Feeling Fear and Power Of Turning Points

 Dear Kids, 

So last night I had a little bit of a melt down about all the changes that we are going through as a family. Just remember, when you read this, and you are the parent of four children and thinking about what's best for your family but also what's best for the development of your children, remember this decision that mom and dad are making right now and the sacrifices that we are making for you and your experiences in this life. 

Ever since we were first married your dad and I have known that we want to be a "worldschooling" family. We have always had in our minds that we want you to be exposed to other cultures, other people, other types of skin, other types of beliefs... especially in order for you to understand how amazingly blessed we are as Latter-Day Saints in THIS time on THIS planet at THIS point in the prophecies. WE are all one in a million! Literally! Your dad and I both LOVED our missions so much, and that is where a lot of this has come from. We don't want you to get to be 18 years old and never experienced another culture before. We, very intentionally, have always had it in our goals to go abroad as a family and give you very diverse experiences in your development. 

So here we are, following through on the beginning of that process of finally being at the stage where we can take you on that kind of adventure and experience. We don't have any babies anymore, our youngest is almost five years old and oldest almost 13. We are in the "sweet spot" of parenting in a way that we have a couple of years before Gabe needs to learn how to drive, get a job of his own and really start to move forward with his personal goals. It has taken us 15 years to get to this point and now we are looking at the situation staring at us in the face. 

And God is telling us to leap!

When we found out that we needed to move, it was the perfect push that we needed. And God has told us multiple times to sell EVERYTHING, to get rid of EVERYTHING that we can and keep just the bare basics. We will keep enough to put together a kitchen when we settle again, our preparedness stuff and our memory stuff. Everything else we are getting rid of. God has told us to consecrate everything to Him and give up our attachments. He has told us to shed as much as possible. And it's crazy how much STUFF we have. It's just nuts how much stuff we have that we really just don't need. 

Something else that we know is this experience, and why we are drawn to worldschooling, is also because of promises about living in various places and influencing people, families and couples all over the world. That phrase from my patriarchal blessing keeps ringing through my brain over and over again. 

Anyway - knowing all of this when we were sitting down and breaking down the finances of it all last night and going over all the "logistics", it just hit me like a ton of bricks the heaviness of it all. Everything that we have to do, everything that needs to be accomplished in order to go over seas. Leaving our friends that have become like family to us, leaving the homeschooling community here and not knowing exactly when we are going to be back. Not knowing what is going to happen with the prophecies of the 2nd Coming of Christ and feeling the uncertainty of being without our storage that is just right in our home to always take care of us no matter what. Not knowing if another pandemic is going to be release and would cause us to get stuck in another country... there are so many fears and "what ifs" and all the things that can come up when deciding to make a move like this. 

And then there's the kids and their friends. They have made such good friends here and we are going to miss them horribly. They are going to miss them like crazy. 

But - I also know that the Lord has set us out on this journey. I know God is telling us to branch out. We have definitely received a "no" answer anytime we've looked at moving into another rental house. We are NOT to be spending our money on that anymore. I also know that this will bond us as a family very closely. We are going to experience things together that will create tighter bonds. This is going to expose you kids to so many different kinds of people and what so many people go through. It is going to expand your souls and expand your viewpoints. It is going to push us as parents to learn another language and increase our learning that way. There is so much good about it... let alone knowing that the Lord wants us to have a worldwide focus because we have worldwide missions to perform for Him. 

And He has told us to go through with all of this. No matter how crazy it sounds and feels. He has told us to do this. And I will consecrate everything in order to follow Him because He has always led us the right way. Every time. 

We are going to look back at this point in our lives and see that it is another turning point in our lives. When I look back at the chapters in our lives up to this point I can see EVERY time the Lord has given me a turning point and what it has meant for me in my life. And when I am willing to say "YES" to those turning points, He has always blessed me. But even when I said "yes" to those turning points, they have always been scary. I have had to act in a lot of bravery in order to follow through with my yes answers. But I was still scared and felt fear. Bravery is going through with it inspite of the fear.

Turning point = Go on a mission to Russia (HUGE blessings from that, companions I love, learning Russian, declaring the gospel, loving the gospel, receiving an unshakable foundation from it)

Turning point = Go to massage school (HUGE blessings, degree, career opportunities)

Turning point = Go back to college again (HUGE blessings, meeting Robyn Bergstrom, greatest mentor, going to Chicago, better degree)

Turning point = Go to St. George (HUGE blessings, great and irreplacable career experiences, meeting Brent and getting married!)

Turning point = Having Kids! (Obviously my biggest blessings from that)

Turning point = Career changes with Brent (Every time God has moved him up and given more success)

Turning point = Different houses we've lived in (each house has represented different people and experiences in our lives that we needed to meet and be with)

Anyway - you get the point. Turning points move you along the pathway of life and those turning points CREATE your life. Every time I've had a turning point and followed God in it, each time He has shown us what to do and where to go and it's the perfect tapestry. 

