I received a gift yesterday by talking with my friend Sarah Ashworth. She testified to me and witnessed to me about the reality of the spiritual work that I've been doing and all the experiences that are REAL. When I was attacked by Satan so much over this last summer I can see the culminating reason why - I was taping into really powerful gifts given by God with my spiritual understandings. And Satan attacked my belief so much.
Now that I have freed myself from his grasp and everything that came with it - it was my Moses experience. I had gotten to know Jesus really personally and, just like Moses after it was witnessed to him about him being a Son of God - that Jesus left him alone and Satan came. That is exactly what happened to me and I am humbled to think that I experienced all of it.
I know that I cannot do any of this in and of myself. It is Jesus that makes it all possible. Only through Him. After having the confirmation that I made it through this test of belief and erosion of my faith, I have been building myself back up again.
And I have had some blocks because I've been worried and fearful about "going there" in my meditation/pondering moments because I don't want to be derailed again. Sarah, during our conversation yesterday, was able to identify with me exactly what I have been experiencing for years and that it is TRUE. The reality of all of my impressions, thoughts, moments, meditations, visualizations, spiritually creating with God. I needed her witness - another witness - on my progress back to absolute belief.
I'm so grateful that God did not let me go.
Something that Sarah said also really affirmed to me my power is that I am the creator in my home - that is for the souls that I have in my home. My priesthood power is creation - in every aspect. Including helping to create my husband.
I have been irritated with him with his habits - pretty much our whole marriage. They are better than before, but they are still there and it is a wall that I have built up toward him. Something that really hit me after really realizing that the fulness of the Law of Chastity is helping each other reach our full potential is that I am NOT helpless inside of this. I have so much ability to help him! He protects me while my power and ability is to create! I can help create HIM into the man God wants him to be. I don't have to feel stuck and "waiting" for him to finally decide to change. I can do the spiritual work to free his soul! It is beautiful and wonderful and that is an answer that I desperately needed right now. I can help create him in his fulness - that is part of my priesthood power as a woman!
So this morning I dove into my meditation time with a full heart - EXCITED again - not apprehensive.
There was work to do on my soul first. Jesus came to me almost immediately and He said, "See? Belief is so powerful. Simple belief. Believe and I am here in an instant." It felt so good to have him again. I asked him to root out from within my any unbelief. And it was given to me to understand going back into my heart through until my conception. And moving through with spiritual creation of my heart again from conception, then I could see me as a baby, then sometime in my toddlers years there was a belt put around my heart. And it was squeezing it.
So I released the belt. And my heart exploded outside of it. I could feel in my chest the feeling that comes with anxiety and that part of getting rid of the belt was getting rid of the anxiety within me. Even now I can feel that feeling in my body and it is a gift passed down through my DNA that I can heal it. There are a lot of people in my line that have belts around their heart, holding them back from expanding it fully. I can feel it in my mom and I have a lot of work that I want to do there and I am excited about it!
I pictured the anxiety feeling oozing out of my body and being put in the sack that Jesus holds for me. I let it go as long as I could. I can feel even right now that it might take a few sessions before it's fully released, which goes back to completely giving into belief. And I'm excited about it! I can do this together with God! I can create my new heart fully and completely. And I'll know when it's complete. I can have patience with this process and know there is purpose inside of all of it.
The next thing was going to my kids and immediately I was drawn to Elijah first. I KNOW there are things I've passed onto my kids energetically and spiritually that I can actively heal while they are in my home. I went to Elijah's heart and it opened so quickly. When he was little and screaming all the time and I didn't have the ability to really handle it, I yelled at him a lot. I placed a lot of belief of "I am not lovable" inside of him.
