Dear Gabriel,
You want to snuggle with me every night lately after I put you to bed. I am LOVING this new stage you are going into. When you snuggle with me, all I do is just ask you questions and listen to you talk and process. And I love it.
You tell me about your cars, your friends, when you were mad, when you were sad, the lunch you didn't like, the broken jar that fell, the stain on your shirt... just everything.
Well, tonight you lost the privilege of singing songs together because of getting angry with me and not being very nice about it. After putting you to bed you said, "Mom, will you please still come snuggle with me?" So I went and laid down in your bed with you. You started to process, "Mom I really wanted to sing songs!". So I asked you, "Why did we not sing songs?" to which you replied, "Because I was not very kind and was mad at you."
Then you looked at me. Took my cheeks in your hands and said, "I am so sorry mom. I was not very nice."
Oh my heart was softened so much for you! You didn't ask to sing songs after you apologized. You knew that we would have to do it another time instead. But you were so sincere and so truthful about your feels of 'being sorry'.
I want to have snuggle and processing time with you everyday. This is going to help us to maintain a very good relationship as you grow older. I plan on doing this consistently.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Staying In Control Of My Emotions First
Dear Kids,
I keep learning a lesson over and over again about parenting. It is pretty 'common' knowledge, but like so many things that are simple, they are very hard in application.
The lesson is: Staying Calm.
Your dad has been out of town for about 8 days now. All of you are missing him, and the meltdowns have been happening more and more the last few days. Teaching myself how to just stay calm is hard... especially with a baby screaming for more food and help, a 3 year old throwing a tantrum and a 5 year old not wanting to go to bed because he wants to wait up all night for dad.
In moments that are hard as a parent, it is really hard to just stay calm. I had NO IDEA before becoming a parent about how important this skill is. No one gets under your skin like your kids can. No one can push your buttons like your kids. No one can push you to your limits, like your kids. You will learn this as you become a parent.
So remember, to just stay calm. The moment you start spiraling, give yourself a break. Back off. Let the kids cry in the next room for a few minutes while you collect your 'cool' again. I have tried doing so many things when you are emotional, tired, angry, frustrated, bull-headed and disrespectful. I have tried coercion, persuasion, yelling, bribing... but nothing works as well as staying in control of my OWN emotions FIRST!!
That is my main lesson this week.
I love you,
Your Mom
I keep learning a lesson over and over again about parenting. It is pretty 'common' knowledge, but like so many things that are simple, they are very hard in application.
The lesson is: Staying Calm.
Your dad has been out of town for about 8 days now. All of you are missing him, and the meltdowns have been happening more and more the last few days. Teaching myself how to just stay calm is hard... especially with a baby screaming for more food and help, a 3 year old throwing a tantrum and a 5 year old not wanting to go to bed because he wants to wait up all night for dad.
In moments that are hard as a parent, it is really hard to just stay calm. I had NO IDEA before becoming a parent about how important this skill is. No one gets under your skin like your kids can. No one can push your buttons like your kids. No one can push you to your limits, like your kids. You will learn this as you become a parent.
So remember, to just stay calm. The moment you start spiraling, give yourself a break. Back off. Let the kids cry in the next room for a few minutes while you collect your 'cool' again. I have tried doing so many things when you are emotional, tired, angry, frustrated, bull-headed and disrespectful. I have tried coercion, persuasion, yelling, bribing... but nothing works as well as staying in control of my OWN emotions FIRST!!
That is my main lesson this week.
I love you,
Your Mom
Power Of Getting Away
Dear Kids,
I can not wait to getaway with your dad tomorrow.
Your dad and I do a very good job keeping up good communication, checking in with each other, talking about the schedules, maintaining alone time together after your bedtime, reading together, praying together... doing a bunch of things to keep our relationship up. But no matter what there are interruptions from children, someone calling on the phone, people dropping by, loud noises while trying to have a dinner conversation, just DISTRACTIONS. It is a daily choice we make to love each other... and sometimes it is hard. That is part of marriage.
Your dad and I are also BOTH the kind of people who need connection, very regularly and deeply. Just living 'day in and day out' is definitely not good enough for us to keep our souls aligned with each other. Life is so busy and getting busier, I don't know how else to keep our connection just for us, without getaways. Getting away is powerful. To just 'be'. No one pulling on our skirt. No one interrupting our thoughts. No one knocking on our door.
Getaways are powerful because of just focusing on our relationship. Reconnecting. Flirting. Getting to know each other where we currently are and the personal space we are in together over and over and over again. Life changes. People change. If as a couple you are not taking that time to make sure you are truly connected, truly on the same page, truly communicating, then your relationship will not help you to be satisfied or happy.
