Fly Phobia

Dear Kids,

I had a memory come back tonight that I never wrote about, that you MUST remember... especially Elijah.

So about 3-4 month ago Elijah had a MAJOR phobia of flies. He got up one day and all of a sudden he was scared, literally, TO DEATH of flies. He couldn't be close to them, he would freak out if they were near... just couldn't handle it.

He couldn't go to bed that night because he was so afraid of a fly in his room. So he slept in our room. And this went on for a few nights, he just refused to go to sleep in his room. He ended up telling me at some point in this time period, that one night a fly had been in his room and wouldn't leave him alone. I imagine, in my mind's eye, that it was one of those really aloud, annoying flies, that kept flying around his face and just pestered him horribly, until he just couldn't stand it anymore.

Well, after this went on for a few days, we seriously were doing EVERYTHING we could think of to help Elijah with this phobia. Helping him know how to work a fly swatter, talking with him about it, naming it to tame it, helping him see that there were no flies in the house, just everything we could do. But he still refused to go to bed in his room. He just wouldn't do it.

So finally one night, Superhero Dad came to the rescue! Brent had a stroke of genius that just happened in the moment. It was right before bed time. He went into the kitchen and proclaimed, "Okay flies, you are all going to die!!!". He grabbed the fly swatter, ran into the boys room (VERY pronounced and cartoon "like" running so Elijah could see everything over exaggerated to help him laugh about it), then shut the door.

Then we heard Brent in the boys room yelling this, "Die!! You fly! I got you! Hi-ya! Hi-ya~! Wahahahaha!" ... and he just kept doing this for a couple minutes in the loudest, strongest voice.

Well, watching Elijah's reaction to this the whole time was so distinctive. He had the look on his face of, "My dad really is rescuing me and protecting me. He's helping me be okay!". He had this look of happiness, satisfaction, care, laughter, and relaxation come over him. It was a glorious thing to behold... in fact I don't know if I ever have seen him do that face EVER in his life up to this point. It was an expression and feeling pulsating from his little body that I hadn't seen before.

Brent, at the end, came out of the boys room, huffing and puffing. Looked at Elijah and said, "All of the flies are dead. I got them all!" Elijah went and took his hand, and went into his room and was completely satisfied.

We haven't had an issue with this since with him.

I learned quite a few important things in this situation:

1. Not to discount how little things are BIG things to a child... even a fly phobia is a MAJOR situation to them.
2. They absolutely love it when you come to their aid.
3. Using exaggeration and humor and going "into" the imagination place that the child is in, in order to solve the issue is HUGE. That is what Brent did... he WENT TO ELIJAH'S brain space instead of trying to pull Elijah to our brain space about it all (which is what we were trying to do before that wasn't working).
4. Children love to know that they are loved.

All of these things are all very much "duh" things to learn... or re-learn actually. But in those moments of the everyday situations with my kids, it is these things that really make the difference in their tragedies.

I am so grateful for a husband, your dad, that loves you all so much. He isn't perfect... but he is absolutely doing his best and he is rocking at doing his best. I love how much he has grown as a father and husband. It is a privilege to be part of it.

I love you all so much,

Your Mom