Already Doing

Dear Kids,

I have been doing a lot of reading lately - lots of books, lots of blogs, lots of different things I can get my hands on about parenting and how to raise a family. You are all going through so much changing I haven't felt like I know how to keep up with your progression.

Then just tonight I saw a pinterest picture that says "6 things that make you a better mom" and I started to get a little gut reaction of *UGH*. I started to think, "Can there REALLY BE SIX MORE THINGS?? Especially to add to what I am already doing and learning?".

All the feedback, all the professional advice, all the different opinions about parenting is good... to a point. However, it gets to the point where I just have to say to myself, "I am already a great mom. I don't need to take the time to read something else. I am ALREADY DOING."

That is the phrase for the night. I am already doing.

I am already tucking you in at night and talking with you about your day. There are some nights that are better than others. There are some nights I look at you and I feel all the love in my heart for you. There are some nights when we are both so exhausted that I kiss you on the forehead and leave the room because I must have my alone time. There are some nights we get home late and we hurry and brush our teeth, say prayers and get in bed before everyone breaks down all together. There are some nights that I cuddle with you, we laugh, we tickle each other, we tell stories.

I am already working on my patience. There are some days when I am golden. The golden girl mom and I handle things picture perfect. There are some days when I am really tired from various other stresses and my temper is shorter than it was the day before. There are some days I apologize more than I wish I had to. There are some days when I just have fun and it doesn't seem like anything in the world could take my smile away. There are some days when the whines just don't stop (no matter what "tactic" I use) and by 5pm and dinner hasn't been made yet because of everything else that has suddenly hit me that day that I go and get a pizza and we watch a movie.

I am already taking time for myself. There are some days when I don't get as much time as I wanted to have. There are some days I plan for girl time with girlfriends, then something happens and it doesn't work out. There are some days when I have to run out of the house as soon as your dad gets home because I must take an hour to breath and have space. There are some days when I wish I had just a second to spare to just take a shower. There are some days when I work on so many outside, church and community projects that I have to remind myself to stop overwhelming myself and say 'no' more often. There are other days when the projects are finished and I get restless and remind myself that it is good to sit and just breathe.

I am already reading with you. I am already studying with you. I am already laughing with you. I am already feeding you good food. I am already smiling at you. I am already hugging you. I am already letting you help me do so many things so you can learn. I am already doing chores with you. And sometimes I am impatient, I don't let you help, I stick cold cereal in front of your face, I do all the chores at night because I don't have the energy to teach you how to do it anymore, I have to put the book away because of so much resistance...

You get the idea. Life is life. Days are sometimes really slow and wonderful and everyone is getting along great. Other days I have to have some adventure and I want to go conquer the world with all three of you in my backpack. There are other days when life is really stressful, business is super hard, schooling is over the top, outside things that hit us are too much for me to handle and I go cry in the bathroom. Days are sometimes full of magic and amazement and I think that they could be that way forever! There are other days when we don't see your dad... ever. When you cry for him and miss him so much and I have to console you and let you know that just because he is gone, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. There are other days when we are together as a family all day and we can take our time in the morning, we can go on hikes, we can go on adventures, we eat together and everything is "picture perfect".

I think the biggest thing that I am learning with all my reading and all my parenting study is that I am already doing - I AM ALREADY DOING. No advice in the world can compensate for the actual application that sometimes doesn't look or play out perfectly... but I get to get up the next day, brush myself off and try again.

No matter what, I always try again.

I love you so much,

Your Mom

Update with Homeschooling Stuff

Dear Kids,

Homeschooling Post Update:

I need to keep good notes about what we are doing in our home for schooling. I have been counseled to do it, so here it goes.

1. I started teaching them handwriting when they were 3. Very slowly. But they were interested. So I started when they were 3. We did letters, we did shapes, we did anything they wanted.
2. Always read books. Everyday. Sometimes only one short book a day. But everyday they had a book in their hands.
3. Computer programs are a friend, as long as you aren't dependent on them. I love the Rusty and Rosy program both Talia and Gabe have used. Love them.
4. I haven't made any sensory bins. I have them go outside instead. Or in the bath. Sensory bins have been too messy for me personally to handle. So I haven't done it.