I once had a mentor of mine tell me that he truly believed one of the biggest reasons (besides the Lord and spiritual connection) the thing that helped his marriage the most over the years was this philosophy:
One night a week
One day a month
One week a year
Find a spouse that you love to just be with. I LOVE to be with your dad. I love to talk with him. I love to read with him. I love to walk with him. I love to flirt with him. I love to connect and dream and laugh with him. I love his passion for me and the passion I have for him. I just LOVE him. Getting away together helps us to feel 'US' again.
When we getaway we actually have a rule that we can't talk about our kids, family, extended family, finances, people, world events.... We can ONLY talk about us and our relationship. How WE are doing. Are we fulfilling each other needs enough? How can we be out-of-the-box towards each other more? What can we do to fill each others love buckets better? What do we need to work on? How can we love each other more? It is amazing how much it does for us to just talk about us and focus on US.
Just remember... I married your dad to be with your dad forever. I am grateful to have all of you in our lives, but eventually you will grow and have families of your own. I remember my dad saying that to us, "I didn't get married to be with you guys forever, I married your mom because I am madly in love with her and want to be with HER forever!". And I fully agree.
I love you... and remember that I will always adore and be in love with your dad and love him like crazy too.
Remember: The most important thing for happy kids, is for mom and dad to be happy together. It takes WORK. It is not always picture perfect. Do everything you can to be connected! To getaway. To just 'be'. It is worth it.
I love you,
Your Mom
I can not wait to getaway with your dad tomorrow.
Your dad and I do a very good job keeping up good communication, checking in with each other, talking about the schedules, maintaining alone time together after your bedtime, reading together, praying together... doing a bunch of things to keep our relationship up. But no matter what there are interruptions from children, someone calling on the phone, people dropping by, loud noises while trying to have a dinner conversation, just DISTRACTIONS. It is a daily choice we make to love each other... and sometimes it is hard. That is part of marriage.
Your dad and I are also BOTH the kind of people who need connection, very regularly and deeply. Just living 'day in and day out' is definitely not good enough for us to keep our souls aligned with each other. Life is so busy and getting busier, I don't know how else to keep our connection just for us, without getaways. Getting away is powerful. To just 'be'. No one pulling on our skirt. No one interrupting our thoughts. No one knocking on our door.
Getaways are powerful because of just focusing on our relationship. Reconnecting. Flirting. Getting to know each other where we currently are and the personal space we are in together over and over and over again. Life changes. People change. If as a couple you are not taking that time to make sure you are truly connected, truly on the same page, truly communicating, then your relationship will not help you to be satisfied or happy.
I once had a mentor of mine tell me that he truly believed one of the biggest reasons (besides the Lord and spiritual connection) the thing that helped his marriage the most over the years was this philosophy:
One night a week
One day a month
One week a year
Find a spouse that you love to just be with. I LOVE to be with your dad. I love to talk with him. I love to read with him. I love to walk with him. I love to flirt with him. I love to connect and dream and laugh with him. I love his passion for me and the passion I have for him. I just LOVE him. Getting away together helps us to feel 'US' again.
When we getaway we actually have a rule that we can't talk about our kids, family, extended family, finances, people, world events.... We can ONLY talk about us and our relationship. How WE are doing. Are we fulfilling each other needs enough? How can we be out-of-the-box towards each other more? What can we do to fill each others love buckets better? What do we need to work on? How can we love each other more? It is amazing how much it does for us to just talk about us and focus on US.
Just remember... I married your dad to be with your dad forever. I am grateful to have all of you in our lives, but eventually you will grow and have families of your own. I remember my dad saying that to us, "I didn't get married to be with you guys forever, I married your mom because I am madly in love with her and want to be with HER forever!". And I fully agree.I love you... and remember that I will always adore and be in love with your dad and love him like crazy too.
Remember: The most important thing for happy kids, is for mom and dad to be happy together. It takes WORK. It is not always picture perfect. Do everything you can to be connected! To getaway. To just 'be'. It is worth it.
I love you,
Your Mom
Friday, September 20, 2013
It Is All His
Dear Kids,
Just in case you were wondering... one of the keys to life is understanding this one principle:
EVERYTHING IS A STEWARDSHIP
The money that comes to you is the Lord's money. The children that come to you are the Lord's children. The house that comes to you is the Lord's house. The people that come to you are the Lord's children. The relationships that come to you are the Lord's relationships. The blessings that come to you are the Lord's blessings. The business you run is the Lord's business. And the adversity that comes to you is the LORD'S as well.
