Dear Kids,
I can't forget to tell you about our tender mercy twine. I was reminded when I saw the twine on our van this morning.
When we were coming home from Idaho about a month ago we had a situation with the bottom part of our bumper... the mud flap thing that is underneath the bumper. It had come loose while up in Idaho. I went to Papa's car care shop to get it fixed and we thought we had it taken care of.
We were going to do a stop in Blackfoot to pick up a tortoise from my friend to take back home with us as a pet. As we were heading to the freeway I had the DISTINCT impression to go on the back roads to Blackfoot. I ignored it, but again felt like I needed to, so I turned around and went away from the freeway exit and heading back to the back roads.
We made it to Blackfoot, picked up the tortoise, and then hopped on the freeway. I felt okay about getting on the freeway from Blackfoot. So about 2 minutes onto the freeway I felt a huge "POP" and then something was dragging... which of course was the mud flap.
I pulled over to the side. Got out, checked it out, and saw that it was going to be a HUGE problem for the rest of the trip. I tried to just take it off, but that wasn't going to happen, I wasn't strong enough. I tried to attach it somehow, but nothing was working. So I stepped back away from the van and thought, "Okay Heavenly Father, what am I supposed to do with this? I can't keep driving like this." We were on a time schedule as well in order to make it to Esti's baptism on time before heading to Salt Lake.
The spirit just said, "Look around." So I turned and looked around. There on the side of the road by the freeway was a piece of blue twine. There was NO OTHER twine to be seen. Just that piece, right by the side of the road where I stopped the van. I immediately thought, "It's tender mercy twine!"
So I grabbed it and was able to tie up the mud flap to the attached 'safe' part of the bumper so it was stable, and we were able to keep going on our way.
The most amazing part of this to me is that the Lord is in the very details of our lives. Had I not listened to the spirit and not followed the back roads to Blackfoot, that POP would have happened on the road too early. The Lord knew there wasn't anything there by the side of the road that was going to be able to help me. BUT He did know there was my tender mercy twine on the side of the road by Blackfoot.
Those small details of our lives are important to God. He loves us that much. He wants to provide the littlest things that can help us on our journey. He is in those details, MORE than we know and more than we realize.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Notes from Homeschooling Mom's Retreat
Dear Kids,
I just got back from a homeschooling mom's retreat this weekend. I was on the committee for it this year, and I loved that aspect of it.
We had a few speakers come and talk with us about various things this year. The theme was "Seek"... to come desiring to seek for God. I have so many thoughts and experiences with it all... I am actually not sure where to start. I think I will go one by one with the various speakers and things I gleamed from them and go from there:
Leslie Householder:
She has written a few books on the laws of vibration and other physics laws of the universe... God's laws of science in actuality. There were several big reminders for me with what she had to talk about.
But the BIGGEST blessing from her presentation was the confirmation from the spirit that we are were we are today because of the work we put in all those years ago.
We did SO MUCH inside work for the first 8 years of our marriage... all the while everything was just crashing down around us in so many different ways. We ended up getting so burnt out with it all, trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing and doing and getting back up and doing it all over again. But we were absolutely doing our BEST at applying everything that we had learned and were learning.
The whole gap inside of that was that we were putting a timeline and the "how's" involved too much instead of giving that to the Lord to solve. We were assigning that "if we do this then in 6 months this 'should' happen". THAT was the falsehood. The Lord is in charge of the timeline, we are not. The Lord is in charge of the details of the how's, we are not. The Lord is in charge of partnering together with our creation. HE is the one who helps us create, we cannot do that on our own.
I see now so clearly that we are where we are right now because of all the work we did. We expanded ourselves so much in those years, and we created our life for the better 5-10 years later. Truly what we do RIGHT NOW IS creating our life in 5-10 years.
It's fascinating because our answers didn't come in the was that were were "expecting" them too. We still have yet to really get a business started and under our feet again, but the answers came in different ways, and very beneficial ways.
I also was warned by the spirit that if we don't keep going on that self improvement and creation path together with God, then we will stagnate and our 5-10 year state will NOT be improved. We have to keep reaching, keep improving, keep expanding our souls and our desires. We must not stop. We must not give up. We must go back to that "feeling" space.
Feeling it. Feeling what it will be like. Feeling the completion. Thinking about the end of our life and what feeling we will have. Truly feeling it on a daily basis, then give it up to God. We still get to work. We can't just sit around and do nothing and see results... but we also can't try to take over too many of the details that are God's to have. I really felt this reminder VERY powerfully.
