Human Development Specialists

Dear Kids,

Tonight at a family dinner I had a flashback of a situation I had a few weeks ago with all of you.

Your Aunt Colleen was over. I can't even remember exactly what happened... but I remember vaguely it was an attack of various behaviors. Talia hit Gabe. Gabe hit her back. You both came running and sobbing at the same time. While you came running you tripped over Elijah. He started to cry. All three of you were having a melt down at the same time. After getting it solved it was lunch time. Lots of messes, teaching how to clean it up, being bugged by Elijah grabbing your feet from under the table. Kicking him down. Having to explain why that isn't okay. Reading books, teaching how to hold the book, going to the bathroom, making sure hands are washed, cuddling...

So after getting all of you down for some quiet time, I came out and just sunk down into a chair. Colleen is always really good about helping, so she came and sunk down in a chair by me. She looked at me and said, "NO ONE should EVER say 'I am just a mom'! You are a Human Development Specialist. That is what you are. This parenting thing is hard work!"

It is true! I am a Human Development Specialist.

So now let's go back to tonight at dinner. There was a situation with the cousins that came up and had to be solved, and parents needed to be involved. When they were talking to their son about what happened, this title came back to my mind. They are Human Development Specialists! That is what EVERY parent is... and what every parent should hope to be.

Being a Human Development Specialist is so hard though because it doesn't come with a handbook, you don't go through and get a masters in this degree. No one says, "Okay, you are now ready to handle anything a child can throw at you!" Anyone can be a parent. And being an active and involved parent is hard. There are so many times when I think, "What am I doing?".

BUT - here is the key. What I believe is the key. The Lord. He is the ultimate Human Development Specialist. When we get into situations with our kids that we just have no idea how to handle it, that is why we have The Lord to consult with. He knows the answers! Parenting is NOT just a one-sided deal. The Lord is always there to lead us, to guide us and to give us the answers that we so desperately need when we get into hard situations with our kids.

Remember, as you become Human Development Specialists yourselves, to please look at the 'Manual'. Read the scriptures and pray your guts out. How did the Savior handle situations? What tactics did He use? What words did He use? How did He treat people? What does the Lord do? How does the Lord encourage? How does He discipline? Doing a specific scripture study with JUST parenting tactics in mind is the best parenting class that anyone can ever take.

I love you all... my little human beings. :-) With all the crazy and hard involved.

Your Mom

Celebrating You

Dear Gabriel,

5 years ago, right now, I was about 20 minutes away from holding my first baby. You.

I remember that moment as if it were yesterday. I decided to have you naturally with a mid-wife. I was in labor for 24 hours. I was pushing for 3 hours. RIGHT now, 5 years ago, I thought I did not have the strength it took to actually get you into this world.

Having you was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, I think especially because of the intensity of the situation. I remember that room being packed with spirits from the other side. I could feel them all around me, almost giving you a farewell. I remember vividly the powerful spirits that were there, trying to tell you just 'one more thing' to not forget before you came. I remember feeling the strength of women before me, having babies and going through the 'valley of the shadow of death' to get their children (ultimately US) here. To live. To love. To learn. To grow.

As I was in the most agony I have ever felt in my life, in an instant it turned into the greatest joy as soon as you were placed on my chest. I couldn't believe you were mine. MY baby! Mine and mine alone. You didn't go to anyone else. You came to me. I can see you in my mind's eye, and I can feel you and your soul. As I am writing this I can hardly see the computer screen because of how vivid these memories are! If only words can describe how hard I worked to get you here, how excited I was to meet you, how my arms were instantly aware of how to hold you and nurture you.

You, my first baby.

But now, it is 5 years later. Today we celebrated YOU. You woke up to a hallway filled with balloons and streamers, to a table decorated with your 'Happy Birthday' plate, to a family who couldn't live without you. Today we played, we laughed, we cried, we fought, we reconciled, we learned, we loved, we hugged. Today we had a birthday. You celebrated with friends, cousins and family. Today you are 5 years old. And your whole life is before you.

You are just starting to show the nature of your old, deep, and intense soul. You have a very specific mission here. You are going to do what no one else can and in a way that no one else can do it. In that room 5 years ago, there were angels passing you on, through the veil, to my arms. We are going to experience a lot together, you and I. But always remember how passionately I fell in love with you, my first baby. I never really understood love until you were there in my arms.