The more I understand about being a steward over what the Lord gives to me, the more peace in my heart I have about life. And it is a choice I have to make everyday... sometimes it is a choice I have to make every 5 minutes.
When you talk back to me for the 10th time that day I have to remember to choose and see you as the Lord's child. The way I handle the situation is greatly affected by remembering that you are my stewardship. When we have another financial set back, I have to remember that it is the Lord's money. If and when He wants us to have more, He will give it to us. Until then, everything we have or DON'T have is a stewardship. The way we handle hardships, I have to remember those hardships were given to us as a stewardship... the way we handle them will greatly determine whether we learn from the stewardship or not.
Act, and not be acted upon. That is the theme of life for our day and age. For any day and age really. It is not what the trial is, it is how we respond to the trial that makes all the difference. Whether the trial is big or small. Whether the trial is changing the 4th diaper blow out for the day or handling 3 crying kids at one time or finding out you have a deadly disease or a business failing or someone dying... It is still the same lesson.
You are my stewardship. I know you are amazing and great souls. Remembering that day in and day out helps me immensely. There is no fear of loss in the Lord's eyes, because it is ALL HIS anyway.
I love you,
Your Mom
Just in case you were wondering... one of the keys to life is understanding this one principle:
EVERYTHING IS A STEWARDSHIP
The money that comes to you is the Lord's money. The children that come to you are the Lord's children. The house that comes to you is the Lord's house. The people that come to you are the Lord's children. The relationships that come to you are the Lord's relationships. The blessings that come to you are the Lord's blessings. The business you run is the Lord's business. And the adversity that comes to you is the LORD'S as well.
The more I understand about being a steward over what the Lord gives to me, the more peace in my heart I have about life. And it is a choice I have to make everyday... sometimes it is a choice I have to make every 5 minutes.
When you talk back to me for the 10th time that day I have to remember to choose and see you as the Lord's child. The way I handle the situation is greatly affected by remembering that you are my stewardship. When we have another financial set back, I have to remember that it is the Lord's money. If and when He wants us to have more, He will give it to us. Until then, everything we have or DON'T have is a stewardship. The way we handle hardships, I have to remember those hardships were given to us as a stewardship... the way we handle them will greatly determine whether we learn from the stewardship or not.
Act, and not be acted upon. That is the theme of life for our day and age. For any day and age really. It is not what the trial is, it is how we respond to the trial that makes all the difference. Whether the trial is big or small. Whether the trial is changing the 4th diaper blow out for the day or handling 3 crying kids at one time or finding out you have a deadly disease or a business failing or someone dying... It is still the same lesson.
You are my stewardship. I know you are amazing and great souls. Remembering that day in and day out helps me immensely. There is no fear of loss in the Lord's eyes, because it is ALL HIS anyway.
I love you,
Your Mom
Nursery Leaders In Cafe Rio
Dear Natalia,
You already are someone who people remember and adore. I want you know and always remember this.
We ran into some friends, Mike and Holly Hansen, at Cafe Rio tonight. They lived in our last neighborhood and they were your nursery teachers in church. She ADORES you. She adores your spunk, your attitude, your guts, your tenacity, your zest, your determination... she loved it all.
She told me tonight she will never forget the first time she taught that class with you in it. You were just barely 2 years old. She put the pretzels away in the cupboard and about 10 minutes later you wanted to have some more. You went to her and said, "I want some more pretzels please" (and yes, you were talking that well at 2 years old). She said, "They are all put away in the cupboard. Sorry."
So you stood there, looked at her and said, "Well then, just go get the key and open the cupboard please!" She laughs about it still because she was so shocked by how smart you were and sassy.
I know I am going to get stories about you from every area of life you touch. People love you and they always will. That is going to be a great strength for you as you grow. You are powerful and you are influencial. People will turn to you for the natural self esteem and ability you have. Never forget to use it for righteousness and furthering the name of Christ.
I love you!
Your Mom
You already are someone who people remember and adore. I want you know and always remember this.
We ran into some friends, Mike and Holly Hansen, at Cafe Rio tonight. They lived in our last neighborhood and they were your nursery teachers in church. She ADORES you. She adores your spunk, your attitude, your guts, your tenacity, your zest, your determination... she loved it all.
She told me tonight she will never forget the first time she taught that class with you in it. You were just barely 2 years old. She put the pretzels away in the cupboard and about 10 minutes later you wanted to have some more. You went to her and said, "I want some more pretzels please" (and yes, you were talking that well at 2 years old). She said, "They are all put away in the cupboard. Sorry."
So you stood there, looked at her and said, "Well then, just go get the key and open the cupboard please!" She laughs about it still because she was so shocked by how smart you were and sassy.