I was also reminded that I must get a clear vision of what I really want our 20-40 year life situations to be. I haven't been clear enough about that. I haven't been clear enough about my dreams and desires, really becoming too complacent about it all.
I understand why I have been, it's because of the time of life I'm in. I also am going to be very patient with myself about what I can give to projects outside of my home, because TRULY my home is where I am needed right now. But I also can't stop creating in my mind, in my heart, in my visions, in my dreams. I need to keep up with both.
I LOVED all of those reminders. I was so grateful to receive those reminders as well. Especially the confirmation of the spirit about our lives and our power of creation.
I feel like I also needed to get clear about my patriarchal blessing as a part of my vision and what that includes. I have been stagnant about my gifts... but not in a bad way. Just because I have been so involved in my children's upbringing. That has been a necessity.
Also, I have a book in me. I'm going to identify what it is.
Some quotes I wrote down for me to remember:
"There is more good that God wants done than there are people willing to do those things"
"See the end as you intend"
"What's it going to feel like when....(then answer the question with feelings instead of words, get emotionally connected to the experience)"
"I will write a book and let THAT be my seminar"
"There is something inside of me that needs to come out"
"Doing something with intention, repeated intentionally, brings those results"
"Set the intention, FEEL what it will be like, and then get to work, the 'how's' will be shown to you"
"Be grateful before it happens... THAT is faith"
"Telling the truth in advance"
"Every child has an innate desire to know ho to fulfill their purpose"
"Just help them love learning, they will want to learn what they are drawn to, let them figure out what they want to learn... help them know how to take a passion and bring it to the world"
"They have a life's mission they will fulfill and there are intuitions and tutoring happening from the other side to help them with their mission"
"Turn them over to God and give them the space they need to do their their own flow"
"There are more epiphanies to discover if you will JUST take the time to PONDER"
"You can't make decisions for your children based on a fear mindset because your answers will not be inspired"
Hank Smith:
His presentation was about happiness. It was also full of really good reminders for me, and really simple ways of getting them done. He talked also about relationships of low trust and high trust. THAT was the section that I truly loved the most. It helped me identify how I can build relationships of higher trust with my kids and with my spouse.
Some quotes I wrote down for me to remember:
"Just like the art piece 'Starry Night' by Van Gogh, our lives are made up of hundreds of thousands of brushstrokes. Same with motherhood, it is made of 100,000+ brushstrokes. It is about the consistent application of different systems and behaviors that make the difference"
"Give children $30 to give away during Christmas time and see how they come alive thinking about how to use it"
"Happy people get enough sleep... your kids deserve a happy mom MORE than they deserve a clean house"
"Everyone has a book in them"
"YOU have specific gifts and talents and you NEED to use them regularly"
"When you are using your gifts you AREN'T tired, it is part of your flow and rejuvinates you. Give yourself permission to use them"
"You can't 'MOM' like someone else, just like your husband can't 'DAD' like someone else. Stop comparing and notice the good in the way YOU do things, NOT trying to be someone else"
"You are supposed to have issues in life, this is what causes us to keep coming back to God"
"4 things inside of building trust with someone: Frequent interaction, personal interaction (leaving with good feelings), positive interaction and LOW RISK involved (they don't feel like they are going to be attacked whenever they are around you"
"If you work on the low risk trust relationship building blocks, then you will have high trust relationships where you can give critical feedback, experience innovation together, seek help from that person, and be productive together"
Greg & Rachel Denning:
I ATE UP this presentation. They have been traveling together around the world as a family for about 11 years. The stories they shared were so soul expanding, I absolutely loved it. What I loved the most was how "out of the box" they are in their thinking. Not fear based AT ALL. I loved it.
Some quotes I wrote down to remember:
"My mission is to become a superb human being"
"From wherever we are, we can level up"
"The power in our homes lies in your heart set, your mind set and your tools and systems in place"
"A mind once expanded can never return to it's original dimensions"
"Once you commit, then the creativity happens"
"Stop hacking at the branches and get to the root of the problem"
"God told me 'You carry him (Greg carrying his son), and I will carry you"
"You do 60 minutes of learning everyday, do it together with your kids"
"Look at your kids and realize that they need growth experience outside of you and outside of themselves in order to become the human being you are trying to cultivate"
"We don't rise to the leel of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training - Archilochus"
"Influence is neither automatic and episodic... Influence has to be earned, especially with our children"
"All I see is the goodness in your (Don Quixote)... THIS IS WITH YOUR KIDS! See the goodness in them"
"We need a better story that we are living, kids will take a 'story' of meaning and purpose and give them a dream that's meaningful"
"We can take anything and move from transactional to transformational with a little bit of effort and intention"
"Be intentional about your family culture and help to irraticate the fear"
OTHER THINGS:
There were a few other things that I really want to remember about the weekend... a family brand. Have them help with images, colors, words, etc. to make a family brand to put on t-shirts, backpacks, swag, etc.