Thank you for coming to me. Thank you for giving me the gift of being your mother. I celebrate you today.

I love you,

Your Mom

Just Enjoy It!

Dear Kids,

I had a big realization over this last weekend.

I was out of town, all by myself, for a work trip and to take some rejuvenation time. Doing the work was invigorating, because it is stuff that I LOVE to do. It refreshed my mind and shook some cobwebs out of some long-lost rooms of my brain, which haven't been opened for a little while.

Well, while I was gone, I would call home and talk with all of you. I couldn't believe how LITTLE you still are! When I am in the 'day in and day out' of the motherly grind, I forget sometimes how little you all still are. I had that realization when I would call you because of your little voices, your innocent conversation and your excitement for everything.

That realization led to my BIG realization... and that is this - I need to just enjoy you more. Being away for a few days was so good for me to see that I just need to enjoy it! This mothering life. Enjoy the innocent messes when you are just having fun, enjoy the crazy eating and laughing at the table, enjoy the questions thrown at me about everything, enjoy the beauty of little hand prints on the glass, enjoy the crying and looking for me to comfort, enjoy teaching moments... just enjoy it all. (And not just so our family pictures look cute - but for real every day)

Too fast and too soon you are going to be big, eventually be gone and I will wish for these days. This is a fact I already know. It is just sometimes hard to remember when I am inside this real life, every day mothering picture constantly.

So remember, your mom enjoyed you! I want you to remember that I enjoy you all. I enjoy your laughter, your personalities, your minds, your souls and your unique talents.

I love you!

Your Mom

How A Screeching Baby Can Prepare For Adversity

Dear Elijah,

The Lord has sent your screeching lungs to me as a test. I just know it.

You screech louder and higher than ANY baby I have ever heard. Any time you want to communicate something, it is always in a screech. Most of the time you are happy and smiling, but your screeching can send me over my emotional edge anytime I allow it to.

I believe that your screeching is the hardest 'enticement' I have had to face in the last couple of months. Let me explain... Enticements are the everyday things that are hard. They aren't horrible, they aren't life altering, they aren't deadly... they are just annoying and most people would rather not deal with them. They are things like bad drivers, fighting kids, unaware teenagers, screeching... you know anything that is just annoying.

Well, enticements are put in our lives everyday so we can train our hearts and minds, improve our self talk, and increase our ability to cope. Everyone has an enticement that is 'their' enticement. For example, your dad's enticement is unthoughtful people. When people are unthoughtful, he just HATES it. It rubs him the wrong way and he has to look inward to see how he is handling his enticement. Is he going to allow his feelings about those unthoughtful people to affect his whole day? Or is he going to take charge of his emotions and move forward? Enticements teach us all how to increase the space between stimulus and response. The bigger that space is, the better we can act inside of life's situations, instead of react with emotions like anger, frustration or fear.

My enticement is whining and screeching. I can handle whining even MUCH better than screeching. Your screeching is my enticement. And I have to say it is truly one of the hardest ones I have had to overcome. I am not doing a great job overcoming it at this point actually!

The magical thing about enticements is how they teach us to overcome adversity. While enticements are everyday things that are annoying and hard... Adversities are LIFE changing things. The better we learn how to overcome our everyday enticements and use them for our good, the better prepared we will be to overcome and handle the adversities in our lives.  Enticements prepare us and train us HOW we are going to handle our adversities.

Here is the key to accelerated growth: The Savior. Every time my enticement (your screeching) hits my nerves, if I use that moment to become closer to the Savior, to pray and become spiritually focused, then that enticement 'moment' has not been lost. The more I train my spirit, emotions and mind to focus on the Savior, the more I will turn to Him when those adversities come. Enticements then are one of life's BIGGEST keys to being able to overcome adversity and maintain faith while doing so.

Keep on screeching. It is teaching me. You are teaching me. And thank heavens you are one of the cutest teachers I know.

I love you,

Your Mom

Help People Move!

Dear Kids,

I just wanted to write you and remind you to ALWAYS help people who are moving!