I know I am going to get stories about you from every area of life you touch. People love you and they always will. That is going to be a great strength for you as you grow. You are powerful and you are influencial. People will turn to you for the natural self esteem and ability you have. Never forget to use it for righteousness and furthering the name of Christ.
I love you!
Your Mom
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Elijah update
Dear Elijah,
I have to be honest and say that I feel bad for middle children. Mainly because you are the baby when your other siblings are still young and also very high maintenance as well. My snuggle time with you is so much less. My patience inside of everything 'baby' is so much less. I just feel like I need to apologize somehow.
When I was putting you to bed tonight I just sat there and sang to you and snuggled with you. I try to do that every chance I get because you don't get it as much as your older siblings did. It gave me such a great chance to sit there and listen to your spirit for a little while.
You are old. You are wise. You waited a long time to come here. You are so happy to be here, you are willing to forgive me for so many things. I really appreciate that. You look at me with these eyes that are just full of excitement and happiness to just be living.
You are getting so big now, I can't believe it. You are so involved in participating with the other kids already. You know immediately if you are being left out of something. You are getting into the 'stranger danger' stage and just want to me close to me as much as possible. You are climbing through chairs, grabbing everything in your path, tasting everything, opening drawers, and already pulling on your sisters hair and then laughing about it.
Thank you for coming to us. Thank you for your strength. I can already feel it is going to be hard to keep up with you.
I love you my little man.
Your Mom
I have to be honest and say that I feel bad for middle children. Mainly because you are the baby when your other siblings are still young and also very high maintenance as well. My snuggle time with you is so much less. My patience inside of everything 'baby' is so much less. I just feel like I need to apologize somehow.
When I was putting you to bed tonight I just sat there and sang to you and snuggled with you. I try to do that every chance I get because you don't get it as much as your older siblings did. It gave me such a great chance to sit there and listen to your spirit for a little while.
You are old. You are wise. You waited a long time to come here. You are so happy to be here, you are willing to forgive me for so many things. I really appreciate that. You look at me with these eyes that are just full of excitement and happiness to just be living.
You are getting so big now, I can't believe it. You are so involved in participating with the other kids already. You know immediately if you are being left out of something. You are getting into the 'stranger danger' stage and just want to me close to me as much as possible. You are climbing through chairs, grabbing everything in your path, tasting everything, opening drawers, and already pulling on your sisters hair and then laughing about it.
Thank you for coming to us. Thank you for your strength. I can already feel it is going to be hard to keep up with you.
I love you my little man.
Your Mom
Importance Of Love Buckets & Behavior
Dear Gabriel,
So yesterday was a really hard day with you. Everything that was happening around us was wrong in your mind. You are a boy who has a lot of 'rules' in your head about every situation and how things should go, and when those unspoken rules and expectations are not met, emotionally you have a hard time.
Most days it is pretty easy to reason with you, talk you through things and then you will move on. But yesterday it wasn't happening at all. You were mad when you woke up, you didn't want to participate in obedience at all, you were defiant and talked back to me constantly.
So I really thought about it and prayed about it last night and this morning. I was just told to be 'watchful' of you today. What I noticed is that your love bucket has not been filled. You kept asking me today to do things with you. Quality time is TOTALLY your love language. And I noticed that my immediate reaction when you would ask me was, "well, in a minute", or "I can't right now", or "after I finish with ____". I have built up some bad habits of not noticing enough when you are asking me, in your own way, to fill up your love bucket.
I took time today, whenever you would ask me, to take the time with you. And a magical thing happened. You woke up mad, like you did yesterday, but as the day went on you have become more and more happy, obedient, thoughtful and helpful. Tonight, you are a completely different boy. You just really needed your specific love bucket filled.
It will be easy to over-look you as the years go on because of how capable you are and because
you are the oldest. You were put in this place for a reason. For the next few years there will always be a baby to be taken care of. So your dad and I are going to need to really pay attention to you and your 'cues' of when you are needing to have your love bucket filled.
I love you, and I am so grateful you are the spirit who came to me first. You are the most patient with my weaknesses.
Your Mom
So yesterday was a really hard day with you. Everything that was happening around us was wrong in your mind. You are a boy who has a lot of 'rules' in your head about every situation and how things should go, and when those unspoken rules and expectations are not met, emotionally you have a hard time.
Most days it is pretty easy to reason with you, talk you through things and then you will move on. But yesterday it wasn't happening at all. You were mad when you woke up, you didn't want to participate in obedience at all, you were defiant and talked back to me constantly.