I just got back from a homeschooling mom's retreat this weekend. I was on the committee for it this year, and I loved that aspect of it.
We had a few speakers come and talk with us about various things this year. The theme was "Seek"... to come desiring to seek for God. I have so many thoughts and experiences with it all... I am actually not sure where to start. I think I will go one by one with the various speakers and things I gleamed from them and go from there:
Leslie Householder:
She has written a few books on the laws of vibration and other physics laws of the universe... God's laws of science in actuality. There were several big reminders for me with what she had to talk about.
But the BIGGEST blessing from her presentation was the confirmation from the spirit that we are were we are today because of the work we put in all those years ago.
We did SO MUCH inside work for the first 8 years of our marriage... all the while everything was just crashing down around us in so many different ways. We ended up getting so burnt out with it all, trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing and doing and getting back up and doing it all over again. But we were absolutely doing our BEST at applying everything that we had learned and were learning.
The whole gap inside of that was that we were putting a timeline and the "how's" involved too much instead of giving that to the Lord to solve. We were assigning that "if we do this then in 6 months this 'should' happen". THAT was the falsehood. The Lord is in charge of the timeline, we are not. The Lord is in charge of the details of the how's, we are not. The Lord is in charge of partnering together with our creation. HE is the one who helps us create, we cannot do that on our own.
I see now so clearly that we are where we are right now because of all the work we did. We expanded ourselves so much in those years, and we created our life for the better 5-10 years later. Truly what we do RIGHT NOW IS creating our life in 5-10 years.
It's fascinating because our answers didn't come in the was that were were "expecting" them too. We still have yet to really get a business started and under our feet again, but the answers came in different ways, and very beneficial ways.
I also was warned by the spirit that if we don't keep going on that self improvement and creation path together with God, then we will stagnate and our 5-10 year state will NOT be improved. We have to keep reaching, keep improving, keep expanding our souls and our desires. We must not stop. We must not give up. We must go back to that "feeling" space.
Feeling it. Feeling what it will be like. Feeling the completion. Thinking about the end of our life and what feeling we will have. Truly feeling it on a daily basis, then give it up to God. We still get to work. We can't just sit around and do nothing and see results... but we also can't try to take over too many of the details that are God's to have. I really felt this reminder VERY powerfully.
I was also reminded that I must get a clear vision of what I really want our 20-40 year life situations to be. I haven't been clear enough about that. I haven't been clear enough about my dreams and desires, really becoming too complacent about it all.
I understand why I have been, it's because of the time of life I'm in. I also am going to be very patient with myself about what I can give to projects outside of my home, because TRULY my home is where I am needed right now. But I also can't stop creating in my mind, in my heart, in my visions, in my dreams. I need to keep up with both.
I LOVED all of those reminders. I was so grateful to receive those reminders as well. Especially the confirmation of the spirit about our lives and our power of creation.
I feel like I also needed to get clear about my patriarchal blessing as a part of my vision and what that includes. I have been stagnant about my gifts... but not in a bad way. Just because I have been so involved in my children's upbringing. That has been a necessity.
Also, I have a book in me. I'm going to identify what it is.
Some quotes I wrote down for me to remember:
"There is more good that God wants done than there are people willing to do those things"
"See the end as you intend"
"What's it going to feel like when....(then answer the question with feelings instead of words, get emotionally connected to the experience)"
"I will write a book and let THAT be my seminar"
"There is something inside of me that needs to come out"
"Doing something with intention, repeated intentionally, brings those results"
"Set the intention, FEEL what it will be like, and then get to work, the 'how's' will be shown to you"
"Be grateful before it happens... THAT is faith"
"Telling the truth in advance"
"Every child has an innate desire to know ho to fulfill their purpose"
"Just help them love learning, they will want to learn what they are drawn to, let them figure out what they want to learn... help them know how to take a passion and bring it to the world"
"They have a life's mission they will fulfill and there are intuitions and tutoring happening from the other side to help them with their mission"
"Turn them over to God and give them the space they need to do their their own flow"
"There are more epiphanies to discover if you will JUST take the time to PONDER"
"You can't make decisions for your children based on a fear mindset because your answers will not be inspired"
Hank Smith:
His presentation was about happiness. It was also full of really good reminders for me, and really simple ways of getting them done. He talked also about relationships of low trust and high trust. THAT was the section that I truly loved the most. It helped me identify how I can build relationships of higher trust with my kids and with my spouse.
