Celebrating You

Dear Gabriel,

5 years ago, right now, I was about 20 minutes away from holding my first baby. You.

I remember that moment as if it were yesterday. I decided to have you naturally with a mid-wife. I was in labor for 24 hours. I was pushing for 3 hours. RIGHT now, 5 years ago, I thought I did not have the strength it took to actually get you into this world.

Having you was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, I think especially because of the intensity of the situation. I remember that room being packed with spirits from the other side. I could feel them all around me, almost giving you a farewell. I remember vividly the powerful spirits that were there, trying to tell you just 'one more thing' to not forget before you came. I remember feeling the strength of women before me, having babies and going through the 'valley of the shadow of death' to get their children (ultimately US) here. To live. To love. To learn. To grow.

As I was in the most agony I have ever felt in my life, in an instant it turned into the greatest joy as soon as you were placed on my chest. I couldn't believe you were mine. MY baby! Mine and mine alone. You didn't go to anyone else. You came to me. I can see you in my mind's eye, and I can feel you and your soul. As I am writing this I can hardly see the computer screen because of how vivid these memories are! If only words can describe how hard I worked to get you here, how excited I was to meet you, how my arms were instantly aware of how to hold you and nurture you.

You, my first baby.

But now, it is 5 years later. Today we celebrated YOU. You woke up to a hallway filled with balloons and streamers, to a table decorated with your 'Happy Birthday' plate, to a family who couldn't live without you. Today we played, we laughed, we cried, we fought, we reconciled, we learned, we loved, we hugged. Today we had a birthday. You celebrated with friends, cousins and family. Today you are 5 years old. And your whole life is before you.

You are just starting to show the nature of your old, deep, and intense soul. You have a very specific mission here. You are going to do what no one else can and in a way that no one else can do it. In that room 5 years ago, there were angels passing you on, through the veil, to my arms. We are going to experience a lot together, you and I. But always remember how passionately I fell in love with you, my first baby. I never really understood love until you were there in my arms.

Thank you for coming to me. Thank you for giving me the gift of being your mother. I celebrate you today.

I love you,

Your Mom