Still At Krista's

 Dear Kids, 

Once again there is much to write about and not much all at the same time. 

We are still at Krista's house. In the basement. 

You've started homeschooling, We went to the planetarium today... that was fun. 

We are just barely able to turn in paperwork to see about being approved for a house today. We'll see what that equals. 

You are all ready to not be living in a basement and have our own home. 

I'M READY FOR THAT TOO. Wow... I was really in my head about it all today after getting off the phone with the mortgage guy. I have major emotions attached to all this financial stuff and finally wanting to see if we can get our own home. I majorly emotionally ate after talking to him. 

I want our own home. I want our own space. I don't know what is going to happen. 

The Lord is burning out of me all of my pride, that is for sure. 

I threw a little bit of a fit moving here. I have been hard-hearted about it for about a month and I haven't had NEARLY the kind of revelation as I have had this whole last year. And it's because I haven't been as close to the spirit. I've been complaining. I've been negative... all the things that will drive the spirit away. As I have softened my heart the spirit is returning some more, and I'm starting to be ready to accept the Lord's will with whatever needs to happen and where we need to live. 

Good things about being at Krista's for a little bit: saving money... even if we aren't approved to buy a house, we will be starting on the journey of figuring it out and we've need a kick to do that for a long time... we'll be so grateful for our own space when we get it. 

I'm depressed about it. I don't want to get my hopes up. But I want our own home so badly. So badly. And I am working on just giving it to the Lord on how that will eventually come to pass. Sometimes it's easier to avoid fixing our credit so I don't have to think about the pain it is to get everything repaired, but it's time to make sure that we are back on track with all those things. We've been on quite the financial journey through our whole marriage and it's still not over, I'm hoping it will be soon enough. 

Patience and learning from all of our mistakes. 

I hope kids that you can learn from our mistakes. I hope you decide to do that. I don't want to pass all this financial trauma onto you. I'm doing my best, I promise. And if you find out that we've passed unhealthy things onto you, just know we did our best and you can take our best and make it better for your own life and for the life of your future families. 

I love you, 

Your mom