Some quotes I wrote down for me to remember:
"Just like the art piece 'Starry Night' by Van Gogh, our lives are made up of hundreds of thousands of brushstrokes. Same with motherhood, it is made of 100,000+ brushstrokes. It is about the consistent application of different systems and behaviors that make the difference"
"Give children $30 to give away during Christmas time and see how they come alive thinking about how to use it"
"Happy people get enough sleep... your kids deserve a happy mom MORE than they deserve a clean house"
"Everyone has a book in them"
"YOU have specific gifts and talents and you NEED to use them regularly"
"When you are using your gifts you AREN'T tired, it is part of your flow and rejuvinates you. Give yourself permission to use them"
"You can't 'MOM' like someone else, just like your husband can't 'DAD' like someone else. Stop comparing and notice the good in the way YOU do things, NOT trying to be someone else"
"You are supposed to have issues in life, this is what causes us to keep coming back to God"
"4 things inside of building trust with someone: Frequent interaction, personal interaction (leaving with good feelings), positive interaction and LOW RISK involved (they don't feel like they are going to be attacked whenever they are around you"
"If you work on the low risk trust relationship building blocks, then you will have high trust relationships where you can give critical feedback, experience innovation together, seek help from that person, and be productive together"
Greg & Rachel Denning:
I ATE UP this presentation. They have been traveling together around the world as a family for about 11 years. The stories they shared were so soul expanding, I absolutely loved it. What I loved the most was how "out of the box" they are in their thinking. Not fear based AT ALL. I loved it.
Some quotes I wrote down to remember:
"My mission is to become a superb human being"
"From wherever we are, we can level up"
"The power in our homes lies in your heart set, your mind set and your tools and systems in place"
"A mind once expanded can never return to it's original dimensions"
"Once you commit, then the creativity happens"
"Stop hacking at the branches and get to the root of the problem"
"God told me 'You carry him (Greg carrying his son), and I will carry you"
"You do 60 minutes of learning everyday, do it together with your kids"
"Look at your kids and realize that they need growth experience outside of you and outside of themselves in order to become the human being you are trying to cultivate"
"We don't rise to the leel of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training - Archilochus"
"Influence is neither automatic and episodic... Influence has to be earned, especially with our children"
"All I see is the goodness in your (Don Quixote)... THIS IS WITH YOUR KIDS! See the goodness in them"
"We need a better story that we are living, kids will take a 'story' of meaning and purpose and give them a dream that's meaningful"
"We can take anything and move from transactional to transformational with a little bit of effort and intention"
"Be intentional about your family culture and help to irraticate the fear"
OTHER THINGS:
There were a few other things that I really want to remember about the weekend... a family brand. Have them help with images, colors, words, etc. to make a family brand to put on t-shirts, backpacks, swag, etc.
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Fly Phobia
Dear Kids,
I had a memory come back tonight that I never wrote about, that you MUST remember... especially Elijah.
So about 3-4 month ago Elijah had a MAJOR phobia of flies. He got up one day and all of a sudden he was scared, literally, TO DEATH of flies. He couldn't be close to them, he would freak out if they were near... just couldn't handle it.
He couldn't go to bed that night because he was so afraid of a fly in his room. So he slept in our room. And this went on for a few nights, he just refused to go to sleep in his room. He ended up telling me at some point in this time period, that one night a fly had been in his room and wouldn't leave him alone. I imagine, in my mind's eye, that it was one of those really aloud, annoying flies, that kept flying around his face and just pestered him horribly, until he just couldn't stand it anymore.
Well, after this went on for a few days, we seriously were doing EVERYTHING we could think of to help Elijah with this phobia. Helping him know how to work a fly swatter, talking with him about it, naming it to tame it, helping him see that there were no flies in the house, just everything we could do. But he still refused to go to bed in his room. He just wouldn't do it.
So finally one night, Superhero Dad came to the rescue! Brent had a stroke of genius that just happened in the moment. It was right before bed time. He went into the kitchen and proclaimed, "Okay flies, you are all going to die!!!". He grabbed the fly swatter, ran into the boys room (VERY pronounced and cartoon "like" running so Elijah could see everything over exaggerated to help him laugh about it), then shut the door.