So I really thought about it and prayed about it last night and this morning. I was just told to be 'watchful' of you today. What I noticed is that your love bucket has not been filled. You kept asking me today to do things with you. Quality time is TOTALLY your love language. And I noticed that my immediate reaction when you would ask me was, "well, in a minute", or "I can't right now", or "after I finish with ____". I have built up some bad habits of not noticing enough when you are asking me, in your own way, to fill up your love bucket.
I took time today, whenever you would ask me, to take the time with you. And a magical thing happened. You woke up mad, like you did yesterday, but as the day went on you have become more and more happy, obedient, thoughtful and helpful. Tonight, you are a completely different boy. You just really needed your specific love bucket filled.
It will be easy to over-look you as the years go on because of how capable you are and because
I love you, and I am so grateful you are the spirit who came to me first. You are the most patient with my weaknesses.
Your Mom
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Lessons From 5am
Dear Gabriel,
I am feeling very content tonight. Today I just lived in the moment, in every present moment.
I woke up at 5am to you punching the love sac like on 'Wreck It Ralph' when he punches down the road. When I walked out you said to me, "Mom, I am just up waiting for daddy to get home." I told you your dad was going to be home 'in the morning' when I put you to bed. You obviously missed him so much this entire week. It brought tears to my eyes, to feel and remember the true emotion of children, 'living in the moment'. You didn't care that it was 5am and your dad wasn't going to be home until at least 8am. You were following your gut, being completely out of the box and just purely waiting for him, because you love him.
So I made a decision to live in the moment today, not to live in the disappointments that 'could have been' my day. I wanted to go to Vegas with my sister-in-laws. I wanted to get my hair cut. I wanted to go to a sealing in SLC. I wanted to participate in a race. I wanted to be a part of a show... all of which were happening today. But I made a decision to be home instead, because of various reasons.
And you know what? There are no accidents. Ever.
Seeing you waiting for your dad helped me a lot. Seeing your pure love and innocence inside of a simple decision you made to live in the moment for your dad. And so I just enjoyed today. Everything that came and went. Greeting your dad, going to the gym, taking all of you guys to the water park, going to your soccer game, having some alone time, talking a nature walk, going grocery shopping, snuggling with all of us on the bed, playing hide and seek, making dinner, cleaning the house, watching a movie together.
And you know what? Learning this lesson of ALWAYS living in the moment is a powerful one. I am sure I will keep learning it over and over again.
I love you son... you are an amazing man.
Your Mom
I am feeling very content tonight. Today I just lived in the moment, in every present moment.
I woke up at 5am to you punching the love sac like on 'Wreck It Ralph' when he punches down the road. When I walked out you said to me, "Mom, I am just up waiting for daddy to get home." I told you your dad was going to be home 'in the morning' when I put you to bed. You obviously missed him so much this entire week. It brought tears to my eyes, to feel and remember the true emotion of children, 'living in the moment'. You didn't care that it was 5am and your dad wasn't going to be home until at least 8am. You were following your gut, being completely out of the box and just purely waiting for him, because you love him.
So I made a decision to live in the moment today, not to live in the disappointments that 'could have been' my day. I wanted to go to Vegas with my sister-in-laws. I wanted to get my hair cut. I wanted to go to a sealing in SLC. I wanted to participate in a race. I wanted to be a part of a show... all of which were happening today. But I made a decision to be home instead, because of various reasons.
And you know what? There are no accidents. Ever.
Seeing you waiting for your dad helped me a lot. Seeing your pure love and innocence inside of a simple decision you made to live in the moment for your dad. And so I just enjoyed today. Everything that came and went. Greeting your dad, going to the gym, taking all of you guys to the water park, going to your soccer game, having some alone time, talking a nature walk, going grocery shopping, snuggling with all of us on the bed, playing hide and seek, making dinner, cleaning the house, watching a movie together.
I love you son... you are an amazing man.
Your Mom
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Straw
Dear Kids,
There has been a lot of pressure on your mom and dad's shoulders lately. Your dad has been gone A LOT (all week), and will be gone more in the future, single parenting young kids, schooling, starting a couple new businesses, trying to survive while starting the new businesses, doubts, family issues, extended family support, screeching babies all day, not meeting our obligations, keeping up with the house, trying to keep up my relationships...
I have been handling it all pretty good to be honest. I am an optimist, thank heavens. I find the silver lining in pretty much every situation, until tonight. I found my straw. The Straw = I deleted hundreds of pictures accidentally today... And I have been a wreck all day from it.