Today we went over to one of our friend's houses to help her clean and pack (or... I helped her clean and you three played in the backyard). I don't feel like I got a lot done... but to her, any help was wonderful help. They are moving far away and she is overwhelmed.

Your dad moved 18 times before he was 18 years old. They always needed help. We have moved 4 times in the 6 years we have been married. I can tell you, anyone who help when you are moving are ANGELS sent from heaven.

Look for ways you can serve, and I promise one way is to help people who move. Don't forget it. It is easy to forget. But don't forget it.

I love you,

Your Mom

Kung Fu Panda Teaches About Mother's Love

Dear Natalia,

Tonight we did a family movie night with some pizza and watched the cartoon 'Kung Fu Panda II'. We haven't watched it for a while, quite a few months actually.

Well, as you remember the story, the whole movie is basically talking about the main character 'Po' and where he actually comes from. His panda village was raided and burned down, as we find out later in the movie. It shows in one section when Po is flashing back and in his vision he sees his mother running through the snow, holding him as a baby, running from wolves that are trying to catch them.

Then his mom sees some food baskets, runs down a hill, and puts her baby in a radish basket. It shows the baby's face, not wanting his mother to leave, and his mother tearing up and her heartache at leaving her baby behind. She puts him in the basket, consoles him for a moment, then when she hears the wolves she runs back up the hill and gives her life to veer the pursuers away from her baby.

It was VERY emotional for me to watch! Then it got more emotional when you turned to me, with HUGE crocodile tears in your eyes you said, "Oh no! No, no! The mom can't leave her baby! No!". You then came to me, hugged me as tight as you could around my neck and sobbed. You were so sad to watch this whole story play out.

It took me some time to try and explain to you that the baby's mom didn't leave him, she saved him. She gave her life so he could live and be okay. She loved him so much, she was brave and courageous enough to do ANYTHING it took for the wolves never to find her baby.

Even at just three years old, your instincts and emotions were alive and very vivid inside of the relationship between a mom and baby. How amazing! My heart was just tearing inside when I placed myself, in my mind's eye, in that kind of situation of leaving my child in a food basket as the only hope to keep them alive. How many women throughout history have given everything for their children? Been beaten, bruised, molested, captured, tortured and killed... and they did it all for their babies. Even now writing this my eyes can't stop the tears. It makes me ever grateful to be writing this entry from a safe home, in a safe neighborhood and with my family that is healthy and strong.

The power of a mother's love is indescribable. I love you so much, you are strong, you are amazing, you are feminine, and the Lord put you here to be a woman... to be a mother. There is no greater gift.

And yes... I would and will do anything it takes to protect you from any 'wolves' that might try and get you. Even give my life.

I love you,

Your Mom

Because Of Him

Dear Kids,

I was told once in a blessing to be humble enough to publicly declare my shortcomings, my temptations, my weaknesses. This is the motivation behind various stories (yelling, snapping, comparing... many more).

Tonight I thought again about this particular counsel because I had several comments lately (which I truly do appreciate) saying things like:

"There is no way I could be as balanced as you."
"I can't believe how strong you are."
"Just seems like you have everything under control."
"You are amazing at everything."

Even though the compliments are truly appreciated, I really don't want to put on a 'perfect' appearance... especially while teaching you, my kids, about the realities of life. We are all completely human, we fall, we stumble, we have hard times, we yell, we snap, we are fallen... But luckily there was one who did go through everything for us, so we could even hope to possibly improve, see the light and feel true peace and joy.

Through everything in your lives I want you to remember that your mom LOVED the Savior. I love Him so much. I can't do anything without Him. He has done everything for me. He has given me breath. He has sustained me and carried me. He suffered everything for me, and for you. He will lift you, take care of you and love you through everything.

I realized over the weekend that I need to just simply bear my testimony of Him more, most especially to you. When I am a weak human being, which you of all people will see the most, remember that I am still trying to figure out this thing called 'life'. The Savior and our Lord will point you always in the places and paths that are best for you. My goal is to be the best servant I can be, and pass on a testimony of the Savior to you. It is because of Him that anyone can have true life, eternal life and eternal love.