Then we heard Brent in the boys room yelling this, "Die!! You fly! I got you! Hi-ya! Hi-ya~! Wahahahaha!" ... and he just kept doing this for a couple minutes in the loudest, strongest voice.
Well, watching Elijah's reaction to this the whole time was so distinctive. He had the look on his face of, "My dad really is rescuing me and protecting me. He's helping me be okay!". He had this look of happiness, satisfaction, care, laughter, and relaxation come over him. It was a glorious thing to behold... in fact I don't know if I ever have seen him do that face EVER in his life up to this point. It was an expression and feeling pulsating from his little body that I hadn't seen before.
Brent, at the end, came out of the boys room, huffing and puffing. Looked at Elijah and said, "All of the flies are dead. I got them all!" Elijah went and took his hand, and went into his room and was completely satisfied.
We haven't had an issue with this since with him.
I learned quite a few important things in this situation:
1. Not to discount how little things are BIG things to a child... even a fly phobia is a MAJOR situation to them.
2. They absolutely love it when you come to their aid.
3. Using exaggeration and humor and going "into" the imagination place that the child is in, in order to solve the issue is HUGE. That is what Brent did... he WENT TO ELIJAH'S brain space instead of trying to pull Elijah to our brain space about it all (which is what we were trying to do before that wasn't working).
4. Children love to know that they are loved.
All of these things are all very much "duh" things to learn... or re-learn actually. But in those moments of the everyday situations with my kids, it is these things that really make the difference in their tragedies.
I am so grateful for a husband, your dad, that loves you all so much. He isn't perfect... but he is absolutely doing his best and he is rocking at doing his best. I love how much he has grown as a father and husband. It is a privilege to be part of it.
I love you all so much,
Your Mom
I had a memory come back tonight that I never wrote about, that you MUST remember... especially Elijah.
So about 3-4 month ago Elijah had a MAJOR phobia of flies. He got up one day and all of a sudden he was scared, literally, TO DEATH of flies. He couldn't be close to them, he would freak out if they were near... just couldn't handle it.
He couldn't go to bed that night because he was so afraid of a fly in his room. So he slept in our room. And this went on for a few nights, he just refused to go to sleep in his room. He ended up telling me at some point in this time period, that one night a fly had been in his room and wouldn't leave him alone. I imagine, in my mind's eye, that it was one of those really aloud, annoying flies, that kept flying around his face and just pestered him horribly, until he just couldn't stand it anymore.
Well, after this went on for a few days, we seriously were doing EVERYTHING we could think of to help Elijah with this phobia. Helping him know how to work a fly swatter, talking with him about it, naming it to tame it, helping him see that there were no flies in the house, just everything we could do. But he still refused to go to bed in his room. He just wouldn't do it.
So finally one night, Superhero Dad came to the rescue! Brent had a stroke of genius that just happened in the moment. It was right before bed time. He went into the kitchen and proclaimed, "Okay flies, you are all going to die!!!". He grabbed the fly swatter, ran into the boys room (VERY pronounced and cartoon "like" running so Elijah could see everything over exaggerated to help him laugh about it), then shut the door.
Then we heard Brent in the boys room yelling this, "Die!! You fly! I got you! Hi-ya! Hi-ya~! Wahahahaha!" ... and he just kept doing this for a couple minutes in the loudest, strongest voice.
Well, watching Elijah's reaction to this the whole time was so distinctive. He had the look on his face of, "My dad really is rescuing me and protecting me. He's helping me be okay!". He had this look of happiness, satisfaction, care, laughter, and relaxation come over him. It was a glorious thing to behold... in fact I don't know if I ever have seen him do that face EVER in his life up to this point. It was an expression and feeling pulsating from his little body that I hadn't seen before.
Brent, at the end, came out of the boys room, huffing and puffing. Looked at Elijah and said, "All of the flies are dead. I got them all!" Elijah went and took his hand, and went into his room and was completely satisfied.
We haven't had an issue with this since with him.
I learned quite a few important things in this situation:
1. Not to discount how little things are BIG things to a child... even a fly phobia is a MAJOR situation to them.
2. They absolutely love it when you come to their aid.
3. Using exaggeration and humor and going "into" the imagination place that the child is in, in order to solve the issue is HUGE. That is what Brent did... he WENT TO ELIJAH'S brain space instead of trying to pull Elijah to our brain space about it all (which is what we were trying to do before that wasn't working).
4. Children love to know that they are loved.
All of these things are all very much "duh" things to learn... or re-learn actually. But in those moments of the everyday situations with my kids, it is these things that really make the difference in their tragedies.