The days when there is the most conflict, the days when there is the most pressure, the days when there is a ton on my schedule... those days I handle smoothly. Smooth sailing. Even in the midst of the pressure I really feel good. And genuinely I feel good, I don't kid myself with my emotions, nor do I stuff emotion. One of the greatest blessings in my life is having many mentors who have taught me extremely amazing coping and self-improvement skills. Because of their education I handle things 'swimmingly' about 95% of the time.
Until I find my straw. Deleting pictures was my straw. The simplest thing, yet the thing that means so much to me. Your memories. My memories of you. I have been trying to recover them, but not having great success. Every time I try something new to recover them and it doesn't work, I have another break down.
You are going to find in your life that each of you will have different 'straws that break the camel's back' - as the saying goes. Tonight, the straw was deleted pictures. The straw landed. I broke down quite a few times, and I knew I had to converse with the Lord.
I knelt down to pray and just allowed myself to break down. It all came out in prayer, where it usually does. I really only confide in God and your dad. All my emotion just boiled over. The conclusion the spirit whispered to me, during this time of stretching in our lives, is 'my heart is being made more tender'. And it is true. Feeling the kind of adversity we have in the last little while always shapes and defines who we are.
So I can say I am grateful for 'The Straw'. Emotionally throwing up is a good thing. Introspection is a good thing. My head is high. My hopes are steady. We will prevail.
I love you,
Your Mom
There has been a lot of pressure on your mom and dad's shoulders lately. Your dad has been gone A LOT (all week), and will be gone more in the future, single parenting young kids, schooling, starting a couple new businesses, trying to survive while starting the new businesses, doubts, family issues, extended family support, screeching babies all day, not meeting our obligations, keeping up with the house, trying to keep up my relationships...
I have been handling it all pretty good to be honest. I am an optimist, thank heavens. I find the silver lining in pretty much every situation, until tonight. I found my straw. The Straw = I deleted hundreds of pictures accidentally today... And I have been a wreck all day from it.
The days when there is the most conflict, the days when there is the most pressure, the days when there is a ton on my schedule... those days I handle smoothly. Smooth sailing. Even in the midst of the pressure I really feel good. And genuinely I feel good, I don't kid myself with my emotions, nor do I stuff emotion. One of the greatest blessings in my life is having many mentors who have taught me extremely amazing coping and self-improvement skills. Because of their education I handle things 'swimmingly' about 95% of the time.
Until I find my straw. Deleting pictures was my straw. The simplest thing, yet the thing that means so much to me. Your memories. My memories of you. I have been trying to recover them, but not having great success. Every time I try something new to recover them and it doesn't work, I have another break down.
You are going to find in your life that each of you will have different 'straws that break the camel's back' - as the saying goes. Tonight, the straw was deleted pictures. The straw landed. I broke down quite a few times, and I knew I had to converse with the Lord.
I knelt down to pray and just allowed myself to break down. It all came out in prayer, where it usually does. I really only confide in God and your dad. All my emotion just boiled over. The conclusion the spirit whispered to me, during this time of stretching in our lives, is 'my heart is being made more tender'. And it is true. Feeling the kind of adversity we have in the last little while always shapes and defines who we are.
So I can say I am grateful for 'The Straw'. Emotionally throwing up is a good thing. Introspection is a good thing. My head is high. My hopes are steady. We will prevail.
I love you,
Your Mom
What A 4 Year Old "Should" Know
Dear Kids,
This post is going to be entirely a 'copy and paste' from something I read today. It is too good to try and re-create at all. It hit home for me today because of how worried I always am about making sure you all get the 'right' education. I WISH I knew the source of this so I could give whomever it is credit for their wisdom:
Written by a Pre-School Teacher – It says it all!
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.
They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
After reading this today, I knew I had to just post this for all of you tonight. But more important, to post it for me. Thank you for the reminder 'pre-school teacher' wherever you are.
I love you,
Your Mom
Written by a Pre-School Teacher – It says it all!
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.
They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
After reading this today, I knew I had to just post this for all of you tonight. But more important, to post it for me. Thank you for the reminder 'pre-school teacher' wherever you are.
I love you,
Your Mom
Saturday, September 7, 2013
One Of Those Days
Dear Kids,
Today was 'one of those days'. I would actually rather forget it. We started out pretty good... but as the day wore on I became more and more and more on edge. My space between 'the stimulus and response' (as Steven Covey puts it) was non-existent. Everything around me I allowed to irritate me and anger me, and naturally I took it out on you three.
It has just been one of those days. I am really sorry. I am human after all and still learning how to command my emotions. So often I feel like I have this thing figured out, this life thing, then other days it just comes to a head and all of a sudden I have fallen back down the mountain, after climbing so far. I snap. I get mad. I feel such a weight on my shoulders. I am not a person that the Lord would be proud of. I show that side of myself to you, the side that no one else sees. I guess every parent does that at some time or another.