I love you,

Your Mom

Lessons From Towels

Dear Kids,

The other night your dad and I were folding laundry together. We started talking and laughing about something that happened earlier in our marriage. I realized I have never written this story down, so I am going to tonight.

The first time your dad and I did laundry together, after we were married, he watched me fold towels. I folded them in halves. I had always folded them in halves. After I folded a few towels he said, "You are folding the towels wrong". Well, immediately my guard was up. I got very prideful and said, "No I am not! I have always folded towels this way. This is how my mom showed me to fold them."

He then proceeded to show me a 'better' way to fold towels (according to him anyway) which was in thirds. He said, "When you fold them in thirds they fit into the shelves so much easier." Well, by this time I was NOT going to give into saying that his way was better. So I just said, "When you do laundry, you can fold your towels that way, but when I do laundry I am going to fold them my way."

For over 2 years we continued to argue about whose way was better to fold towels.

Well, after Gabriel was born, Mimi and Papa came to visit us for about a week. Mimi helped me with the laundry and we got our house into some great order. Then they left. About a month later, we went up to their house in Idaho to visit for the holidays.

One day while we were there I was helping Mimi do the laundry. And she folded her towels in thirds! I said, "Mom! You have never folded your towels like that. What are you doing?"

Now here comes the lesson...

"Well, when I was at your house, I saw Brent folding your towels in thirds. It looked so much nicer and fit so much better in the shelves. So when I got home, I decided I was going to change."

I just stood there and looked at her. Then I laughed and told her that we had been arguing over towels for a couple of years, about which way was 'better'. Because she wasn't emotionally tied into the pride and power struggle, she could clearly see that folding them in thirds was actually a better way. After folding laundry with her I was able to see the silliness of the power struggle and let go of it. And mostly because, without realizing it, my mom gave me 'permission' to change.

Life is about changing for the better, learning from other people, especially in marriage and family life. This is a story I am going to tell many times in my life because of the simple lesson involved in it. Let go of the power struggle, see the situation for what it is, and then let go of the pride. Look around your life right now and see what you might need to change, but you are holding onto for some unknown reason. Then take a deep breath, let go of your pride, and see a better way.

I love you,

Your Mom

Government Shutdown: Time For An American Lesson

Dear Kids,

The last few days there has been a 'historic' government shutdown. There are so many facets involved in this whole thing... I don't even know where to begin.

So instead of talking about what is going on with the national government, let's start with our house. It all starts here, in our home.

I want you to remember this: THE ONLY TIME A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN WILL HURT ANY NATION IS IF THE GOVERNMENT HAS TOO MUCH CONTROL.

Could you hear me shouting that one? It is boggling my mind to see all the different news stories, all the maniacs shouting, all the 'partisan' talk, all the people going back and forth and back and forth about all the issues that are SURFACE issues!

The real issue is this... why does the government have enough control to do a shutdown in the first place? Because we as American's have allowed them to gradually take over our freedoms and stomp on the constitution. That is why. It is OUR own fault that we are at this point.

But here is the grand part about it. You, all of my kids and hopefully others around you, get to learn from the lessons and mistakes we are making right now. America is a completely different land than what it was meant to be right now. We are a socialist state at the current moment. More and more control is being placed on us and the citizens are allowing it to happen. But not for long.

You, the rising generation, you will be stronger and smarter than we are right now. At least, in this house you will be. You must understand that freedom and liberty are NOT a right that comes from the government. They come from God. Period. The government should be stronger at the state level than the national level. The federal government is NOT an aristocracy!

There are a lot of things going on in the world to get rid of freedom. But that part that all those 'in control' have no idea about is this: God is still in charge. They are not. God is the grand master. They are not. God is the beginning and the End. They are not.

I pray more and more that the Lord will come back soon. I pray for His power and love to be upon this world. But we must cleanse ourselves from the inside. If our land has allowed the federal government to get this powerful and this abusive, then it means that we must start in the home. Our homes are falling apart all over the country. We must start by strengthening the family. The family is the perfect unit. NOT the government.

I could talk about this for a while, but more than anything, the American lesson is this: The government does not run your life. You run your life. Be the leaders necessary to stand up for freedom, not just in America, but in the world.

I love you,

Your Mom