SO - the point of all this? We are going to take this Turning Point and we are going to follow God's counsel. Even when it doesnt' make a lot of sense. Right now we are looking at food shortages like crazy, we are looking at drought. We are looking at so many prophecies coming to pass. It doesn't make logical sense to get rid of everything right in the moment when we need to be more secure! We have been building up our lifestyle to try and handle it when this kind of stuff comes about, but God has said, "Get rid of it all. Consecrate yourselves to me. Shed everything."

And so we are following His counsel. No matter how illogical it might seem. He has us in His hands. 

I felt a lot of fear. But today God gave me several tender mercies in messages that were sent to me through family and friends that has reminded me that I will do what God tells us to do, and not give up. I am willing to do this for Him and I am willing to do this if it means, especially if it means, that this is the path that we take in order to show your father more of WHO he is as the man of our family, as the patriarch of our family, and the immense VALUE he has to add to the world. 

I love you kids. I love each of you. I will be curious to know the different memories each of you will have about the different phases that we go through as a family. Just know that every decision was for you. Please learn from everything that your dad and I are trying to give to you, and learn from our mistakes. We aren't perfect, and we've made so many mistakes, but we are doing everything we can to level up our lives. And then it's up to you to take what we give you and then level up your lives for your children. 

I love you, 

Your Mom

Fasting About RV or Guatemala

 Dear Kids, 

So today dad and I are fasting about a very specific thing. We have talked about doing RV living and road schooling for a while. But we've also talked about going to Guatemala. 

Last night when we were on a date and talking about the different options. Brent said to me, "If we all of a sudden had 3k-4k presented to us, would we still get an RV, or would we do Guatemala?" 

I thought it was a good question because we've really talked about RV the most up to this point, mainly because we have to have a good chunk of money in order to make Guatemala work. We've talked about doing RV for a bit first and then doing Guatemala. 

I said, "I almost want to make a deal with God. That if He wants us to look at Guatemala first and more serious, then let's give a timeline of how and when to present 3k-4k. It would have to be in the next couple of weeks. It would need to be a miracle, but I believe that everything that is happening in our lives are parting the waters for the Lord to do His work in our lives."

So we decided to fast today about this specifically. We aren't sign seeking, we are just in the place where we want the Lord's involvement very specifically. This is an air situation for us and our family and it is moving us forward in what God has for us to do. We told God that if He wants us to look at Guatemala first instead of an RV then He needs to present 3k-4k on or before June 20th. If it doesn't come, then we are moving forward with the RV. 

The phrase that keeps coming from my patriarchal blessing is "God will be using your talents and gifts in His worldwide kingdom, in establishing the government and administering in the affairs thereof." We have worldwide missions in our lives and that means we need worldwide perspective. 

I also know that this is parting the waters for Brent and the value that he has to add to the world. He is spending most of his time with his career in providing. I have been praying FOR A WHILE NOW that God will give him the career, opportunity, or project that will make his MISSION in this life come alive. I need God to do this for him.

I love you kids, 

Your Mom

Story About Hats

 Dear Kids, 

I was told once in a blessing to write down as much as I could about our family, our experiences, our parenting moments and all the in-between things that happen in our lives because we would be sharing them and looking back on them in order to teach others. 

Sometimes I'm better at writing than other times. There was a time in my parenting career when things would happen and I would know how to write the story down and I knew that needed to be the story to share for the day. But the last few years, things in parenting have seemed a little less "magical" in a way. Things aren't "new" anymore. It's like the weight of everything in life seems to cloud over the beauty of it in a lot of ways. 

But in this transition period of our lives, I know I need to be writing things down, very specifically again. I wrote a post on Facebook the other day that shared just a small moment from life yesterday that I wanted to copy and paste here:    

It's amazing to me how reliant on "stuff" we are in our society.

    We are in the middle of packing up all our "stuff". As I was putting hats into a box and leaving out "only TWO" of my favorite hats to use for the next indefinite period of time, I was all-of-a-sudden deeply breathing about it all, putting my hand on my heart, and trying to stay connected without going into the very human emotion of overwhelm. Even though I really only use two hats all the time that are my favorite, there is something stabilizing knowing there are "options".

    It's amazing how in a small moment like that all of the attachments that I have in this life just flooded over me. And also gave room in my soul for God to say, "Andrea, remember, all you need is ME. You really don't need all this stuff anyway."

    I have thought a lot about Jesus the last few days when He said that he had "no where to lay my head". The nomad life that He lived, and doing it all while serving, healing, and ministering all the time.

    While I was sitting there on my floor, deciding between what hats to keep (deciding on a baseball hat from Shayla and a sun hat - my two favorites), feeling such vulnerability while looking around my room and realizing that we are going to be getting rid of practically EVERYTHING for the next little while. And having the depth of emotion with understanding that everything I "own" is all HIS ANYWAY. None of it is mine. It is all a stewardship that He has given to me. And if He wants me to sell it, give it away, and put everything else in boxes, then so be it. It is all for my good.