I am grateful I can be completely honest with myself about that and Know that I can do A LOT to help to heal it. His heart opened so quickly, his beautiful boy heart just wants to be opened and loved so desperately. So I took out any darkness that was the "unlovable" parts that he might belief he has and I took them out and replaced them with light and love. His heart was so quick about allowing me to do that and I'm so grateful! It means he is still so teachable and I can reverse some of the false beliefs that I might have been party to placing there. I don't want him to grow up to be a broken man, especially on my account. But, good news is, I can do something about it! I can help heal my boy! I know that!
Then I went to Talia - hers isn't so much not lovable, hers is more a base that is similar to my false beliefs of "I am helpless and trapped" - Talia feels trapped a lot of times and I don't want her to feel that way. There is more work to do here, but I went in and she has already built up spiritual walls that need help peeling away. It will take some time, but I am going to do this work to help. And I know the more work I do on my own soul, the way it will help to create my home and my family.
Gabriel and Joshua don't have as many false beliefs and walls - but I do have work to do on Gabe with his communication skills as well as his mind with full function. I didn't dive into that as much today, but I am going to in the future.
Visualizing all these things is such a gift from God and I know that it is part of what I can do inside of spiritually creating together with God. And I'm so grateful for Sarah for helping me with giving me permission to go there again.
All these things that happened today during my co-creation with God moments are things I've experienced powerfully before and I was seeing the evidences and fruits of them - that is why Satan wanted to derail me SO BADLY because I was on the path! Of course I know that in my mind, it's been fascinating how my heart has had a hard time building back up to this again - because it is a pershiable skill, that's for sure!
Anyway - after the kids I came to Brent. His heart was like many layers of a trap door. One door would open and there was another one, and another one and another one and another one. So many layers of a trapped door. But the cool thing is that Jesus testified to me that he has been working on all those layers. I can help aid Brent's recreation in a way that is powerful because of our sealing covenants together and because of the priesthood that we hold together. Brent is totally open to Jesus working on those layers, AND as I work on them as well they will fall off really quickly. I could see that Jesus has been doing so much work on his layers of doors because they opened really quickly to get to the center. So I worked on getting rid of some of them and they didn't want to be dissipated yet. He is holding onto the doors, which was interesting to feel, but they opened really quickly. I have the feeling that because of the work Brent has been doing - well that without doing that work - the trap doors wouldn't have opened at all. It is because of his personal work that they opened so fast.
But they were still there and I know they can be dissipated completely. I know that. Jesus said as much and I can help invite the recreation of his heart without them. When I got to the center the false belief that was there is "I am not lovable AND I am helpless" - I know he's been working on this false belief himself, but I don't know if he's ever really honestly identified it. So I grabbed those false beliefs in my spiritual hand and I threw them out. Then replaced them with "I am loved perfectly, and I lovable, and I am capable of anything with God!" - then went back out and all the trap doors closed over it.
I am excited about co-creating with God again! Doing this I wonder why I ever stopped - but then I remember that I had to have that experience of the spirit leaving me and I had to conquer all the fiery darts that Satan wanted to throw out at me - in a way that is different than anything before.
I want to do work on my mom and on Shayla. I want to ask permission to do this from the Spirit. There are so many people that I am intimately connected with that this work can just heal and help! I am so excited about it.
The other thing that kept happening while I was doing all this work is there were so many songs that kept popping up and I wanted to get rid of them. But Jesus just said, "Oh Andrea, that is just the very surface layer of the music in your soul. It's okay, just be patient with it, You have a lot of music and art inside of you that needs to come out."
then I saw in my minds eye a painting that I need to create about Shadrack, Meshac and Abendigo - I can see their backs as they are walking into the fire and in the fire is Jesus with his arms outstretched to them as they are walking into the fire. It's a beautiful painting and I want to get it out of me.
That was an amazing manifestation because it tells me such in my blessing to not look over the talents I developed in my youth.
So much good ness and I'm so excited about co-creation with God! that really is what visualizing is all about - it is that. It is a familiar part of my skills that I honed for so long, and I'm so excited that I have chosen to shake of the unbelief giving to the enemy of my soul and to get rid of it completely so I can start again!
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