Updates

Dear Kids,

So many things to update about. So I am going to do a list of things that I don't want to forget. Not a touchy-feelie post tonight.

• Gabe: Tonight in the car on the way home from dinner with your dad's family you said, "When I get bigger I am going to be a hero, like you dad! Because you are a hero because you are a daddy." It was so adorable. Then Talia said, "Yeah! Mom when I get bigger I am going to be a mom and do dishes!". LOL. It was pretty funny.
• Gabe: You have been processing death in the last couple of months because of me telling you my story about my first dog, Joyful. I will probably do a more detailed post about this one because of how much it has affected you. One night you asked me to tell you as story about my life when I was a kid. So I told you about getting Joyful, my first dog. I told you that we played together, she was my best friend, she had babies, and how much fun we had. Then I said, "Then she got hurt by a car and she had to go back to Heavenly Father." Immediately tears welled up in your eyes and you said, "Oh mom! were you so sad? Are you okay? Do you miss her? Is she okay with Heavenly Father?". After asking me lots of questions you were just crying and crying. I don't know if I could ever forget your face because of how tender you were about the whole thing. Then just last night you told me, "Mom, when we were at Papa and Mimi's house I prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would let Joyful come back to you there, but she didn't come!". So then I got to process resurrection with you as well. You don't really like that program right now because you think that Joyful should be able to come back to me right now. You ask me to tell you the story of Joyful all the time. You have had to process that a lot. 
• Gabe: Just some cute things that you do. You call your dragon, "Tooplus" instead of "Toothless" (like the movie How to Train Your Dragon). Your dad thinks it is the cutest thing when you do that. You are vacuuming all by yourself right now. You are doing your laundry all by yourself, all I have to do is get it washed and in the dryer, you are doing everything else. You are still having a hard time socially, you get very emotionally wrapped up in everything and have a hard time just joking around with friends. It will be something you are going to have to learn a lot. you are taking a tumbling class. You are going to be starting soccer soon. And we are homeschooling you this year! That is going to be an adventure, especially for mom. You love the story of Joseph Smith. You are telling me about your dreams a lot. You are all about being a super hero. You are taking things apart and putting them back together a gain (like our blender that broke, you took it apart and then put it back together again). You love the minion game on Dad's phone. You are reading on a first grade reading level which is super fun!
• Talia: You are all about snuggling all the time. You tell me all the time that we need to snuggle so I can tickle your back. You are sometimes mauling me! There are times I worry that you feel rejected because there are times that it is soooooooo much touch and in my space that I have to take a breather. I am working on it, especially because there are times that you use it as a manipulation tool... so we will see how that goes. You love your dolls. You always want to do your nails and make up. Your hair is FINALLY growing out enough that we are able to do it in fun ways! I love that. You will never have a problem socially because you are the light of the party all the time. Everyone follows you and you know what you are all about in this world. Self confidence is something that you came with that is for sure. 
• Elijah: You are still screaming alot, but it is getting less and less all the time as you are learning how to communicate a bit. You are smiling like crazy and you are SO FUN right now. You are always running to me and your dad to give us hugs. You are so handsome! People comment all the time about how good looking you are. You are determined and you are not afraid to take up the spotlight. There are many times when you do something you don't even realize is funny, but then people will laugh and you and you will smile really big. Then you will do it again, and again and again and again and again (like gargling, spitting, throwing yourself on the ground, funny things with your tongue, spinning around and around...). Your first word was 'Oh wow!' on my birthday no less! That morning you said, 'Oh wow'! It was awesome. Other than that you are not really saying very much. You will try to say, "All done" but it really comes out 'Ah Dah!'. You are signing more and understanding more and more sign. But you understand everything that I say. You are very smart and know exactly what is going on around you and when you are being left out of something. If Talia and Gabe have something then you must have your own too!
• Brent is done with North Dakota. that was a very long adventure for our family. Many life changing things happened during the last 7 months of our lives that we will share with people some day. It has been interesting navigating my emotions and healing. But we are working through it and trying to love each other as much as we can. 
• I am homeschooling this year. I have been painting a lot the last couple of weeks, that has been healing as well. I am excited about homeschooling. I am more excited about homeschooling than anything for a while. I am nervous about keeping up on motherly things because homeschool has taken over my mind quite a bit. But I need to work on getting onto a very consistent schedule. I am going to work on devotional first and then also doing the Rusty and Rosy program. After that is down pat then we can add other things. 
• I am scaling back on other things quite a bit. I haven't been doing any new clients and I have been really focusing on my mom time. It is hard in a lot of ways and easier in a lot of ways too. I am totally letting go of providing and letting Brent take all that burden. Especially because we want to have another baby, I will be full time mommy for the next few years that is for sure, especially with homeschool in mind. I always have too many projects that arent' getting done. I want to focus on my mom projects to get done in all my 'spare time'. Like our photos books from the last 8 years of our lives!!! Ah! I am behind. 

I think that is pretty much all the updates. My heart is feeling more and more open to writing again, that is a good sign. So hopefully I will be writing more soon. I have really been following my feelings on writing and not forcing it so my heart has been able to really focus on healing and I am not putting pressure on myself with really anything else. 

Hopefully I will be writing soon.

Me