    Oh how God uses the little moments, a small thing like deciding about hats, to teach such deep lessons. This lesson of stewardship is something that I keep learning over and over and over again. Creating space and purging literally EVERYTHING is going to be healing, vulnerable, strange, a little scary, and beautiful all at the same time.

This is exactly where we are right now - we are purging EVERYTHING. 

Joshua is having a really hard time with it. He keeps picking things up and saying, "Mom you can't sell this (with tears in his eyes) I still want to play with it." I know it feels very confusing to the kids and what is happening. 

We will look back on these moments of our lives and see the hand of God in ways that are unprecedented I think. I love you all so much.

Your Mom

Letting Go Of Attachments and Purging!

 Dear Kids, 

Just so you know - when God tells you something, just believe Him. 

At the end of April I had the very distinct feeling to NOT make any kind of plans for the future. I thought he meant for a few months. I thought He meant no plans for maybe the fall. I thought He meant that maybe no classes over the summer. He has been prepping me for all this change for a while now. He told me I shouldn't be on the homeschooling retreat committee for Sept anymore. He told me not to plan anything after the retreat in April. He told me not to sign up to teach the Quest class, but I just wanted to make sure to be where my kids where. But I have had to cancel that. He has been giving me hints of having "no plans" for the future for the last little while. 

Then after fasting for God to open the doors and windows for us to have the changes come into our lives that we need for Brent's work, for our future finances, for our children, for our refinement, He has caused us to move. 

But while we are in this process we are feeling more and more that we will be a traveling family for a little while. We are still trying to figure out what that means and looks like. We're still trying to figure out if that means out of the country or RVing around the US for a little bit. But one thing is for sure... He is SHEDDING everything in our lives right now. 

He is telling us to get rid of EVERYTHING. To sell everything we can, to get a very little storage unit for the non-sellable things (like memory books and stuff), to let go of ALL our attachments and only hold onto Him. 

So today as I'm emptying out shelves and taking pictures of things to sell, I am feeling REALLY vulnerable. Really vulnerable. We are getting rid of everything! It feels freeing and really scary all at the same time. 

But whenever I have the feelings of being "unearthed" and moved and shaken up a bit, I test it to see if we are on track. I think to myself, "Maybe we should just find another house here and move into it and ride it out some more." Anytime I look at another rental house or situation, it isn't right AT ALL. Not at all. God doesn't want us to rent anymore. And part of it is because I told Him that when we moved out of this house, I didn't want to rent anymore, I wanted to have our own space and house. 

Well, we aren't at the point to have a house yet, but He is still moving us forward in our long term investment plans and opportunities.

We went camping this last week and He was teaching me the whole time while we were out there. "In the mornings, you will want to go and adventure and explore. In the afternoons, you will want to come back, have lunch, listen to some audiobooks, and do school work, then it will be dinner time and time with dad when he gets back from where he needs to be." He gave me a flash vision in my mind about giving all the storage we could to Dani and then getting rid of all the canned food and other food that is not as long term and giving it away. He showed it to me in my mind. 

He showed me we will be coming back here someday, I don't know if that means 6 months or if that means years, but we will be back. I had that vision when I was driving down the boulevard that I already wrote about. I was driving down boulevard and I had a flash as if I was driving down the boulevard after we had been away for a while, we hadn't been here for a bit and it was like I was driving down the boulevard getting acquainted with everything again. I hadn't seen my friends for a while and there were things that were different. 

So, yes, we are going through major change right now. God is showing us what to do. He wants us to shed EVERYTHING, have the 'urge to purge' and get rid of everything that we can and move forward with other things in our lives. I think it means we will have an RV for a while. And I also think it means that we might be living overseas for a bit as well. Crazy to think about all of that. It's a lot of change. 

I feel like I am deeply breathing through all of it A LOT. It feels like a lot. It doesn't feel heavy or wrong, just that there is a lot to do. But the more I have planted this seed in my heart and mind about being non-permanent for a little while, the more right it is - even though shedding everything is interesting. 

Just today when I was packing up a drawer in my bedroom I was deeply breathing through putting everything in boxes and not knowing when I was going to get them back out again. I was deep breathing while realizing that we are going majorly into minimalist living and it feels scary, right, good, and like A LOT. I have forgotten how much stability there is in "stuff" and God wants us to only rely on Him for the next little while, without the stuff, and without a personal place to "lay our heads."

Now kids, just know when you read this in the future, that your dad is working and taking care of us. We have the money that we could move into another rental and just pay month to month payments. But it isn't right to do it anymore. So we are going to go into the darkness and accept the fact that God knows EXACTLY where we wants us to be. 

I love you, and I know I will look back on my life and see this as another major turning point in our road of dedicating our lives to Him. 

I love you, 

Your Mom