I am so grateful for a husband, your dad, that loves you all so much. He isn't perfect... but he is absolutely doing his best and he is rocking at doing his best. I love how much he has grown as a father and husband. It is a privilege to be part of it.
I love you all so much,
Your Mom
Sunday, September 16, 2018
My Back To School Blessing
Dear Kids,
I received a blessing from your dad a couple weeks ago, recorded it, and broke it down a bit. I thought I should write down for you the things that were in that blessing:
Promises/Blessing:
I received a blessing from your dad a couple weeks ago, recorded it, and broke it down a bit. I thought I should write down for you the things that were in that blessing:
Promises/Blessing:
- I will be supported in homeschooling my children
- I am the most perfect teacher for my children
- I have the skill set, but more importantly the inspiration on their behalf
- They are free from the restriction of age right now
- I will be given added peace and understanding for them and life
- I am blessed with patience. They will try every aspect of my patience and ability, but I have all the tools necessary to get over the bumps in the road
- I will be guided to the most beneficial topics, focusing on family history and those in history who have given so much so we can have what we have today
- They will find connections that will last their whole lives
- I am blessed with health and strength to maintain all aspects of life
- My family will be blessed with continual and increase prosperity BECAUSE of the commitment I make to be at home... we will not want and our children will not want
- I am blessed in my personal study
- I am blessed in my interactions with my peers, especially this in the homeschooling community
- As I seek for inspiration in the moments of interaction with peers my mind and heart will be filled with increased capacity and knowledge for the benefit for all those involved including myself
- I am blessed as I strive to maintain harmony with the strong and powerful personalities of my children
- I am blessed with inspiration and PROPHETIC INSIGHT int to he future of my children, who they are as a result of the work THEY DID in the premortal life and who they are destined to become
Suggestions/Admonitions:
- There is NO SUBSTITUTE for me in the lives of my children right now in their lives
- REMEMBER: they all LOVE to learn, they just need a little bit of guidance, they are hungry for knowledge of the world around them
- Get out of their way and let them learn
- Be mindful of my rest and my diet and all the promises of D&C 89 will be mine
- Study intensely the life and teachings of Jesus Christ EVERY chance I have - they are the most important lessons I can teach my children
- Help your children KNOW their Savior, the things He did, and WHO HE truly is as their Savior so they can come to rely on Him as you do as a guide and comfort in your life
- REMEMBEr you have so much to give as you are called on to instruct and counsel... DO NOT shy away from those opportunities, especially with my friends and peers
- Peace CAN AND WILL prevail in my home as their is PEACE IN MY HEART
- Make a commitment to start your day with prayer and meditation, keep my thoughts focused on the spiritual meanings in this life
- ACT on the prophetic inspiration you can and will receive on your children's behalf so the foundations will be laid for their future outcome
I loved this blessing so much. So grateful to write it down to remember it, and so you can remember that I took it seriously in your educational lives.
I love you,
Your Mom
Just Watching
Dear Kids,
Tonight was wonderful together. Your dad is on a trip to Yosemite National Park this week, so time for single mom interactions together. We went outside together, after watching "Wizard of Oz", and you all played "predator and prey" on the tramp together.
The game goes like this: One of you is the predator, the others are the prey. And then there are a bunch of other jumbled up rules that adults don't understand in order for the game to actually work. But you all understood what the rules were. That never ceases to crack me up when that happens. Kid play.
I sat there in the lawn chair and watched you, per request. You just wanted my PRESENCE. I left my phone inside so I wouldn't be distracted by it, even though I really wanted to take video of the interactions. It was so nice to just sit and observe. Fascinating actually. The way you play, interact, flow, the pace of thought, everything.
Time has really been starting to hit me. I don't have that much longer with you. Even though you are are still very young, as Gabe has been getting closer to his 'tween' years, it has really been hitting me. My time with you is so fleeting. So precious. I can't let it go. I can't give it to anyone else. It's mine together with you. I got a blessing a couple weeks ago and it reminded me that NO ONE can replace me in my children's lives.
The everyday minutia of hard moments wears me down. I won't lie about that. Choosing to be a full time mom is excruciatingly hard work. Anyone who says differently is fooling themselves. But it's the beautiful moments together that can't be replaced that I just soak in. Even if they only come every once and a while. It is all worth it.
I will truly be able to look at my Heavenly Father and tell Him that I did my best with you. I gave my heart to this mom business. I have been all in. But that's not the only reason I do this. I do it because I LOVE YOU. I love you so much. No one can replace us together as a family. NO ONE.