5. Gabe started reading when he was 5 years old. Talia will be the same, I can already see that. I have been reading books with Gabe and we read every other word together. Just lately I have told him he can play 5 minutes of a game on my phone if he chooses a book to read by himself. He loves that incentive.
6. We do 'Academy Time'. That has really helped to separate the time we use for schooling to call it something specific.
7. I am still very new to this. So there are going to be lots of different ways to do this throughout the years, I can already see that.
8. We are using butcher paper A LOT. Anything we draw, I want to get the butcher paper out so we can draw it REALLY BIG. The water cycle. Their bodies. Plants. Animals. Everything.
9. I have tried to really pay attention to what they really love. So far it has helped with unit studies quite a bit.
10. I do listening time everyday when we read a chapter book. Then I ask about 3 questions about each chapter we read to see if he listened. I have been doing this with Gabe at this point. Talia hasn't shown a lot of interest yet.
11. I am so grateful that I have done chores with my kids really young. Gabe is folding his own laundry. It is awesome. He came out of the laundry room the other day with his basket of clothes in his hands and said, "These need to be folded". Then he folded them and put them away. He is 5. It is awesome. Talia can unload the dishwasher by herself already. Taking the time to teach them their chores IS PAYING OFF. I need to remember that a lot of times!
12. I have lately instituted the "Gobbly-Goop Bag". IF they leave stuff out, then Gobbly-Goop gets it. I love this system. Then to earn it back they have to do a chore.
13. I love going on nature walks. We discover something everytime.
14. I want to learn more names of plants to teach them on our nature walks.
15. I haven't done anything fancy to teach them their letters. They get it eventually. I don't stress over the really simple, simple lessons when they are young. They catch on. They will know it simply because it is so simple.
16. I have been trying to talk through everything more so they see the process that happens around us.
17. If I am in a room doing work I insist that anyone who is in that room with me helps me work. Drives me crazy to be the one working and then other people are sitting around. If they don't want to help me, they have to leave. Ironically, because they want to be around me, they stay and help.
18. I have LOVED doing the schooling stuff. IT has been the other everyday mom stuff that has overwhelmed me. Keeping up with my house and everything else I am still trying to figure out. But I can't have a crazy messy house. That drives me crazy.
19. I have been doing 'spelling with your feet" with Gabe and "addition and subtraction" with your feet. I made big number and letter charts that we can put on the floor then hop from letter to letter to spell a word, as well with the math. Gabe LOVES that. Getting his whole body involved like that has been awesome.
20. Everyday we do something to write and something to read. No matter what. Even if it is just 15 minutes, that is an everyday thing.
21. We have been doing the timeline in our wall, starting with the scripture stories. That has been AWESOME. I love that and I will keep doing that for sure. I cut out pictures from ensigns and laminated them for the this timeline. Then everyday for the beginning of academy time we do a prayer then read about the scripture story.
22. I want to institute memorizing the articles of faith and other scriptures in the future. I haven't put pressure on myself about that yet because I am still trying to get everything else down.
23. I love room time. Gabe and Talia have a separate room time everyday so they are alone to play in their rooms everyday. That has been great for a break. We do quiet time everyday as well. That is huge for me. A lot of times I take a little nap as well! I get so tired sometimes!
24. St. Johns Wart. Red Raspberry. I love these herbs and they keep my emotions and stress under control.
25. I still have to be better about scheduling breaks for myself. I need a break every week away from the house and away from the kids. I know other moms who have mentioned this as well. If it is scheduled every week so my own time and individuality is maintained, then my break downs will be less.
26. Park days with other families have been GREAT. I love them. I want to schedule a "friend day" every week where they choose a friend to play with and we set up the play date. I haven't gotten there quite yet. Mainly in the afternoons for that.

I think that is mainly what I have had in my mind about it all up to this point!

Andrea

Financial Hardships and Marriage

Dear Friends,

This is to anyone who maybe needs this.

What does love look like when financial stress is really high?

I looks the same as when financial stress isn't very high. We get up in the morning and say to each other, "I love waking up to you." We go along with our morning and hug each other a few times as we pass by. When you leave in the morning I give you a kiss. Then you go out the front door. Then I run to you again to give you another hug.

A lot of reassurance.

Is our financial stress because of bad decisions? Yes. Is it easy to blame? Very. Is it right to blame? No. The other night I needed to get away into nature so I could sort through my feelings of blame. I went. I walked for a while. I found a rock by the water. I sat. I cried. I asked Heavenly Father to take the anger feelings away. I cried some more. Then I got up, shook off the dirt, and said to myself, "I am not a victim. I still choose to be together. Is this enough to ruin our eternal family for? NEVER."

I understand why finances are a huge reason for a lot of divorces. But here is the thing. Finances are NOT the reason. Choosing to see the most important relationship in your life with contempt and anger are the reason. Choosing to blame is the reason. Choosing to be farther apart because of it is the reason.