I don't want to cause feelings in our home that will cause you all to build up walls around me, your dad or around each other. If I act like I did today everyday, then our home would become that. If I loose control and allow such contention in my heart and in our home, the spirit would never reside here. It is true that the mother is the heart of the home. When the mom is 'out of whack' and having 'one of those days'... family suffers from it.
Part of the power of free agency is realizing these mistakes, and then moving forward from them. I am going to bed early tonight. I am going to really take some good prayer time. I am going to kiss you while you sleep and just hope that you can love me through all of my weaknesses and faults. I am going to reset. I am going to be better tomorrow.
I am sorry. I do love you. No matter what the outside pressures are, I must rise above them. Somehow, someday I will learn how to do it consistently. I am much more consistent than I was 10, 5, even 2 years ago... but I still have 'one of those days' come up.
Oh how much adversity teaches us about where we truly are in our development.
I love you,
Your Mom
Today was 'one of those days'. I would actually rather forget it. We started out pretty good... but as the day wore on I became more and more and more on edge. My space between 'the stimulus and response' (as Steven Covey puts it) was non-existent. Everything around me I allowed to irritate me and anger me, and naturally I took it out on you three.
It has just been one of those days. I am really sorry. I am human after all and still learning how to command my emotions. So often I feel like I have this thing figured out, this life thing, then other days it just comes to a head and all of a sudden I have fallen back down the mountain, after climbing so far. I snap. I get mad. I feel such a weight on my shoulders. I am not a person that the Lord would be proud of. I show that side of myself to you, the side that no one else sees. I guess every parent does that at some time or another.
I don't want to cause feelings in our home that will cause you all to build up walls around me, your dad or around each other. If I act like I did today everyday, then our home would become that. If I loose control and allow such contention in my heart and in our home, the spirit would never reside here. It is true that the mother is the heart of the home. When the mom is 'out of whack' and having 'one of those days'... family suffers from it.
Part of the power of free agency is realizing these mistakes, and then moving forward from them. I am going to bed early tonight. I am going to really take some good prayer time. I am going to kiss you while you sleep and just hope that you can love me through all of my weaknesses and faults. I am going to reset. I am going to be better tomorrow.
I am sorry. I do love you. No matter what the outside pressures are, I must rise above them. Somehow, someday I will learn how to do it consistently. I am much more consistent than I was 10, 5, even 2 years ago... but I still have 'one of those days' come up.
Oh how much adversity teaches us about where we truly are in our development.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Making Hard Choices
Dear Natalia,
I am very proud of you today. You made a very hard choice.
Gabriel is going around our little street with his friends quite a bit in the afternoons, they just bounce from our house, to Jake's house to Jaren's house. They have a lot of fun together. Well, I have told you that you aren't old enough yet to go with them yet when they leave our house. When they are here, you have a great time. But when they go to someone else's place, you have to stay behind... and you hate it.
Well, today you were all out in the front yard playing and climbing. The boys decided to go down to Jake's house to play in his backyard. They just sprinted off and left you. You started to run after them, but then you got to the edge of our property line in the front yard. You just stood there, looked after them and then started to cry really hard.
I saw all of this happen through the window. You cried to the door and came inside, sat on my lap and just cried, "They left me! I can't go with them, they left me!"
But then I looked at you and said, "Talia, you made such a good choice! You obeyed mom! You didn't go past where you knew you had to be. You stayed here and obeyed me. You made such a good choice." I was soooooooooo happy that you knew your boundary and stayed within those boundaries.
After a couple of minutes of telling you this, you looked at me and smiled, "I did make a good choice!". Then later in the car I said again, "Talia, you made a very hard choice, but you made a good choice. It was hard huh?"
You said, "Yes mom, it was hard not to go with the boys. But I made a good choice and obeyed."
I felt like it was a HUGE victory! I love you,
Your Mom
I am very proud of you today. You made a very hard choice.
Gabriel is going around our little street with his friends quite a bit in the afternoons, they just bounce from our house, to Jake's house to Jaren's house. They have a lot of fun together. Well, I have told you that you aren't old enough yet to go with them yet when they leave our house. When they are here, you have a great time. But when they go to someone else's place, you have to stay behind... and you hate it.
Well, today you were all out in the front yard playing and climbing. The boys decided to go down to Jake's house to play in his backyard. They just sprinted off and left you. You started to run after them, but then you got to the edge of our property line in the front yard. You just stood there, looked after them and then started to cry really hard.