Thank you for giving me the gift of just watching you play. watching you on the tramp. Watching you ride your bikes and seeing the stars come out. Watching you chase bats and giving them names like 'bubbles'. Watching you marvel at the moon. Seeing you all together.
I love you all so much. I love your individuality. I love that you are full of light.
Love you,
Your Mom
Tonight was wonderful together. Your dad is on a trip to Yosemite National Park this week, so time for single mom interactions together. We went outside together, after watching "Wizard of Oz", and you all played "predator and prey" on the tramp together.
The game goes like this: One of you is the predator, the others are the prey. And then there are a bunch of other jumbled up rules that adults don't understand in order for the game to actually work. But you all understood what the rules were. That never ceases to crack me up when that happens. Kid play.
I sat there in the lawn chair and watched you, per request. You just wanted my PRESENCE. I left my phone inside so I wouldn't be distracted by it, even though I really wanted to take video of the interactions. It was so nice to just sit and observe. Fascinating actually. The way you play, interact, flow, the pace of thought, everything.
Time has really been starting to hit me. I don't have that much longer with you. Even though you are are still very young, as Gabe has been getting closer to his 'tween' years, it has really been hitting me. My time with you is so fleeting. So precious. I can't let it go. I can't give it to anyone else. It's mine together with you. I got a blessing a couple weeks ago and it reminded me that NO ONE can replace me in my children's lives.
The everyday minutia of hard moments wears me down. I won't lie about that. Choosing to be a full time mom is excruciatingly hard work. Anyone who says differently is fooling themselves. But it's the beautiful moments together that can't be replaced that I just soak in. Even if they only come every once and a while. It is all worth it.
I will truly be able to look at my Heavenly Father and tell Him that I did my best with you. I gave my heart to this mom business. I have been all in. But that's not the only reason I do this. I do it because I LOVE YOU. I love you so much. No one can replace us together as a family. NO ONE.
Thank you for giving me the gift of just watching you play. watching you on the tramp. Watching you ride your bikes and seeing the stars come out. Watching you chase bats and giving them names like 'bubbles'. Watching you marvel at the moon. Seeing you all together.
I love you all so much. I love your individuality. I love that you are full of light.
Love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
I Need To Say A Prayer Mom
Dear Kids,
About two days ago, we had one of those "moments" during dinner.
It was Gabe's night to set the table. He likes things, shall we say, JUST SO. He loves to set the table really nice, really fancy with goblets and perfectly folded napkins.
Well, I was trying to micromanage him too much and tell him what to do. He got upset with me about it. He was trying to tell the kids to stay away from the table until everything was ready and perfect. They got upset with him about it. Talia was trying to "help" Joshua (but in reality just laying on him and mauling him). He got upset with her about it. Elijah was antagonizing Gabe going back and forth from the table... You get the picture. Everyone was getting upset with everyone else about everything!
I had a bit of a blow up at one point and got really upset and told everyone to be quiet. After the initial "pause-because-mom-got-really-mad" moment, Gabe looked at me and said, "I need to go say a prayer mom."
He promptly left the room.
Came back a few minutes later a completely changed little boy. My heart was changed while he was gone because I realized how much I needed God's help to calm down. And the other kids automatically calmed down once my heart was right. Words of a blessing Brent gave me just this last Sunday came back... "there will be peace in your home, as long as their is peace in your heart."
Sometimes I get a little butt-hurt about the fact that mom ALWAYS has to keep her peace and cool in order for everything else to run smoothly. I mean, can't we catch a break and just have a bad day without it affecting everyone else?? But then I get over myself and realized that I am not a victim in this role of motherhood, I CHOOSE to be here. So... peace in my heart is what it shall be. Deep breath and center myself, and keep going.
Back to the story, Gabe came back. He finished setting the table and we ended up having a really nice meal together (Brent missed all the drama and came in when everything was happy-go-lucky again... of course. He always misses the good stuff).
So kids... remember Gabe's example of "I need to say a prayer", because I know that God will send angels to soften your hearts, to help you in that moment, to show you the better way, and to calm you down and give you peace in your heart, that you can then give to others.
I love you,
Your Mom
Dirty, Filthy Feet
Dear Kids,
There are times in my life when I experience things JUST so it reminds me not to judge other people.
Today is our "Whole-lotta-classes" day. Because of homeschooling, I have Wednesday reserved for most of our classes away from home. It involves martial arts, piano, robotics, dance, etc. Because of this we pack our lunch before, eat at a park, I plan my errands for during classes, etc.