Is it hard to love someone when it was their poor choices that put you in a bad situation? Yes. It is hard. Is it still right to love that person no matter what? Yes. No matter what.

No matter what.

Keep your chin up. Keep praying. Keep hoping for better days. Keep eyes on the future and the future of hope and faith. The future is as bright as your faith.

Choose to work together inside of the struggle. It is hard. But it is possible.

I love you. I love you forever.

Your Wife

Day to Day Moments

Dear Kids,

I am sitting here while you are in the tub. You are playing so amazingly well. I am so grateful for the times when you play so well. You are talking nice, you are being polite, you are using your imaginations like crazy. It is awesome.

There are times like these when I think that perhaps I am doing something right. There are other times when I feel like I will never get this parenting thing down. I hope other people feel that way. There is so much advice out there, so many things that people say are the right thing to do, when in reality it comes down to the day to day moments that build our lives together.

Your dad and I have been tried quite a bit in the last few months. The Lord is taking us through a lot of testing ground. Some moments are easier than others. But I have had the opportunity through it all to practice a lot of gratitude. I am grateful for so many things around me. Dishwashers, washing machines, dryers, electricity, a home, a warm bed, never going hungry. More than anything I am grateful for you. All three of you. I have had a lot time to thank Heavenly Father for a baby who screams, a lot. Elijah - you just want to scream ... all the time. I am doing my best to teach you how to communicate in other ways, but that is your 'go-to' communication. I will never judge a parent of a screamer ever again... especially when it is the third child.

Ultimately what matters is that we are using the everyday moments to make it back to Heavenly Father. Have I had the spirit with me today? Yes. Have I had hard moments? Yes. Have I handled everything right? No. Have I repented and tried to do better after I faltered? Yes. If I died today would I be in the path to the celestial kingdom? Yes.

Thank you for loving me, even when life is hard.

I love you,

Your Mom

Gratitude: 9/7/14

Dear Kids,

I am taking on Elder Eyering's challenge from a few conferences ago about writing down daily, at the end of everyday, how I have seen the Lord's hand in my life.

I have found myself really having a hard time emotionally, spiritually and mentally for the last little while. There are a few reasons for it, but for sure one of the reasons is because I need to practice gratitude a little bit more frequently. Especially for you kids... to know that I have a testimony of my Savior. There are so many times my frustrations come out and you see what no one else in the world sees. There is a side of me that no one knows but my kids and my husband. So especially for you, I need to write these words.

The Lord has been present in my life today because:

1. Feeling the spirit in church and especially sacrament meeting. I felt the spirit strongly and He testified to me. That means I am still 'counted worthy to receive'! I am on the path and the spirit is in my life.

2. I had a Young Women's meeting tonight and it was so good for my soul to be around other women of God who have such a strong testimony of the gospel. We women need each other to buoy each other up.

3. A peaceful night with putting everyone to bed. The last few days have been hard. I have been short tempered. I have lost my temper. So tonight it was peaceful and I kept my cool. I am grateful for that and how quickly you feel asleep!

4. That your dad is not thousands of miles away! He is here in town and close. I am so grateful he is close.

5. I finished "Thomas Jefferson Education" tonight. I love the reminder that 10 years before the Founding Fathers were called upon to do the great things they did, they were just like you and me. They were working to get out of debt, mend broken hearts, getting through school, refinding careers... but they were being prepared for great things. The reminder that if I continually feed my soul with classics and words of God I will be prepared to do what the Lord would have me do with my mission on this earth.

6. I have a house that doesn't get flooded! There are many people in our neighborhood that had their houses flooded lately. I am grateful that we haven't had that issue!

7. We are all healthy. I have a friend whose husband is fighting brain cancer. She has no idea if she is

going to be able to spend her life with him or without him. I am grateful for amazing health in our family.

8. Kids who are smart. You are so smart that you crowd me with your requests a lot of times. All the things you want to do by yourselves and the trial and error of trying. But it is a blessing... a blessing for me to remember in the middle of the messes.

9. A reminder today that there are a lot of women who are lonely. There are a lot of mom's who are lonely and who wonder how they can do it all. The pressure we feel is deep... but it is worth it. I know that. I love hearing and knowing from other strong women of God when they struggle but they have the big picture and still move forward keeping the spirit in their lives.

I think that is it for tonight. There will be more tomorrow! I have the hand of God in my life. Everywhere. It is my choice to see it.

I love you,

Your Mom