I saw all of this happen through the window. You cried to the door and came inside, sat on my lap and just cried, "They left me! I can't go with them, they left me!"
But then I looked at you and said, "Talia, you made such a good choice! You obeyed mom! You didn't go past where you knew you had to be. You stayed here and obeyed me. You made such a good choice." I was soooooooooo happy that you knew your boundary and stayed within those boundaries.
After a couple of minutes of telling you this, you looked at me and smiled, "I did make a good choice!". Then later in the car I said again, "Talia, you made a very hard choice, but you made a good choice. It was hard huh?"
You said, "Yes mom, it was hard not to go with the boys. But I made a good choice and obeyed."
I felt like it was a HUGE victory! I love you,
Your Mom
Just Some Updates
Dear Kids,
There are some growing updates I need to give about you all! Here they are:
Your Mom
There are some growing updates I need to give about you all! Here they are:
- Gabriel - you had your first soccer practice ever yesterday. You got your first jersey, shorts and socks. So proud! At your practice whenever you would kick the ball really hard you would bend over halfway at the waist while watching how far the ball would go. So proud of yourself. I love it.
- Natalia - you are in dance! somersaults, dancing positions and just having fun. You love it and ask everyday if you can go to dance lessons.
- Elijah - I wrote this just barely, but you are discovering your voice and screaming and screeching as loud as you can and as often as you can. I may need to get ear plugs to keep my sanity! You are into everything right now, very high maintanence, but you always want to be part of the action with your brother and sister. Nothing intimidates you.
- Gabriel - whenever we go anywhere you will always introduce everyone in our family to the people around you. You will point to everyone with your hand, very formal, and say, "This is my little sister Natalia, this is my baby Elijah, this is my mom Andrea and this is my dad Brent."
- Natalia - you are so ready to go play with kids by yourself. Gabriel is going with his friends Jake and Jaren all over our street (it's tucked behind other streets and is very kid friendly). You want to go with them so bad, but you are very obedient and are staying right by our house.
- Elijah - you are crawling around so fast! I love to see how much you are learning. You are putting everything in your mouth that you can find. I have to do a 'mouth sweep' often to make sure there aren't choking hazards in there.
Your Mom
Screaming Baby
Dear Elijah,
You have decided that screaming and screeching are really cool. You scream and screech soooooooo loud as much as you can. It actually might be the death of me and my brain. I can't focus on anything else whenever you decide to voice whatever opinion you are trying to get across.
Today when I was really at a 'wit's' end moment because of all the noise, I was very promptly reminded of a story that I have written about before when Natalia was crying and screaming as a baby. I had this story flash to my heart when I couldn't take it anymore.... and it made me look at you completely differently.
It's about a friend who WISH she could have a screaming baby.
This friend had a baby that was just over a year old that drowned... just a couple months older than you. They did everything they could to save her, but to no avail. When this friend got home from the hospital, from saying good-bye to her baby, she had to go out on a walk to try and 'feel some kind of warmth'. While walking farther and farther, with tears streaming down her face, she noticed a mom walking with her baby on the other side of the street. The only thing she remembers is this mom who said to her baby, "Please STOP crying!"
As this friend tells the story the only thing she says after this point is,"I would do anything to just hear my baby cry and scream again."
So... Elijah... when you scream and screech - and I feel like pulling my hair out.... I will sit down with you, cuddle you close and think, "I am so grateful that I have a baby I can hear."
I love you,
Your Mom
You have decided that screaming and screeching are really cool. You scream and screech soooooooo loud as much as you can. It actually might be the death of me and my brain. I can't focus on anything else whenever you decide to voice whatever opinion you are trying to get across.
Today when I was really at a 'wit's' end moment because of all the noise, I was very promptly reminded of a story that I have written about before when Natalia was crying and screaming as a baby. I had this story flash to my heart when I couldn't take it anymore.... and it made me look at you completely differently.
It's about a friend who WISH she could have a screaming baby.
This friend had a baby that was just over a year old that drowned... just a couple months older than you. They did everything they could to save her, but to no avail. When this friend got home from the hospital, from saying good-bye to her baby, she had to go out on a walk to try and 'feel some kind of warmth'. While walking farther and farther, with tears streaming down her face, she noticed a mom walking with her baby on the other side of the street. The only thing she remembers is this mom who said to her baby, "Please STOP crying!"
As this friend tells the story the only thing she says after this point is,"I would do anything to just hear my baby cry and scream again."
So... Elijah... when you scream and screech - and I feel like pulling my hair out.... I will sit down with you, cuddle you close and think, "I am so grateful that I have a baby I can hear."
I love you,
Your Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)