christ wasn't just a man that we read about, not just a man that is part of a major religion, not just a man who was just a prophet... but a man who really died for me, who really loves me, who really KNOWS me.
When I was a teenager there were several things that happened in our family that made me question everything about anything in my life, and whether or not it was all true. All of those details can be saved for another post, but ultimately I decided not to pray for a while and I allowed my heart to be hardened about the whole idea of a "Loving God".
One night in my room I knew I had to pray. I was almost pushed down to my knees because my spirit was drawing me to invite a soul experience. No one else knew of all my doubts, I didn't tell anyone about them. It was a private battle for my soul and I felt the battleground very tangibly everyday. Satan was winning the battle for my soul until this night, and I have never allowed him access to my soul since "My First Experience With Jesus".
I knelt down and wasn't able to utter a word and open with a "formal" prayer. I just cried... and cried and then cried some more. I let all my emotions release to the one source of support that I have used my whole life since this experience. My soul was in pain, a lot of agony, trying to understand the reality of a Savior.
After quite a while had passed, I realized my eyes had been closed for a while and I didn't want to open them. I knelt there with my head rested against my bed, avoiding opening my eyes. Then I realized in that moment the entire time I had been crying there was a hand that was stroking my head and stroking my hair. I just knelt there and in my mind's eye it was like I was kneeling at the feet of Jesus. He had cradled my head in His hands and was stroking my hair, just letting me get all my emotion out. I didn't feel any words, I didn't feel Him try and talk to me to help me feel better, He just let me cry.
I stayed there in that position for a couple of hours and I just let Him stroke my head. Then when I had gotten all the emotion out I took a deep breath and said, "Thank You" and then fell peacefully asleep. I woke up the next morning in that position and with the VERY firm understanding that my Savior had taken time out for me that night. He had been there. He had held me. He had comforted me. I felt Him stroking my head and cradling me.
Even now the experience is so real that I have a lot of tears streaming down my cheeks. Throughout all the adversity that life has placed before me, I have never been a person to complain about it or talk about my trials. Many people probably think that I haven't been through very many because I don't verbalize them to really anyone. There have been several times when I have prayed for an angel to come to me, for someone to recognize that I am having a hard time with very specific trials that come... but the person who shows up every time is my Savior. I have never had the experience of, "I prayed and then there was a knock at my door and someone was the answer to my prayer." I truly have never had that happen to me. I have actually prayed for it many times because I want to be rescued... but every time the person who shows up is my Savior. He has rescued me, every time.
I know He lives. I KNOW this. I know He loves me. I know He takes time out to heal me. I know He adores me and I know He comforts me. He has never taken away adversity, but He has held me through it. I truly KNOW that the atonement of Christ is the ultimate way to self-mastery, learning how to forgive and repent, be better everyday because of His gift. Everyone has their own way and own personal experiences with Jesus and I pray you will all be able to feel His immense, powerful and deep love for you.
I love you,
Your Mom
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