About 10 minutes before our first class ended, Elijah needed to be separated for various behavior issues. I took him to the van (don't freak out here parenting nazi's... it was right outside the front door where I could totally see him) and let him have some time to just calm down.
Meanwhile, all other children finished the class, gathered their stuff, and headed out to the van. We all got in, I got to mend things with #3, everyone asked for music to be turned on, and we headed on our way playing "Pirates of the Caribbean: Black Pearl" as loud as it could go.
Got to the park, everyone headed out and had a great lunch. Ran amuck. Climbed trees. Pretended to be Lilo and Stitch. Good times. We then got back in the van, headed to piano, dropped off the oldest two, then me and the youngest two headed to the store for an errand.
Well, when we got to the store Elijah informed me that, "We left my shoes at karate." I thought back, remembered what had happened and realized he was right. I chuckled a bit to myself, put him in the back of the cart, baby in the front of the cart and headed on our way to do all our errands.
This was only 1/3 of the way into the busy day we had. We headed to more lessons, got more things done, ran more errands, etc.
So by the time I was walking into Walmart for the "end of the day" errand I had planned, I looked at Elijah's feet and they were, kid you not, pitch black. I had already wiped them off so many times with the wipes I had. His hair was crazy. His clothing completely crazy and disheveled. He looked like a homeless kid. Seriously. With no shoes.
It was one of those moments when I was all of a sudden zoomed outside of my reality and I was able to look at myself and my child from someone else's viewpoint. And whenever that happens, it is ALWAYS to teach me to never judge outward appearances. I personally know quite a few people who would have seen him, and his crazy state, and just been appalled that I was letting my child walk around with bare feet in the store. (P.S. for the record, I did try to keep him in the cart, but he is wild-energy-child after all, and that didn't work)
So, on we went, around the store, while he played "hide and seek" with me in the clothing.
This whole experience was to remind me, then when I see a child completely dirty, filthy feet, messy hair, the WORKS, to remember one thing...
Their mom forgot their shoes at karate that morning and hasn't been home since.
I love you kids, dirty feet and all,
Your Mom
There are times in my life when I experience things JUST so it reminds me not to judge other people.
Today is our "Whole-lotta-classes" day. Because of homeschooling, I have Wednesday reserved for most of our classes away from home. It involves martial arts, piano, robotics, dance, etc. Because of this we pack our lunch before, eat at a park, I plan my errands for during classes, etc.
About 10 minutes before our first class ended, Elijah needed to be separated for various behavior issues. I took him to the van (don't freak out here parenting nazi's... it was right outside the front door where I could totally see him) and let him have some time to just calm down.
Meanwhile, all other children finished the class, gathered their stuff, and headed out to the van. We all got in, I got to mend things with #3, everyone asked for music to be turned on, and we headed on our way playing "Pirates of the Caribbean: Black Pearl" as loud as it could go.
Got to the park, everyone headed out and had a great lunch. Ran amuck. Climbed trees. Pretended to be Lilo and Stitch. Good times. We then got back in the van, headed to piano, dropped off the oldest two, then me and the youngest two headed to the store for an errand.
Well, when we got to the store Elijah informed me that, "We left my shoes at karate." I thought back, remembered what had happened and realized he was right. I chuckled a bit to myself, put him in the back of the cart, baby in the front of the cart and headed on our way to do all our errands.
This was only 1/3 of the way into the busy day we had. We headed to more lessons, got more things done, ran more errands, etc.
So by the time I was walking into Walmart for the "end of the day" errand I had planned, I looked at Elijah's feet and they were, kid you not, pitch black. I had already wiped them off so many times with the wipes I had. His hair was crazy. His clothing completely crazy and disheveled. He looked like a homeless kid. Seriously. With no shoes.
It was one of those moments when I was all of a sudden zoomed outside of my reality and I was able to look at myself and my child from someone else's viewpoint. And whenever that happens, it is ALWAYS to teach me to never judge outward appearances. I personally know quite a few people who would have seen him, and his crazy state, and just been appalled that I was letting my child walk around with bare feet in the store. (P.S. for the record, I did try to keep him in the cart, but he is wild-energy-child after all, and that didn't work)
So, on we went, around the store, while he played "hide and seek" with me in the clothing.
This whole experience was to remind me, then when I see a child completely dirty, filthy feet, messy hair, the WORKS, to remember one thing...
Their mom forgot their shoes at karate that morning and hasn't been home since.
I love you kids, dirty feet and all,
Your Mom
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